Being Dad at an Old Age..What's Real and What's Myth

He isn't saying the only reason for the rise in autism is bad genetics, he said it was just one of the reasons. He was making the point that a father's age is not nearly as important as a mother's age.

IIRC, it has been a while since I heard it, he listed bad genetics, very aggressive diagnosis that would have never been diagnosed in the past so the pharma companies can make more money, and then other possible shady medical field tactics.
I want to dig deeper into the reality of what's true about that
 

bucky

Ostrich
How old was your wife at the time? I think that's the main reason men have kids in their thirties - that unless you date much younger than yourself it's now or never.

I'm not sure if you were asking me, but she was in her early thirties when we had our first child, I was in my mid forties. It's worked out great, but I no longer tell guys to intentionally wait that long because, of course, women in their forties are not good prospects for bearing children so you have to count on meeting someone much younger.
 

Max Roscoe

Pelican
you mean that you saw older guys regretting about their decision for not having married?
Actually the lifelong bachelors I know are very happy not having children. Historically, there have been a number of great men who could only achieve this greatness because they devoted their entire lives to their passion, and didn't have time for family life. Although I have to say most of the bachelors I know are not creating new vaccines or traveling to space, but instead just hanging out, enjoying life, riding motorcycles, etc.

The older guys who delayed marriage, I never heard any complaints from them. While the guys I know who married right after college are mostly either divorced or unhappily married, guys who waited until 40s/50s to marry don't have any complaints about their wives. It makes sense to me. I mean at that point, you know what marriage is going to entail, and you're not likely to be surprised by anything a woman could pull, whereas you are incredibly naive as a 20 year old man. And if at 50 you have probably had enough fun and adventure and settling down could be a nice relaxation.

Aristotle said the ideal age for marriage is 35 for a man, and 18 for a woman.
 

paninaro

Pelican
In terms of birth defects, it's mostly tied to the mother's age. If she's over 40, the chance of defects goes up a lot. For older men, while sperm motility can go down, that just affects the likelihood of conception. But it takes only one sperm to fertilize the egg anyway.

There seems to be a correlation between autism and the age of the father, but correlation does not mean causation.

The main thing to consider is your own health. Kids are a lot of physical work, especially when they're young. You're carrying them around, chasing them, and all kinds of stuff. It's not easy if you're not in good shape, which is more likely to be the case as you're older.

The benefit to having kids older is you're likely better off financially, so you can provide for your kids, since having kids can be quite expensive.
 

king bast

Kingfisher
The myth that having kids is expensive is just wussy words to justify delaying it. If you are old enough to be having sex, you are old enough to father children.
Given what we now know about the universally negative effects of birth control, we should be trying to cut it from our lives, and dealing with the consequences of that decision, not relying on it for our convenience then complaining about it later.
 

Max Roscoe

Pelican
The myth that having kids is expensive is just wussy words to justify delaying it.
Seriously. I have a black friend who has I believe 5 kids. The guy makes minimum wage. It's like the intro to Idiocracy where the upper middle class white couple thinks way too hard about the ideal circumstances for having kids, while the rest of the world is pumping out multiple babies. Travel to any poor country, and you will see tons and tons of children everywhere. Kids are not expensive. Giving kids Nintendo Switches and American Girl dolls, spoiling them with everything they ask for, and living out your unfulfilled dreams by making them study snow skiing and cello lessons is.

I do want to provide for my kids, and being financially secure and mentally mature is a *positive*, but the reality is having kids is simple, and if you can insert tab A into slot B, you will figure out the rest as you go.
 

Brebelle3

Sparrow
I just found out a couple of hours ago that my Heavenly Father has blessed me and my fiance with a pregnancy.

I am 45 and she is 27. We are in Vietnam, as I am American and she is Vietnamese.

Even at 45, I work out every day, Intermittent Fast, eat good meats, and feel healthier now than in my 20's. I'm looking forward to playing with my child as long as possible.

