Can Single People Become Mature?

Penitent

Woodpecker
Orthodox
To single men who have no one to care for -- befriend the widows of the church. Befriend the grandmothers whose families live far away. Women need help around the house with things you cannot imagine: mowing the lawn, moving furniture, reaching high places. Older women pose no danger to you and will nourish you with their wisdom (and will be overjoyed to cook for you, etc.). Make them the center of your life. (As a bonus, you will inevitably gain a wonderful reputation among women that will spread far and wide, perhaps drawing a woman your age to you!)

"Pure religion and undefiled before God and the Father is this, To visit the fatherless and widows in their affliction, and to keep himself unspotted from the world." James 1:27

Good advice. ;)
 

Wutang

Hummingbird
Gold Member
Read this article when it was first written and had an experience recently that made me marinate on it's ideas more. My old college roommate who I've known since freshmen year and have maintained a friendship with for over a decade visiting while on leave from the army. When we were hanging out there was one point where we were sitting on a couch watching pro-wrestling while he drank a beer. I started thinking of how much this reminded me of our college days of when we would sit in the living room of our apartment and watch MMA or cheesy 80s movies. Even though neither of us are bums with him moving up through the NCO ranks and me working a full-time white collar job while owning and running a brick and mortar business on the side, I can't help but think that it seemed like we were still both 21 years old. Both of us are single with no kids and I got the feeling that without going through the same process people who have kids go through, we were still in many ways the same college kids with no responsibilities even though we both have plenty of adult responsibilities now.
 
Last edited:

CSH2C

Pigeon
Protestant
While I agree with this article 100% how is a man supposed to get married if his income is too low to provide for himself let alone a wife and children and he has a disability that limits the types of jobs he can do and frequently faces disability and anti-white male discrimination in the workforce that makes it difficult for him to hold a job through no fault of his own?

I’ve been living paycheck to paycheck ever since the 2008 Recession despite my best efforts to be financially stable. I’ve also been unable to hold a job for more than 6 months due to affirmative action and health problems that were created by medical malpractice yet I’ve still been denied disability benefits 4 times. I have no family as they abandoned me over my disability and left me to die years ago. I’ve been praying every day for years that God will give me financial stability and gainful employment and the ability to hold a job but so far my prayers have been in vain in an hour every man for himself culture I have not been able to receive much support outside of myself please pray for me but I don’t see how I’m supposed to get married and raise a family in my circumstances though I would happily do so if I could afford to take care of myself as well as a wife and children.

And I’m not willing to be monastic. Jesus said the celibate life is only for those who can except it and I would rather never be created or born than live a monastic life is that would destroy my sanity even more than destitution

It appears you have placed marriage as your path to happiness. Also your post hints of stubbornness, regarding the monastic life. God will give you everything you need to live each day... nothing more nothing less. I recommend to upgrade your prayer life. Next to seek out an church community so you won't be alone. Finally do not give up on your family who left you. Their hearts can change.
 

NickK

 
Banned
Orthodox
I am saying, be cautious (like the example you gave) when spending time alone with women, if as a young man you intend not to fornicate. Maybe it's just me, but I don't have any experience being "just friends" with women, and I'm skeptical this is even possible. It probably sounds like I'm blaming the women too much, I'm really not, I have heard the sex drive and ability to climax remains strong even well into the 70s in women and all humans are subject to temptation.
You are not blaming women too much.
Their need for approval by men leads even 'pious' appearing women visiting monasteries just to seduce monks.
They cannot fathom there are men that aren't interested in sex.
Has this been said by somebody at Athos?
Nope.
 

BasilSeal

Sparrow
Catholic
It was only after I had reached maturity as a single person that I was ready for partnership and marriage. In my experience, immaturity has more to do with a lack of a solid perspective on life and true self-understanding than anything else. Those things are best discovered on your own, and under your own time table.

So, yes, I think so. Being single is a really important time to ground yourself, through immersive experience.
 

loremipsum

Kingfisher
Although we are all sinners, we all have different gifts and strengths to offer the world.



There's always temptation. There's always doubt. A man must make a decision and stand by it, in spite of these things, to keep them at bay. Fear and hesitation are feminine qualities. Always thinking there's something better just around the corner ('hypergamy').

Owen Benjamin had a funny bit about guys who think sleeping with a bunch of women makes them a man. He said no, a man picks one and stays (knowing she will often do crazy things and it will be frustrating). That a guy leaving his woman for another one because she did something crazy is like moving because your house has walls.

There isn't enough talk of "male hypergamy" whatever you want to call it.
Getting succesful in "game" often leads to spinning plates and always thinking there's someone better.

