Called Off My Wedding

I don’t have kids, but I have a friend who married a 22 years old and they had the first kid at 29, because she wasn’t ready. He stuck with it and he loves his kid. He gets upset with his wife, they’re maybe not a match made in heaven, but his most important goal was the kids and he’ll continue to have them. I wonder, if you so wanted kids and 6 of them, why didn’t you start on that job.

But it’s fine, there are women that want kids. You just have to choose good enough, because perfect probably won’t come along.
 

gework

Ostrich
Gold Member
OP, thanks for posting it, it has offered a few more things to help figure out the conundrum of a traditional family in the modern world. Good comments on both sides. I would err on the side of you having made the right decision. You want a traditional family and you thought you were going to get it, but then it turned out you might get half a traditional family with the possibility she may get on board later. You can now look for a woman who will give you what you really want.

People could be catgorised as being biologically more prone to be psychologically liberal or conservative, 50/50. When the society thinks its in abundance a large majority end up behaving liberally, while there is a small minority that will always be like a squirrel preparing for 100 winters. When things become hard that shifts. It is one reason why it is hard to find women who are exposed to the modern abundance of experience and opportunity that also want anything approaching a traditional family. When you feel safe going into a big exciting world you become liberal. At this point, even if there is a place in her heart for the little house on the prairie, its on the back burner and then forgotten.

I have clumsily been stumbling round the world looking for a woman, what that is has changed quite dramatically over that time. I would overlook things that deep down I knew were issues, mainly a work drive and be too driven by the flesh. It is now apparent that if you want a traditional wife and family you have to find someone for whom that is the most important thing in their lives, has no plan for a career and wants a large family. They are rare, but do except, even in ridiculous countries such as mine. But what I was trying to do is wife up women for who that wasn't the case. They have to be specifically sought out and you have to be firm to rule out girls who don't fit that mould.
 
gework said:
When you feel safe going into a big exciting world you become liberal. At this point, even if there is a place in her heart for the little house on the prairie, its on the back burner and then forgotten.

...

They have to be specifically sought out and you have to be firm to rule out girls who don't fit that mould.
:idea:

He knows it and for those of us who now want it, we gotta do it.
 

TheBoom

Sparrow
Gold Member
Good move of the OP. It takes a village to keep a woman focused on what is important. A man alone can't do it because women are too easily brainwashed by society, their social circle, work and anything else that provides a tingle.

The minute she started hanging out with the cat ladies, she was no longer the right woman. The minute a woman says she wants to go back to work soon after giving birth should dispell any lingering doubts.

Outside of joining the Amish, the odds seem stacked against any traditional minded man. No matter how well meaning the woman in the beginning, the entire culture is dedicated to corrupting her and few women can withstand that especially during difficult times.
 
Martin Sellner Identitarian and former tradthot Brittany Pettibone on why they married:


Though obviously a woman doesn't risk that much in our times. The core issue is that this woman wants to be traditional, wants to have the happy family model, has a shared mindset with her husband distrusting the mainstream media and entertainment fully. So based on those factors, then the odds are certainly far more in your favor.

I mentioned the importance of women being fully anti-Hollywood, anti-media and anti-establishment, but in a sane way - not vegan fake anti-establishment like Antifa, because that is even more crazy.

If you compare the fiancee of OP vs the girl here, then you see the stark difference.

So again guys - don't underestimate the importance of a girl's belief system. In our times - it has to be fully anti-establishment with her sharing most of your views. Otherwise it may blow up in your face sooner than later if you think that this is not important. It may not have been important in the past, but it certainly is now. Keeping her pregnant will only work until the kids are in school and her mind starts wondering again lusting for the feminist empowerment.
 
SilentOne said:
Congratulations!!!

:clap:

You made a tough decision, but the right one. It's unfortunate that women today chooses careers over raising families. Women can't have two masters. Instead of following your lead, she chooses to follow her boss. A recipe for disaster.

It's sad, really. The mental state of a women around age 24 today, in her prime years, is to work hard like a man. Then 10 years later she will be saying she is ready to start a family near age 35. But by that time, what's the point. You're old, lack feminine qualities and near the wall.

Plus let's be real, a marriage in these times is nothing more than a retirement plan for these strong and independent women. They love to prey on foolish men who make critical decisions based on feelings.
Also ; at 35 they face the competition of younger females
 
Thank you for sharing your story. I, as others here, believe you made the right choice. I already knew that things were going to head south once i read "she went to catholic school" (DO NOT SEND YOUR KIDS TO CATHOLIC SCHOOL!) I dont know why, but catholic school kids usually turn out to be very rebellious against Catholicism and God. Oh, and they also think they know everything there is to know about Theology because of a class or two that they took on the subject..

Anyhow, as others here already mentioned, you waited way too long. it's ok, I think every one of us has made that mistake. It's the curse of modern dating. Ideally, courtship to wedding should be 1, maybe two years tops and you start impregnating your wife ASAP. My longest relationship was over 5 years with my first ex gf, she monkey branched to a wealthier man and broke up with me. 2nd relationship was an on and off 2 year stint that I broke off because of the amount of red flags i kept seeing. 3rd LTR im currently in questioning...but thats enough about me.

