Being Strong is Wrong

[kazz]

Op I have read a couple of your post on the SA thread, you seem very jaded and pessimistic, underlying insecurity. Im not saying this to be mean, this is a forum of straight talking men.

Work on not being hateful and having an all or nothing mind set, for example I lived in the USA and the women I met there were often hard work, if I went all or nothing with the narrative that all western women are awful I would not feel that great, and the fact is its not true, I met some great sweet, kind, honest girls there. I am still friends with some over a decade after living there.

 

[Timbuktube]

USA has 72% of people overweight. Projected to be 80% by end of decade. The other 20% aren’t dieting and exercising.

USA has sick care not healthcare. We hook people on procedures and treatments.

Does that mean you can’t find a skinny nice girl to date and marry? No. Does that mean our system is broken. Yes.

I don’t see our broken system changing. You’d think the pandemic would be a wake-up call for personal responsibility over ones health.

Instead we created a narrative about masks needing to be worn not for yourself but everyone else.

Do you really want to work hard and try to raise a family going forward?

I think USA is worth it for guys who already made it. Or guys who have a good family and home life.

For disadvantaged young men with little to no support I think it’s very competitive and uncertain.

40,000 white men kill themselves every year in the USA. That’s one every 13 minutes. Obviously life isn’t working out for tens of thousands of “privileged” men.

As for me not being a great mentor. Mea culpe. I’m honest and straightforward about what I know and don’t know. I’m also willing to listen without judgement which most people aren’t capable of.

Bible passages and dogma are nice but most young men get little to no empathy or real world guidance from their “fathers”. They get yelled at and put down.

 

[007]

We are both college grads that found ourselves unemployed and in debt after school. We both come from broken homes that offer some support—but are also extremely hostile and isolating environments for a young person in need.

The support is minimal (hostile but free housing). It’s not really enough to effectively compete and thrive at a middle class level in the United States. So many other young adults get new cars, can take unpaid internships, or go back for masters degrees paid for by supportive parents.

It’s particularly frustrating because we both have a lack of focus. We both have professional degrees but were unable to get work in that field. Once 6 months goes by past graduation no one wants to hire you. (Not that anyone did at graduation.)

The support from home comes with strings attached that maybe doing more harm than good. The boomer generation can’t relate all that well. They will say “get a job at McDonald’s.” Then say you’re not living up to your potential for doing that work.

I somewhat relate to this, but I'm a bit younger (still undergrad student). Free housing is cool but how much one mental health worth? In my area, it's around 450-750$/month + food and various expenses, so around 5-6 full days of work a month, while being full-time student.

I have some cash on hand, but I don't know if it's best to wait (a year at most) to have enough money to afford a down-payment as the mortgage and the rent is almost the same in my area (800$ for a really decent house). I still doesn't own a car.

What do you think?
EDIT: I have access to a cheap car, but this access is heavily restricted.

 

[EndlessGravity]

As for me not being a great mentor. Mea culpe. I’m honest and straightforward about what I know and don’t know. I’m also willing to listen without judgement which most people aren’t capable of.

I agree with the previous poster about re-assesing your role as a mentor. You have a praiseworthy desire to be one, a desire I have enormous respect for, but you're not there yet yourself. I say this as an older man with a list of accomplishments and mentoring experience.

You've shown him what not to do (a huge favor any man can do for another) but you don't have the skills or experience (yet) to mentor him about what he should do, especially in the big decisions you're talking about. Like the previous poster, I don't intend for this to be cruel or disrespectful...I believe you'll agree and this is real talk among men to edify everyone involved.

That doesn't mean you can't still be his friend, as much as that's possible online. That too is just as important a role. Where are you with finding an older, trustworthy male to talk to about your direction?

 

[aynrus]

Ideally he’d get a remote job that gives him the ability to “work” in the USA while living abroad. That’s the best compromise I came up with. But I think it’s a real long shot.

What jobs allow to work "in the US" while living abroad?
Right now it's hard to even continue using a US bank or broker while living abroad.
If someone lives abroad they'll be paid abroad rates 99% of time (and probably will be working for foreign subsidiary since US payroll rules won't allow to work direct), there's cheap remote labor force all over the world now, it's going to get worse after Great Reset. Many of the remaining US jobs that can be done remotely will probably go overseas now.

