Are most married couples unhappy?

Talk about blackpilled. Going from reading redbeard’s thread to reading this thread is giving me two very different outlooks on marriage. Was thinking of getting married in my late 20s, can anyone give guidance on this? God bless.

Ignore FullthrottleTX (He is not deeply spiritual, on top of other personal issues I wont delve into. Check his post history) and other blackpillers. The men who are blackpilled are facing their own personal issues. Do not let it take your focus away from this forums new direction, which is to follow God, start a family, find success in your life and break free from the blackpill which plagued the manosphere for years.


Being religious doesn’t necessarily change anything in that regard. St. John Chrysostom used to exhort wives to please be intimate with their husbands, and he wouldn’t have had to do that if religiosity automatically brought a never-ending supply of intimacy. I also know an Orthodox guy whose wife denied him intimacy for seven years until he couldn’t take it anymore and, against the advice of the Church of course, divorced her and remarried. You really never know with these things.

I'm currently reading St John Chrysostom's "On Marriage and Family Life" and yes, he indeed stresses how women owe men the marital duty(he interestingly enough, advise men to not withhold sex from the wife either, for those saying St John Crysostom only advised women of this...). He even tells women that a cause in men looking for another woman is because the wife is withholding sex for whatever reason. At least in Catholicism, withdrawing the marital right from your spouse is a mortal sin. Now, if the woman you find is indeed God-Fearing, theoretically she should not withhold sex from you...

The unfortunate reality is that there are so few Men here who are married to an actual religious woman (Catholic or Orthodox in this instance) who is God-Fearing, that it is extremely difficult to obtain real life data as to how women respond when they know that withholding Sex is a grave Sin. At least from what I can see at my church, women have at minimum 4 children, with another on the way, so I guess that's a positive trend. Bucky is the only user with experience in this regard here, and so far, things are going great for him. redbeard also recently got married in a Traditional Latin Mass environment, so we will await and see as time goes on how that goes.

The problem I have with some users here is that they blackpill others and discourage men from marrying because of their 1 or 5 failed marriages and divorces. I've said it time and time again here, that whatever worldly experience you may had is moot. NO ONE here is being encouraged to marry a wordly woman, in a wordly setting like Las Vegas or a court and hope for the best. No one. Then you have men who married a "religious woman", who was most likely some sort of protestant or fake-catholic(the majority unfortunately) who wasnt actually God-Fearing, but instead, was religious in the sense that she was in it because of her family and friends. What we are trying to do now has not been tested on a large scale like PUA was back in the day. We have little data, but we do have the advice from the Church Fathers and the Church itself.

I am not saying that we should close our eyes, pick a woman who goes to church and "hope for the best" or "just trust God" as some fedora tippers are saying in ridicule . Obviously vetting is still required. Obviously using all of your masculine traits is required, no one said otherwise, but the discouragement has to stop.
 
Last edited:

RoadKill

Sparrow
Ignore FullthrottleTX (He is not deeply spiritual, on top of other personal issues I wont delve into. Check his post history) and other blackpillers. The men who are blackpilled are facing their own personal issues. Do not let it take your focus away from this forums new direction, which is to follow God, start a family, find success in your life and break free from the blackpill which plagued the manosphere for years.

The unfortunate reality is that there are so few Men here who are married to an actual religious woman (Catholic or Orthodox in this instance) who is God-Fearing, that it is extremely difficult to obtain real life data as to how women respond when they know that withholding Sex is a grave Sin. At least from what I can see at my church, women have at minimum 4 children, with another on the way, so I guess that's a positive trend. Bucky is the only user with experience in this regard here, and so far, things are going great for him. redbeard also recently got married in a Traditional Latin Mass environment, so we will await and see as time goes on how that goes.

The problem I have with some users here is that they blackpill others and discourage men from marrying because of their 1 or 5 failed marriages and divorces. I've said it time and time again here, that whatever worldly experience you may had is moot. NO ONE here is being encouraged to marry a wordly woman, in a wordly setting like Las Vegas or a court and hope for the best. No one. Then you have men who married a "religious woman", who was most likely some sort of protestant or fake-catholic(the majority unfortunately) who wasnt actually God-Fearing, but instead, was religious in the sense that she was in it because of her family and friends. What we are trying to do now has not been tested on a large scale like PUA was back in the day. We have little data, but we do have the advice from the Church Fathers and the Church itself.

I am not saying that we should close our eyes, pick a woman who goes to church and "hope for the best" or "just trust God" as some fedora tippers are saying in ridicule . Obviously vetting is still required. Obviously using all of your masculine traits is required, no one said otherwise, but the discouragement has to stop.

