Any Tips for Expecting / New Fathers?

bubs

Newbie
Awesome advice! I like the idea of having the baby sleep right next to the bed initially.
Hopefully your wife can/is willing to breast feed? It will help your wife lose weight fast, healthy for baby, and also gets you out of a lot of the nighttime feedings. Saves either of you time vs, having to heat up formula and fill a bottle as well (more time efficient).
 

HermeticAlly

Woodpecker
Great thread idea, our first baby is due in about two months. Some good advice here.

Some things we've thought about:

- Don't let her look at screens
- Analog toys/no electronics
- Reading books to her
- I'm going to try to hold her and talk to her a lot.

My wife is going to breastfeed and she works from home doing some direct sales stuff so no daycare hell. We plan to have a lot of kids and homeschool them.
 
As a father to a 5 yo girl and 2 yo boy, all the above posters have given you some really solid advice!

Congrats on the boy! When we had our girl, I was really excited. And she is the sweetest thing. When the doc pulled out a boy this last time, I hugged our doc in the OR and was high fiving all the nurses. He has been a blast. They will drive you crazy at times, but for me this has been the greatest joy of my life.

That is too bad you don’t have family local as they can be a huge help. We also don’t have family where we live. Wife’s family are in Europe, (Czech Republic) and mine have passed.

Good luck and enjoy!
 

Oberrheiner

Kingfisher
The others already gave many great advice, I would only add a couple of things regarding the birth itself :
- teach your wife the valsalva maneuver
- have her gynecologist around, not only nurses
- don't be disgusted. Some babies come out of roses, others out of human beings :) it can get gory.

Other than that well congrats in advance, and get a good photo camera.
Oh, and now is the time to detox from the computer, cellphone, social networks or whatever other time sink you might have in your life.
Sleep while you can !
 
Great thread idea, our first baby is due in about two months. Some good advice here.

Some things we've thought about:

- Don't let her look at screens
- Analog toys/no electronics
- Reading books to her
- I'm going to try to hold her and talk to her a lot.

My wife is going to breastfeed and she works from home doing some direct sales stuff so no daycare hell. We plan to have a lot of kids and homeschool them.
I don't understand why many people are so hellbent on keeping electronics away from children

My 3 year old watches cartoons everyday. We give him approximately one hour of iPad time per day. More than that is unnecessary. Our baby is too young for that stuff

Another point with regards to moderate use of screens is the content that comes through that screen. My generation grew up on Johnny Bravo, Ed, Edd 'n Eddy, Pokemon and Dragon Ball Z. There is nothing wrong with that stuff. I'd say it even encouraged masculine values. Many of the gym groups on FB cite the characters in DBZ as one of the reasons they wanted to get big and strong when they were young

Now some of the current cartoons are plain LGHBTW whatever other letter is in there propaganda. When we are in Manilla the hotel had a channel which had trannies in their cartoons. Turn that shit off immediately!

Homeschooling is a brave choice. I hope it will work out.

Also, OP, sleep is not always an issue. It really depends on the baby. Both our babies picked up a solid sleeping pattern after around 3 months. At night they would wake up, my wife would breastfeed and snooze with the baby lying next to her and the baby would fall back to sleep almost instantly
 

Oberrheiner

Kingfisher
Because the brain in its formative years needs real things to interact with, in 3 dimensions and with all its senses.

So 3 dimensions to 2 is an impoverishment, interactive to passive is another one, 5 senses to only 2 is one, filmed to drawn is one, drawn to computer-generated is one, etc.
In the end you end up stimulating way less neurons than you should.