 

[aynrus]

Timbuktube, I think there's strong disdain for simple living and being non-materialistic out there and it's hard to live in this country having such views, because of increased competitiveness, high expenses, high standards everything and corporate slavery practices. This country attracts entire world of competitive, type A people, with lucrative education and who're most ruthless, etc.
For example, most immigrants from overseas wouldn't bat an eye at having employment gap preventing them from being hired, and would leave an employer in a blissful state of belief in their non-existent great achievements at fake past places of employment. (increased tech surveillance and shared databases might soon make even this much more difficult)

But one got to do what they need to do, walk own path, no matter what they say. I think it's easier, at least psychologically, to live in many less competitive parts of the world. If someone is inspired about English teaching, that's really great. When going overseas I believe the key thing is to know early on you're going to secure permanent residency, better 2nd citizenship, and some kind of permanent housing such as by owning or at least lock the lifetime lease rate where law prevents from owning a place. Without permanent residency one can get thrown out any time and doesn't have many rights. I think there's only a short window of time in one's life and it's younger years, when they can learn foreign language truly well and adapt to foreign culture.

 

[skullmask]

I was headed down a similar path as the OP myself after graduating with a worthless degree. Fortunately I have a better and more supportive family. I ended up having to go into the military to finally start making headway. It doesn't have to be body destroying labor, there are actually a lot of posh desk jobs out there. These days I am hesitant to recommend military service because of the wokeness but for many people it's been their way out of poverty.

@Timbuktube, have you ever considered working in the civil service? It's unglamorous and not always the most lucrative, but a desk job at the DMV or some other thing like that might work out. At the very least you'll not be destroying your body with backbreaking labor.

 

[infowarrior1]

I was headed down a similar path as the OP myself after graduating with a worthless degree. Fortunately I have a better and more supportive family. I ended up having to go into the military to finally start making headway. It doesn't have to be body destroying labor, there are actually a lot of posh desk jobs out there. These days I am hesitant to recommend military service because of the wokeness but for many people it's been their way out of poverty.

@Timbuktube, have you ever considered working in the civil service? It's unglamorous and not always the most lucrative, but a desk job at the DMV or some other thing like that might work out. At the very least you'll not be destroying your body with backbreaking labor.

If we have modern technology we should have plenty of equipment that would stop hard labor from being backbreaking.

As my former blue collar instructor says. Let the tools do the work. That's how one makes sure the body doesn't wear out or risk any long-term injury.

I recount that he said he didn't use specialised tools to handle the workload of carrying out an oven he is meant to repair. And he got a back injury from the strain unnecessarily.

 

[skullmask]

If we have modern technology we should have plenty of equipment that would stop hard labor from being backbreaking.

As my former blue collar instructor says. Let the tools do the work. That's how one makes sure the body doesn't wear out or risk any long-term injury.

I recount that he said he didn't use specialised tools to handle the workload of carrying out an oven he is meant to repair. And he got a back injury from the strain unnecessarily.

True. However, I don't recall very many employers from my youth who cared enough to get more than the bare minimum of the required tools. That's money. Or hiring more people to make the work light. That also costs money. You gotta look out for yourself, because there are a lot of employers out there who either won't or will just do the bare minimum for insurance reasons.

I think what's going to happen is automation will make a lot of the old unskilled and even some skilled jobs vanish. But I don't know that new jobs will be created to fill the void in jobs it will create. Our institutions are doing nothing to prepare for such a thing, not the government, not the schools, not the corporations, nobody.

 

[Joe316]

Timbuktube, I think there's strong disdain for simple living and being non-materialistic out there and it's hard to live in this country having such views, because of increased competitiveness, high expenses, high standards everything and corporate slavery practices. This country attracts entire world of competitive, type A people, with lucrative education and who're most ruthless, etc.

It boils down to the Protestant work ethic: It produces the most wealth (very unevenly distributed of course) and the most unhappy people.

But one got to do what they need to do, walk own path, no matter what they say. I think it's easier, at least psychologically, to live in many less competitive parts of the world.

While Major Catholic countries have "poorer" and happier people.

 

[infowarrior1]

True. However, I don't recall very many employers from my youth who cared enough to get more than the bare minimum of the required tools. That's money. Or hiring more people to make the work light. That also costs money. You gotta look out for yourself, because there are a lot of employers out there who either won't or will just do the bare minimum for insurance reasons.

I think what's going to happen is automation will make a lot of the old unskilled and even some skilled jobs vanish. But I don't know that new jobs will be created to fill the void in jobs it will create. Our institutions are doing nothing to prepare for such a thing, not the government, not the schools, not the corporations, nobody.

A lot of those Employers are Corporate suits that only see people are economic units and not human beings. And they are really bad in regards to the long-term when they should know that such investments will yield long-term benefits.

I think that failing to take care of the employees should be cause for investors to call them to task. And if the workers all own a stake in the company they should be able to do the same.

Employee stock ownership plan - Infogalactic: the planetary knowledge core

infogalactic.com

Lol. This is what actual Proletariat ownership of production would actually look like. Unlike the 20th Century frauds that claim the workers/people's name for themselves.

