Becoming disillusioned with the Church. I want to avoid losing my faith.


This post is written for people with deep problems that haven't responded to talk-therapy.

This is the latest research on the findings of new techniques to deal with childhood traumas which inevitably lead people to alcoholism, sex-addiction, opiod-addiction, hard-drug use, violence, in other words, all self-destructive behaviors.

I've been to six different psychologists over many years and wondered why they didn't work, now I know why. The answer is in Dr. Van Der Kolks lecture. Thank God for this new research, I and others have suffered under useless talk-therapy for years thinking we were hopeless. Nope. Check out "Crappy Childhood Fairy"... she's proof. She tells my and others story, 25 yrs of useless talk-therapy, but does add that talk-therapy does work for some people. Yes, I know some of those people, but what about those for whom it doesn't work??

So here it is, the latest and greatest.

The TLDR: MDMA, or the street name Ecstacy works by relaxing the emotional part of the brain to the point where a trauma victim can revisit the trauma without emotionally flipping out and thus being in a position to process it properly ( like a dentist who gives you anesthetic so he can work on your tooth without you flipping out in pain and running out of his office, or going into shock which happened to someone who tried no anethestic, duh ) EMDR works well for one time traumatic episodes, yoga works well as a emotional regulator as does meditation. The MDMA is the one I'm going to try in the next few years. My experience with Adderall which allows me to sit still enough to concentrate has proven to me the effectiveness of some drugs. It's almost miraculous to me that I can sit still enough to read after struggling all of my life.

Here's a war veteran who tried MDMA assisted therapy. ( oh yea, he speaks about just being numb, or bored, this has been a lot of my life, typical CPTSD responses, under-reacting, or, over-reacting as I did internally today by getting into a little rage over something minor, BUT, not acting on it because I know my internal response is not proportional to the trigger )

Dr. Van Der Kolk. This is fantastic research. Boring talker though, I'd play this at 1.25 speed. Or, start at about 1 hour and 7 minutes in if you want to fast forward to the meatier parts.

This is nice and light, and I agree with everything she says. A 25 yr veteran of doing everything I did, and lots of other people have done, and what she would now do differently.

and finally, a packed full of information Webinar about all the recent PTSD findings in a very concise manner with no extraneous ramblings by an Aussie.

These videos are all very different in tone so should provided benefit to someone in some manner.


Gold Member
AB, I'm hesitant to reply further to this and encourage you or others to interact with the toxic personality traits on display here. However, you seem intent in these unhealthy interactions. Personally, I'm glad it hasn't drawn in too many others.

You'll also have to excuse me for saying "no thanks" to "showing charity." That's not what you're doing. Although it's fun to pick these things apart, what you're writing is mostly basic analysis and sussed up pop psychology. It's making Rob's problem worse. You'll have to forgive me for being so blunt.
No, 'narcissism' is the pop-culture diagnosis.

On one side:

- I have a Doctorate in Criminal Psychology.

- The Priest in Question has Doctorates in Both Moral Theology and Thomistic Psychology.

- We both arrived at the same diagnosis.

- There are perhaps five practicing therapists in the entire world who can even recognise this issue, and two of them have recently died. I've done enough research over the last 12 months to be able to name the handful of specific academic books that deal with this issue from memory.

- Rob's condition is treatable, and the Priest has been using this therapy to successfully heal people for decades, including many Religious, and many people from Law Enforcement and Military backgrounds. The week before last I scanned 30 years worth of letters and thank you cards to him, and, again and again, I saw people freed from this affliction thanking him for what Secular Psychology had utterly failed to do for them.

On the other side:

- we have you, diagnosing 'narcissism', deciding Rob doesn't deserve forgiveness, patience or compassion despite his issues.

- you've also decided I have no idea what I'm talking about, with the implication that i'm some pitiable case who can't handle himself and is deluded to my relationship with God - man, I've been stabbed by a patient and have 2000 women under my belt - I can recognise a basic narcissist.

- you've been obnoxiously probing me in private messages, and when I've been as direct as possible, saying "I don't remember every thread, ask what you need to ask" you still danced around the subject, with me feeling like some kind of game is being run, but I don't have the spare time to concern myself with it, which made me cranky and irritable in my replies to you in general, because I was trying to navigate whatever your bullcrap was in the spirit of charity whilst being under great pressure elsewhere.

- you've also decided to derail the thread that I was hoping to leave open for anyone who has this issue in the future so I don't have to keep repeating myself.

