Are most married couples unhappy?

Maecenas

Sparrow
There’s a Curb your Enthusiasm episode where Larry and his best friend are both getting divorced, and his married friend is jealous. I totally understand it now.

In the last week, I threatened my wife that I’m leaving, and it is only then does she apologize and let up. This is not a one time thing. It's a thing that I have learned repeatedly, over and over and over again. Marriage turns you into a sociopath. When I first got married, I was a chubby cheeked little boy that believed in the good of everyone, and also believed that problems can always be resolved rationally with discussion. Now, 7 years later, through repeated experience, I have learned that women are incapable of reason. They will drift and find problems. They will always be insecure. So the only way you can deal with it is by being a massive asshole that feels nothing, treasures nothing, values nothing, and is willing to destroy everything. You must not fear ruin. You must not fear death. You must not fear jail. You must not fear humiliation. You must not compromise. You must not show weakness. You must not bend. You must not break.

Funny enough, I have carried this hard hearted approach into my work and into my life and have become more successful because of it. The world, as it, values pain and dominance. It values cruelty. It values destruction.

The issue I have is trying to bridge the hard, hard lessons I have learned in life with being a Christian. The only thing I can think of is God saved Barabbas on the cross, so if I continue to pray, continue to repent, and continue to confess, I'll still be saved. But: this is not Eden, this is the Devil's world, where you struggle and you strive and then you die.

Quit being so dramatic and just sort out what needs to be done to have a happier marriage (edit: or life?). Doesn’t sound like you’re much more of a ray of sunshine than your wife
 

jarlo

Woodpecker
Orthodox
There’s a Curb your Enthusiasm episode where Larry and his best friend are both getting divorced, and his married friend is jealous. I totally understand it now.

In the last week, I threatened my wife that I’m leaving, and it is only then does she apologize and let up. This is not a one time thing. It's a thing that I have learned repeatedly, over and over and over again. Marriage turns you into a sociopath. When I first got married, I was a chubby cheeked little boy that believed in the good of everyone, and also believed that problems can always be resolved rationally with discussion. Now, 7 years later, through repeated experience, I have learned that women are incapable of reason. They will drift and find problems. They will always be insecure. So the only way you can deal with it is by being a massive asshole that feels nothing, treasures nothing, values nothing, and is willing to destroy everything. You must not fear ruin. You must not fear death. You must not fear jail. You must not fear humiliation. You must not compromise. You must not show weakness. You must not bend. You must not break.

Funny enough, I have carried this hard hearted approach into my work and into my life and have become more successful because of it. The world, as it, values pain and dominance. It values cruelty. It values destruction.

The issue I have is trying to bridge the hard, hard lessons I have learned in life with being a Christian. The only thing I can think of is God saved Barabbas on the cross, so if I continue to pray, continue to repent, and continue to confess, I'll still be saved. But: this is not Eden, this is the Devil's world, where you struggle and you strive and then you die.

Out of curiosity, what denomination are you, and how were the dynamics between you and your wife at the beginning of your marriage compared to today?
 

FullThrottleTX

Woodpecker
Quit being so dramatic and just sort out what needs to be done to have a happier marriage (edit: or life?). Doesn’t sound like you’re much more of a ray of sunshine than your wife

The unqualified beliefs in marriage on the forum make no sense.
Just because you aren't a PUA anymore doesn't mean you automatically believe marriage is the answer and ignore the facts on the ground.
Extreme beliefs don't get us anywhere. The truth is in the middle: marriage is usually a raw deal in 2020, you probably shouldn't have kids in this environment (if you are trying to have kids, that's self harm in my opinion), and most men develop and grow outside of their relationships (hence, it's a high bar to exit freedom/singledom -- that would have to be a unicorn chick for me).
 

GWYW2015

Woodpecker
Orthodox
Marriage is an absolute nightmare in today’s society, and I encourage every young man never, ever to get married. Just don’t do It.
And have to endure celibate hell? Keep looking. Sex outside of marriage is a dead end street and no sex is like hell. We are supposed to get married ("Let every man have his own wife and let every woman have her own husband"). Even if the world has seemingly lost its mind, marriage is still and always well be the "grace of life". That's as good as it gets.
 