Their bonuses should vanish for their misdeeds.

 

[Gremlin]

I wouldn't teach English abroad in Asia. You'll be treated like garbage there, and it's not a good career path. Plus, Asian countries don't have good churches, so it difficult to develop your faith.

I grew up in a lower working class family. Young white men are treated like garbage in the west. More so if your family doesn't have any money. That's inarguable at this point. Treat the system as hostile. Extract what you can for your benefit. Don't let pride every get in your way. Be strategic and pursue the things you want to pursue.

As a white guy teaching English abroad, I can attest to the overall good experience. I have done things that I probably couldn't have ever done in the US, such as have a family and buy a house. Teaching is a much better and more fulfilling career than what I had and the money is pretty decent depending on the country you teach in, the company you work for and what you bring to it.

 

[aynrus]

As a white guy teaching English abroad, I can attest to the overall good experience. I have done things that I probably couldn't have ever done in the US, such as have a family and buy a house. Teaching is a much better and more fulfilling career than what I had and the money is pretty decent depending on the country you teach in, the company you work for and what you bring to it.

I really like the book "Hearing Birds Fly" written by a British woman who taught English in remote rural Mongolia back in the 90s. Urban of Mongolia is a different "modernized" world now, I guess. I really wonder what happened to that tiny remote village she taught in. There's no money in the world that can buy this kind of stuff the book is about, life experiences...

 

[FactusIRX]

As a white guy teaching English abroad, I can attest to the overall good experience. I have done things that I probably couldn't have ever done in the US, such as have a family and buy a house. Teaching is a much better and more fulfilling career than what I had and the money is pretty decent depending on the country you teach in, the company you work for and what you bring to it.

Happy to hear you are enjoying it. What part of the world are you teaching in?

 

[Watchman72]

As a white guy teaching English abroad, I can attest to the overall good experience. I have done things that I probably couldn't have ever done in the US, such as have a family and buy a house. Teaching is a much better and more fulfilling career than what I had and the money is pretty decent depending on the country you teach in, the company you work for and what you bring to it.

Ditto.
Teaching English in Vietnam at the moment.
I've got a decent life, a low stress work environment, and I'm able to save around 70% of my income, working less than 30 hours per week.

 

[FactusIRX]

Ditto.
Teaching English in Vietnam at the moment.
I've got a decent life, a low stress work environment, and I'm able to save around 70% of my income, working less than 30 hours per week.

Nice! How long have you been doing it?

 

[aynrus]

Ditto.
Teaching English in Vietnam at the moment.
I've got a decent life, a low stress work environment, and I'm able to save around 70% of my income, working less than 30 hours per week.

How long did you spend learning the local language to be able to teach English?

 

[Watchman72]

How long did you spend learning the local language to be able to teach English?

I'm fluent in 3 European languages but unable to get anywhere with Vietnamese.
After about 800 hours of study I gave up.
It's too fricking difficult.
Probably harder than learning Mandarin.
My pronunciation is above average but I am unable to memorise vocab because the diacritics and the tones mess with my brain.
I am not allowed to speak Vietnamese in the classroom anyway.
English only!
You don't need to learn the local language in order to teach English.

 

[AHaytch]

I've enjoyed reading some of the responses here. I've taught English as a Foreign Language abroad for a number of years (I'm in my late 30s), but never without an objective or goal in mind, just to get away from being in the West for a time and having interesting cultural experiences. I've always had a supportive family to return to.
However, I'm back in the UK now and being paid generously by the government to train as a teacher here; the idea is to use the qualification I get here to teach in lucrative international schools elsewhere as the UK education curriculum is highly coveted by employers everywhere. And I want to base myself permanently away from the West in the long term.
So, just wanted to say: teaching abroad with a goal in mind is the way to go. I do regret, when in my mid twenties, that I just left for abroad without a genuine plan to settle.

 

[aynrus]

I am not allowed to speak Vietnamese in the classroom anyway.
English only!
You don't need to learn the local language in order to teach English.

Interesting....but how do you teach translation/vocabulary to your students if you don't know or aren't allowed to speak their language?
How do you teach what certain words and phrases mean, grammar rules, or, I assume, this part is done only by reading?
You tell them "chicken" or "what's your name?" - don't you have to translate it to them to teach - unless it's something they get from reading material only, where they can see Vietnamese and English side by side.
So, I'd imagine, in a system like that, each lesson would probably have a required reading to get prepared, with a list of words and phrases to learn, with Vietnamese translation.
And how do you help a struggling student who needs something explained or is it not required because it's not one-on-one?