There’s a Curb your Enthusiasm episode where Larry and his best friend are both getting divorced, and his married friend is jealous. I totally understand it now.
In the last week, I threatened my wife that I’m leaving, and it is only then does she apologize and let up. This is not a one time thing. It's a thing that I have learned repeatedly, over and over and over again. Marriage turns you into a sociopath. When I first got married, I was a chubby cheeked little boy that believed in the good of everyone, and also believed that problems can always be resolved rationally with discussion. Now, 7 years later, through repeated experience, I have learned that women are incapable of reason. They will drift and find problems. They will always be insecure. So the only way you can deal with it is by being a massive asshole that feels nothing, treasures nothing, values nothing, and is willing to destroy everything. You must not fear ruin. You must not fear death. You must not fear jail. You must not fear humiliation. You must not compromise. You must not show weakness. You must not bend. You must not break.
Funny enough, I have carried this hard hearted approach into my work and into my life and have become more successful because of it. The world, as it, values pain and dominance. It values cruelty. It values destruction.
The issue I have is trying to bridge the hard, hard lessons I have learned in life with being a Christian. The only thing I can think of is God saved Barabbas on the cross, so if I continue to pray, continue to repent, and continue to confess, I'll still be saved. But: this is not Eden, this is the Devil's world, where you struggle and you strive and then you die.
Quit being so dramatic and just sort out what needs to be done to have a happier marriage (edit: or life?). Doesn’t sound like you’re much more of a ray of sunshine than your wife