Called Off My Wedding

NoMoreTO

Hummingbird
Catholic
Go when? As a result of what (event)? His death? What are "his" assets? In any case, why not draw up a will?

If the future event is the dissolution of the marriage through divorce, then that presupposes it's failure and places conditions on it that prevent the couple from joining in it freely, without conditions.

Yes, but the very fact that divorce is a legal reality in the world , is legal marriage even marriage? Gay's can get married, so whatever the law is calling marriage, it's another thing entirely.

For instance, what if a man's wife files for divorce, and she legally divorces him. That's not within his control ? And it doesn't mean that he ever has to sign anything, but he would be legally divorced.

I respect the Church's position, it is just hard to get over these upside down modern marriage and divorce laws.
 

BasilSeal

Robin
Catholic
I'm only really discussing the Sacrament of Marriage in the Catholic church. There are many other kinds of religious and civil unions (and recognizes many of them). A legal (civil) divorce does not dissolve this Sacramental bond.
 
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josemiguel

Robin
Orthodox
Could a man have his assets go to his son rather than his wife?
To do that get a financial planner and a lawyer, there are ways to over time redistribute your assets to your kids so that in the event of a divorce or bankruptcy or other financial devistating event.

If you're wealthy enough there are trusts that can be built to also get around inheritance taxes.

I know an older widower who wanted to ensure a young woman who was interested in him wasn't after his money. He gave his kids their entire inheritance and let her know. She still married him. In the case of a community property state and one is looking to remarry after your first spouse dies, it would be irresponsible to not start distributing asap to your progeny since she gets at least half when you die, not your heirs.
 

droughtmeat

Kingfisher
Catholic
If you marry a girl you lived with prior your divorce risk quadruples.
But is this stat only based on Christians? Cause if it includes Muslims, then it's probably not that meaningful since divorce isn't really an option to them. Muslims are definitely less likely to live together before getting married too.

Sometimes these studies will literally be:
100 couples that lived together before marriage (60 Christian, 30 atheist, 10 other religion)
100 couples that didn't live together before marriage (80 Muslim, 5 Christian, 5 other religion, 10 atheist)

Afterwards conclusions are drawn without taking religion into account as the main driving force of behaviour.
 

BlastbeatCasanova

Kingfisher
At some point I might revisit this and add some of the lessons but at this point I'm burnt out on it. For the first time in my life I've got nothing holding me anywhere. I am going to buy an enclosed trailer to put my shit in, hitch up to my truck and hit the road.

Any updates OP? Hope you're doing well. I went through a break up recently and it's been an emotional roller coaster in that I fluctuate between being OK and then regretting it and missing her terribly. I'm reflecting on mistakes made, lessons learned, etc. so I related to your post a lot
 

droughtmeat

Kingfisher
Catholic
why wouldn't be the divorce an option for Muslims?
Not that it's impossible, but a divorced Muslim woman will usually be shunned by her family or at least by friends of the family. And having a divorced daughter is like walking around with the scarlet letter.

Even in western society the man is unlikely to initiate the divorce in the sense that, if he does, it's as a result of his wife distancing herself emotionally, hypergamy etc. So if you have that base covered, a divorce isn't really going to happen.
 

Rogerto

Pigeon
Catholic
I would strongly disagree with your first point. When you start living with a girl you really get to know her and get a glimpse of what married life would be like because there's no escape. You can't just tell her you're busy and can't see her today when you're annoyed about something. I have friends who moved in with their girlfriends and after about 6 months they reached the let's have sex once a month stage. I'm not glorifying sex, but if that happens so early in a relationship, it's usually an indication that things won't work out.

And on a deeper level you get to see how your girl talks to her parents on the phone aka how they have arguments, how she talks about other people, how she reacts to things like the news and whether you can actually influence her or stir her thoughts in a certain direction as long as you're there every day.

Just think about the couples that lived through all the quarantine stuff together. They really got to know each other, just like many of us really got to know our friends when they said "well, I'm definitely getting the vaxx asap" or family members when they said "if you're unvaxxed, you're not welcome at my house." To me, living together is an invaluable experience.
Dude, you’re a Catholic? Some fraternal correction for you: cohabitation is a grave sin. Not trying to be mean, I’m being honest. You are on the wrong path if you support this. Read the Catechism.
 

droughtmeat

Kingfisher
Catholic
Dude, you’re a Catholic? Some fraternal correction for you: cohabitation is a grave sin. Not trying to be mean, I’m being honest. You are on the wrong path if you support this. Read the Catechism.
Yes, I'm Catholic. My point is that if you're going to marry an ordinary girl, like the one described in the initial post, and you expect things to not go south once you get married and live together, you're being extremely optimistic and are in for quite a surprise.

Of course, if you're with a girl that's a pious virgin, different rules apply.

Unfortunately for me, all the girls I know from the latter group are vaccinated because they wanted to "do the right thing".
 

Solitarius

Robin
Catholic
Yes, I'm Catholic. My point is that if you're going to marry an ordinary girl, like the one described in the initial post, and you expect things to not go south once you get married and live together, you're being extremely optimistic and are in for quite a surprise.

Of course, if you're with a girl that's a pious virgin, different rules apply.