I'm sort of new here and I'm not familiar with what color of the rainbow pill I am or have partaken in. Between my two marriages, I have a total of 20+ years of marriage experience, with parenting of five children as experience to draw from. I was also baptized in 1997 and have consistently attended church since then. I have also studied the bible the whole time, and at various times given marriage counseling to different couples. I have seen couples shepherded from dating to marriage with pure dating relationships and constant spiritual counseling, only to have a child and divorce a few years later. I have seen so many divorced inside and outside the church from people I never figured would have been divorced.

I don't know your background, but what experience do you have in marriage which makes your opinion superior to others with real-world marriage experience? Why should a prospective suitor ignore the advice and real-world experiences of what you call "black pilled" members?

"Wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies kisses."

Sometimes the ugly truth hurts. I'd rather have a young man prepare for war and not have to fight it, than to send him into battle ill-equipped.

I mean, this is the "Are most married couples unhappy" thread. Negativity and cynicism should be expected.

RK
 
I'm sort of new here and I'm not familiar with what color of the rainbow pill I am or have partaken in. Between my two marriages, I have a total of 20+ years of marriage experience, with parenting of five children as experience to draw from. I was also baptized in 1997 and have consistently attended church since then. I have also studied the bible the whole time, and at various times given marriage counseling to different couples. I have seen couples shepherded from dating to marriage with pure dating relationships and constant spiritual counseling, only to have a child and divorce a few years later. I have seen so many divorced inside and outside the church from people I never figured would have been divorced.

I don't know your background, but what experience do you have in marriage which makes your opinion superior to others with real-world marriage experience? Why should a prospective suitor ignore the advice and real-world experiences of what you call "black pilled" members?

"Wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies kisses."

Sometimes the ugly truth hurts. I'd rather have a young man prepare for war and not have to fight it, than to send him into battle ill-equipped.

I mean, this is the "Are most married couples unhappy" thread. Negativity and cynicism should be expected.

RK


I have read your post and from the looks of it, it seems you do not have a successful marriage even your second time around. Again, your experience means little if 1) your personal life has nothing to show for it in relation to a successful marriage (so asking me my marriage experience is a non-starter when you again, have failed as you put it, only been in "dumpster fires"). Though I am glad you have children at least.
This would be akin to a person who has tried to open 2 businesses but failed and then ask me why I would be interested in opening my own business when his were failures. Doesn't work that way. If I want to open a business and keep it running successfully, i'm going to go to successful business owners, not one's who've had "dumpster fires" and have ultimately failed at keeping one running. I definitely dont want to hear unsolicited advice from business owners who weren't successful in any capacity.

Second, It doesn't interest me how many times you've studied the bible. I'm not sure what type of Christian you are, but I am only interested in what the Church (Catholic) has to say about the bible, not what one person thinks or interprets it, or what one of his 35,000 denominational churches think. I dont want to start a religious debate here(I mean no offense to anyone here), but that is my belief. If you are Catholic, I am also not interested if you grew up in the Novus Ordo rite. I am ONLY interested if you grew up in a Traditional Catholic Setting, following Catholic teachings and virtues, not habitually mortally sinning, (ESPECIALLY NOT FORNICATING/Keeping chaste), and if you followed the approved traditional way of Courtship on your way to marriage. Barring this, I couldn't care less about someones religious experience.

"I don't know your background, but what experience do you have in marriage which makes your opinion superior to others with real-world marriage experience? Why should a prospective suitor ignore the advice and real-world experiences of what you call "black pilled" members?"

Thankfully I have 0 marriage experience. I dont say this from a MGTOW perspective, rather, I say thankfully because had I gotten married 10 or even 5 years ago, they've would've ended up in failures...What I do have is 10 years of failed LTR's that went absolutely nowhere and ultimately, i realized I had no one to blame but myself because I was completely blinded by my sins and passions. I was a man of the world, and following Game, fornicating left and right worshiping sex led me nowhere. Had I not been blind, had I been an actual man, I may have not even gotten in these relationships in the first place, but fate would have it that I would be a COOMER for a while before finally waking up. I have many times mentioned my past here and use it as a platform to demonstrate the mistakes I made and why things happened the way they did in order to HELP others. I dont use my experience for black-pilling purposes, that would serve no one.

Now, I did say initially that your experience means little, but this is in regards to someone who is looking for advice on a successful marriage. Where you COULD make your experience shine is by humbling yourself and start to explain to young men how your own behaviors, sins, and behavioral patterns led you to make mistakes such as taking a drug addict for a wife on your first rodeo, and how you ended up making a mistake the second time around. You can be a great asset to young men. Like you said before, you dont want young men ill-equipped, but that is not what you're doing. What you're doing is giving young men ways to dodge-draft the war and not even giving them the fighting chance in the first place to fight for their country and win...