Also boredom leads to initiative ("let's change what I'm not happy with"), while endless passive entertainment leads to people you cannot distinguish from lobotomy patients.
But yeah dragon ball will get you to the gym .. don't forget to eat your proteins boy ! :)
 
I don't understand why many people are so hellbent on keeping electronics away from children

My 3 year old watches cartoons everyday. We give him approximately one hour of iPad time per day. More than that is unnecessary. Our baby is too young for that stuff

Another point with regards to moderate use of screens is the content that comes through that screen. My generation grew up on Johnny Bravo, Ed, Edd 'n Eddy, Pokemon and Dragon Ball Z. There is nothing wrong with that stuff. I'd say it even encouraged masculine values. Many of the gym groups on FB cite the characters in DBZ as one of the reasons they wanted to get big and strong when they were young

Now some of the current cartoons are plain LGHBTW whatever other letter is in there propaganda. When we are in Manilla the hotel had a channel which had trannies in their cartoons. Turn that shit off immediately!
"The effects of technology do not occur at the level of opinions or concepts, but alter sense ratios or patterns of perception steadily and without any resistance." McLuhan, Marshall. Understanding Media.

Shielding your kids from cartoons' LGBT propaganda is the right thing to do, because you are protecting them from harmful content.
However, the bad content is only the visible part of the iceberg. There is more going on below the surface, we just don't realize it!
The act of watching cartoons (irrespective of "good or bad" cartoon), does have an effect on your kid's brain, and it's not a positive one.
Studies have shown that electronic media makes us objectively dumber, and many very intelligent men (such as McLuhan or Postman for example) have tried to warn us for decades. I recommend Nicholas Carr's The Shallows as an introduction to this vast and important topic.

In essence, the risk is that we will know (micro) that LGBT is bad, but we will be (macro) dumb.
 

RWIsrael

Woodpecker
I'm
"The effects of technology do not occur at the level of opinions or concepts, but alter sense ratios or patterns of perception steadily and without any resistance." McLuhan, Marshall. Understanding Media.

Shielding your kids from cartoons' LGBT propaganda is the right thing to do, because you are protecting them from harmful content.
However, the bad content is only the visible part of the iceberg. There is more going on below the surface, we just don't realize it!
The act of watching cartoons (irrespective of "good or bad" cartoon), does have an effect on your kid's brain, and it's not a positive one.
Studies have shown that electronic media makes us objectively dumber, and many very intelligent men (such as McLuhan or Postman for example) have tried to warn us for decades. I recommend Nicholas Carr's The Shallows as an introduction to this vast and important topic.

In essence, the risk is that we will know (micro) that LGBT is bad, but we will be (macro) dumb.
While I'm sure some of this is bro science and scare mongering, I agree that cartoons and d tablets come at the expense of more interactive activities and there are better things to do with your time.

It's certainly makes sense to me to set a limit on screen time
 
Because the brain in its formative years needs real things to interact with, in 3 dimensions and with all its senses.

So 3 dimensions to 2 is an impoverishment, interactive to passive is another one, 5 senses to only 2 is one, filmed to drawn is one, drawn to computer-generated is one, etc.
In the end you end up stimulating way less neurons than you should.

Also boredom leads to initiative ("let's change what I'm not happy with"), while endless passive entertainment leads to people you cannot distinguish from lobotomy patients.
But yeah dragon ball will get you to the gym .. don't forget to eat your proteins boy ! :)
That's a very black-white representation of things.

I am not into purist, absolutist parenting stuff. There are a few hard no's, everything else is OK in moderation.

Noone is saying that a child needs to be plugged in for 8 hours a day. Noone is saying that a child only needs to consume instead of produce. There is nothing to argue about there

A chocolate candy a day won't turn your kid into a sugar addicted fatass. Eating a few slices or bread with additives won't give your kid cancer, drinking from a (given) bottle of water at a kid's party won't turn your boy into an estrogen loaded pussy

One hour of pre selected cartoons won't turn your kid into a mindless greenhouse plant.

I am not a fan of listening to childless people writing books/sitting in a lab all day. The best way of finding out what works and what doesn't is by using your own eyes and observing the people around you.

You should hang around boomers and older a bit more. Overall I find them empathy-lacking, selfish, self-absorbed and narrow minded people with an aura of awkwardness around them

Usually not very bright either. The average IQ is going down? Bruh if you import low IQ people/ encourage low IQ natives to procreate by giving away free money don't blame technology!