FactusIRX

Kingfisher
When you get married, you have two options:

A) give you balls over to your wife, and then start the clock. These are the guys who are just yes dear, two bags full. Depending on your wife, the clock may run out at 5 years or 20 years. But it always runs out. She’ll get tired of dominating you and will find someone else. During this period, you’ll be subject to more and more ridiculous behaviour. I have actually met a few Orthodox priests that fall into this category.

B) You hold on to your balls. Now, enjoy your life of constant conflict as your wife challenges you constantly. The only way this works is you have to be at the top of your game at all times. You’ll have to be a killer, who is prepared at anytime to walk away and lose everything. It’ll stop working when you get sick, old or frail, or lose your dominance. Like an old buck, some young buck will come and gore you, while leaving you for the wolves.

The idea that there is some third option is some fairy tale song that is told to you at night with a plate of cookies and warm milk. No woman, no matter how much she believes in God, can ever forget her nature. That’s the oldest story in the Good Book.

My advice for young men is to find a skill, spend 15 hours a day practicing it for 30 years. Once you perfect it, you’ll get a sense of the true essence of God. Then prepare yourself to meet your Creator.
 

Maecenas

Sparrow
When you get married, you have two options:

A) give you balls over to your wife, and then start the clock. These are the guys who are just yes dear, two bags full. Depending on your wife, the clock may run out at 5 years or 20 years. But it always runs out. She’ll get tired of dominating you and will find someone else. During this period, you’ll be subject to more and more ridiculous behaviour. I have actually met a few Orthodox priests that fall into this category.

B) You hold on to your balls. Now, enjoy your life of constant conflict as your wife challenges you constantly. The only way this works is you have to be at the top of your game at all times. You’ll have to be a killer, who is prepared at anytime to walk away and lose everything. It’ll stop working when you get sick, old or frail, or lose your dominance. Like an old buck, some young buck will come and gore you, while leaving you for the wolves.

The idea that there is some third option is some fairy tale song that is told to you at night with a plate of cookies and warm milk. No woman, no matter how much she believes in God, can ever forget her nature. That’s the oldest story in the Good Book.

My advice for young men is to find a skill, spend 15 hours a day practicing it for 30 years. Once you perfect it, you’ll get a sense of the true essence of God. Then prepare yourself to meet your Creator.
Have fun living your life being black pilled, sure sounds very depressing, but hey, sounds like it’s what you want
 

FullThrottleTX

Woodpecker
Hm, I replied to FactusIRX, not you

Oh I know.
I'm just making it clear, it's a false choice... being white pilled or you're black pilled.
I'm not sold on all the religion stuff. The bible was written too long ago and has no modern relevance.
I'm sure God exists, it's unlikely God cares about my sex life or my marriage.
 

Maecenas

Sparrow
My advice for young men is to find a skill, spend 15 hours a day practicing it for 30 years. Once you perfect it, you’ll get a sense of the true essence of God.

Also, what does this even mean? And have you even practiced a skill for 15 hours a day for 30 years? If not how would you know?

Your advice for young men doesn’t hold any weight when it sounds like you would hurt your wife if you could get away with it
 

Thomas More

Hummingbird
Correct me if I'm wrong but isn't it better to just accept that at some point the sex will decrease? Some is better than none. I might want to complain about a couple times a week but that looks like riches after being single and alone for many years.

I think all a guy can do is remind his wife of the biblical command to not deprive each other (and she has heard it umpteen times between her husband and her church). The best way for her to not deprive her husband is to hear this from other WOMEN who believe that. That is why younger women should learn from older godly women who will tell them that their husbands still need sex.

Men giving their experience after 1-5 years of marriage really doesn't give the big picture. It's years 15-40 that are the problem. You can be hitting peak success in life, and still be fit and attractive, while your wife is hitting the wall and getting more and more frigid every year.