I may not have been married, but I believe I can relate to being burned/betrayed by someone you really loved. That was my 1st Ex, and in all honestly I even started having thoughts of suicide after she broke up with me (though I never attempted) because I just could not fathom how someone who was with me for 5 years could all of a sudden drop me like a drop of a coin. The year following this event, I was blackpilled, got into Game and just saw the world in a different way. I got into subsequent relationships the years after, but looking back at them, they were failures from the get-go; I just wasn't ready because 1) My soul was damaged still from my first relationship and 2)still following the worldly, gay way of "dating", which leads nowhere but years wasted, or if married, eventually divorced. Thankfully I found my way back to the Catholic Church and my soul has healed since.

My hope is that you and the rest of the older folk here use your "failures" not to blackpill, but to HELP men and encourage them to not make the mistakes you made and help them in ways so that they can navigate their way unto a successful marriage. Gen-Xrs are notorious in real life for being blackpilled on marriage (I know literally dozens of them IRL, the vast majority have the same outlook) and they all have this cynical behavior, so I'm not surprised here. This is not to take away from the struggles you face in your marriage, but eventually, you have to realize what this forum is all about now. That is it being a Christian forum centered on ultimately either Successfully creating a family or 2) giving yourself entirely to God and not worry about worldly endeavors at all and being content with that fact. The west will not survive if all the more elder men do is blackpill the younger generation. Keeping a civilization afloat doesn't work that way. I can go much deeper into this, but I already see I typed up an essay, so I'll stop here.
 
Last edited:

Blade Runner

Kingfisher
Maybe women aren't clueless that they are losing their SMV and that's why they are hypergamous.

You would be correct if they actually had kids from the supposed higher SMV men. They are clueless in that they fall prey to overestimating themselves and not landing anyone for commitment or even a kid, since they either are taking drugs as control, abortifacients, or outright having abortions. Hypergamy is a losing game without at least having a child, and if the man isn't around it was, and always will be, a loss for the woman. Only now is it slightly covered up for by the government --- but the kid still suffers.
 
@bioengineer

A woman’s sexual desire, or lack thereof, has nothing to do with a husband’s love for her. I’m sure happy couples tell themselves it’s related, but those mechanisms honestly have no connection; it’s far more closely related to his strength and/or her fear that he could leave her for another woman if he wanted (which is, in turn, closely related to his strength). Women happily submit to strong men, but can’t really bring themselves to submit to men they perceive as weak (and if they do anyway it will be begrudgingly and with resentment).

“Loving her more” from a beta position - ie, she is the one in charge and he supplicates to please her - is not going to solve the problem. Loving her more if the man is the dominant one and the leader, however, will definitely make her feel better about her attraction and marriage to him.

I’ve heard stories of priests in Greece instructing husbands not to even let their wives on top during sex because it gives them an unproductive idea of who’s in charge of the relationship; it’s only in hyper-cucked, effeminate, Americanized Christianity that the idea of male leadership is rarely if ever preached.
 
Last edited:

infowarrior1

Hummingbird
A woman’s sexual desire, or lack thereof, has nothing to do with a husband’s love for her. I’m sure happy couples tell themselves it’s related, but those mechanisms honestly have no connection; it’s far more closely related to his strength and/or her fear that he could leave her for another woman if he wanted (which is, in turn, closely related to his strength). Women happily submit to strong men, but can’t really bring themselves to submit to men they perceive as weak (and if they do anyway it will be begrudgingly and with resentment).

“Loving her more” from a beta position - ie, she is the one in charge and he supplicates to please her - is not going to solve the problem. Loving her more if the man is the dominant one and the leader, however, will definitely make her feel better about her attraction and marriage to him.

I’ve heard stories of priests in Greece instructing husbands not to even let their wives on top during sex because it gives them an unproductive idea of who’s in charge of the relationship; it’s only in hyper-cucked, effeminate, Americanized Christianity that the idea of male leadership is rarely if ever preached.

As a matter of fact it is actively undermined by subversives:

All you need to see the problem is what Dalrock observed in American Christianity.

(((Fellow Christians))) worming their way into leadership positions and leading their flocks astray.

This is in conjunction of this tweet I posted in this thread:
 

Garf

Newbie
@bioengineer

A woman’s sexual desire, or lack thereof, has nothing to do with a husband’s love for her. I’m sure happy couples tell themselves it’s related, but those mechanisms honestly have no connection; it’s far more closely related to his strength and/or her fear that he could leave her for another woman if he wanted (which is, in turn, closely related to his strength). Women happily submit to strong men, but can’t really bring themselves to submit to men they perceive as weak (and if they do anyway it will be begrudgingly and with resentment).

“Loving her more” from a beta position - ie, she is the one in charge and he supplicates to please her - is not going to solve the problem. Loving her more if the man is the dominant one and the leader, however, will definitely make her feel better about her attraction and marriage to him.

I’ve heard stories of priests in Greece instructing husbands not to even let their wives on top during sex because it gives them an unproductive idea of who’s in charge of the relationship; it’s only in hyper-cucked, effeminate, Americanized Christianity that the idea of male leadership is rarely if ever preached.
Supplicating and appeasing isn't love though. Weak men do that because they're actually afraid of their women and unable to accept certain parts of her like her anger or disapproval. Truly loving your woman means not being afraid of any part of her - and thus being able to be 100% yourself with her. Some people call this "keeping frame" or "being alpha" but all it is is the ability to fully be yourself because you don't fear her rejection.
 