I know you made the right decision because your gf didnt fight for you. I read all your post and you never mentioned that she was crying for you, fighting for you, begging for you, or at least balling her eyes out saying that she would be willing to change. This is why you made the right choice. Actually, it sounded like a relief to her that you decided to break it off. She can now enjoy her "empowered" lifestyle. This experience will now help you find your future wife.
 

loremipsum

Kingfisher
DannyAlberta said:
General Mayhem said:
I think any guy who wants any semblance of a traditional relationship has to fight hard against the negative influences from modern society and from a girls friends. However, you can't do that alone. You need friends with wives, kids, and strong marriages that are good influences to surround your wife.
When someone on this Forum actually figures out how you can do this and win (assuming it's even possible outside of a crazy isolationist cult), they will have hacked modern mating life. I'm not sure it's even possible.
Funny how this forum that once was about collecting notches has almost collectively come to the conclusion that traditional relationships are the way to go.
Yes, we have Game that the average bluepilled guy does not have, but to quote OP in another thread
If you believe in god, do you really think he is going to deliver a virgin just because you had a change of ideology?
.
It may be just harder for us.
 

cosine

Pigeon
Just had a female coworker come back to the office this morning from 4 months of maternity leave.

Before she got preggers, she seemed like a "driven career woman" who also wanted a family.

She showed up today crying, horribly wishing she could be at home with her son. She'd clearly instantly quit if she had the resources to.
 

TheFunto

Pigeon
Man, much love for you having the courage to share your story.

My story is just as messed up too, and I think it is possible that your ex could have changed her mind after she had a taste of being a mother. I can be wrong, especially considering she was adamant about returning to work after 8 weeks. That is nuts.

Our circumstances were different, my wife resents me to this day because she had to forfeit her maternity leave to make more money as I was unemployed on our 2nd baby. She still makes more money than I do, and I believe that is one of the roots of our relationship issues.

Good news is she may be pregnant with our 3rd. I am piling up kids in a dysfunctional relationship in hopes that it can be fixed. If it does not, it will not be because I haven't done my best. She would argue my best is not enough though.

I have kicked Jordan Peterson's advices away from me a while ago, but I'll defer that life packs a good amount of suffering and sacrifice.

Good thing the Bible and Jesus are always near.
 

Laner

Hummingbird
Gold Member
Takeachance said:
Laner. Can you elaborate?

Without her knowing, her body already sees you as a non viable partner.
Not sure the exact science behind it, but living and banging with a woman for years without ever knocking her up gives her body the impression that you are sterile. Once you start banging for procreation, her body will reject your sperm for a spell.

The good news is that you get back the animal urges quickly - which are necessary to knock up a woman after a decade of birth control and guys leaving their package on the porch.

cosine said:
Just had a female coworker come back to the office this morning from 4 months of maternity leave.

Before she got preggers, she seemed like a "driven career woman" who also wanted a family.

She showed up today crying, horribly wishing she could be at home with her son. She'd clearly instantly quit if she had the resources to.
My wife went back to work for 2 weeks when our son had just turned one. Every morning she tore herself away from him in tears. After two weeks her dad and I told her she has to quit, that life is far too precious to waste because of a little extra money. We financially fucked ourselves for a while, but nothing can buy that time back she got to experience each day with him. The miracle of a growing boy.
 
Thank you for sharing, but you sound like a naive moron, too black-pilled to appreciate what you have. You spent five years together, and claim that the last few months have caused you to drift apart because you were fixing up a house. You sound eternally ungrateful to a woman who is doing much more compromising than you are. Most women are not willing to compromise like that, and you've decided to discard something like five years of a relationship, and marriage in your 20s with what sounds like a mostly great woman, for the rare possibility that you'll find someone even better.

If she enjoyed work that much, it's because the rest of her life was boring. That's YOUR fault.
 

Regent

Pigeon
evilbuttmunch said:
Thank you for sharing, but you sound like a naive moron, too black-pilled to appreciate what you have. You spent five years together, and claim that the last few months have caused you to drift apart because you were fixing up a house.

If she enjoyed work that much, it's because the rest of her life was boring. That's YOUR fault.
1. Why the insult? You can make your point without putting others down.

2. Now you're passing judgment on him because he summarized a lot of details in as few words. You were not walking in his shoes, why judge?

3. So now its a man's job to make a woman "haaappppy"? A woman is her own person, whichever way you look at it. If she wants to stay, that is a decision she will make ON HER OWN and express with her actions. Her being bored is not a man's problem. She's not an automaton, if she's bored she knows what to do.

OP made a decision. Give an opinion and if you have any experience or insight, toss it in. It'll be much appreciated.

