Books on anger issues/emotional control

SteezeySteve

Woodpecker
I recently did serious amounts of damage to my own property cause I got pissed and have to pay for it now. I have a history of this stuff from childhood but after my later stages of puberty I gained more emotional control and my slip ups werent to bad.Part of it is frustration from other things but ultimately I slipped up destroyed some shit again.......I promised my mom i'd check out atleast one book on anger management...

And yeah I know stuff like contact sports helps,eating ealthy,spending all day at the beach,blowing steam partying,or what ever else you can think of helps but as an adult sometimes your time is just gonna be devoted towards other things,shits gonna happen,your diet/workouts will be shitty for a week,and you're not gonna be able to take it out on some kid in practice. And because we exist in polite society we can't just flip shit every time things don't go our way...

Just asking for recommendations on a good non sjw liberal feel good type book for men who struggle with breaking things and destroying objects immediately following intense anger.......its an expensive hobby i'm tired of supporting...
 

realologist

Ostrich
Gold Member
The best thing you can do is learn how to breath. I mean really breath. Take long deep breaths. 4,7,8 technique is great for relaxing you.

Exhale all the air out your mouth, close your mouth, breath in 4 seconds through your nose, hold for 7. Exhale hard through your mouth. Repeat and hold for 8. Do this as many times until you calm down.

This works because the breathing helps relax you naturally and it gives you time to use your mind to think logically and not on emotion. If you do that you'll find that most things aren't that big of a deal.

I suggest you have a hard physical outlet that same day too to burn the physical energy that comes from anger too.
 

SteezeySteve

Woodpecker
realologist said:
The best thing you can do is learn how to breath. I mean really breath. Take long deep breaths. 4,7,8 technique is great for relaxing you.

Exhale all the air out your mouth, close your mouth, breath in 4 seconds through your nose, hold for 7. Exhale hard through your mouth. Repeat and hold for 8. Do this as many times until you calm down.

This works because the breathing helps relax you naturally and it gives you time to use your mind to think logically and not on emotion. If you do that you'll find that most things aren't that big of a deal.

I suggest you have a hard physical outlet that same day too to burn the physical energy that comes from anger too.

I do a lot of breathing work already. I agree that if I had practiced my techniques in that moment i wouldn't have smashed anything,but in the heat of the moment I didn't think of that. Breathing has saved me from getting in multiple fights (not that im a hot head like that. I usually take it out on objects) just because it gives you the chance to think your way out of the situation and get some extra oxygen in the body before you throw down....

That give me an idea though so thank you. I could get myself really angry on purpose and practice breathing once im livid. I actually used to do that A LOT(Minus the breathing. I'd just change states) which is why i became fairly stoic and less reactive to my emotions for a while. Maybe I just have to remember to do that regularly to train myself and not lose that skill. I honestly forgot that was one thing i found that helped.
 
There's probably 5 things I would say to you:

1. Figure out whether you are a mental person, or a physical person

For mental people, mind techniques and things like meditation work for relaxing or calming them
For physical people, they need to express themselves physically in order to get in a state of calm

Based on which one you are - have activities you can do to let off steam and get in a state to think properly

I know for me - meditation, breathing exercises - none of that stuff has ever worked because I know I'm not changing my physical environment and as soon as I'm done everything will be the same. I need to be physically and practically doing things

2. Put all your energy and effort into finding meaning in life, and developing a well rounded life

If you don't have projects, a way to make money you find interesting or challenging, or things you find meaningful in life - you have no rock or no well to go to in times of chaos or when life is going shit

You need to find things within your control that you can work on in your life that will give you peace and balance. It might be woodwork, artistry, making music and playing instruments, starting a business, working on cars - anything that you can get good at and stick at

3. Develop discipline and become an adult

You mention spending all day at the beach, or blowing steam partying

The problem with these things is they are recreational. You can't reward yourself for being angry by going and doing things which don't involve discipline

Doing hard shit pushes down and crushes your ego, and amplifies your values. Do more hard shit that keeps you accountable and requires you to be disciplined. It increases your self control, patience and perspective in life

Take the challenge of being a grown up, and doing more things you don't like that provide you with longer term rewards

4. Consider joining an anger management group in person, or an Facebook or online group

Where you can talk to other people going through the same thing, and you can perhaps encourage each other or offer each other tips

5. Consider professional advice

It's very possible you may naturally be inclined to anger more quickly - whether that's from your genes or the way you think
Consider seeing someone for a professional opinion on your situation

I'd stay away from meds if you can though.

