Being married is sapping my desire for life

infowarrior1

Ostrich
I had same issues as you OP, not married yet but in an LTR. Planning to soon thought.

I think what I miss is the dopamine rush of chasing. Going out with different girls during the week, banging, swiping... It's really all female like attention seeking behaviour. It wasn't getting me closer to my goals or to God. The truth is I felt pride and validation that I could do what other guys couldn't. I felt superior and looked down at the incels and even the married 'dad bod' guys. It's really no different than a drug addict needing his fix.

My advice is to avoid good looking girls. Regardless of how compatible or how nice and submissive she seems to be (as in your case). There are multiple issues that we can put aside assuming she's loyal, has a low notch count and actually 'loves' you. The problem is that even then a hot girl rarely pulls her weight In a relationship. She's been programmed by society to not work as hard and still get what she wants. She will be expecting shared household duties, trips, activities, ect. You will be the one that handles finances and you will be the provider.

Here is the secret: find a girl that meets the usual qualifications but who is actually not that attractive. Maybe plain or even lower face wise. Definetly lower than you looks wise. Of course she still needs to take care of herself physically. I am just talking about universal facial attractiveness. Take the hit there. She will work twice as hard while expecting half as much. She will cook and clean. She will free up more of your time. Use that time for your own development: business, networking and praying. Then get kids.
Said hot woman could be trained to take on household duties,trips and activities.

In a traditional society she would be raised to be a hard worker and often they would undertake manual labor. Just like Rebekah who drew water for all the Camels of Abraham's servant(Genesis 24). Showing her Personality of being willing to go to great lengths to serve her future Husband.

She was what we would call a "Hot" Woman. Yet being raised to work hard she showed herself a woman of good character.

But in our current society it seems women are indulged too much.
 
OP, sounds like you're doing behaviours out of insecurity and you view women as a way to provide validation for yourself. Doesn't sound like you're mature enough for a seriously relationship. What I am hearing is mostly about her looks ect, and very little about her personality... And your own insecurities and lack of emotional validation from self-love/a relationship with God manifests in the desire to pursue carnal validation.

I have been there, as I think many of us have.

I am 30, have been married, divorced (not of my choosing), played the field and am currently in an LTR with someone who is very submissive/feminine in attitude/behaviour but also has similar interests (guns, dancing, lifting weights, Pro Trump) and has started going to the Orthodox Church with me. We both also have children from a previous marriages (something I thought I would never be willing to do but has turned out to be very good for both her kids and mine). The goal is always mairrage with children in mind.

It took me realizing after my divorce, that I never loved my ex wife for who she was, only what I thought she would be and for her physical beauty. It took me a couple years to get right with my faith, and stop man whoring around so much and look for the right qualities in a woman. I also came to the realization that I don't need female companionship to feel self worth....they are only there to make my life better and to follow as we work together on the Christian walk.
 

FactusIRX

Sparrow
I’m convinced some men should never get married or have kids. My father being one of them. He was absolutely miserable as a married man and father. All he wanted to do was get drunk, party, and sleep with blondes.

OP, if it doesn’t feel right, get a divorce, don’t have children and live your life as a single man.
 

Pendleton

Pigeon
Would you expect your car's sound system to go 220 mph around the track? Of course not. Its the engine, drive train, chassis frame etc etc that make up the car. The stereo is just only there to enhance the ride. Doesnt matter how loud you turn it up the car itself wont perform any better.

Your wife is not the engine. Stop looking for your woman to fulfill you.

If youre looking for passion and excitement in your life then take up a new hobby, or a new project.



Learn a new language
Learn a new sport
Build a business
Start a YT channel
Learn a musical instrument
Write a blog
Learn to paint
Take up MMA
Teach a class
Etc
Etc

There are endless way to find new challenges and personal growth to get around the track we call life with more passion.

Sport vagina is just one. But since youre married thats just an unnecessary complication
Exactly. The problem seems to be a life that only derives social and intellectual pleasure/stimulation from seeking women and sex. Expecting a woman to fill your life is neither desirable nor realistic.
 