A couple times a week is the high end you can expect in marriage once the honeymoon is over. 1-2 times a month, or 8-10 times a year is very widespread, and that might be with her laying in bed like a starfish when she finally gives in after you ask her repeatedly for days.

Being fit, successful and popular is not enough to avoid this, based on a lot of men I've known over the years. Red pill techniques can help, but one of the most effective is the threat to leave, and you have to violate the vows you made before God to be able to do this.

Her divorcing you is the most likely scenario. This kind of sex deprivation is the next most likely. Telling her that God expects her to give it up will only result in scorn. She knows (in her own mind) that God doesn't want her to do anything she doesn't want to do.
Quit being so dramatic and just sort out what needs to be done to have a happier marriage (edit: or life?). Doesn’t sound like you’re much more of a ray of sunshine than your wife


I'd say he's painting the kind of bright, sunny picture of a young marriage, only seven years in. Right now, he's still able to make it work by using dread. Things can be a lot worse than what he's presenting here.
 

Maecenas

Sparrow
Men giving their experience after 1-5 years of marriage really doesn't give the big picture. It's years 15-40 that are the problem. You can be hitting peak success in life, and still be fit and attractive, while your wife is hitting the wall and getting more and more frigid every year.

A couple times a week is the high end you can expect in marriage once the honeymoon is over. 1-2 times a month, or 8-10 times a year is very widespread, and that might be with her laying in bed like a starfish when she finally gives in after you ask her repeatedly for days.

Being fit, successful and popular is not enough to avoid this, based on a lot of men I've known over the years. Red pill techniques can help, but one of the most effective is the threat to leave, and you have to violate the vows you made before God to be able to do this.

Her divorcing you is the most likely scenario. This kind of sex deprivation is the next most likely. Telling her that God expects her to give it up will only result in scorn. She knows (in her own mind) that God doesn't want her to do anything she doesn't want to do.



I'd say he's painting the kind of bright, sunny picture of a young marriage, only seven years in. Right now, he's still able to make it work. Things can be a lot worse than what he's presenting here.

You make it sound like women don’t want a good fuck. God loves it when we have crazy, passionate love with our wives, and news flash, so do our wives too. I highly recommend checking out Passionate Marriage by David Schnarch
 

Blade Runner

Pelican
Orthodox
The issue I have is trying to bridge the hard, hard lessons I have learned in life with being a Christian. The only thing I can think of is God saved Barabbas on the cross, so if I continue to pray, continue to repent, and continue to confess, I'll still be saved. But: this is not Eden, this is the Devil's world, where you struggle and you strive and then you die.

Good to see that you have realized what's important, well done. Note that, however, the thief on the cross wasn't Barabbas. Just so you know.

More direct to this thread, I think the culture makes married life difficult and it didn't use to be that way. It'll revert again. The problem is that we have to wait another generation, and that sucks for all of us here (hard times will make women finally come to their senses - or we'll actually be at the end of the world anyway, so who cares). We've had societal and family subversion for so long now, you pretty much had to be born in 1950 or earlier to have any shot at being in a normal relationship, on average. Yes there are exceptions but the time period I'm talking about had a majority of fairly normal marriages, as far as that is humanly possible.
 

Thomas More

Hummingbird
You make it sound like women don’t want a good fuck. God loves it when we have crazy, passionate love with our wives, and news flash, so do our wives too. I highly recommend checking out Passionate Marriage by David Schnarch

How long have you been married? After I left my wife, we started having hot frequent sex again. However, I felt burned forever by that point. My angry and distant approach to banging her was clearly a major factor in making her enjoy it more. We are both Christian, although I have become upset with God over how all of this has played out.

Some men get lucky with marriage, maybe 10-15 percent. For the rest, I don't think there is a winning play. I suppose it makes sense to roll the dice and see if you will be one of the lucky ones, but the odds suck.
 

Elipe

Pelican
B) You hold on to your balls. Now, enjoy your life of constant conflict as your wife challenges you constantly.
You married poorly, then.

