Born again virgins post children?

lunchmoney

Woodpecker
What's groups thoughts on women who decide to become celibate, not for religious reasons, and after they have brought life into this world? What sounded crazy to me a few years ago appears to be more prevalant in 2021, as I have run into two such women in the past 30 days in major US cities (Phoenix, Houston).

Would you seriously consider dating a woman who tells you upfront she is celibate until marriage, even though she is not a virgin?
 

lskdfjldsf

Pelican
Orthodox Catechumen
Gold Member
I ran into several of these types before meeting my wife.

If she became celibate without religious motivations, it's safe to assume she just wants to lock down commitment from a man to cover her past mistakes. Very few men are willing to commit to a single mother and withholding sex gives her leverage.

If she is religious, good chance it's genuine. She would have repented and vowed not to continue fornicating. If her decision is authentic and a result of faith, most of us aren't in a position to judge and have been in the same position ourselves.

I noticed a lot of women on Christian dating websites who slutted it up during their 20s, were only nominally religious, and used religious celibacy as an excuse to secure commitment. I developed a keen eye for this and would sometimes walk out of dates saying it's not a good match, in which case many of them offered sex or became very physical. It was all a sham.

Just get to know the girl and you'll figure out her intentions.
 

Thomas More

Hummingbird
What's groups thoughts on women who decide to become celibate, not for religious reasons, and after they have brought life into this world? What sounded crazy to me a few years ago appears to be more prevalant in 2021, as I have run into two such women in the past 30 days in major US cities (Phoenix, Houston).

Would you seriously consider dating a woman who tells you upfront she is celibate until marriage, even though she is not a virgin?
It's easy to be skeptical, but if her goal is to avoid sleeping around and focus strictly on getting married, then this is the only way to be sure. If she has sex with a guy thinking it is leading to marriage, she has a high chance of ending with a breakup, and yet another notch on her past record. If she waits for marriage, she's guaranteed no more extramarital notches.
 

lunchmoney

Woodpecker
It's easy to be skeptical, but if her goal is to avoid sleeping around and focus strictly on getting married, then this is the only way to be sure. If she has sex with a guy thinking it is leading to marriage, she has a high chance of ending with a breakup, and yet another notch on her past record. If she waits for marriage, she's guaranteed no more extramarital notches.
So would you date one or not?
 

Lawrence87

Woodpecker
Orthodox
I think it would have to depend on other factors, like whether it was clear to me our meeting was providential and we had a strong connection etc.

Personally though, I don't seek someone who already had children. But I suppose if I did come across one of these people you describe, at least their decision to adopt celebacy is a sign of repentance. But it's easy to say 'I am now celebate until marriage' and much harder to actually do once the sin of fornication has taken root. I am aware of this within myself. I can easily say 'I don't want sex until marriage' when the temptation is not present, but if it did arise, well, I can only pray that the Lord spares me from it before it arises.
 

Thomas More

Hummingbird
So would you date one or not?
I'm not sure. My wife is dying, so I will be single soon. I don't feel much like dating at all, but I think in a year I might. I am considering holding off from having sex until marriage. Besides being the Christian thing to do before God, I'm thinking I only want to deal with women who are marriage material, and this would help in that area.

I am older, and I know there are few suitable women. I would want the youngest women I could hope to attract, probably mid to late 30's. Single women in this age range are usually mentally ill and severely liberal.

It's hard for me to even see this being worth the effort, and I might just be voluntarily celebate. I expect to take at least a year before even considering a foray into the dating and courting world.

Anyway, I might be the one wanting to wait, so I would probably have to find a non-virgin who is looking to wait for marriage as well.
 

The Beast1

Peacock
Orthodox Inquirer
Gold Member
If she is religious, good chance it's genuine. She would have repented and vowed not to continue fornicating. If her decision is authentic and a result of faith, most of us aren't in a position to judge and have been in the same position ourselves.

I've accepted that if I were to find myself widowed that this is an OK outcome so long as she is a passionate member of a Christian community that is strong, strict, and biblically based.

Like tends to attract like. The only hard no for me are divorcées and single mothers (not widowed). My childhood was rife with divorcées and the subsequent nonsense that comes with it. I won't enable this nor be apart of it. Widows are excluded and probably something I would prefer.

For what it is worth, my wife was a virgin when I met her. I took it in my hedonistic sinful days but ultimately married her after I realized how much she added to my life. We have our ups and downs but overall my life is much better with her. Bonus, she has great motherly qualities that have made raising our children much easier.

Nothing is ever cut and dry.
 
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Dawnhorn

Chicken
Protestant
Sounds like the classic case of a woman who doesn't take any responsibility over her own actions. Even more disturbing if she has children. A woman claiming to be virgin but has a child sounds like a woman with package she pretends doesn't exits. It's like saying "that never happened". Even a woman of God would accept that she had a previous marriage, or that she fucked up, and try to move on in a honourable way. For me it would be a red flag.
 

Thomas More

Hummingbird
Born again virgin is kind of putdown, to put a bad spin on women trying to go this route. I don't think the idea of restoring virginity is the thing to focus on. The real question is whether a woman like this will put out when she's dating, since she has put out before.

Arguably, if she is a Christian, and has reformed her ways, and is looking for marriage, then she should remain celibate until marriage even though she has had sex before. People who disagree with this would say she has put out before, so a man who is dating her should expect her to put out for him too.

I would say it is natural that men will feel this way. This is just the way men are wired. Men are jealous of the idea that their woman was with other men in general, and if she was with other men but won't have sex with him, this really winds a guy up.

However, if the woman is tired of being passed around, and wants to get married, then saving herself is the only way she can do it. If she dates guys hoping for marriage, but gives in and has sex with them before wedlock, she is likely to find that the relationship didn't end up leading to marriage, and soon she has several more notches.

If she holds out and waits for marriage, she will bring no more notches to the marriage bed. Also, she will get a guy who wants this and values it, or else he wouldn't stick around and put a ring on it.

On the flip side, if a guy accepts this, it seems like he might end up with a frigid woman, or he might be accepting a subordinate position in the relationship. It's a situation fraught with peril for the guy. There are no easy answers here.
 
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