Children of the screen-free past.
 
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Jaszczurka

Pigeon
My fatherhood advice/lessons learned:

Birth: At the hospital, read your patient bill of rights carefully. The nurses during our delivery/hospital-stay seemed to do the minimum. Our daughter got jaundice (not serious, but preventable) because she was malnourished and my wife was too tired to breastfeed. So if your baby isn't being fed enough after birth, COMPLAIN! If you think the child needs an incubator to get more vitamin D, COMPLAIN! Many private hospitals only care about their bottom line, so you gotta from day one be your own child's advocate.

My daughter had "colic" which is a fancy word for she wouldn't sleep and cried in pain. Turned out to be due to a stomach acid issue. The first thing I did out of instinct was hold her and walk around the house. The movement calmed her stomach and emotional state. Driving with her in the back seat also does wonders. They love the motion and window (if they get a view, give them a mirror to help).

The doctor said "oh, she'll just grow out of colic". So I googled and found "gripe water". My Swiss friend knew about it. Great stuff for colic and tummy aches and natural. Use google often for research. A few good parenting books can help to at least give you a scaffold for your parenting strategy.

If you don't have relatives to help, motherhood can be overwhelming for your wife. So reach out to the church and find friends whom you can perhaps pay to help. $80 for a friend to babysit on Saturday can be incredibly helpful.

If you get upset and your patience tested, you can let them "cry it out" and walk away. This is better than you getting angry and frustrated and giving them bad energy. Google "self soothing" You can start, from a a few months or so, to slowly help babies and toddlers build emotional discipline (baby steps, of course.) I always was there for my daughter, but even from the 2nd month I had standards for her to live up to and she met them.

General rule of thumb: Hospital brands stink. They get the cheapest stuff. Best baby formula: Emfamil. Particularly with vanilla flavor. I use it to this day as my coffee creamer. Taste what you give your child. If you find it disgusting, how is he supposed to eat it? Best diapers: Costco brand and Huggies (I think Costco rebrands Huggies). Pampers also good. Everything else is cheap garbage that will leak. Target brand and Luvs are cheaper, but will leak. To save on baby formula and diapers, go online and register for mailing lists and free coupons. Emfamil costs $25 at BJ's but you can also sometimes get a manufacturer coupon for $8 off. It's ok to mix formula in batches (I would do it a day at a time) but it goes bad after a day. Mix 1/2 hot water with formula for the batch, then add cold (filtered) water. Perfect warm temperature. (Don't even THINK about cloth diapers. Not worth it!)

Network with your friends and wife friends. They'll have lots of baby stuff in the garage they want rid of. I barely bought anything.
 

Oberrheiner

Kingfisher
The best way of finding out what works and what doesn't is by using your own eyes and observing the people around you.
For sure, beginning with your own child.
After some time you'll notice the blank stare - this means it lasted too long.
And it can be 5 minutes when they're young.

Also if he gets irritable when you stop the TV, well .. that's withdrawal syndrome, plain and simple.

The official recommendations here are no screen whatsoever before 3.
For once that the state does something good for you it would be foolish not to follow it I think :)
 
1st congrats on the baby... my only advice for a father is during the delivery, if it is vaginal, try not to look down there. Hold her hand and be with here but under no circumstances do not look down there even if the doctor says they can see the head. Unless you are a medical professional then maybe, it took me a while to get over that mental block and have normal sexual relations with my wife.
 

Magnus Stout

Sparrow
Very good advice.

I’d add 3 things: each child has their own personality. Once you learn what that is (easy vs hard sleeping, eating, playing, etc..) you can react accordingly. Don’t assume anything: I am blown away by the personality differences with the same parents.

Wait on loading your child up with vaccinations. Best to refuse the STD one and space others far apart.

Your wife’s body will permanently change (my wife’s joints loosened up due to her relaxin, leading to more joint pains). She might be more emotional than normal (lots of hormones & lack of sleep). Be patient and strong—you are the rock for the family. If she persists in depressive thinking, help her see a doctor for medication.

