Are most married couples unhappy?

FactusIRX

Kingfisher
I'm embarrassed by the posts I wrote in this thread. Being married is great. My wife and I are meeting with a priest to begin the process to have our marriage recognized by the Church. She's converting, and I'm attending the courses as well, since I was a lapsed Catholic for so long. I'm happy I was married relatively young (24). I'm also happy that I was married just before Tinder and other dating apps were launched, so neither of us were impacted by it.
 

jeffinjapan

Sparrow
Orthodox
I've been married for just a tad over 30 years and have three kids, and two grandkids (so far). And I can say for myself-and my wife-we're still happily married. We can certainly irritate the hell out of each other at times, and the booty calls are rare, but if you can adapt and overcome, you too can have a 'til death do us part' happy marriage. So ignore all the haters!
 

The Beast1

Peacock
Gold Member
I've been married for just a tad over 30 years and have three kids, and two grandkids (so far). And I can say for myself-and my wife-we're still happily married. We can certainly irritate the hell out of each other at times, and the booty calls are rare, but if you can adapt and overcome, you too can have a 'til death do us part' happy marriage. So ignore all the haters!
I thought this was exactly how good marriages workout. I love my wife but we get annoyed every now and then. I'd rather be annoyed with her than than all of the other women out there. There are ups and downs long term it's all up.
 

GWYW2015

Woodpecker
Orthodox
I've been married for just a tad over 30 years and have three kids, and two grandkids (so far). And I can say for myself-and my wife-we're still happily married. We can certainly irritate the hell out of each other at times, and the booty calls are rare, but if you can adapt and overcome, you too can have a 'til death do us part' happy marriage. So ignore all the haters!
"Adapt and overcome", so true. And, be realistic.
 

GWYW2015

Woodpecker
Orthodox
I thought this was exactly how good marriages workout. I love my wife but we get annoyed every now and then. I'd rather be annoyed with her than than all of the other women out there. There are ups and downs long term it's all up.
That's a good way to look at it.
 

GWYW2015

Woodpecker
Orthodox
Marriage isn't designed to replace God so we need to be realistic with expecations for happiness. It is supposed to meet certain needs (not just sex). The Bible says "You make known to me the path of life; in your presence there is fullness of joy; at your right hand are pleasures forevermore"-Psalm 16:11. One day in eternity the Christian will have the very best of a marriage to the Lord that can only be imperfectly seen in marriage.

That's the way I look at where we should and will find our ultimated joy.
 
I have read your post and from the looks of it, it seems you do not have a successful marriage even your second time around. Again, your experience means little if 1) your personal life has nothing to show for it in relation to a successful marriage (so asking me my marriage experience is a non-starter when you again, have failed as you put it, only been in "dumpster fires"). Though I am glad you have children at least.
This would be akin to a person who has tried to open 2 businesses but failed and then ask me why I would be interested in opening my own business when his were failures. Doesn't work that way. If I want to open a business and keep it running successfully, i'm going to go to successful business owners, not one's who've had "dumpster fires" and have ultimately failed at keeping one running. I definitely dont want to hear unsolicited advice from business owners who weren't successful in any capacity.

Second, It doesn't interest me how many times you've studied the bible. I'm not sure what type of Christian you are, but I am only interested in what the Church (Catholic) has to say about the bible, not what one person thinks or interprets it, or what one of his 35,000 denominational churches think. I dont want to start a religious debate here(I mean no offense to anyone here), but that is my belief. If you are Catholic, I am also not interested if you grew up in the Novus Ordo rite. I am ONLY interested if you grew up in a Traditional Catholic Setting, following Catholic teachings and virtues, not habitually mortally sinning, (ESPECIALLY NOT FORNICATING/Keeping chaste), and if you followed the approved traditional way of Courtship on your way to marriage. Barring this, I couldn't care less about someones religious experience.

"I don't know your background, but what experience do you have in marriage which makes your opinion superior to others with real-world marriage experience? Why should a prospective suitor ignore the advice and real-world experiences of what you call "black pilled" members?"

Thankfully I have 0 marriage experience. I dont say this from a MGTOW perspective, rather, I say thankfully because had I gotten married 10 or even 5 years ago, they've would've ended up in failures...What I do have is 10 years of failed LTR's that went absolutely nowhere and ultimately, i realized I had no one to blame but myself because I was completely blinded by my sins and passions. I was a man of the world, and following Game, fornicating left and right worshiping sex led me nowhere. Had I not been blind, had I been an actual man, I may have not even gotten in these relationships in the first place, but fate would have it that I would be a COOMER for a while before finally waking up. I have many times mentioned my past here and use it as a platform to demonstrate the mistakes I made and why things happened the way they did in order to HELP others. I dont use my experience for black-pilling purposes, that would serve no one.

Now, I did say initially that your experience means little, but this is in regards to someone who is looking for advice on a successful marriage. Where you COULD make your experience shine is by humbling yourself and start to explain to young men how your own behaviors, sins, and behavioral patterns led you to make mistakes such as taking a drug addict for a wife on your first rodeo, and how you ended up making a mistake the second time around. You can be a great asset to young men. Like you said before, you dont want young men ill-equipped, but that is not what you're doing. What you're doing is giving young men ways to dodge-draft the war and not even giving them the fighting chance in the first place to fight for their country and win...

