Books on anger issues/emotional control


that's mentioned in the body keeps score - how did you practice it by yourself or with a threapist?

With a therapist. I tried it at home but it's nowhere as good as doing it with a good EMDR therapist!

I also bought the kindle book this week "The Body Keeps the Score," where I can't put the book down. I can understand why it's the No.1 book on Amazon with 5 stars from just under 5000 reviews. Most of my trauma (abandonment) has gone these days but after reading this book, I can see that there is still some of it around but not for long.
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With a therapist. I tried it at home but it's nowhere as good as doing it with a good EMDR therapist!

I also bought the kindle book this week "The Body Keeps the Score," where I can't put the book down. I can understand why it's the No.1 book on Amazon with 5 stars from just under 5000 reviews. Most of my trauma (abandonment) has gone these days but after reading this book, I can see that there is still some of it around but not for long.
yeah it was a real eye opener for me - and same issue - abandonment - There's a lot of encouragement in the book about techniques -that's where I stumbled on EDMR which I was going to seek out before covid shut everything down. You can go to liquor stores and cannabis dispensaries but not healthy physical therapy and liquor stores.


I don't know about your situation, but ideally, men shouldn't live with their mothers, arguably the same goes for daughters, these days especially. If possible live with your father, (unless he's truly abusive), instead if they're separated.

You need to notice that your anger hurts you every time it comes around. I'm not sure, but the Southeast Asian societies & philosophies possibly have a better idea how to manage emotional issues, so maybe try "looking" eastwards. Granted, the cultural taboo of losing face due to emotional outbursts and non conformity is what plays a large roll and so it may not apply in many cases as you live in liberal individualist culture.

Maybe try helping a stranger with something you're far better at, and which takes more than a couple of minutes, where it would be very awkward if you lost it. But that's just top of the head idea. But it seems that it's easier to be virtuous when you're set on helping a willing stranger, you will notice a newfound patience etc. which you probably would not have for yourself or a family member.

P.S. It's unclear to what extent you've got issues, what your age and living situation is. I'd agree that idle hands are the devils playground, but the advice about engaging in combative sports sometimes actually makes people with issues more dangerous and their ego gets wrapped into it in all the wrong ways. Depends on sport, how long one sticks with it etc. With people, emotions come first and the world is set up in a way where generally destroying a structure or system is all too easy as opposed to everything it took to build it.


William Backus ‘Telling yourself the truth’ and ‘What your counsel or never told you’ are worth a look. He’s a DR of psychology and an ordained minister. Plenty of old school truths and some pills that are hard to swallow. All his advice is based on the truth as it is in Jesus. Very helpful for anyone interested in anger, self control, depression, or simply applying biblical truth to your worldview.


The way EMDR works, you focus on the dot and think about an emotional problem. You will notice after a little time, you will feel at ease and maybe at peace cause it moves the emotion from the left to right side of the brain hence it ends up dissolving away. The wider your eyes move to the left and right, the better the results hence try viewing it a big screen. You can also move your face closer to the screen so your eyes move further apart if you are using a small screen like your phone. You can get better results if you use headphones where when the therapist tried this with me, I didn't like it. I found just looking left and right made my trauma dissolve. If you have very bad demons, best to do it with a therapist cause you will feel like your being knocked around hence having someone there helps. You also will go deeper with a therapist nearby that can guide you better.

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The book on emotional intelligence helped me a lot. This is a really interesting book and describes effective anger management techniques.
I was short tempered when I was younger. Not to sound cliche, because I know how this sounds, but coming to Christ and reading His words on the subject helped me. I still have to make a conscious effort to avoid flying off the handle sometimes, but He helps me keep it in check.

I've turned it into a mental jujitsu of sorts, to not let "it" take control. He who maintains control over his impulses wins the challenge. To lose the challenge is dishonorable. Anger, like fear, can be an ally, but one must try to rule over it, so it doesn't rule you. Not always easy and not always successful, but we have to make the effort.
I should mention, that Christ did not always turn the other cheek. He did USE His anger in several situations. Emotions were given to us as tools and indicators to be used, not to be allowed to rule us.

One such example is when He found the temple being used for commerce. See John 2:13-22. Take the "Bible goggles" off when you read it and really think about that's being described. He drove every single merchant and animal out of the place, with a whip of all things.
Interesting thread, thanks for opening it. Manly rage is the worst of the emotions and I know I have struggled with it since I was a teen. Whenever i feel like I am being swindled, short changed, disrespected, ignored, etc i feel myself go into a spiral. If at work, I am better off to clock out and go home than take it to the boss.

The bible says, and I am possibly paraphrasing generously, a man without self control is like a city without walls.

Building self control for me is a constant investment. I am reading about the stoics, (Marcus Aaurelius as mentioned). I get the daily stoic email, it has been pretty good. But it doesn't stop there, 48 laws of power, various pyschological studies, the Bible, meditation practice, Deepak Chopra... The list is endless. If I have a time to read, I read everything and always learn something. The local library is awesome.

Some people are just passionate, I think I am one due to my father being part Native American. We have some wild blood in our veins. I just have to deal with it and accept it as my reality. Best of luck!


Surprised to see that nobody mentions Alexander Lowen's works, though he was and still is not very famous, but his work is of enormous value - maybe that is why he was never popularized by the mainstream media, despite him having been an agnostic Jewish psychologist. His main influence is Wilhelm Reich with some Freudian concepts (though he rejects some theories of Freud). Lowen focuses mainly how the body expresses the (subconscious) mind and how tense and contracted muscles reflect the suppressed emotions one has. His work is the result of decades of therapeuting patients and his observations, mixed with psychological theories, mythology and a (kind of) dualist philosophy.

