Attending church with young kids + demographics article

[Pray_Everyday]

Hi everyone, my apologies is this thread already exists.

Since there's a variety of Christians here, I was hoping you could tell me about your experiences attending church with very young children. Specifically, are they allowed to stay with the family throughout, or was there any pressure to leave them in a nursery of sorts. If they stay with you how do you keep them quiet or from running up the aisle? If you would feel comfortable saying so, please include what type of chuch you attend.

Main reason I ask is because over the past year my husband and I have been looking for a church, and every single church we've attended has wanted us to leave the kids in the nursery (despite originally telling us it's fine for them to stay with us). I guess we're wondering if every church is like that?

We don't feel comfortable leaving our young kids with anyone besides us, we feel it's our responsibility as parents to make absolutely sure no one will touch them innapropriately or expose them to anything, especially before they're able to communicate complex ideas to us. It only takes a minute. Also, just wanted to make it clear that I'm not criticizing or "judging" anyone who parents differently on that matter, but trying to express why leaving them alone at a nursery is a hard "no" with us.

What we've been doing is having me stay with them in the nursery, but at some point it feels like why am I even going. There's a speaker or video showing the service usually, but I could just watch it from home, with the bonus of subtitles (I really struggle with no subtitles unless I'm speaking to someone in person - my brain's weird). On some Sundays my husband has stayed home with them while I go alone (not ideal). We just can't figure out what we should do.


On a related note, while searching online on this topic I found an article from Christianity Today that claims that it's mostly women who attend church, women drive the growth of a church, and has always been that way. I was rather surprised because I remember a while back on the men's forum someone posted how it's dependant on the father's church attendance if the children attend church when they grow up. If I remember correctly, it even said that if only the mother attends the likelihood of the grown children attending is lower than if they hadn't gone at all.

Do y'all think the article is misleading or subversive? I'm attempting to link below (apologizing in advance for my lack of computer skills).

Making Your Church Manlier Won’t Make It Bigger

History tells us that denominational growth has nothing to do with sex ratios in the pews.

www.christianitytoday.com

 

[Luna Novem]

I attended a church in my 20's and mid 30's that, while I don't think nursery would have been forced by any means, it was definitely a culture of nursery. Kind of like the world has a culture of public school. It's wasn't FORCED, but someone definitely would have been unusual if they hadn't utilized it. It was an large evangelical church (2200 regular attenders) in the greater Seattle area. Incidentally, a man who worked with the youth was caught being inappropriate with them...

All the Protestant churches I've been to have encouraged nursery.

I did go to a Mormon church once when I was taking an American Religious Diversity class. The culture there was COMPLETELY opposite. All the babies and toddlers were in the service.

 

[Atlas Shrugged]

Great question here is my take. Me personally when I’m in church I want to hear the sermon not an infant screaming. It happens. They are babies! If you can shush your little one great. Now at my church only women can work in the nursery and you would think you are applying for a job with the fbi if you want to help out. They take it extremely seriously. Every parent also gets a device. Like the one restaurants have when your table or food is ready. So if there is any issue at all your little beeper buzzes. The parents at my church do both. Sometimes babies in the sanctuary, sometimes in the nursery. But I don’t think anyone should force someone to put their baby in the nursery if they don’t feel comfortable with that.

 

[Ah_Tibor]

We have a toddler and mostly try to barricade/distract/walk around in the hall or vestibule if he gets restless.

Lately mom exhaustion is getting to me in general; went last week to a presanctified by myself with him and it was a struggle. My husband and I switch off typically and it works out pretty well. Never been anywhere with a nursery. I've seen "crying rooms" in older churches, or sometimes sending kids out to church school after communion.

I think dads set habits and moms set a kind of spiritual/emotional tone, if that makes sense.

 

[Pray_Everyday]

I attended a church in my 20's and mid 30's that, while I don't think nursery would have been forced by any means, it was definitely a culture of nursery. Kind of like the world has a culture of public school. It's wasn't FORCED, but someone definitely would have been unusual if they hadn't utilized it. It was an large evangelical church (2200 regular attenders) in the greater Seattle area. Incidentally, a man who worked with the youth was caught being inappropriate with them...

All the Protestant churches I've been to have encouraged nursery.

I did go to a Mormon church once when I was taking an American Religious Diversity class. The culture there was COMPLETELY opposite. All the babies and toddlers were in the service.

Ok, wow, that's really informative and interesting re: the Mormon church, thanks.