It took me 5 years to integrate and learn PUA material, and now I have been spending two years to unlearn what I have learned.
God knows it's not an easy task. PUA blinds you from good women and makes you sociopathic, no matter how much people like to spout that NAWALT is """beta""" thinking. How many PUA even are happy? When I look at pictures of myself during PUA phase I can see from the eyes that something isn't in there.
 

dead^2

Chicken
The single vocation is truly the forgotten vocation. Rather than seeing singleness as a gift and calling from God, erroneous opinions abound. Many look upon the single person as somehow deficient or wanting. They were unmarriageable or rejects who couldn't get in a seminary/convent. The secular world sees unmarried women as “closet lesbians” or “old maids” who couldn't get a husband. Single men are “closet homosexuals" or "have problems." Only men who sleep around like heathens can wear "proudly" the badge of "swinging single." All of these ideas are deficient, inaccurate, and disparaging. They show a crass ignorance. Being single is noble and people are called by God to live their life in that way. It is a state superior to marriage. To remain single in the world and live a life of perfect chastity is to act as an ambassador of Christ representing Him and doing all for His greater glory. This is both lawful and meritorious. It is a life most pleasing to God. The single life of necessity entails perfect chastity because the use of sex is exclusively for the married. However, unlike the other vocations, the single life is the only one that does not entail taking a solemn promise or vow. Monks and nuns must take binding vows to remain celibate, and married people take marriage vows; the married have rights over each other's bodies for life, but they are also chaste according to their state in life. Sex must be open to procreation and they must remain faithful to each other, together raising all children in the Church. In this sense, the single person has a better chance to save his/her soul, not having formally committed themselves to special duties and responsibilities.

For those who are single and still wondering if the vocation is chosen for them by God, remember there is nothing wrong for praying that God may send you a suitable spouse (if it be His Will), or for praying that God may grant you entry into a monastery (if it be His Will). Always be resigned to God's Will for you. In addition to praying for a particular vocation it is wise to pray that God will guide you to where He wants you to be.
I am a catholic, and traditionally the church has taught that there is a vocation to be single. I have never dug deep into the church's teaching on this matter, but your rebuttal of Roosh's perspective seems highly lacking. I guess neither are better, they just both offer differing boons/debuffs.
 

ItsK

Pigeon
Woman
Today I cried because my husband threw dirty pee stained sheets on the carpet in the hallway and left them there all night. I just felt lower than a slave, that he didn't even bother to throw them in the laundry hamper and that he probably just expected me to quietly pick them up off the floor and deal with them. There is really nothing quite like living with other people to break your spirit. Some days I really hate my husband and my kids. Marriage is like that. When it's good it's amazing, but some days just bring you down so low
 

KurtD

Chicken
Apostle Paul was very much sanctified by God, with the beatings and floggings and shipwrecks and locked up. Be in the world, but not of it, which is mindset and priorities. If you take this serious, then "put first His kingdom and righteousness" is your answer. What is your mission in God? What personal strengths and skills are your developing in you walk with God?

Know the line between the healthy and unhealthy 'selfish'. DO be selfish in taking care of yourself, establishing your own healthy boundaries, and getting your mission and purpose done. Do NOT be selfish in the desire to compromise with the world, and say "I'll do whatever I want like the world does, you can't tell me anything". That's the bad selfish.

To put it simply, "selfish single" is hard to do when you're pressing towards your personal role in advancing God's kingdom and pursing His righteousness.

This leads into the problem I see with many married guys. They haven't done enough of that work I mentioned, and their foundation isn't ready. They are unprepared, and their wives have more struggle because the man has the raw ability but not the wisdom and development. Hence the high divorce rate. Don't take the world's mindset and expect success, it will fail and destroy you.
 

infowarrior1

Crow
Protestant
You are not blaming women too much.
Their need for approval by men leads even 'pious' appearing women visiting monasteries just to seduce monks.

They cannot fathom there are men that aren't interested in sex.

Nope.

That means modern incels have no trouble with that issue at least. ;)

Unfortunately too many of them are Godless and when they hang out with each other they create a toxic environment no doubt influenced by demons that end up with lots of suicide and murderers like Elliot Rodger:
 

Blade Runner

Ostrich
Orthodox
I get the idea that marriage/family as a forced mechanism for "maturing" is the mindset here, often. The critical thing to understand about any given situation is why someone is/isn't married, and what he is doing. Of course you have less responsibility when single compared to the married man, but even that can be debatable depending on the quality of each situation.
 
Top