Exercise, eat healthy, think positive, make money, have projects to do and keep you busy, think about and give to people other than yourself, go travelling and go visit poor countries to realise how lucky you are, continually grow yourself

Just keep engaged in life and eventually things change over time
 

Captain Gh

Ostrich
Gold Member
I would strongly advise you to read up on Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP) In a nutshell, everytime you get angry you enter into a state. Then this feeling of anger makes you feel something else, which NLP refers as a Meta State.

Depending on how negatives you reactions are... this can go extremely deep. I strongly recommend the NLP author Michael Hall, and his book Mind Lines. A bit pricey on Amazon... but it's been extremely valuable to me.

Also if you watch a lot of Pornography... I recommend you at least put a dent on it. I've had a multitudes of issues over the years... which I just recently found out were all related to the Pre-Frontal part of my brain; The Neocortex which releases Dopamine... and what's more pleasurable then Naked Women Gettin Banged right :)

I'm still hesitant in saying Porn is Bad for All... but for me who's had family members dealing with addiction issues... it's simply Too Potent for my Brain! Simply Too Good so it ends up being Bad. Without Porn the High's are not as High... however the Low's barely cause a dent in my mood... and it's only been 2 weeks.

If you watch a lot of Porn... abstaining from it is literally the #1 thing to do, especially when dealing with mood swings. And it's Totally Free!
 

Mr.

Pigeon
Meditations by Marcus Aurelius.

Get into stoicism and learn that externalities are uncontrollable and not worth the emotional or mental energy. Our internal state is the only thing that is 100% under our control. That is where we need to focus.
 

Mycelium

Robin
Gold Member
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The Beast1

Peacock
Gold Member
It's not you Steezeysteve!

Inanimate objects are very much in cahoots against you. It's called resistentialism.

I sometime vents anger on inanimate objects because they really are working against you to fail at the worst possible moments in time.

In all seriousness, I'll never hit someone unless they hit me first.

Personally, venting anger on stuff ends up feeling good. The pain is having to repair or pay for damages.

I like to do a lot of home repair and have occasionally broken stuff by accident. In this case, I like directing the full blunt of my anger against said object :p
 
I'd look up Jesse Lee Peterson on YT.

He helped me get over my anger. I noticed a lot of people's anger (including mines) stemmed from their hatred towards their parents especially their mothers.

Basically, the only solution is to forgive your mother for fucking you up.
 

Waqqle

Kingfisher
Feeling Good by Dr. David Burns

You have to attack the root: negative cognitions. This book is for learning how to self administer Cognitive Behavioral Therapy to re-wire yourself and your though processes. I also recommend researching “neuroplasticity.”
 

Bienvenuto

Pelican
Gold Member
+1 on the CBT and positive thinking.

This book is SJW:

https://www.amazon.com/Assertivenes...1-spons&keywords=assertiveness+workbook&psc=1

BUT it has a chapter, Countdown to Confrontation which you can use to think out on paper the relationships in your life. That will help you to get your finger on the pulse with what is going on and thereby head off the explosions that would otherwise come further down the track.

This book's author is incredibly SJW but I seriously rate it- you provide the answers..

https://www.amazon.com/Assertivenes...1-spons&keywords=assertiveness+workbook&psc=1

a lot of books are blah blah blah about this stuff - but this book you only answer questions, you provide the content: helps to delve down and work out what you want your life to be about. I agree with Steven Covey, once you have that worked out other things begin to fall into place.

My experience is that the workbook style book is more rewarding because you are required to come up with your own answers. but .. yeah plus one on homing in on and challenging the negative cognitions.
 

monster

Pelican
SteezeySteve said:
I recently did serious amounts of damage to my own property cause I got pissed and have to pay for it now. I have a history of this stuff from childhood but after my later stages of puberty I gained more emotional control and my slip ups werent to bad.Part of it is frustration from other things but ultimately I slipped up destroyed some shit again.......I promised my mom i'd check out atleast one book on anger management...

And yeah I know stuff like contact sports helps,eating ealthy,spending all day at the beach,blowing steam partying,or what ever else you can think of helps but as an adult sometimes your time is just gonna be devoted towards other things,shits gonna happen,your diet/workouts will be shitty for a week,and you're not gonna be able to take it out on some kid in practice. And because we exist in polite society we can't just flip shit every time things don't go our way...