- even after I patiently explained what was at play with Rob, you just had to to get another petty kick in so, as to 'win' the readers in the thread over to your side.

Who is the narcissist here?

But, I'm accepting that, yes, the Manosphere isn't the place for any kind of genuine charity, psychological help, personal ministry or religious discussion so am realising it's time to step away, as my Priest is encouraging me to become a Dominican and study in this field, and I've also been ordered under obedience to write a book. I'll help Rob and others privately, but I'm bowing out of all public discussion from here on.

I'm accepting I have nothing more to offer the manosphere, so nothing of value was lost. If you take that as a win for you, that's your business.

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Rob Banks

Dude, last week you literally PM'ed me asking for personal information about my work history (under the guise of wanting to give me advice), and when I opened up to you and shared my not-so-impressive work history, you responded by telling me you're a successful business owner and then mocking me for my lack of success.

And now you're trying to tell me I'm the immature and manipulative one?
I will note, for the benefit of other readers, Rob flat out lied about my interactions with him. He mistakenly believed from the start, based on me previously mentioning in another thread that he not share forum members' info publicly, that I cared if anyone shared my info. He obviously fishes for people's vulnerabilities and I wasn't surprised he pulled out this card. However, he was wrong, and I don't care if mine are shared. I've included my private message here where I "mocked him for his life's failures."

Many of you who I've interacted with via DM know I usually like to ask what you do and what state you're in to get the conversation going.

I'm in my 40s and own businesses. Were you taking a break from the forum and being online? How'd that shape up?
After talking privately with @EndlessGravity, it turns out I took his PM (the one he quoted above) as sarcasm when it, in fact, wasn't.

I retract my accusation, and I also have decided I will not post publicly in this thread about my personal issues anymore.

If anyone has anything to add to this thread, I will be happy to read what you have to say and, if necessary, respond privately through PM.

Thanks to all who took the time to respond, and God bless.


After talking privately with @EndlessGravity, it turns out I took his PM (the one he quoted above) as sarcasm when it, in fact, wasn't.

I retract my accusation, and I also have decided I will not post publicly in this thread about my personal issues anymore.

If anyone has anything to add to this thread, I will be happy to read what you have to say and, if necessary, respond privately through PM.

Thanks to all who took the time to respond, and God bless.
You do that. I don't believe doing this in public are the best format for dealing with this in the 1st place. That kind of thing needs people who knows what they are doing and the details of the situation.


It’s been 6 months since I posted on the forum about some personal issues and it was recommended by some wise forum members that I go to church and get closer to God and Jesus.

I have been going to church, praying, educating myself about theology, and talking to my priest often about my faith and my personal situation.

However, I do not feel closer to God. Or if I am closer to God, then He is demanding that I suffer for past sins and is refusing to forgive me.

As far as the situation with my wife that I posted about, there has been some positive interaction (text messages and emails) between me and her, but it’s all a mirage. At this point, she has zero intention of ever seeing me, and when I say anything via text that pisses her off (which I am prone to doing) she flies into a hate-filled rage, cursing at me and throwing in my face everything I did to her in the past (violence, drug addiction, etc.).

Also, I am no closer to moving on and getting over her than I was before.

As for the other aspects of my life, I have not had a job in the 6 months since I first posted here. I’ve been fired from every job (or had to quit) because of a medical condition that causes me to vomit and gag throughout the day.

I am isolated and I don’t really interact with anyone other than my immediate family, and all we do is fight and argue.

I have had several relapses into hard drugs, and I am constantly giving in to lust (porn, masturbation, etc.).

I know that I’m not supposed to be Christian only to receive Earthly benefits, but it also doesn’t make sense that I’d continue to practice Christianity while actively living in mortal sin and falling further and further into isolation and self destruction.

There’s been times in the past where I’ve wanted to end my life. I no longer feel that way and I’d never actually take my own life, but what I’m currently doing is basically achieving the same thing only slower and more gradually.

I’m not looking for sympathy or anything. I know I am probably doing something wrong (i.e. not truly worshipping God properly) and this situation is my fault/my responsibility.
Read this book, brother!
The Sinners Return to God: The Prodigal Son by Reverend Father Michael Mueller

It's written especially for people in your situation and it will turn your life around for the better. Very powerful and reading it has been a tremendous blessing to me. Here's a good review of it... You can buy it HERE; costs only $6.50.