RoadKill

Sparrow
I have read your post and from the looks of it, it seems you do not have a successful marriage even your second time around. Again, your experience means little if 1) your personal life has nothing to show for it in relation to a successful marriage (so asking me my marriage experience is a non-starter when you again, have failed as you put it, only been in "dumpster fires"). Though I am glad you have children at least.
This would be akin to a person who has tried to open 2 businesses but failed and then ask me why I would be interested in opening my own business when his were failures. Doesn't work that way. If I want to open a business and keep it running successfully, i'm going to go to successful business owners, not one's who've had "dumpster fires" and have ultimately failed at keeping one running. I definitely dont want to hear unsolicited advice from business owners who weren't successful in any capacity.

Second, It doesn't interest me how many times you've studied the bible. I'm not sure what type of Christian you are, but I am only interested in what the Church (Catholic) has to say about the bible, not what one person thinks or interprets it, or what one of his 35,000 denominational churches think. I dont want to start a religious debate here(I mean no offense to anyone here), but that is my belief. If you are Catholic, I am also not interested if you grew up in the Novus Ordo rite. I am ONLY interested if you grew up in a Traditional Catholic Setting, following Catholic teachings and virtues, not habitually mortally sinning, (ESPECIALLY NOT FORNICATING/Keeping chaste), and if you followed the approved traditional way of Courtship on your way to marriage. Barring this, I couldn't care less about someones religious experience.

"I don't know your background, but what experience do you have in marriage which makes your opinion superior to others with real-world marriage experience? Why should a prospective suitor ignore the advice and real-world experiences of what you call "black pilled" members?"

Thankfully I have 0 marriage experience. I dont say this from a MGTOW perspective, rather, I say thankfully because had I gotten married 10 or even 5 years ago, they've would've ended up in failures...What I do have is 10 years of failed LTR's that went absolutely nowhere and ultimately, i realized I had no one to blame but myself because I was completely blinded by my sins and passions. I was a man of the world, and following Game, fornicating left and right worshiping sex led me nowhere. Had I not been blind, had I been an actual man, I may have not even gotten in these relationships in the first place, but fate would have it that I would be a COOMER for a while before finally waking up. I have many times mentioned my past here and use it as a platform to demonstrate the mistakes I made and why things happened the way they did in order to HELP others. I dont use my experience for black-pilling purposes, that would serve no one.

Now, I did say initially that your experience means little, but this is in regards to someone who is looking for advice on a successful marriage. Where you COULD make your experience shine is by humbling yourself and start to explain to young men how your own behaviors, sins, and behavioral patterns led you to make mistakes such as taking a drug addict for a wife on your first rodeo, and how you ended up making a mistake the second time around. You can be a great asset to young men. Like you said before, you dont want young men ill-equipped, but that is not what you're doing. What you're doing is giving young men ways to dodge-draft the war and not even giving them the fighting chance in the first place to fight for their country and win...

I may not have been married, but I believe I can relate to being burned/betrayed by someone you really loved. That was my 1st Ex, and in all honestly I even started having thoughts of suicide after she broke up with me (though I never attempted) because I just could not fathom how someone who was with me for 5 years could all of a sudden drop me like a drop of a coin. The year following this event, I was blackpilled, got into Game and just saw the world in a different way. I got into subsequent relationships the years after, but looking back at them, they were failures from the get-go; I just wasn't ready because 1) My soul was damaged still from my first relationship and 2)still following the worldly, gay way of "dating", which leads nowhere but years wasted, or if married, eventually divorced. Thankfully I found my way back to the Catholic Church and my soul has healed since.

My hope is that you and the rest of the older folk here use your "failures" not to blackpill, but to HELP men and encourage them to not make the mistakes you made and help them in ways so that they can navigate their way unto a successful marriage. Gen-Xrs are notorious in real life for being blackpilled on marriage (I know literally dozens of them IRL, the vast majority have the same outlook) and they all have this cynical behavior, so I'm not surprised here. This is not to take away from the struggles you face in your marriage, but eventually, you have to realize what this forum is all about now. That is it being a Christian forum centered on ultimately either Successfully creating a family or 2) giving yourself entirely to God and not worry about worldly endeavors at all and being content with that fact. The west will not survive if all the more elder men do is blackpill the younger generation. Keeping a civilization afloat doesn't work that way. I can go much deeper into this, but I already see I typed up an essay, so I'll stop here.

Fair enough.

You're correct. I don't claim to have a successful marriage and I am not here to give advice to anyone looking for a successful marriage. I am here to help prospective men understand women, what to expect in marriage and parenting, and help navigate the minefield of being in a committed relationship with a woman. I'm not here to sugar coat reality.

