Being Dad at an Old Age..What's Real and What's Myth

MajorStyles

Pelican
My significant other and I have been trying to conceive, but it has only resulted in first month miscarriages, so far. She was 38 when we started trying a year ago. We both thought that since she had had four kids already, that it would be easy, but that has not been so.

For what it's worth, my wife and I were very organized: i.e. calculated the prime days and specifically tried repeatedly during that window. Both times it happened on the first attempt (and she was 35 and 38 respectively). In short, we did not do the "just let things happen natural" approach.

I wish you the best of luck, good sir.
 
For what it's worth, my wife and I were very organized: i.e. calculated the prime days and specifically tried repeatedly during that window. Both times it happened on the first attempt (and she was 35 and 38 respectively). In short, we did not do the "just let things happen natural" approach.

I wish you the best of luck, good sir.

Thank you! Yes, I am getting a bit more scientific about it, in terms of calculating the key days by keeping track of things. And we probably should get one of those kits, for further knowing when her body is gearing up to ovulate. The next step after that would be an expensive fertility doctor and meds.
 

paninaro

Pelican
The myth that having kids is expensive is just wussy words to justify delaying it. If you are old enough to be having sex, you are old enough to father children.

But having money sure makes it easier. For example, where I live the schools will not be opening and just doing distance learning at least until January. It's nice to be able to enroll your kids in private school (which will be having in-person school) without worrying about the cost.
 
But having money sure makes it easier. For example, where I live the schools will not be opening and just doing distance learning at least until January. It's nice to be able to enroll your kids in private school (which will be having in-person school) without worrying about the cost.

Money in general greases the skids of life, but especially where children are concerned. I am paying for the private school of my four stepdaughters, only to be rewarded by the oldest one flunking out of the 9th grade, to show her dissatisfaction with life! The girl is highly intelligent, so it is only a matter of attitude and effort. I wanted to send her to a public school (they are decent around here) as punishment, but my significant other adamantly refused to let me. I am not wealthy, so this really frustrates me to no end.
 

PixelFree

Kingfisher
I have always wondered if the whole 'old men have fertility issues too!' is just a bitter feminist myth. I also have not seen good data on the subject, but in general, I agree with this thread. It's not ideal, but it's far from terrible.

I also think 30-35 would have been a good age for me, but God had other plans.

I'm not going to stress now that I'm in my early 40's, but I'm not going to dilly dally and waste anymore time either. Lockdown is frustrating, as I don't like dating apps and that's pretty much the only option to meet women at the moment. I can't wait until post Nov US election when this should wrap up.

I certainly have calmed down as far as chasing women for physical pleasure. I am only interested in wife-able prospects. The silver lining of my past experiences will help me realise the grass is not greener once I do settle down and start a family.
 

kel

Ostrich
I certainly have calmed down as far as chasing women for physical pleasure. I am only interested in wife-able prospects. The silver lining of my past experiences will help me realise the grass is not greener once I do settle down and start a family.

As I work on finding and training wives, I think (and worry) about this a lot, honestly. Having indulged in my own degeneracy, I've seen just how prevalent it is and just how fucking easy most women are. I can imagine that really haunting a man once he's in a LTR.
 

PixelFree

Kingfisher
As I work on finding and training wives, I think (and worry) about this a lot, honestly. Having indulged in my own degeneracy, I've seen just how prevalent it is and just how fucking easy most women are. I can imagine that really haunting a man once he's in a LTR.

I think it's something we just have to accept. You can help this situation through environment (social circles + city vs suburbs vs country + work location (if she works)). That's not to sound like a controlling dictator - it's for myself as well! :) It's just like not having a huge bar of chocolate in the fridge. Remove the temptation. Also, women have used it on me too. Marriage minded ex-GFs always encouraged me to spend time with couple friends over single friends. It makes sense.

There are some quality late 20's women who have just had a single LTR since 18. This is where I think the best bets are for guy my age.
 

PixelFree

Kingfisher
Frankly my plan is just to get them pregnant as quickly as possible. Being out on the farmstead, building that community there and then building the family to grow up in that community, is something transcendent and rewarding to focus on.

I see the merit in this approach. I had previously thought I'd want to date them for 2 years to make sure we work, but found myself dumping them at this point due to boredom. In reality, I think the problem was that the relationship was naturally meant to progress before that point and it was also me not 'being ready' (being silly). I like this burn the bridges approach - it'll stop my over thinking - in the same way I would need someone to push me to do a bungee jump.