Overall, you come across as judgmental, harsh and bitter. Be better than that. Life's short.
 
evilbuttmunch said:
Thank you for sharing, but you sound like a naive moron, too black-pilled to appreciate what you have. You spent five years together, and claim that the last few months have caused you to drift apart because you were fixing up a house. You sound eternally ungrateful to a woman who is doing much more compromising than you are. Most women are not willing to compromise like that, and you've decided to discard something like five years of a relationship, and marriage in your 20s with what sounds like a mostly great woman, for the rare possibility that you'll find someone even better.

If she enjoyed work that much, it's because the rest of her life was boring. That's YOUR fault.
So he's missing the chance to marriage in his 20's?

Give me a break. It surprises me just how many here who seem to come from a scarcity mindset and think it's best to just stick with a woman like that who is clearly too much of a sheep to choose a meaningless career over prioritising a family with an intelligent, masculine and traditional conservative man with some great values. I tell you what, THAT is rare today and something she'll have to regret later in life.

And that in itself should tell everyone everything they need to know.
It's better to not have kids than having kids with the wrong woman but so many men are putting up with so much shit nowadays so the boundaries have moved so far off that we are now calling a man a moron for not staying with a woman who shows that he's not priority number one or even number two.

There are still places in Eastern Europe where OP can find traditional women who would never say the crap that came out of her mouth. It's not a man's job to convince a woman to choose family over career, a good woman would choose that path anyway regardless of some new friends from work.

Her comment on religious people as only being a bunch crackheads probably says something about her morality system too. That is a more important aspect with a woman than if you're able to crack non politically correct jokes with her, if she's "very good at saving money" or wants a small wedding.
 

wwtl

Kingfisher
loremipsum said:
DannyAlberta said:
General Mayhem said:
I think any guy who wants any semblance of a traditional relationship has to fight hard against the negative influences from modern society and from a girls friends. However, you can't do that alone. You need friends with wives, kids, and strong marriages that are good influences to surround your wife.
When someone on this Forum actually figures out how you can do this and win (assuming it's even possible outside of a crazy isolationist cult), they will have hacked modern mating life. I'm not sure it's even possible.
Funny how this forum that once was about collecting notches has almost collectively come to the conclusion that traditional relationships are the way to go.
Yes, we have Game that the average bluepilled guy does not have, but to quote OP in another thread
If you believe in god, do you really think he is going to deliver a virgin just because you had a change of ideology?
.
It may be just harder for us.
I asked God for that traditional relationship two years ago and what I see now is that I'm getting tested to stay chaste with increasing difficulty levels.

I fully expect to get presented with more and more unbelievably easy opportunities to score notches which I might have to let go to actually get to the prize. The shape of the latter has been clearly communicated to me during the last two months.

All that while being at peak SMV for a bachelor with the window closing in less than a decade. That requires some faith I can tell you.
 

whoishe

Woodpecker
GeneralMayhem - thanks for sharing your story. For me, her desire to come back to work so shortly after giving birth also would be a deal-breaker, especially as I am seeing first-hand how well staying home worked for my nieces (my sister got back to part-time work when her 3rd child was 4 yrs old), as well as other children from extended family from my brother-in-law side.

Rotten said:
Your animal instincts are unlikely to be wrong, so I commend you. However....

1. A dispute about the total number of kids when you don't have any kids is stupid. Have a kid, keep her attraction high, she'll want more
2. Planning Weddings is for brides. Unless you are paying, let her do what she wants. Stick to a few points (a church could be one for you), but staying away is the best generally
3. Bad Friends is a big problem, triply so because of her young age. But, if her attraction to you was high, she wouldn't feel the need to see them, and would herself fight against the things that concern you
4. Nobody really wants to work, and lots of wives find dumb excuses to cease working once married (or they look at the price of daycare and have a good reason not to work). You shouldn't have worried too much about this.

Your story reads like you failed a shit test regarding her work/career.

Did you try Dread game? If she had to decide for herself whether she wanted you or the above bullshit, and the above stuff is bullshit, you would probably have the girl you loved back (or you would have an answer which is also a win).
Could someone (Rotten?) elaborate on this a little bit more? I don't really see a failure on OP part here, unless someone expects girl/fiancee to not work when she is not studying and she's not yet a wife/mother yet either.
 

tomtud

Pelican
Thanks for Sharing!

We all have deal breakers. You mentioned her going out for a few drinks without her mate is a big no. If you go out with your friends, would she be jealous? Or is it hypocritical on your end? You know if she will cheat on you it’s much much much easier to do with peers in and around the office. Ya gotta trust her. That’s just my opinion. Either way, maybe you became jealous of her putting her career etc ahead of you and the future with you?
It’s tough..... as much as I hate to say this, you won’t find it easy to find a good wife in the west who is in her early to mid 20s. You can find a bride, but that’s where it ends. They all love the planning of the wedding. Afterwards, it’s another story.

If you think ohhhh a foreign bride will do the trick. Well there are horror stories with them as well. I will say, your odds of success are improved with certain cultures, education etc etc etc.
 
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