The first work I recommend you to read is Betrayal of the Body. It focuses mainly on the schizoid condition and how the body maldevelops because of early childhood trauma. Your rage fits are most likely result of suppressed anger from childhood. As a couple posters before me mentioned, martial arts is a good way to release anger, though it is not a whole method of processing your suppressed emotions. Some say to not be emotional, though I say showing emotions is healthy, yet they should be appropriate to the situation and people involved. Anyways, the schizoid condition is when the head is seperated from your body, meaning your reason is disconnected from your emotions.

This is an old thread, maybe OP is already healed. If not, I hope the book gives you great insight. Though beware that this book may release many suppressed emotions and memories and could throw you into fits of rage and self-pity. If you decide to read it, don't contact close people until you finished the book. The book, Betrayal of the Body - and his other works for that matter -, are like a surgery: you cannot stop halfway and the open wound should not be exposed to an unsterile environment.

Wow! This is the first I've heard Alexander Lowen mentioned in a context like this. I'll second Alexander Lowen, I've read most of his books. You gotta be careful reading self-help stuff that are not set in a Christian context, like Alexander's books, because even if the techniques and mental frameworks are accurate, nothing heals us like turning towards God and Christ, and you can't obsess too much about techniques and mental frameworks and expect those to be the be-all, end-all, that'll just lead us away from God and Christ.

But yes, wow, Alexander Lowen writes about some really interesting stuff. One of the biggest things I took away from his work is how emotions can transform into postures if ignored for a long enough time and become someone's "new normal". So for example if you as a child grimaced a lot, you might be subconsciously clenching your jaw all the time without even realizing it, cause you don't know what is actually normal or what other people experience in their body. They say in physical health and fitness stuff to just stretch and work out etc etc but I think that does a huge injustice to how much our bodies are linked with our minds.


I tried that EMDR stuff and it drove me nuts watching that thing go back and forth across the screen. Reminds me of that Pong game from the 70s and I just found it very annoying.

Now I'm praying to God to release all anger from me and I feel like it's working. I'm very aware of when I feel anger due to wounds from the past, and I'm at the point where I can shut it down very quickly.
Every man is quite capable of assuming mastery over his own mind. Christ Jesus implies as much in the gospels. Adopt a Christ centered meditation/contemplation practice. Remember that the psyche or soul truly only has one desire; To return to its source or origin, God. The soul therefore is always providing one with the means to correct one's false beliefs and bad behaviors/sins.

Anger, melancholy, anxiety, drug addiction, immoderate drinking etc. can all be resolved for good through a process of prayer, meditation on Christ and tracing the anger or melancholy or whatever it is back to its moment of origin in your life. Almost invariably you'll find that it was a false belief about the nature of reality passed on to you by one of your parents or a loved one.

These false beliefs arising in our awareness feel like hindrances in our minds, blotting out our awareness of God and preventing us from receiving Grace but sit with them and come to a complete understanding of them and you will overcome them for good and all.
Books I recommend:

"Rage: A Step-by-Step Guide to Overcoming Explosive Anger" by Ronald T. Potter-Efron.

"Anger Management Workbook for Men: Take Control of Your Anger and Master Your Emotions" by Aaron Karmin LCPC, Nathan R Hydes PhD.

"Anger" by Thich Hanh.

I've always had bad anger issues and have now learnt to control them. Going to a Buddhist temple last year for 10 days and meditating for 12 hours a day put a huge breathing space between me and my anger. I still get angry but I'm conscious of my behaviour now. Reading the books above helped me alot and applying the exercises regularly.

My question is this, one reason I get angry is cause I don't want to appear weak. If the other person is angry at you too, how is being calm a sigh of strength? In my mind, you look weak towards other! Most the time, I don't put up with people's shit if they push me. What's the right way without becoming beta?

Being calm is a sign of strength because you are ruling over your own spirit. Anyone can give in to anger, especially for pointless self-centered reasons like trying not to look weak. When you hold back your natural anger because you have a higher principle (for example, waiting for God to take revenge instead, and focusing on your own failings instead of others), that shows real strength and self-control.

Whether you are Christian or not you should be able to relate to the following:

He who is slow to anger is better than the mighty;
And he who rules his spirit, than he who captures a city.

Whoever has no rule over his own spirit
Is like a city broken down, without walls.

It's surprising to see Greek philosophers, Buddha, and various new-age techniques mentioned often in this thread, but almost no mention of the Bible.

I would have never been able to gain control of my anger, which was similar to the OP's, without daily, out loud Bible reading for several hours per day. I'm not saying I'm all the way there yet, or that everyone else must follow the same path. But for me, the Bible and not any other book, is the key.

That said, Meditations by Marcus Aurelius is a great book to read. Epictetus is another Stoic philosopher worth checking out. There's a paperback compilation that includes his Discourses, Fragments, and Handbook, all of which are worth reading. Learning about Stoicism will make you think about emotional control, and how your actions and emotions are driven by your perceptions, which are often wrong.

“The eye is the lamp of the body. So, if your eye is healthy, your whole body will be full of light, but if your eye is bad, your whole body will be full of darkness. If then the light in you is darkness, how great is the darkness."

Edit: I did notice a few Christian posts the second time scanning through this thread. However I'm still surprised to see so many more Buddhist, secular, and new-age ideas compared to the teachings of Jesus Christ, for how to properly deal with evil passions like anger.
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