I struggle mightily with the thoughts of raising a child that is mixed, but upon seeing the ultrasound and viewing my baby for the first time, how can I not be dedicated to my role as a father?

God is good!
 

Prospero60

Chicken
Congratulations, Brebelle. I was 49 when I had my first, and only, child. His mother is Hispanic. I wouldn't trade the experience for anything. My son is now 10 and thinks I'm awesome. He doesn't see my age. One of the imponderables of life is if I would have been ready from him in my 20's. I think I would have made a poor father at that time, but who knows? The day he was born it was like a new dimension of life was installed in me: Whoa, I know kung-fu.

I do realize that I may not live to see any grandchildren. My plan is to have all my photographs in albums with labels and detailed notes about them so they have some family history. The main thing is I need to do everything I can to help my son grow up to be a Christian, healthy adult.

Someone mentioned how there are people who say they are saving up enough money, buy a house, etc. before having kids. The one thing, the ONLY thing a child wants is time with his parents. Rolling balls of playdoh, making paper airplanes, camping in the back yard, those simple things give them your time which is the most valuable gift an adult can give a child.

On another, related note, I worked with a guy who had 4 kids when I first met him. By the time he left our company, he had 2 more. People would say some cruel things to him implying that he couldn't really be a good parent, did he know how to use a condom, etc., but I saw a couple who were devoted to their kids and loved and cared for each one of them.

One comment for you, Brebelle, is that I hadn't realized how a stay-at-home mother passes on her culture to the child. Since you are living in Vietnam, your child will think of itself as Vietnamese once it get to a certain age. If your cultural background is important to you, you will have to work harder to inculcate it into your child while living there. You also mentioned how you struggle with raising a mixed child. I suppose you mean in Vietnam? Asians are terrible racists and your mixed child will be looked down on so you might want to plan on leaving at some point.
 

Brebelle3

Sparrow
/\

Thank you for the kind words and good info, my friend.

I want to raise the child in the US, as I have enough $ to buy a little land and put something small on it. But with the current climate, I'm not sure America is wise at this point. At the very least I know the child would be home schooled in the US.

I'm really struggling with where to live. There are very little signs at all, at least where I'm at, that covid has taken the world. I only wear a mask while riding my motorbike. No one gives a crap about masks in public. My city in the US just made muzzles mandatory in public. Vietnam feels more free at the present than back home. That's crazy to me.

Thanks again for the info
 
Seriously. I have a black friend who has I believe 5 kids. The guy makes minimum wage. It's like the intro to Idiocracy where the upper middle class white couple thinks way too hard about the ideal circumstances for having kids, while the rest of the world is pumping out multiple babies. Travel to any poor country, and you will see tons and tons of children everywhere. Kids are not expensive. Giving kids Nintendo Switches and American Girl dolls, spoiling them with everything they ask for, and living out your unfulfilled dreams by making them study snow skiing and cello lessons is.

I do want to provide for my kids, and being financially secure and mentally mature is a *positive*, but the reality is having kids is simple, and if you can insert tab A into slot B, you will figure out the rest as you go.

That because in the real world, the middle-upper class white couple is paying 40% of their income so Mr. Poor Person w/ 5 Kids can have subsidized school, medical care, housing, courts, police, infrastructure, etc, etc. No one on minimum wage is financially carrying 5 kids without help from taxpayers in the USA unless they have rich relatives and/or a ton of extended family chipping in.

That white couple is also paying for all those kids in the "rest of the world" as well who come to the USA eventually illegally in some form or fashion. Hell, they don't even need to come to the states since the USA gives out TONS of foreign aid so poor people in third world shitholes that can't sustain themselves can pump out 5 kids; with some eventually ending up in the USA committing crimes and going on welfare. Furthermore, the white couple now has the benefit of not getting promoted in their professional job that required a graduate education because of mandated racial quotas; racial quotas that only exist in large part due to funding non-white breeding both domestically and internationally that lead to the demographic destruction of their homeland. Pretty good example of Clown World 2020 I would say.