Fatherhood is wonderful. Enjoy the ride (tough, but worth it)!
 

Hypno

Hummingbird
Get yourself life insurance now, 20 year term or annual renewable term. Do it now while you are healthy, if something happens down the road, even something minor like high blood pressure, it will be more expensive. Also, get it on your wife now and make you the beneficiary. Few men have this for their benefit. Life insurance should not be a one way street.

Down the road, read to your son every night. Its something the two of you can share, and it will build his imagination and academic instincts. Initially the books are pretty miled. Later, when he's about 5 or 6, you can break out books like The Hardy Boys You'll enjoy them as much as he does..
 
My fatherhood advice/lessons learned:

Birth: At the hospital, read your patient bill of rights carefully. The nurses during our delivery/hospital-stay seemed to do the minimum. Our daughter got jaundice (not serious, but preventable) because she was malnourished and my wife was too tired to breastfeed. So if your baby isn't being fed enough after birth, COMPLAIN! If you think the child needs an incubator to get more vitamin D, COMPLAIN! Many private hospitals only care about their bottom line, so you gotta from day one be your own child's advocate.

My daughter had "colic" which is a fancy word for she wouldn't sleep and cried in pain. Turned out to be due to a stomach acid issue. The first thing I did out of instinct was hold her and walk around the house. The movement calmed her stomach and emotional state. Driving with her in the back seat also does wonders. They love the motion and window (if they get a view, give them a mirror to help).

The doctor said "oh, she'll just grow out of colic". So I googled and found "gripe water". My Swiss friend knew about it. Great stuff for colic and tummy aches and natural. Use google often for research. A few good parenting books can help to at least give you a scaffold for your parenting strategy.

If you don't have relatives to help, motherhood can be overwhelming for your wife. So reach out to the church and find friends whom you can perhaps pay to help. $80 for a friend to babysit on Saturday can be incredibly helpful.

If you get upset and your patience tested, you can let them "cry it out" and walk away. This is better than you getting angry and frustrated and giving them bad energy. Google "self soothing" You can start, from a a few months or so, to slowly help babies and toddlers build emotional discipline (baby steps, of course.) I always was there for my daughter, but even from the 2nd month I had standards for her to live up to and she met them.

General rule of thumb: Hospital brands stink. They get the cheapest stuff. Best baby formula: Emfamil. Particularly with vanilla flavor. I use it to this day as my coffee creamer. Taste what you give your child. If you find it disgusting, how is he supposed to eat it? Best diapers: Costco brand and Huggies (I think Costco rebrands Huggies). Pampers also good. Everything else is cheap garbage that will leak. Target brand and Luvs are cheaper, but will leak. To save on baby formula and diapers, go online and register for mailing lists and free coupons. Emfamil costs $25 at BJ's but you can also sometimes get a manufacturer coupon for $8 off. It's ok to mix formula in batches (I would do it a day at a time) but it goes bad after a day. Mix 1/2 hot water with formula for the batch, then add cold (filtered) water. Perfect warm temperature. (Don't even THINK about cloth diapers. Not worth it!)

Network with your friends and wife friends. They'll have lots of baby stuff in the garage they want rid of. I barely bought anything.
Oh yes to the Gripe Water!
 

Jaszczurka

Pigeon
One addition to my advice for the new father:

Diapers and Waste Management.

Practice putting a diaper on a baby doll (helps to practice on something that's not squirming around.) Get some zinc-oxide diaper rash cream (best to buy at Target or BJs) and put a smidgeon on the butt to prevent diaper rash. Less is more. Don't overdo it. Buy the stuff in bulk, you'll be needing it for a while. (Also has other good medicinal uses.)

Best nighttime diapers are either Huggies or Pampers, nightime version. Generally, for daytime, stick to 30 cent costco/huggies/pampers that hold up good. But for night, if you want a full night's sleep (absent feedings of course), the 15 cent more nighttime diapers pay for themselves. Watch for sales, buy in bulk. I never found a coupon for diapers but they do have sales.