Those poor kids though, I hope he was prosecuted. Just this month a story hit the news about a large-ish church covering up/not reporting a child abuser, and in fact helping him get a job to work with kids at a school district. Even though he was found guilty and is now serving something like 20 years to life some people are still defending the church. Terrible.

 

[Pray_Everyday]

Great question here is my take. Me personally when I’m in church I want to hear the sermon not an infant screaming. It happens. They are babies! If you can shush your little one great. Now at my church only women can work in the nursery and you would think you are applying for a job with the fbi if you want to help out. They take it extremely seriously. Every parent also gets a device. Like the one restaurants have when your table or food is ready. So if there is any issue at all your little beeper buzzes. The parents at my church do both. Sometimes babies in the sanctuary, sometimes in the nursery. But I don’t think anyone should force someone to put their baby in the nursery if they don’t feel comfortable with that.

Yes, we definitely agree that if they're at the point of screaming we waited too long to step outside.

At the risk of sounding paranoid, in today's world I don't automatically trust women just because they're women to watch my kids either (I know you mentioned how rigorous they are at your church at screening nursery workers, I'm just saying in general). Even if the church has a strong no-LGBBQ policy, which some of the churches we've attended have explicitly said, I would still be too anxious about it to focus on the sermon. That beeper system sounds useful for those that do use the facilities though.

We have a toddler and mostly try to barricade/distract/walk around in the hall or vestibule if he gets restless.

Lately mom exhaustion is getting to me in general; went last week to a presanctified by myself with him and it was a struggle. My husband and I switch off typically and it works out pretty well. Never been anywhere with a nursery. I've seen "crying rooms" in older churches, or sometimes sending kids out to church school after communion.

I think dads set habits and moms set a kind of spiritual/emotional tone, if that makes sense.

The first church we tried out had both "crying room" and nursery. I actually didn't mind the "crying room" because it almost did feel like we were not off on our own but part of the congregation. While my baby didnt mind, unfortunately my toddler wanted to be in the actual nursery because that's where the toys were.

 

[Atlas Shrugged]

It is a sacrifice to work in the nursery. I only helped out a couple times. Spent enough years in awana with the little ones. One day I got the screaming baby that had to be burped every so many minutes when eating and he screamed. I was told by mom that’s ok cause he really needs to be burped. I’m like why can’t I sit in the corner and play with the quiet baby!!!!!

 

[Joachim-Gaius]

Hi everyone, my apologies is this thread already exists.

Since there's a variety of Christians here, I was hoping you could tell me about your experiences attending church with very young children. Specifically, are they allowed to stay with the family throughout, or was there any pressure to leave them in a nursery of sorts. If they stay with you how do you keep them quiet or from running up the aisle? If you would feel comfortable saying so, please include what type of chuch you attend.

Main reason I ask is because over the past year my husband and I have been looking for a church, and every single church we've attended has wanted us to leave the kids in the nursery (despite originally telling us it's fine for them to stay with us). I guess we're wondering if every church is like that?

We don't feel comfortable leaving our young kids with anyone besides us, we feel it's our responsibility as parents to make absolutely sure no one will touch them innapropriately or expose them to anything, especially before they're able to communicate complex ideas to us. It only takes a minute. Also, just wanted to make it clear that I'm not criticizing or "judging" anyone who parents differently on that matter, but trying to express why leaving them alone at a nursery is a hard "no" with us.

What we've been doing is having me stay with them in the nursery, but at some point it feels like why am I even going. There's a speaker or video showing the service usually, but I could just watch it from home, with the bonus of subtitles (I really struggle with no subtitles unless I'm speaking to someone in person - my brain's weird). On some Sundays my husband has stayed home with them while I go alone (not ideal). We just can't figure out what we should do.


On a related note, while searching online on this topic I found an article from Christianity Today that claims that it's mostly women who attend church, women drive the growth of a church, and has always been that way. I was rather surprised because I remember a while back on the men's forum someone posted how it's dependant on the father's church attendance if the children attend church when they grow up. If I remember correctly, it even said that if only the mother attends the likelihood of the grown children attending is lower than if they hadn't gone at all.

Do y'all think the article is misleading or subversive? I'm attempting to link below (apologizing in advance for my lack of computer skills).

Making Your Church Manlier Won’t Make It Bigger

History tells us that denominational growth has nothing to do with sex ratios in the pews.

www.christianitytoday.com

Moms are the most relevant group in society. You should always feel welcome with your children wherever you go. The church I attend is Catholic and children are welcome at all services. They do kid stuff and make kid noises, but no one minds. The people doing the service just don't want the kids running up to the alter or getting to wild, which has never been a problem. Even if they get antsy don't worry about it, every parent has been there.