If you don't have a parasitical attitude, rising kids in the USA right is not cheap nor easy for most middle/middle upper class people. The USA is anti-middle class and the legal system is anti-family so either it's best to be rich and stay above the BS or play the system and be a grifter. Working within the middle is a pain in the ass: not enough money to overcome certain issues and not poor enough to qualify for government assistance despite paying tons of taxes. It's a giant scam and it requires very careful planning and effort to overcome without getting burned out.

As for the topic:

I think around 40 for guys should be the cut off unless anti-aging tech improves. Average age of death for men is 76 in the USA. The woman should pump out the first kid prior to 30 for a whole host of reasons with only a few exceptions.

Age 40 to 60 = Raise Kid.

Age 60 to 80 = Guidance throughout young adulthood and seeing the type of person they evolve to be. Why raise a kid just to never see them live through adulthood? Decent chance of seeing grandkids if you raised your kid(s) in a environment where people get married young.

Anything past 40 and the cost/benefit seems to start skewing towards being more negative and the risk of depriving the kid(s) of a father figure prematurely increases significantly. At that point, probably best to go the childless route but there is no hard rules when it comes to this sort of thing.
 
Last edited:

911

Peacock
Gold Member
Actually the lifelong bachelors I know are very happy not having children. Historically, there have been a number of great men who could only achieve this greatness because they devoted their entire lives to their passion, and didn't have time for family life. Although I have to say most of the bachelors I know are not creating new vaccines or traveling to space, but instead just hanging out, enjoying life, riding motorcycles, etc.

The older guys who delayed marriage, I never heard any complaints from them. While the guys I know who married right after college are mostly either divorced or unhappily married, guys who waited until 40s/50s to marry don't have any complaints about their wives. It makes sense to me. I mean at that point, you know what marriage is going to entail, and you're not likely to be surprised by anything a woman could pull, whereas you are incredibly naive as a 20 year old man. And if at 50 you have probably had enough fun and adventure and settling down could be a nice relaxation.

Aristotle said the ideal age for marriage is 35 for a man, and 18 for a woman.

The calculus here is a bit similar to that of single professional women in their 30s and early 40s, eventually reality catches up. The onset comes later for men, but the path is the same.

Ending up in a nursing home with no one to take care of you is what awaits these men, getting culled by the next strong flu, but for most of those men the quality of life diminishes in their late 50s and 60s with no loved ones around them and the bachelors lifestyle getting old, figuratively and literally.
 
The calculus here is a bit similar to that of single professional women in their 30s and early 40s, eventually reality catches up. The onset comes later for men, but the path is the same.

Ending up in a nursing home with no one to take care of you is what awaits these men, getting culled by the next strong flu, but for most of those men the quality of life diminishes in their late 50s and 60s with no loved ones around them and the bachelors lifestyle getting old, figuratively and literally.

One of my favorite films. George Clooney is a dork leftist, but he was perfectly cast for this role:

 

bucky

Ostrich
The calculus here is a bit similar to that of single professional women in their 30s and early 40s, eventually reality catches up. The onset comes later for men, but the path is the same.

Ending up in a nursing home with no one to take care of you is what awaits these men, getting culled by the next strong flu, but for most of those men the quality of life diminishes in their late 50s and 60s with no loved ones around them and the bachelors lifestyle getting old, figuratively and literally.

I was going to say something like this. It's similar to how, in general, a man can rack up considerably more "notches" than a woman before he does lasting, serious emotional damage to himself and his ability to bond in a romantic relationship, but there's still a limit. I'm aware of many miserable women who are childless spinsters around my age (late forties, early fifties) whereas my childless guy friends at this age still seem fine. On the other hand, the childless men in their seventies I've known seem at least as unhappy as the middle-aged spinsters, possibly even worse. The only exceptions I can think of that I've met myself are some elderly priests. I suppose Nikolai Tesla was satisfied with his childless life too, but men like Nikolai Tesla are rarer than one in a million.
 

kel

Ostrich
The calculus here is a bit similar to that of single professional women in their 30s and early 40s, eventually reality catches up. The onset comes later for men, but the path is the same.