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I dont want to repeat what other people have said so I will try to make it short. If you cheated on her (ie did something with someone knowing she would not approve) then the relationship is over. Ive never seen cheaters stay together if a child wasn't involved. Not everyone is capable of being married. She's in the dark about all of this (Im assuming) which is wrong because she might make different decisions if she knew what you've done or how you feel(wouldn't you?) Kids won't make the situation better, in fact I wonder how strong your relationship is with your current child. If your gaming girls going out, how much time have you spent one on one with your child monthly, weekly , daily? I'd say chalk it up as a loss. Be a great father to the kid you have now and be single. Thats better then having another child with a girl you barely care about (my opinion) and suffering in a relationship where you will eventually cheat, and then force her hand by tying a rope around her waist ie having another kid with a her.
 

bmw633

Sparrow
Hi everyone,

I am married to a beautiful latina. I've been with her for about 3 years. We've had a lot of ups and downs. The last year was a big crisis in the relationship (I posted a old thread on it) but now we've been working through that and things are getting better. We do not have children yet (probably would in 1 year), though I have from a previous marriage. Physically she is a perfect match for me, and I prefer latinas to other types of women.

Several months ago we had a bad falling out. She left me alone for over a month and I decided to go into "fuck this shit" mode and started cheating. The whole time she was away I did nothing but work and go out and game other women every chance I got. I was angry and frustrated, but I also realize now I needed to do this to recover my masculine energy after a long time in depressed beta mode. She came back eventually, and immediately discovered all the message history on my phone with all these girls. Naturally we had some really rough short term fights but somehow in the end it resulted in her being fully resolved in committing to being with me. She's started loving me again like she did early in the marriage.

The reason for telling the above story is that I now have a very clear and recent memory of both "single life" and "married life".

My core problem is that I don't know how to be happy in a marriage / LTR. Since things have gotten better between us, I'm falling back slowly but surely into the pattern that caused all these problems to begin with.

I'm bored as hell and it's sapping me of all desire to do anything. I get anxiety thinking about upcoming weekends, because it means I have to figure out some activity to do with my wife. I don't like watching movies all the time. I don't enjoy taking her to bars and clubs because I don't see any purpose in going to those places if I'm not trying to game girls. I don't really know what to do with her. She's not at all irritating or bad personality. On the contrast she's very sweet and caring woman. Despite that, many times it feels like work. She always wants me to spend more time with her and I'd almost always rather be doing other things.

I'm losing my excitement for life. When she was gone and I was gaming girls, every morning I was up and motivated for the day. Now I don't want to wake up in the morning. Before I was alert and had more energy, despite staying out late a few nights a week in night life. Now I get 8 hours of sleep a night and most days I feel slow and sleepy. I was going to the gym regularly. Now getting myself motivated to shuffle my other commitments and make time to go to the gym is a constant struggle.

The most striking thing was that when she left and I was going out, I just felt great. Not all the time, I had a lot of pain when I would think about her or dwell on problems and pain of our relationship history. But when I was outside living my life I felt 100% myself and alive. Now I don't feel this anymore. I'm falling back into this pattern of sleep walking through life.

The only time right now when I get taste of the greatness is this dance class I do once a week. I've been adamant that she doesn't go with me for this class. I get to practice dance which I enjoy and flirt a bit. It's the only part of my weekly routine which makes me feel really happy for a few hours. The rest of the week is a dull slog.

Despite her beauty, I almost always think about other women when I fuck her. I'm on the precipice of starting to cheat again because I don't know any other way out of this rut.

I'm hungry for some adventure and passion in life. Just going out doing mundane activities with my wife doesn't cut it. I want to meet new people. I want to become a better man and build real life experiences. I want to have stories to tell when I'm old. While I am very successful at work and enjoy my job, it has never been a real source of fulfillment like it is with many people. I don't know how to do these things dragging a wife along with me.

I don't know if all this is because I haven't met the right woman, or if it's something about me. I'm inclined to think it's the latter. In terms of quality she's pretty high up there and while I can certainly get another one, I have doubts that anyone else would be much better after the novelty fades. I am pretty certain I could marry another woman, and in 2-3 years I'll be back into this behavior pattern again.