I mention my Christianity, because this is a Christian forum and if I give out advice without people knowing my spiritual background, my opinion and my legitimacy may be challenged. Not that it matters much to me. People can hear what I say or not. Again, I've tried to talk sense into people before and they just do what they want anyway and later find out I was right. But by then, the damage is done. I don't really expect people to care about my opinion and I'm used to it by now.

It was funny. A while back on another forum, someone asked for advice about dating after divorce and I told him what he needed to hear. A young guy piped up and told him not to listen to me because I was angry and bitter. Shortly after that a lot of seasoned men validated my experiences and came to my defense and (not that I needed it) and basically told the young guys that I knew what I was talking about. The divorcee ignored my warnings and was looking for an out six months later. The woman was nuckin' futz, just like I warned.

I used to believe the best in people until I was 27 when my world was burned before my eyes. Nobody in my family took the time to explain relationships and understanding women when I was young. I only had a couple of people tell me not to marry a single mom just before I got married and after I proposed. But wanting to be a responsible person, I didn't believe in abortion and I found out I got her pregnant, so I committed to fathering that child. I wanted to love that child as I would have wanted to be loved.

I think my ex resented me because we both found GOD after we were married and the congregation loved me and held me in high regard for marrying a single mom. She got tired of being told that she needed to appreciate my nobility. Sometimes, when you do all the right things, you still get hated or resented.

For centuries, scholars have used the proverb: "All is fair in love and war" in some form or another. In my experience, courtship and dating is a chess game, filled with tactical decisions and maneuvers. In marriage, you need to look five or ten moves ahead. Men are simple; women are unpredictable. A man must think of all the possible outcomes of what he says and does in his marriage. The woman only sees the emotion she feels at the moment and they act on the feeling of the moment without regard to the future consequences.

You use the analogy of opening a business, but I think the analogy that would better be suited would be that of someone looking for a prospective career as a law enforcement officer (LEO). Some LEO's have a pleasant and successful career. Some LEO's die in the line of duty. Some LEO's suffer PTSD. Some LEO's abuse their power. Some LEO's are respected by their community and some LEO's are mocked, hated, spat upon and held in contempt by their community.

The same can be said about being a husband and father.

Marriage, globally, has deteriorated at relatively the same rate as that of a LEO. Fifty years ago, LEO's were respected amongst the community, as was marriage. And like marriage, being a LEO varies greatly between rural areas and large inner-cities. Being a LEO in Broadview Heights, OH is different than being a LEO in Seattle or Portland. If a guy wants to know what it's like being a LEO, who should he ask? Should he ask a person who isn't a LEO, but would like to be some day, or should he ask a LEO that's on the job and has been on the job a long time.

If a guy asks a LEO in rural Ohio what it's like, he'll get a different answer than a LEO that is thinking of quitting before retirement in Seattle, WA or Portland, OR. I don't know one LEO that wants their children to be a LEO. And I know a few. The world is changing and men should be equipped to face the changing world. A responsible LEO will not sugar coat things when talking to a potential new recruit.

The global culture has changed immensely and it doesn't matter what religion someone practices or what country or continent someone goes to to find a wife. It doesn't matter because you're thinking as a man, who uses logic, reason and discussion to frame your image of what marriage looks like to you. Men need to be prepared to do everything right, yet be married to a woman who will disregard logic, scripture, and spirituality to act on emotion, in-the-now, without regard for the impending consequences. There is no religion that stops women from being women.

I can't tell people how to succeed in marriage. I don't think anyone can. I can tell men how to survive.

RK
 
You may as well ask if most people are happy, its kind of the same question. I have been married for 26 years and we have 5 children. I can tell you that we have had some really great times and some really bad times. Women seem to lose interest in sex after having a few kids and entering their 30's. I am sure there are exceptions but from my own experience and what I have read on this thread this seems fairly normal. Happiness comes and happiness goes. Bob Dylan has a line where he says happiness can come for no good reason and it can leave just as quickly. I think most men will tell you they don't laid enough while women will probably tell you its a chore after a while if they are honest about it. You have to get beyond happiness in life, otherwise you are just going to have an immature outlook, not just on marriage but life in general. There is nothing sadder than adults entering middle age and still trying to think they should be living like their 20s. I am always been asked by people whose relationships have failed how we did it. I always say its simple - you just DON'T GET DIVORCED. There is no secret. I also had this very single minded drive to not let my children down. The idea of getting divorced and then another man come into their lives was absolutely unacceptable to me. I won't let that happen, I can't let that happen and I won't let that happen. Happiness? To be honest its nothing compared to joy. And to have joy you have to have suffered for it. Last Christmas I bought the kids one of those above ground pools and sat on the deck drinking a beer and just watching my 3 youngest boys playing in that pool and I sincerely thanked God that my wife and I didn't give up on our marriage in those dark moments when it was hanging by a thread. Nothing in the single life attracts me above been a father. As I read somewhere, there is no success in life that makes up for failure as a father. Anyway lads, I wish you all the best. But as for me I have seen people moan about not been able to find a relationship that works when it seems to me that they gave up on their marriages at the very first obstacle. They say they want a great marriage but they don't seem to understand that the only way to get one is to go through a lot of suffering to get there. The promised land can only be reached by traveling through the desert. You have to ask yourself: am I prepared to suffer for this love? If the answer is no then your love is basically useless. The scripture says we must love our wives and give up our lives for them with a Christ-like sacrificial love (Ephesians 5:25).
 