Ending up in a nursing home with no one to take care of you is what awaits these men, getting culled by the next strong flu, but for most of those men the quality of life diminishes in their late 50s and 60s with no loved ones around them and the bachelors lifestyle getting old, figuratively and literally.


The mentally deteriorating Junior aloofly saying "Me, I never had kids" in this scene really hits, IMO.

As I've said elsewhere, the idea shouldn't be "so I have someone to take care of me when I'm older", that's very materialistic and vulgar, but still, having a family and community around you with deep roots to feed your soul as you step through all the phases of life, that's real transcendental sh*t, that's the cream of life. I spent a long time on my eternal bachelor tip, somewhat forgivable given the pitiable state of modern women who on the whole are only good for b*nging (and most of them lazy pillow princesses not even worth that), but now in my mid-thirties I regret having ever even thought that and regret the time I wasted as a degenerate (partly due to my age, partly due to the world having largely caught up to my degeneracy and seeing how disgusting that kind of society is).
 

Elipe

Kingfisher
You know what I hear a lot of? Almost EVERY SINGLE married guy friend complains about his marriage, tells me to never get married (even the "happy" ones will say it "jokingly?"), and laments about their lack of free time and money.
Speaking as a married man, I don't get this. I have plenty of free time and money isn't an issue. Are the men you know just cucked? Are they being "forced" into going shopping with their wives at the mall every day for a new pair of expensive shoes?

Come on men, maintain your damn frame.
 

911

Peacock
Gold Member
I was going to say something like this. It's similar to how, in general, a man can rack up considerably more "notches" than a woman before he does lasting, serious emotional damage to himself and his ability to bond in a romantic relationship, but there's still a limit. I'm aware of many miserable women who are childless spinsters around my age (late forties, early fifties) whereas my childless guy friends at this age still seem fine. On the other hand, the childless men in their seventies I've known seem at least as unhappy as the middle-aged spinsters, possibly even worse. The only exceptions I can think of that I've met myself are some elderly priests. I suppose Nikolai Tesla was satisfied with his childless life too, but men like Nikolai Tesla are rarer than one in a million.

Kind of ironic that Tesla was a bachelor because he was turned off by modern women, way back in the 1920s:

"Tesla never married, explaining that his chastity was very helpful to his scientific abilities... he felt that women were trying to outdo men and make themselves more dominant. This "new woman" was met with much indignation from Tesla, who felt that women were losing their femininity by trying to be in power. In an interview with the Galveston Daily News on 10 August 1924 he stated, "In place of the soft voiced, gentle woman of my reverent worship, has come the woman who thinks that her chief success in life lies in making herself as much as possible like man—in dress, voice and actions, in sports and achievements of every kind ... The tendency of women to push aside man, supplanting the old spirit of cooperation with him in all the affairs of life, is very disappointing to me".[236] Although he told a reporter in later years that he sometimes felt that by not marrying, he had made too great a sacrifice to his work,[33] Tesla chose to never pursue or engage in any known relationships, instead finding all the stimulation he needed in his work. "


Tesla immigrated in his late 20s from the Serbia, part of the Austro-Hungarian empire, to NYC, then at the feminist vanguard with the flappers and Bernays' "freedom torch" propaganda, and generally American women have always been more assertive than in Europe, I guess he never recovered from that cultural shock.

But still, a "liberated" woman from the 1920s would look very "repressed" and traditional by modern standards. It just goes to show that people can get too blackpilled about women.
 

bucky

Ostrich
Kind of ironic that Tesla was a bachelor because he was turned off by modern women, way back in the 1920s:

"Tesla never married, explaining that his chastity was very helpful to his scientific abilities... he felt that women were trying to outdo men and make themselves more dominant. This "new woman" was met with much indignation from Tesla, who felt that women were losing their femininity by trying to be in power. In an interview with the Galveston Daily News on 10 August 1924 he stated, "In place of the soft voiced, gentle woman of my reverent worship, has come the woman who thinks that her chief success in life lies in making herself as much as possible like man—in dress, voice and actions, in sports and achievements of every kind ... The tendency of women to push aside man, supplanting the old spirit of cooperation with him in all the affairs of life, is very disappointing to me".[236] Although he told a reporter in later years that he sometimes felt that by not marrying, he had made too great a sacrifice to his work,[33] Tesla chose to never pursue or engage in any known relationships, instead finding all the stimulation he needed in his work. "


Tesla immigrated in his late 20s from the Serbia, part of the Austro-Hungarian empire, to NYC, then at the feminist vanguard with the flappers and Bernays' "freedom torch" propaganda, and generally American women have always been more assertive than in Europe, I guess he never recovered from that cultural shock.

But still, a "liberated" woman from the 1920s would look very "repressed" and traditional by modern standards. It just goes to show that people can get too blackpilled about women.

In the specific case of Tesla, I think he was right to never marry or have children. I also think that outside of the priesthood, this is exceedingly rare.
 
Kind of ironic that Tesla was a bachelor because he was turned off by modern women, way back in the 1920s:

"Tesla never married, explaining that his chastity was very helpful to his scientific abilities... he felt that women were trying to outdo men and make themselves more dominant. This "new woman" was met with much indignation from Tesla, who felt that women were losing their femininity by trying to be in power. In an interview with the Galveston Daily News on 10 August 1924 he stated, "In place of the soft voiced, gentle woman of my reverent worship, has come the woman who thinks that her chief success in life lies in making herself as much as possible like man—in dress, voice and actions, in sports and achievements of every kind ... The tendency of women to push aside man, supplanting the old spirit of cooperation with him in all the affairs of life, is very disappointing to me".[236] Although he told a reporter in later years that he sometimes felt that by not marrying, he had made too great a sacrifice to his work,[33] Tesla chose to never pursue or engage in any known relationships, instead finding all the stimulation he needed in his work. "


Tesla immigrated in his late 20s from the Serbia, part of the Austro-Hungarian empire, to NYC, then at the feminist vanguard with the flappers and Bernays' "freedom torch" propaganda, and generally American women have always been more assertive than in Europe, I guess he never recovered from that cultural shock.

But still, a "liberated" woman from the 1920s would look very "repressed" and traditional by modern standards. It just goes to show that people can get too blackpilled about women.

Wow! Tesla really had his finger on the pulse of social trends regarding women, and where it would take humanity...

I can just imagine how the Flappers shocked people back in the day, and especially the conservative Tesla!
 
Speaking as a married man, I don't get this. I have plenty of free time and money isn't an issue. Are the men you know just cucked? Are they being "forced" into going shopping with their wives at the mall every day for a new pair of expensive shoes?

Come on men, maintain your damn frame.

Many married men walk on eggshells around their wives. She monitors his activity almost like a work supervisor! If he is watching television, or reading a book, she is thinking, "what productive activities do I have for him, such as cleaning out the garage or building a shed in the backyard?" And if he does not willingly comply, she will cop a bad attitude, and often sex is out of the question, at least until he obeys.

And as for money, women generally see "what is yours is mine, and what is mine is mine!" In the beginning bills may be paid down the middle, but as time goes on, that totally erodes away. And what drives many men crazy is when their mate is not good at living on a budget, but instead makes expensive purchases without being consulted first. And of course divorce rape is the ultimate manifestation of these problems.
 

MajorStyles

Pelican
My father had me when he was 43. I had my first child at 44 and my second at 47. So history repeats itself. For me it was beneficial, since I sowed all my wild oats beforehand (so I am not looking over the neighbor's fence, wondering what I am missing).

With regards to fertility, my wife conceived easily since she was a woman that had not used any birth control throughout her life. My wife was in her early thirties when we met and, to be honest, I got pretty lucky to find an older woman that was not thoroughly corrupted. I don't think that I would recommend the same approach to my son though: i.e. waiting a long time. It's like getting to the barbecue late, only to find that the best cuts of meat are already off the grill.
 
Top