I may not have been married, but I believe I can relate to being burned/betrayed by someone you really loved. That was my 1st Ex, and in all honestly I even started having thoughts of suicide after she broke up with me (though I never attempted) because I just could not fathom how someone who was with me for 5 years could all of a sudden drop me like a drop of a coin. The year following this event, I was blackpilled, got into Game and just saw the world in a different way. I got into subsequent relationships the years after, but looking back at them, they were failures from the get-go; I just wasn't ready because 1) My soul was damaged still from my first relationship and 2)still following the worldly, gay way of "dating", which leads nowhere but years wasted, or if married, eventually divorced. Thankfully I found my way back to the Catholic Church and my soul has healed since.

My hope is that you and the rest of the older folk here use your "failures" not to blackpill, but to HELP men and encourage them to not make the mistakes you made and help them in ways so that they can navigate their way unto a successful marriage. Gen-Xrs are notorious in real life for being blackpilled on marriage (I know literally dozens of them IRL, the vast majority have the same outlook) and they all have this cynical behavior, so I'm not surprised here. This is not to take away from the struggles you face in your marriage, but eventually, you have to realize what this forum is all about now. That is it being a Christian forum centered on ultimately either Successfully creating a family or 2) giving yourself entirely to God and not worry about worldly endeavors at all and being content with that fact. The west will not survive if all the more elder men do is blackpill the younger generation. Keeping a civilization afloat doesn't work that way. I can go much deeper into this, but I already see I typed up an essay, so I'll stop here.
Excellent response. As ever this is another battle in the war between pragmatism and dogmatism (which I admire the Catholic Church for attempting to uphold, the orthodox doctrine of oikonomia in divorce has been a stumbling block for me, but so has Catholic annulment...)
 

Magnus Stout

Woodpecker
Orthodox
I'm happily married and I think Gen-X and older Millennials are not repeating the failure of the Boomers (they created the divorce epidemic). The trend is something like: those who marry now, stay married longer; lower classes rarely marry and raise dysfunctional children. So, our future is something like a two-tiered society with large slums (ex: Brazil).

I've always thought marriage is best approached like a garden--diligent maintenance prevents disasters. I think the Hallmark/DeBeers "soul-mate" stuff is nonsense: I am very compatible with many other women and I could have had a happy life with them as well as my current wife. But, I chose her and we are going to stick it out until one of us dies. This practical, dutiful approach is closer to older (non-Boomer) generations, who tended to prioritize family and stability.

I think some of the best marriage advice written comes from J.R.R. Tolkien's personal letter to his son:
Men are not [monogamous]. No good pretending. Men just ain’t, not by their animal nature. Monogamy … is for us men a piece of ‘revealed ethic,’ according to faith and not the flesh. The essence of a fallen world is that the best cannot be attained by free enjoyment, or by what is called ‘self-realization’ (usually a nice name for self-indulgence... but by denial, by suffering. Faithfulness in Christian marriages entails that: great mortification.

For a Christian man there is no escape. Marriage may help to sanctify and direct to its proper object his sexual desires; its grace may help him in the struggle; but the struggle remains. It will not satisfy him—as hunger may be kept off by regular meals. It will offer as many difficulties to the purity proper to that state as it provides easements.

No man, however truly he loved his betrothed and bride as a young man, has lived faithful to her as a wife in mind and body without deliberate conscious exercise of the will, without self-denial. Too few are told that—even those brought up in ‘the Church’. Those outside seem seldom to have heard it.

When the glamour wears off, or merely works a bit thin, they think that they have made a mistake, and that the real soul-mate is still to find. The real soul-mate too often proves to be the next sexually attractive person that comes along. Someone whom they might indeed very profitably have married, if only—. Hence divorce, to provide the ‘if only’.

And of course they are as a rule quite right: they did make a mistake. Only a very wise man at the end of his life could make a sound judgement concerning whom, amongst the total possible chances, he ought most profitably have married! Nearly all marriages, even happy ones, are mistakes: in the sense that almost certainly (in a more perfect world, or even with a little more care in this very imperfect one) both partners might have found more suitable mates. But the ‘real soul-mate’ is the one you are actually married to.

In this fallen world, we have as our only guides, prudence, wisdom (rare in youth, too late in age), a clean heart, and fidelity of will…
Successful marriages are possible. Embracing true masculinity and femininity is positive. True joy and happiness in marriage is possible but only if based upon mutual self-sacrifice. This is the ideal God intended and the blueprint we are to follow: husbands are to love the same way Christ loved his bride, the Church; and just as the church is subject to Christ, so also wives ought to be to their husbands.
 

SimpleMan

Sparrow
Does anyone find it odd how we don't go to a Priest to get a divorce, but go to the state?

People get married through, and into, the state, not through, and into, God, even when performed at a Church - this worries me.

Are we performing the act of marriage wrong in the eyes of God?
 

Viktor Zeegelaar

Pelican
Orthodox Inquirer
I'd say that most married couples are deliberately made unhappy (or at least attempted to be) by the society we live in, by the continuous bombardment of degeneracy, dating apps, options, triggers to make you not feel stable and secure, social media. Whether people buy into that eventually comes down to their faith and how much they're influenced by the world, but I'm sure in ancient times this was not the case as there simple weren't all these stimuli fighting for your attention and distracting you all the time. Moreover, this goes for people in general not only married people, God have mercy on the young people, especially those who grew up with the smartphone.
 
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