A lot of men would dream to have what I have. That's why I feel like something must be wrong with me to be like this. It's as if I need to be chasing and romancing new beautiful women (and getting all the thrills involved) in order to feel alive, and that seems wrong.

The end result of all this is I am just not enjoying my life and I feel really lost. I keep thinking maybe I'm just very immature and I should hold on to build a family. That being said, I'm in my 30's and I don't want to turn 40 and look back and regret that I wasted all my youth by not being afraid to take ownership of my life. I have to do something about this now.

Have any of you guys had a similar experience? I could really use some help.

Thank you
Rollo Tomassi has a rule concerning this. Once the trash has been taken to the curb, don't go out and pick through it.

There are plenty of other women who don't have that history of walking out of your marriage and start CC riding right away.

Finally, your phone is YOUR phone. Unless she gives you full access to her phone, why TF is she doing looking at yours?

Trust is the foundation of a relationship, and is lacking in yours.
 
Rollo Tomassi has a rule concerning this. Once the trash has been taken to the curb, don't go out and pick through it.

There are plenty of other women who don't have that history of walking out of your marriage and start CC riding right away.

Finally, your phone is YOUR phone. Unless she gives you full access to her phone, why TF is she doing looking at yours?

Trust is the foundation of a relationship, and is lacking in yours.
From what the OP said, his wife did not cheat during the separation. Instead, he was the one who cheated. Reading his words, it makes me think of my biological father, who was cut from the same cloth. An attractive guy, good with women, who found monogamy to be painfully constricting and boring.

OP, what I have to say to you, is that your life experience is probably going to mirror my father. That is, to be happy, you will leave your wife, but then as an older/old man, you will feel deep regret at what you did with your life.

It is far better for you to be single, than being married and bringing children into the world, if you are extremely unhappy and likely to divorce their mom. You need to make the hard right choice...

Are you screwed? Well, yes, but that is who you are, and so that is your probable fate. I just don't see how you can avoid it, short of a deep religious conversation and meeting a different woman who is a better match and can keep you on your toes and captivated, which is unlikely.
 

infowarrior1

Ostrich
I’m convinced some men should never get married or have kids. My father being one of them. He was absolutely miserable as a married man and father. All he wanted to do was get drunk, party, and sleep with blondes.

OP, if it doesn’t feel right, get a divorce, don’t have children and live your life as a single man.
Well I advise against that. Except for sexual immorality Jesus commanded marriage cannot be dissolved just like that.

Since he is in the marriage. Its his responsibility to make it work. Its like crying over spilled milk.
 

infowarrior1

Ostrich
From what the OP said, his wife did not cheat during the separation. Instead, he was the one who cheated. Reading his words, it makes me think of my biological father, who was cut from the same cloth. An attractive guy, good with women, who found monogamy to be painfully constricting and boring.

OP, what I have to say to you, is that your life experience is probably going to mirror my father. That is, to be happy, you will leave your wife, but then as an older/old man, you will feel deep regret at what you did with your life.

It is far better for you to be single, than being married and bringing children into the world, if you are extremely unhappy and likely to divorce their mom. You need to make the hard right choice...

Are you screwed? Well, yes, but that is who you are, and so that is your probable fate. I just don't see how you can avoid it, short of a deep religious conversation and meeting a different woman who is a better match and can keep you on your toes and captivated, which is unlikely.
That's the problem with making an idol out of chasing tail. Its puerile to be honest. If one's purpose isn't ultimately God. This is what happens.
 

Geremia

Pigeon
and started cheating.
Did you do anything about that? Sternly correct her?

I'm on the precipice of starting to cheat again because I don't know any other way out of this rut.
Cheating is a vicious rut and not an effective means of disciplining your delinquent wife. In fact, it probably would encourage her to continue cheating.

1 Cor. 7:2: "for fear of fornication, let every man have his own wife: and let every woman have her own husband."
1 Cor. 7:29: "This therefore I say, brethren: The time is short. It remaineth, that they also who have wives be as if they had none:"
 
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