The reality is, I can pretty much work anyone out after 6 months (as much as I would need too for this purpose). That's one thing older age has given me - I am very good at assessing red flags now. No point in taking anymore time than that. So maybe 6-12 months for me, then if it all feels right pop the question, put a bun in the oven, move out to the more relaxed burbs / borderline metro/country area and start to nest, investing in a nice home and local community.
 
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kel

Ostrich
Well, yeah, I'm giving them a bit to make sure we're compatible, especially that they're compatible with the big lifestyle change I'm making, but after I'm confident in them, their number one priority and most important job begins.

I think I'm getting close, just need a little longer to suss a few out and to plan our escape with as many honorable friends and family members as possible.
 

PixelFree

Kingfisher
As I work on finding and training wives, I think (and worry) about this a lot, honestly. Having indulged in my own degeneracy, I've seen just how prevalent it is and just how fucking easy most women are. I can imagine that really haunting a man once he's in a LTR.

I hear ya.

Let's not forget, during our man whore days, we were either specifically filtering for easy women OR using powerful and effective seduction to flip the moderate women. We used logistics and environments that were suited to finding these types and creating these extremely tempting situations. Back in the day if I couldn't get the bang I'd move on after day 3.

But, for my future wife, I am in no rush to bed her. I'm more than happy to date the old fashion (slow) way... get to know her, her family, her views, habits and beliefs.

Let's stop looking in inner city clubs and bars, and look to the Sunday morning hiking trails and running tracks, the suburban hospitals, primary (elementary) school teachers, etc etc. I'm not saying it's all roses but we have spent a lot of time focusing on a certain demographic.
 
Since 1970, the percentage of children born to parents over 40 in the United States has doubled and, by 2015, reached 9% of births.

“For many years, it was believed that old age only mattered to women. But paternal age also counts, ”said Hilary K. Brown, a reproductive public health researcher at the University of Toronto.
A recent study that examined more than 40.5 million births in the United States revealed potentially damaging effects of advanced paternal age on the risk of babies being born premature, underweight, low Apgar score, with the possibility of seizures and chances of the mother developing gestational diabetes.

The research, published in the scientific journal “BMJ” and led by dr. Michael L. Eisenberg, urologist and chief of surgery and male reproductive medicine at Stanford University School of Medicine, concluded that “more than 12% of the adverse outcomes that affected babies whose parents were over 45 could have been prevented if they were younger".

Eisenberg, dr. Yash S. Khandwala and colleagues found that children of parents over 45 were 14% more likely to be born premature and underweight than those with parents in their 20s and 30s. Likewise, mothers faced a 28% higher risk of developing gestational diabetes. As the parents' age increased, the chances of babies needing help with breathing and requiring admission to the neonatal ICU also increased.

The risks associated with older parents go beyond the obvious ones seen at birth. An earlier review of the studies, published by Eisenberg and Dr. Simon L. Conti, assistant professor of urology at Stanford, has linked paternal aging to an increased risk of babies with congenital diseases like dwarfism, psychiatric disorders like schizophrenia and bipolar disorder and developmental disorders like autism.

The analysis of nearly 400,000 men and women born in Israel in the 1980s, for example, found that, among parents over 40, the risk of having a child with autism was about six times greater.
Other studies concluded that the chances of childhood leukemia and breast and prostate cancer were rising among children of older parents.
 
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Waverer

Robin
My significant other and I have been trying to conceive, but it has only resulted in first month miscarriages, so far. She was 38 when we started trying a year ago. We both thought that since she had had four kids already, that it would be easy, but that has not been so.

Not trying to derail the discussion, but from all you've said about her in other threads why on earth are you trying to tangle up your life with hers in this way? I think you'll regret it if she does get pregnant.
 
Not trying to derail the discussion, but from all you've said about her in other threads why on earth are you trying to tangle up your life with hers in this way? I think you'll regret it if she does get pregnant.

Despite everything, we do love each other, and she comes from a good family. But yes, the situation is far less than ideal in some ways.
 

placer

Kingfisher
Despite everything, we do love each other, and she comes from a good family. But yes, the situation is far less than ideal in some ways.

I think perfect is the enemy of good enough here. There are a million excuses to not have kids: We can’t afford the kids, the marriage is not perfect and maybe it will end in divorce, we are not sure how to be parents, etc. But, you know, it will never be the perfect time to have kids. Just have them anyway. God will provide.
 

GWYW2015

Woodpecker
You misread what I typed. Dutton said that men having children at older ages is not the cause of the autism boom. He believes it is a mix of many things, mostly bad genetics surviving due to modern medicine.

Dutton does not believe a father's age has a large impact on the child's health, at least not nearly as much as the mother's age.
I hope you're right!
 
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