Beginning my Conversion

jarlo

Woodpecker
Hello brothers (and now sisters) of the forum. I wanted to share a bit of my life with you here.

Background​


I grew up in an irreligious household and fluctuated between "New Age" type ideas and atheism. From adolescence until a few years ago, I would have told you I was economically conservative and socially liberal - believing most "social liberal" policies/ideas: men could be women, abortion is about women's health, children are a burden which prevents career advancement.

I supported Trump since he got the Republican nomination, but I did not vote in 2016. I did not care that much about the outcome of the 2016 election, but I was amused by liberals losing their brains.

About three years ago I had the first major cut in my "social liberalism", after I began simply through introspection and reason to realize the immorality of abortion. The only logical point to define life is at conception, since if you do not do so, there should also be no objection to parents killing their born children - they remain "burdens" outside the womb.

After this realization, I began intermittently studying Christianity. My interest would fizzle out after a week or so, but eventually something would occur to rekindle my interest. I went to a few churches, and spoke with a few Christian friends, but I didn't do much more than that.

Then, the pandemic and the riots began. The riots were absolutely stunning to me. I was always disturbed by the advance of Marxist ideas, but I thought SJWs were just clowns to laugh at, and that we would not see Marxist uprising in the U.S. I had been spending much of the pandemic drowning in pleasure - Netflix, food, pornography - while working from home, and I had no emotional or spiritual preparation for the calamity of BLM.

RVF​


So, I remembered I used to pay attention to this guy named Roosh who would write about PUA and then went crazy and converted to Christianity. Maybe I should join up his forum so at least I could laugh at memes while this nightmare continues. And that's pretty much all I did on the forums for a few months.

A few months ago, I had a discussion with a Christian friend, after which the levee broke and my interest in the faith became a constant roar. I gravitated towards Catholicism since it seemed to have significant intellectual output and achievement. I went to a few Catholic services, began talking in earnest with Catholics I know, and reading Scripture and Catholic writers.

However, while my interest remained high, the Pope greatly disturbed me. I understood that there have been bad leaders in all denominations throughout history, but I just couldn't stomach much of what the Pope said and did.

Through this forum, I discovered Orthodoxy. I don't know if I'll ever be able to fully determine the truth claims of Protestants, Catholics, and Orthodox. However, the history of the Orthodox as a bulwark against communists had a great appeal to me. Reading about their saints and martyrs made me realize they had something important to teach me.

It also made me realize how insufficient I am - the saints were able to do such incredible things, but I worry what would happen to me at work if my true beliefs were known. What is it that they had that I clearly do not?

Now​


One more thing bothered me - I was in a sexually active relationship. I felt I could not fully address this interest in Christianity, which had now become a wildfire, without ending my relationship. However, I dreaded having to give up sex, companionship, mutual friends, and causing pain to my girlfriend.

Last weekend, after some lockdown-induced personal difficulties, I began listening to Father Trenham's catechism series. He stressed the importance of prayer and the insufficiency of just fulfilling your Sunday obligation.

Yesterday evening, I met an Orthodox priest. The meeting made clear to me that I was on the right path.

Today, I broke up with my girlfriend. On the way to meet her, I recited the Lord's Prayer as best I could remember it - it was the only prayer I knew. I was entirely honest with what had happened to me - I told no lies, and while being honest gave her some significant comfort, the break up was nevertheless painful.

I do not ever want to cause such pain again. I now see clearly the evil of so called sexual freedom. I can't imagine the type of damage which would have to be done to my soul to go through this again and again - if I aimed my life purely at sleeping with as many women as possible.

I now plan to begin re engineering my schedule and attention around prayer and worship. I am not clear about what comes next, but I have some faith.
 

DanielH

Pelican
Congratulations! That takes a lot of grace to do what you did. In Orthodoxy we have a simple yet powerful prayer called the Jesus Prayer, "Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me, a sinner." So now there's two prayers you know! Keep meeting that priest/attending services and keep us posted.
 
Thank you for sharing this. It's similar to what have happened to me after the lockdowns started in my own country and I had to stop attending campus (I guess this was a big distraction in a way).

I was an atheist with a materialistic outlook (fell for scientism) for practically all my life until I started to change at 24 (I'm 25 and a half), I stopped being able to deal with the dullness and bleakness of the worldview I had at that time, my thoughts were really shitty (more or less nine months before this I had the worst psychological and physical period of my life where I was so blackpilled about "my future" that I actually wanted to die and felt like my life was a nightmare, I made my mother suffer a lot, and some family members were fairly worried about me).