Just asking for recommendations on a good non sjw liberal feel good type book for men who struggle with breaking things and destroying objects immediately following intense anger.......its an expensive hobby i'm tired of supporting...

Late to the thread but:

Marcus Aureoulis Meditations (the stoic philosophy is basically perceiving your emotions and then consciously determine how you react)
Balthasar Gracian Art of Prudence (preaches the virtues of "good sense")
Daniel Goleman Emotional Intelligence (interesting modern take on how emotions shape our relationships)
 

Lovinglife

Woodpecker
Books I recommend:

"Rage: A Step-by-Step Guide to Overcoming Explosive Anger" by Ronald T. Potter-Efron.

"Anger Management Workbook for Men: Take Control of Your Anger and Master Your Emotions" by Aaron Karmin LCPC, Nathan R Hydes PhD.

"Anger" by Thich Hanh.


I've always had bad anger issues and have now learnt to control them. Going to a Buddhist temple last year for 10 days and meditating for 12 hours a day put a huge breathing space between me and my anger. I still get angry but I'm conscious of my behaviour now. Reading the books above helped me alot and applying the exercises regularly.

My question is this, one reason I get angry is cause I don't want to appear weak. If the other person is angry at you too, how is being calm a sigh of strength? In my mind, you look weak towards other! Most the time, I don't put up with people's shit if they push me. What's the right way without becoming beta?
 
This book is more about trauma - but anger has its roots in that- but offers a gold mine of resources and information for healing. The author reviews a wide range of tools and practices people have used - from neurofeedback to traditional therapy to yoga- -not everything works for every one.

The good news is you have a tremendous amount of energy-if you learn to focus and redirect it it can become fuel for creation, not destruction


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also - start practicing a martial art - it's all about self control and not letting your emotions take control of you.
 
I recently did serious amounts of damage to my own property cause I got pissed and have to pay for it now. I have a history of this stuff from childhood but after my later stages of puberty I gained more emotional control and my slip ups werent to bad.Part of it is frustration from other things but ultimately I slipped up destroyed some shit again.......I promised my mom i'd check out atleast one book on anger management...

And yeah I know stuff like contact sports helps,eating ealthy,spending all day at the beach,blowing steam partying,or what ever else you can think of helps but as an adult sometimes your time is just gonna be devoted towards other things,shits gonna happen,your diet/workouts will be shitty for a week,and you're not gonna be able to take it out on some kid in practice. And because we exist in polite society we can't just flip shit every time things don't go our way...

Just asking for recommendations on a good non sjw liberal feel good type book for men who struggle with breaking things and destroying objects immediately following intense anger.......its an expensive hobby i'm tired of supporting...
Buy and properly hang (to a supporting beam ideally) a heavy bag. Beat the shit out it instead of your stuff, it's designed for that.

Control is a skill that is learned with practice and discipline. If you are not ready for that, first learn to re-direct. Redirection is a precursor to control.
 
Surprised to see that nobody mentions Alexander Lowen's works, though he was and still is not very famous, but his work is of enormous value - maybe that is why he was never popularized by the mainstream media, despite him having been an agnostic Jewish psychologist. His main influence is Wilhelm Reich with some Freudian concepts (though he rejects some theories of Freud). Lowen focuses mainly how the body expresses the (subconscious) mind and how tense and contracted muscles reflect the suppressed emotions one has. His work is the result of decades of therapeuting patients and his observations, mixed with psychological theories, mythology and a (kind of) dualist philosophy.

The first work I recommend you to read is Betrayal of the Body. It focuses mainly on the schizoid condition and how the body maldevelops because of early childhood trauma. Your rage fits are most likely result of suppressed anger from childhood. As a couple posters before me mentioned, martial arts is a good way to release anger, though it is not a whole method of processing your suppressed emotions. Some say to not be emotional, though I say showing emotions is healthy, yet they should be appropriate to the situation and people involved. Anyways, the schizoid condition is when the head is seperated from your body, meaning your reason is disconnected from your emotions.

This is an old thread, maybe OP is already healed. If not, I hope the book gives you great insight. Though beware that this book may release many suppressed emotions and memories and could throw you into fits of rage and self-pity. If you decide to read it, don't contact close people until you finished the book. The book, Betrayal of the Body - and his other works for that matter -, are like a surgery: you cannot stop halfway and the open wound should not be exposed to an unsterile environment.
 
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