 

[Starlight]

Our church doesn’t have a nursery but we do have something kind of like that for preschool aged kids to fourth grade. It’s kind of like mini Sunday school during the sermon and prayers of the church until it’s time for communion. It’s totally optional and it’s not meant to be childcare. Some of the church grandmas lead it and they basically do the kids version of the gospel reading for the day and what the Pastor’s sermon is about with some relevant crafts and activities mixed in. Our church also has “quiet bags” for the kids that have coloring books, Christian books, mini puzzles, other quiet things, etc, to help keep them busy.

As parents, I think we are generally more hard on ourselves than the rest of the congregation is and we think we are more disruptive than we really are. I know my church would not tolerate children running up and down the aisles but my son has definitely escaped the pew before and always seems to blurt something out at the quietest times but you just kind of have to go with it. It’s important for kids of all ages to be in church. The more they are there, the more accustomed they become to it… and their presence at church is just as important as the grumpy granny in the front pew. They need salvation and blessings just as much as anyone else.

Personally, I think it’s so wrong to dump a child in nursery/childcare during church. Seriously.

(I’m LCMS just for reference)

 

[Starlight]

 

[Luna Novem]

Ok, wow, that's really informative and interesting re: the Mormon church, thanks.

Those poor kids though, I hope he was prosecuted. Just this month a story hit the news about a large-ish church covering up/not reporting a child abuser, and in fact helping him get a job to work with kids at a school district. Even though he was found guilty and is now serving something like 20 years to life some people are still defending the church. Terrible.

I just googled him. He got sentenced to one count of voyeurism and one count of attempted voyeurism. I guess he was taking pictures up the skirt of an 18-year-old girl, so not a minor. He worked with kids, though, doing puppet ministry, and his victim saw him as a "father figure". So, still gross and skeezy but thankfully it wasn't an actual child or hands-on abuse.

 

[Pray_Everyday]

Our church doesn’t have a nursery but we do have something kind of like that for preschool aged kids to fourth grade. It’s kind of like mini Sunday school during the sermon and prayers of the church until it’s time for communion. It’s totally optional and it’s not meant to be childcare. Some of the church grandmas lead it and they basically do the kids version of the gospel reading for the day and what the Pastor’s sermon is about with some relevant crafts and activities mixed in. Our church also has “quiet bags” for the kids that have coloring books, Christian books, mini puzzles, other quiet things, etc, to help keep them busy.

As parents, I think we are generally more hard on ourselves than the rest of the congregation is and we think we are more disruptive than we really are. I know my church would not tolerate children running up and down the aisles but my son has definitely escaped the pew before and always seems to blurt something out at the quietest times but you just kind of have to go with it. It’s important for kids of all ages to be in church. The more they are there, the more accustomed they become to it… and their presence at church is just as important as the grumpy granny in the front pew. They need salvation and blessings just as much as anyone else.

Personally, I think it’s so wrong to dump a child in nursery/childcare during church. Seriously.

(I’m LCMS just for reference)

That mini service sounds nice, and I some of the churches we've attended had something similar either during service or Bible study, but my children are still too young for that.

I try not to be too hard on myself as a parent, but it's hard to not start getting self-conscious when several church members keep coming by to "remind" us that they have a nursery. It's like, yes, you told me 5 minutes ago/last week. We definitely take the kids out if they're crying, but this is just normal baby cooing or toddler babbling. And in the case of the last two churches the pastor has literally said "I love the sound of children at church, it means there's life in the church" during the sermon, so I'm just confused. Why say what you don't mean?

I mean, no matter what I'm not leaving my kids in there without me present, but it would be nice to be clearly told what they actually expect. Which I think I've gotten an idea of from this thread...

View attachment 39663

Yea, unfortunately most of the churches we've tried are stuck in Matt19:13...

It actually really bothered me that one of the churches we attended for a bit claimed to be so "Biblical" but ignores Matt19:14 and literally escorted us to the nursery in the middle of the sermon the last time we attended there. Didn't help that their nursery appeared to be an afterthought and had safety hazards (push pins, toys with tiny parts) near the toys.

 

[messaggera]

literally escorted us to the nursery in the middle of the sermon the last time we attended there.

A Church without children is a flower garden without bees and butterflies.