It has been almost a year since I began rejecting nihilism... And for the first time in my life I'm interested in religion (among other deep issues in life because I see their relevance now). I was baptized Catholic, so I'll probably start going to my local church as it has been open for at least two weeks now (but I feel like I need preparation for this somehow).

It's funny how something like coronachan can seem to actually trigger the good in people.
 
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Mountaineer

Pelican
Gold Member
Like jarlo ended his relationship that was keeping him in sin I've got rid of all my cars that were so dear to me in the past but actually made me bleed valuable resources and put me in a worse position I could've been now. Everyone who knows me is bewildered by this change and rightly so. I feel as if I cut part of my flesh away by doing this but it had to be done. I finally understood that it's just another vector of Satan to attack me. I've put cars above God and that's why it was a detriment to me in the end. If I kept my passion the way I did before I would have lost even more and by clutching to it made myself vulnerable when the moment of choice comes. Fancy toys are of no use in the coming times, if God gives us better days I may come back to what I like in a moderated way, until then I will make do with something of very little value to move around so I won't regret letting it go if necessary.
 
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Hello brothers (and now sisters) of the forum. I wanted to share a bit of my life with you here.

Background​


I grew up in an irreligious household and fluctuated between "New Age" type ideas and atheism. From adolescence until a few years ago, I would have told you I was economically conservative and socially liberal - believing most "social liberal" policies/ideas: men could be women, abortion is about women's health, children are a burden which prevents career advancement.

I supported Trump since he got the Republican nomination, but I did not vote in 2016. I did not care that much about the outcome of the 2016 election, but I was amused by liberals losing their brains.

About three years ago I had the first major cut in my "social liberalism", after I began simply through introspection and reason to realize the immorality of abortion. The only logical point to define life is at conception, since if you do not do so, there should also be no objection to parents killing their born children - they remain "burdens" outside the womb.

After this realization, I began intermittently studying Christianity. My interest would fizzle out after a week or so, but eventually something would occur to rekindle my interest. I went to a few churches, and spoke with a few Christian friends, but I didn't do much more than that.

Then, the pandemic and the riots began. The riots were absolutely stunning to me. I was always disturbed by the advance of Marxist ideas, but I thought SJWs were just clowns to laugh at, and that we would not see Marxist uprising in the U.S. I had been spending much of the pandemic drowning in pleasure - Netflix, food, pornography - while working from home, and I had no emotional or spiritual preparation for the calamity of BLM.

RVF​


So, I remembered I used to pay attention to this guy named Roosh who would write about PUA and then went crazy and converted to Christianity. Maybe I should join up his forum so at least I could laugh at memes while this nightmare continues. And that's pretty much all I did on the forums for a few months.

A few months ago, I had a discussion with a Christian friend, after which the levee broke and my interest in the faith became a constant roar. I gravitated towards Catholicism since it seemed to have significant intellectual output and achievement. I went to a few Catholic services, began talking in earnest with Catholics I know, and reading Scripture and Catholic writers.

However, while my interest remained high, the Pope greatly disturbed me. I understood that there have been bad leaders in all denominations throughout history, but I just couldn't stomach much of what the Pope said and did.

Through this forum, I discovered Orthodoxy. I don't know if I'll ever be able to fully determine the truth claims of Protestants, Catholics, and Orthodox. However, the history of the Orthodox as a bulwark against communists had a great appeal to me. Reading about their saints and martyrs made me realize they had something important to teach me.

It also made me realize how insufficient I am - the saints were able to do such incredible things, but I worry what would happen to me at work if my true beliefs were known. What is it that they had that I clearly do not?

Now​


One more thing bothered me - I was in a sexually active relationship. I felt I could not fully address this interest in Christianity, which had now become a wildfire, without ending my relationship. However, I dreaded having to give up sex, companionship, mutual friends, and causing pain to my girlfriend.

Last weekend, after some lockdown-induced personal difficulties, I began listening to Father Trenham's catechism series. He stressed the importance of prayer and the insufficiency of just fulfilling your Sunday obligation.

Yesterday evening, I met an Orthodox priest. The meeting made clear to me that I was on the right path.

Today, I broke up with my girlfriend. On the way to meet her, I recited the Lord's Prayer as best I could remember it - it was the only prayer I knew. I was entirely honest with what had happened to me - I told no lies, and while being honest gave her some significant comfort, the break up was nevertheless painful.

I do not ever want to cause such pain again. I now see clearly the evil of so called sexual freedom. I can't imagine the type of damage which would have to be done to my soul to go through this again and again - if I aimed my life purely at sleeping with as many women as possible.

I now plan to begin re engineering my schedule and attention around prayer and worship. I am not clear about what comes next, but I have some faith.

I needed this. Thank you, @jarlo.
 
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