Unfortunately for me, all the girls I know from the latter group are vaccinated because they wanted to "do the right thing".
It is better to die a thousand deaths than to commit a mortal sin. What kind of fool risks burning forever in hell for anything, much less a little contemptible filthy pleasure? There are many now lost eternally who thought they would offend the Almighty & confess their sin afterward, but were overtaken by His wrath & summoned to appear before Him before they could do so. From S. Alphonsus Liguori's sermon on the execrable vice of impurity: "
8. St. Jerome says, that the vice of impurity, when habitual, will cease when the unhappy man who indulges in it is cast into the fire of hell. ”infernal fire, lust, whose fuel is gluttony, whose sparks are brief conversations, whose end is hell.” The unchaste be come like the vulture that waits to be killed by the fowler, rather than abandon the rottenness of the dead bodies on which it feeds. This is what happened to a young female, who, after having lived in the habit of sin with a young man, fell sick, and appeared to be converted. At the hour of death she asked leave of her confessor to send for the young man, in order to exhort him to change his life at the sight of her death. The confessor very imprudently gave the permission, and taught her what she should say to her accomplice in sin.

But listen to what happened. As soon as she saw him, she forgot her promise to the confessor and the exhortation she was to give to the young man. And what did she do? She raised herself up, sat in bed, stretched her arms to him, and said: Friend, I have always loved you, and even now, at the end of my life, I love you: I see that, on your account, I shall go to hell: but I do not care: I am willing, for the love of you, to be damned. After these words she fell back on the bed and expired. These facts are related by Father Segneri (Christ. Istr. Bag., xxiv., n. 10.)

Oh! how difficult is it for a person who has contracted a habit of this vice, to amend his life and return sincerely to God! O how difficult is it for him not to terminate this habit in hell, like the unfortunate young woman of whom I have just spoken."
 

Parmesan

Kingfisher
Other Christian
Honestly, I think OP made a mistake. This girl doesn't sound bad at all compared to most modern women. My friend just had a kid and of course shipped her off to daycare as soon as maternity leave was over, both of them think its completely normal. His wife is actually pretty chill too. OP works remotely, why couldn't he take care of the kid if his wife wants to go play dress up? Do you want to have kids or keep looking for a diamond in the rough? That's just reality in the West. I'm not saying it's right, but OP may have threw away his most ideal chance to procreate. From the way he tells the story, it sounded like she was hardly a lost cause yet. At this point, you're lucky to find an attractive woman that isn't a social media thot to some degree, not to mention abortion and LGBTQ support and all the other crap they have been sold.

You can red pill all you want, it doesn't mean some virgin trad wife is going to fall in your lap, and since the OP mentions working remotely and living in a city, I assume he is not immersed in some traditional religious or rural lifestyle that could possibly expose him to unspoiled women. As shitty of a deal it is, unless you are Chad, the reality is you are going to have accept some amount of blue pill, modernist liberal thinking from women if you want to hurry up and build a family. Your average guy just isn't going to have the sway to mold these women and keep them in line. The best you can do is manuever to avoid the pitfalls and stay on top of things before they get worse. Sadly, for most average men, getting caught up in finding some perfect trad wife will likely leave you old, lonely and childless in the end, because realistically those rare type of women are getting paired off at a young age within their tight knit religious communities. There are very, very few left in the West, and certainly excessively rare to find an unmarried one beyond mid-20s.
 
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BasilSeal

Robin
Catholic
If there really are very, very few, etc. as you suggest, then I bet you suppose I was pretty lucky that I waited until my 30s to meet the woman (also in her 30s) that I married a year later and have since had kids with.

I put my faith in God, kept my own chastity, and have enjoyed a Sacramental marriage closing in on two decades now, with amazing kids, who my wife left her career to raise. Pretty lucky? Or, the plan the God envisioned?

I am very glad that I did not give up on God's plan, and that I am able to participate in it, as I continue to watch it unfold each and every day. Perfect for me, every day? No. Every day carries it's share of challenges. In line with the perfection of the Lord? You bet.
 

Parmesan

Kingfisher
Other Christian
If there really are very, very few, etc. as you suggest, then I bet you suppose I was pretty lucky that I waited until my 30s to meet the woman (also in her 30s) that I married a year later and have since had kids with.
Admittedly that assessment is anecdotal, but I believe fairly obvious. Keep in mind many trad girls raised properly can still end up with secular Chads. So taking the God pill doesn't necessarilly change your prospects. I'm not saying men on this forum are finding religion for that purpose, but some might entertain such delusions. Taking the red pill, and finding God is a good thing to guide you through life, but I think if you want to be practical and timely about starting your family, I think you need to weigh the risks of searching for the ideal wife versus settling for "good enough". The way OP described it, she actually sounded fairly grounded for a "modern" woman, though obviously somewhat predictably corrupted and wishy washy from feminist co-workers. But IMO your chances of finding someone less damaged on the open dating market are low (unless you can somehow gain acceptance with 18/19 year olds from trad families). More than likely you'll just find women even more invested in liberal metropolitan lifestyles and addicted to their phones. Anyhow, I suspect there were more issues at play with OP, but I'm just saying as a late-30s guy. Time starts to fly past 30, and eventually you start facing reality that it's too late for more and more things in life.
 
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