The bible was written too long ago and has no modern relevance.
I profoundly disagree. I think modern society would be a lot better off if people read the Bible, applied it to their lives, and if modern society re-based its legal foundation on Biblical principles again. It's clear that secularism is a spiritual poison that bleeds into every aspect of modern life and reduces modernity into a skinner box of mere economic transactions in order to achieve a constant stream of dopamine hits. You will not be able to fix that without what you call "religion stuff."

I'm sure God exists, it's unlikely God cares about my sex life or my marriage.
I remember when I was an atheist transitioning to deist, and I thought this way. I thought God was some kind of magical being that knew everything, except for what I was doing with my naked body at night. Surely, God is some sort of The Sims player that has the parental controls enabled so that everything dirty we do with our bodies gets blocked out for Him? Even though He created us, even though He created the mechanisms for the very act of sex, even though God is not inflamed by lust like we are, or by any sense of mockery for our bodies and what we do with them?

It doesn't work that way, and God is not like a voyeur that takes perverse pleasure in observing others in the intimate act.

God is more like the father that is disappointed in his son banging ugly street hookers instead of marrying well, living a honorable life, and giving him many little grandchildren. As our Creator, God knows what is best for us. He knows that the little, private things we do influence the bigger, public things we do. What goes around always comes around, and what may seem small and insignificant, like a seed, if given the opportunity to grow, will grow into something as massive as a towering tree that changes the landscape around it.

God does care about our sex lives and marriages, but not like a voyeur, more like a father that wants the best for his son. I would care if my son was banging street hookers, and I would be quite angry with him for doing that. I would care if my son's marriage was falling apart, and I would offer advice to help him put it back together.

And God has advice for people, and it's in the Bible.
Proverbs 13:1 said:
A wise son heeds his father’s instruction, but a mocker does not respond to rebukes.
 

Maecenas

Sparrow
One realization I had that helped me realize God really cares about me is he’s profoundly jealous. He may have the attention and devotion of hundred of millions, or billions, of Christians, but if you idolize other things than Him, he’ll still be mad. He’s sooooo territorial and really cares about each of his children. It’s really impressive
 
I've been married for 8 years. I know that may not be as longbas some of those posting here but it's longer than zero. We have had our ups and downs but neither of us have ever even mentioned divorce. It doesn't mean we don't argue, or get mad at each other. We have talked extensively about how we both deal with conflict and constantly work on maintaining a peaceful and contented life together. It helps that we have kids because neither one of us want to raise kids alone and we have both seen through friends and family how difficult it is for children when parents are divorced. I dont know the future but I believe as long as we are working at maintaining our relationship with God and maintaining our relationship as husband and wife we should be ok. For those who say wait 20 or more years I'd rather not. I'd rather focus on making today the best it can be then imagine the future. Some may call it being naive. I call it being practical. I have no control over the future I have control over myself and now anything else is in God's hands. I couldn't imagine my marriage surviving without our relationship to God let alone our relationship to each other. For those who do not believe in God or who don't think getting married is something He wants, then No don't get married because it will not work for you and your spouse will not put up with you if you are the only one keeping her there. I dont delude myself into thinking my wife is with me because I'm alpha, hold frame, or dominate her. My wife is with me because she believes that God wants her to be a dutiful wife. Period Full Stop. If that changes then I wouldn't want her to be my wife either.
 

Elipe

Pelican
My wife is with me because she believes that God wants her to be a dutiful wife. Period Full Stop. If that changes then I wouldn't want her to be my wife either.
Absolutely. At the end of the day, you're still marrying someone with moral agency. You can't control them, but you can choose to be surrounded by people who realize that they are morally accountable to God.

Great post.
 

FullThrottleTX

Woodpecker
I profoundly disagree. I think modern society would be a lot better off if people read the Bible, applied it to their lives, and if modern society re-based its legal foundation on Biblical principles again. It's clear that secularism is a spiritual poison that bleeds into every aspect of modern life and reduces modernity into a skinner box of mere economic transactions in order to achieve a constant stream of dopamine hits. You will not be able to fix that without what you call "religion stuff."

I don't really care about society. I'm just talking about myself.
 
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