Last edited:

Elipe

Woodpecker
Amen, EuropeanCanon, amen. Chasing happiness is like chasing smoke. One moment, it's there, the next, it's gone. But joy, everlasting joy, is seeing the ripened fruit of your hard-earned labor and suffering. Swimming in the pool is happiness, but seeing your own children - your own flesh and blood - swim in the pool brings something even greater than being in the pool yourself.

That's a good, apt illustration of what godly joy means.
 

andy dufresne

Kingfisher
Thankfully I have 0 marriage experience. I dont say this from a MGTOW perspective, rather, I say thankfully because had I gotten married 10 or even 5 years ago, they've would've ended up in failures...What I do have is 10 years of failed LTR's that went absolutely nowhere and ultimately, i realized I had no one to blame but myself because I was completely blinded by my sins and passions. I was a man of the world, and following Game, fornicating left and right worshiping sex led me nowhere. Had I not been blind, had I been an actual man, I may have not even gotten in these relationships in the first place, but fate would have it that I would be a COOMER for a while before finally waking up. I have many times mentioned my past here and use it as a platform to demonstrate the mistakes I made and why things happened the way they did in order to HELP others. I dont use my experience for black-pilling purposes, that would serve no one.

How can you even post on this thread with the paragraph? The cardinal rule of any relationship is this: "Familiarity Breeds Contempt". This isn't black pill. This is human nature. I can tell you both my ex and I are far happier no than when were together.

I'd advise any young guy to watch 10 hours of Coach Greg Adams on youtube (especially the 'Marriage Wheel' ones). Also all of Tomassis books and some of the books Roosh wrote but self-banned. Every guy needs to truly understand female nature. I've know guys who have popped themselves off because they've been so blue pilled brainwashed.

Also if you can, only get a church marriage....don't involve the state at all.
 

Beaker

Robin
Also if you can, only get a church marriage....don't involve the state at all.

That's not possible. Women get married to positively influence their husband, and in turn the husband pledges to support her financially, even in the case of divorce. In a capitalist society marriage is seen as an 'economic union'.

We might not be as capitalist in the near future but for now those are the terms, if you can't be what she expects (make the money she wants) she'll divorce you and you'll have to pay her for her wasted time.

This is why it's important to get a wife who doesn't care about money and believes in the good you're doing. A moral woman whose goal is to give to society won't be looking to get that huge house and be a consumer.
 

DanielH

Woodpecker
Generally speaking, the Church marriage comes after the civil marriage contract has been signed. If I ever get married, which is admittedly just barely over a 0% chance, I’d hope to skip the government part and get right to the sacramental ceremony.
I was listening to Fr Josiahs catechism course and he mentioned that if you're civilly married before your Orthodox wedding, the priest will not do the betrothal service in the narthex, you skip right to the wedding ceremony.

To stay in line with this thread, I'm getting married in less than a month. Pretty excited. We've done most everything right. Our parents all got divorced, but they were secular marriages. My dad's only advice for me was to get a prenuptial agreement, but I'm not doing that. If the marriage fails she can take my money, I would have no use for it.
 

Tytalus

Pelican
Married 13 years now, 3 children. Marriage is hard. Fact is, any long term relationship where you live with someone is, HARD. Here's what I see leading to a happier, (not necessarily happy) marriage:

(0) Pick a suitable woman who pleases you. It's hard to fix the wrong pick, and I speak from personal experience.

(1) Emotional regulation is key. Getting upset, angry, shouting, and being critical is very destructive. An immature woman will provoke you to make herself horny. A mature woman will resist that temptation. Tone of voice is so critical, and so hard to notice unless you've trained yourself to hear it. You know the whole "Stop shouting at me!" when you're not even raising your voice? Your tone is too violent/angry to women.

(2) Households generate a LOT of work, especially with little kids. Even homemakers need help. If you want to be happy, you can't sit on your ass and do nothing in the evenings or weekend. Set aside at least an hour a day to stay on top of your house once you have kids. PLAN your week.

And for fucks sake clean up after yourself - after 18 you're not a monkey who walks around taking a dump wherever they feel like it. Grown men are not children who can't clean anything.