For the first 3 months or so, the baby needs nighttime feedings. Their tummies are too small to hold much milk/formula. But after a bit, they can stay asleep all night provided the diaper doesn't leak. 15 cents more. A bargain!

They make these fancy diaper buckets with individual sealed bags. Waste of money and don't really work well. We found the best system was to just re-use grocery bags and put those into a lidded container and empty that every day into the main trash can in the morning.

For training, at the age of 1 or so (even earlier), let the baby watch you go to the bathroom. They're fascinated by us and watching us makes them want to copy us. Get a small "baby toilet trainer" and they can practice sitting on it. Much like a cat, most of them pick it up pretty early if they're watching you and wanting to imitate you. Use incentives to get them to practice such as offering a treat such as ice cream or even candy if they practice potty training and reach milestones.

Heck, this segways into motivations overall: Try to avoid giving them treats or even gifts without them earning them. Drug sniffing dogs work in that they don't get fed if they don't find drugs (hence, they have drug-scented treats to sniff out.) Christmas is evil (perhaps should put that a different way here! :) I mean, giving kids lots of toys they don't earn at once overwhelms them and doesn't provide a motivation to behave better. If they do something good and listen, then it's ok to reward them. Don't "simp" your own kid. :) I spread out Christmas like Hanukkah, a gift each day, when she's behaving.

Back to waste management: Buy a decent mattress cover for their bed/crib AND for your own. Your wife may let the child sleep on the bed with her, an accident may happen, and then you got a problem.
 
I've gradually been collecting books (physical, preferably, but also eBooks) and other media (old pre-pozzed Sesame Street I found torrents of, etc) to save for my future children. Media is so pozzed these days, and they're straight up editing books to fit the modern narrative, so I'm trying to prepare in advance.

Anyone have suggestions for what to collect?
In addition to tracking down pre-perversion children books, my wife and I have found that many of the modern cartoons (YouTube) coming out of Russia and Eastern Europe are very good. Many are dubbed in English because they are so good.
They are clean, lack the perverted double entendres of western children’s TV, and the writing is good. Masha and the Bear and Three Cats are examples. Also, the animation of the characters tends to not be like the talentless grotesque distorted American Cartoon Network type of stuff.
 

Jaszczurka

Pigeon
In addition to tracking down pre-perversion children books, my wife and I have found that many of the modern cartoons (YouTube) coming out of Russia and Eastern Europe are very good. Many are dubbed in English because they are so good.
They are clean, lack the perverted double entendres of western children’s TV, and the writing is good. Masha and the Bear and Three Cats are examples. Also, the animation of the characters tends to not be like the talentless grotesque distorted American Cartoon Network type of stuff.
I like this comment with one caveat: Why use dubbed Russian youtube videos?

Babies will pick up the Russian on their own or at least become comfortable with the pronunciation. Practice some basic phrases such as time to eat, sleep, wake up, etc. and pretty soon you'll have a Putin oligarch after 2 years! :)

Other cartoons I recommend from the east include "Kolobok" (English dubbing is pretty good, I enjoy it along with the Russian version) and "Zhiharka". Get with subtitles and read aloud so the tyke can pick it up. Bolek i Lolek is also great. And don't forget Wolf and Rabbit!!!

Practice Russian! You'll be singing along in no time!


I ripped the youtube songs onto mp3 and put onto a DVD/usb card for the car. We sing along with them when driving.

Tri Kota is similar to Peppa Pig. Has anyone else noticed that Peppa Pig, while charming and interesting, has the standard feminist/diversity slant with the mother/daughter as "Mary Sues" and the father as a gross, literal Homer Simpson pig? (Heck, I prefer Homer Simpson to the Peppa Pig father because Homer at least stands up for himself unlike the simp Peppa Pig father.)

Zila Bila is a lot of fun (don't need subtitles). Look for "GetMovies" and "Teremok TV"

 
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