 

[IconWriter]

In the Orthodox Church we encourage kids from the very beginning to attend and participate with us in worship. They sit at their parents feet. Orthodox often stand for worship and our church has a few pews for the sick/elderly. The children look at books or hold quiet toys, or they are held (young ones in slings or carriers) and passed around to others to hold. They are taught to kiss/reverence icons, cross themselves, take communion, even light candles, and when a little older, they serve in the altar. In other words they are as much a part of God's church as adults and learn from a very young age. No one will give the parents a stern look when they are cranky, and they are free to walk around during the liturgy as others do. We all sit on the floor together during the homily. There is nothing sweeter than to see a little one be lifted up to the icon stand to kiss an icon, light a candle, or to hear a tiny voice mimic the priest with "Amen, amen, amen"!

 

[Atlas Shrugged]

The other thing about babies in church and this is all me, is if one is in front of me and looking and smiling and cooing at me I forgot about church. I’m all awwwwwww that baby is so adorable and squishy I want to hold the baby. It’s so hard to concentrate when you have a cute baby smiling at you. Then i try to make the baby smile and the baby laughs and next thing you know I missed half the sermon.

 

[Luna Novem]

The other thing about babies in church and this is all me, is if one is in front of me and looking and smiling and cooing at me I forgot about church. I’m all awwwwwww that baby is so adorable and squishy I want to hold the baby. It’s so hard to concentrate when you have a cute baby smiling at you. Then i try to make the baby smile and the baby laughs and next thing you know I missed half the sermon.

I resemble this

 

[palsofchaos]

Most Catholic Churches I have been to have a chorus of babies and toddlers making noise in the pews. I Bring my toddler with me. Part of it is just listening to your kid. Do they like one area of the sanctum better than the other? Do they like a latter service or do they get restless? Do you hold them when standing so they can see what is going on?

I’ve found Lutheran Churches prefer a culture of nurseries. I guess it’s because the sermon is highly regarded so unwanted distractions are frowned upon.

 

[Dr Mantis Toboggan]

We have a 3 year old and have found she's better behaved when we attend the Saturday evening Mass as opposed to Sunday morning.

 

[Kitty Tantrum]

I did go to a Mormon church once when I was taking an American Religious Diversity class. The culture there was COMPLETELY opposite. All the babies and toddlers were in the service.

Families attend the first meeting together, but for the other portions of the service/lessons you are very much EXPECTED to bring your young children to Nursery/Primary, and people will treat you weirdly if you express a strong preference for keeping your little ones with you, especially if they are no longer nursing.

I think they recently changed how things are scheduled but when I was an active member of the LDS church, it was one hour for the first meeting and then TWO hours where you leave your kids with someone else, and someone comes and gets you if they become inconsolable.

I was 100% NOT OKAY with this (on principle, even though I knew and trusted the Nursery/Primary teachers) until my kids could speak in full sentences, and mostly did not attend the later meetings because of this.

Mormon culture on it's face is appealing for a lot of reasons, but it has all of the typical problems lurking just beneath the surface.

Isolating young children away from their parents for the purpose of "teaching" is a massive red flag for any institution. Church, school, whatever. It's been "normalized" but it. is. WRONG.

(fite me)

 

[Luna Novem]

Families attend the first meeting together, but for the other portions of the service/lessons you are very much EXPECTED to bring your young children to Nursery/Primary, and people will treat you weirdly if you express a strong preference for keeping your little ones with you, especially if they are no longer nursing.

I think they recently changed how things are scheduled but when I was an active member of the LDS church, it was one hour for the first meeting and then TWO hours where you leave your kids with someone else, and someone comes and gets you if they become inconsolable.

I was 100% NOT OKAY with this (on principle, even though I knew and trusted the Nursery/Primary teachers) until my kids could speak in full sentences, and mostly did not attend the later meetings because of this.

Mormon culture on it's face is appealing for a lot of reasons, but it has all of the typical problems lurking just beneath the surface.

Isolating young children away from their parents for the purpose of "teaching" is a massive red flag for any institution. Church, school, whatever. It's been "normalized" but it. is. WRONG.

(fite me)

Yes, now that you mention this, I did go to a "Bible study" (for lack of a better term) after the service. They were teaching about the three types of heavens. They said that everyone goes to one of the heavens, but only Mormons go the "celestial" level. I was like, "Well, if everyone goes to heaven, what's the, like, INCENTIVE for being Mormon?" They didn't really know how to answer that, lol.