(3) You get out what you put in. If you keep waiting for her to improve or change before you change, your relationship will never change.

(4) When you make a mistake, own up to it. And, try to as much as possible to never severely fuck up and neglect/abuse your wife. She won't forget and it will take years to recover from.

(5) You will have friction in your marriage. Period. You don't need to "fight" (yell/scream) but disagreements will happen, feelings will be hurt. What defines your relationship is how you REPAIR from these moments.

(6) Regular action. I speak as a person with dissociative/addiction problems in the form of constant reading, computer use, porn, etc. The less you avoid reality the easier your reality will be to live in.

(7) Leadership and assertiveness. So critical to do this firmly, but not angrily. (Frame.)

(8) Study in some fashion, relationship skills. As you get older, you just get more set in your ways. Good skills requires daily effort, and periodic studying of things. You will forget things.

(9) Study some Modern parenting books. Fucking up your kid young causes a lot of stress later in life. Don't play whack a mole when they misbehave, recognizing good behavior incentivizes that more than incessant correction. Being an asshole to your kids does not impress your wife, and, years later, your kids will like you in return.

(10) Keep being romantic and pursuing your woman. It never stops, it's a never ending treadmill. Constant vigilance, never rest on your laurels.

(11) Don't use her as a social secretary, servant, or especially a mother figure. If she is bossing you around like your mother did, chances are she doesn't want to have sex with you, or stay married much longer, either. I've seen a couple marriages implode from this from guys who I thought knew better.

(12) Whenever she does something you like, or want her to keep doing, recognize that! Catch her being "good." Zero recognition for the little daily things she does for you breeds resentment and contempt.

(13) Porn will fuck you, and your marriage up. Avoid it, and substitutes, at all costs.

(14) Always stay on top of your social skills. Your wife seeing you do well, and interact in a charismatic fashion with other men and women will enhance her interest in you.

(15) Going to the doctor, physiotherapist, chiropractor does not make you a giant pussy. Stay on top of your health and treat your body with respect. If you have a problem, FIX IT. That is what men do, FIX their own problems, not pretending they aren't there like a fucking pansy.

(16) Stay physical, eat well, avoid gaining excess weight. Women aren't as visual as men are, but they still have EYES. Don't be a fool.

My list of recommended reading:

i. Married Man's Sex Life by Athol Kay (red pill)
ii. Nice Card Mean Card by Athol Kay (red pill lite)
iii. NSFW! Sex God Method by Daniel Rose NSFW! (red pill, and the Most effective book you can ever read, EVER, on how to have sex.)
iv. For His Eyes Only by Shaunti Feldhahn (Christian-lite)
v. For Her Eyes Only by Shaunti Feldhahn (Christian-lite)
vi. What Women Want When they test Men by Bruce Bryans - (red pill) absolutely essential for understanding how to pass tests in a calm fashion.
vii. The Surprising Secrets of Highly Happy Marriages by Shaunti Feldhahn (Christian-lite)
ix. No More Mr. Nice Guy by Robert Glover. (red pill lite) There's a strong chance you have some of this in you.
x. Study Empathy. More and more it's becoming critical to study this in some form.
xi. Practical Female Psychology for the Practical Man (red pill)
xii. Women's Infidelity. SUPER red pill.
xiii. Study Charisma. Charisma Myth is a good starter, and Charisma On Command, while pricey, is worth it.

And I speak on this as someone who struggles with many of these things. So, I'm going to call it a night and do some family time with my kids before bed. :D
 
Last edited:

infowarrior1

Hummingbird
Fair enough.

You're correct. I don't claim to have a successful marriage and I am not here to give advice to anyone looking for a successful marriage. I am here to help prospective men understand women, what to expect in marriage and parenting, and help navigate the minefield of being in a committed relationship with a woman. I'm not here to sugar coat reality.

I mention my Christianity, because this is a Christian forum and if I give out advice without people knowing my spiritual background, my opinion and my legitimacy may be challenged. Not that it matters much to me. People can hear what I say or not. Again, I've tried to talk sense into people before and they just do what they want anyway and later find out I was right. But by then, the damage is done. I don't really expect people to care about my opinion and I'm used to it by now.

It was funny. A while back on another forum, someone asked for advice about dating after divorce and I told him what he needed to hear. A young guy piped up and told him not to listen to me because I was angry and bitter. Shortly after that a lot of seasoned men validated my experiences and came to my defense and (not that I needed it) and basically told the young guys that I knew what I was talking about. The divorcee ignored my warnings and was looking for an out six months later. The woman was nuckin' futz, just like I warned.

I used to believe the best in people until I was 27 when my world was burned before my eyes. Nobody in my family took the time to explain relationships and understanding women when I was young. I only had a couple of people tell me not to marry a single mom just before I got married and after I proposed. But wanting to be a responsible person, I didn't believe in abortion and I found out I got her pregnant, so I committed to fathering that child. I wanted to love that child as I would have wanted to be loved.

I think my ex resented me because we both found GOD after we were married and the congregation loved me and held me in high regard for marrying a single mom. She got tired of being told that she needed to appreciate my nobility. Sometimes, when you do all the right things, you still get hated or resented.

For centuries, scholars have used the proverb: "All is fair in love and war" in some form or another. In my experience, courtship and dating is a chess game, filled with tactical decisions and maneuvers. In marriage, you need to look five or ten moves ahead. Men are simple; women are unpredictable. A man must think of all the possible outcomes of what he says and does in his marriage. The woman only sees the emotion she feels at the moment and they act on the feeling of the moment without regard to the future consequences.

You use the analogy of opening a business, but I think the analogy that would better be suited would be that of someone looking for a prospective career as a law enforcement officer (LEO). Some LEO's have a pleasant and successful career. Some LEO's die in the line of duty. Some LEO's suffer PTSD. Some LEO's abuse their power. Some LEO's are respected by their community and some LEO's are mocked, hated, spat upon and held in contempt by their community.

The same can be said about being a husband and father.

Marriage, globally, has deteriorated at relatively the same rate as that of a LEO. Fifty years ago, LEO's were respected amongst the community, as was marriage. And like marriage, being a LEO varies greatly between rural areas and large inner-cities. Being a LEO in Broadview Heights, OH is different than being a LEO in Seattle or Portland. If a guy wants to know what it's like being a LEO, who should he ask? Should he ask a person who isn't a LEO, but would like to be some day, or should he ask a LEO that's on the job and has been on the job a long time.

If a guy asks a LEO in rural Ohio what it's like, he'll get a different answer than a LEO that is thinking of quitting before retirement in Seattle, WA or Portland, OR. I don't know one LEO that wants their children to be a LEO. And I know a few. The world is changing and men should be equipped to face the changing world. A responsible LEO will not sugar coat things when talking to a potential new recruit.

The global culture has changed immensely and it doesn't matter what religion someone practices or what country or continent someone goes to to find a wife. It doesn't matter because you're thinking as a man, who uses logic, reason and discussion to frame your image of what marriage looks like to you. Men need to be prepared to do everything right, yet be married to a woman who will disregard logic, scripture, and spirituality to act on emotion, in-the-now, without regard for the impending consequences. There is no religion that stops women from being women.

I can't tell people how to succeed in marriage. I don't think anyone can. I can tell men how to survive.

RK
Not every woman who professes Christianity is Christian.
Whatever they claim to be. Plenty have put their husbands through family courts or trumped up charges of domestic violence.

With no remorse.
 
Funny you mention “Practical Female Psychology For The Practical Man.” I’ve been friends with the author for over a decade, and just spoke with him earlier this week. Back in my “game” days, he was one of my primary mentors in learning how to structure polyamorous relationships. I didn’t know until this week, but he is now married - monogamously - to the woman he was dating for several years beforehand. They have children together and he seems happy and stable.
 

Dream Medicine

Robin
Gold Member
[snipped]

@Tytalus excellent post and great list of resources

 
Within marriages in the western nations; a male is de-fecto a property of women, since males have zero legal or political leverage in marriage. Whereas in the past, males exchanged their productive labor for rights to females' reproductive ability in a very economical contract, today no such contract exists. She can divorce you for any reason, whatsoever, on a whim, and there isn't a single damn thing you can do. In a flash, you can lose everything, while she stands to benefit tremendously, especially if you earn good salary.

Even if a woman is perfect potential wife and mother, the fact remains, in the eyes of law, you are essentially her property while modern marriage law entitles you to nothing from her. Nothing! Nada! In sum, you pretty much surrender your autonomy and sovereignty to her! You get nothing in return. In marriage, she has the powers, not you. Talk about unholiness! Can't you smell the fart coming from hell? Marriage is not meant to be as such. I cannot possibly see how any woman can respect her husband knowing that she owns him wholly. How can you even respect yourself for that matter? Modern marriage is a pure fraud!

The only way to sidetrack this is if you marry higher-earning income woman. Good luck finding suitable wife who makes more than you.

It is for this reason, and this reason alone-the completed loss of self-sovereignty- I would never get married in any country which does not recognize males' natural rights over their wives in marriage contract.

Now on a slightly brighter note: I seem to recall that vast majority of divorces are among lower-earning incomers, and the risk of divorces are substantially lower among middle and upper class. From a quick online research, the rate among educated middle and upper class is 30 percent. Of course, it doesn't tell us much, but marriage is not necessarily all doom and gloom.

Still, you are legally surrendering your sovereignty to your wife in a marriage contract, while you are entitled to nothing from her. You can't even include a clause "she must cook and clean house daily while I work grueling 80 hours a week schedule", because then the judge could interpreter this as coercion and thus invalid. Pre-nups have been thrown out for a lot less than this.

No thank you
 
Top