Choosing the right woman is like buying a house

ivanverr

Pigeon
Choosing the right woman for a LTR or marriage is equivalent to choosing the right investment, much like a property, a business or other assets.

Many men I know choose the wrong investment, with little to no return in the long term, or even a negative return. Some other men I know invest in women who aren't even assets, but liabilities. All the Instahoes, the "sugarbabes", the plastic-surgery addicts, the emotionally damaged tomboys, the granola girls, are all examples of liabilities. These women do not represent an asset because they do not provide any form of value in the long-term. They could be fun to date for a little while, but they cannot and should not be mothers or wives.

Choosing such women for a LTR or marriage would be equivalent to buying a new car, instead of buying a house or a business. A new car might be cool to drive for a little while, but when it comes to value, a new car start depreciating as soon as you drive off from the dealer. And it keeps depreciating year on year, so that you can only resell it at a loss. Additionally, a new car requires maintenance which generally does not translate in a increase in value in a way that it does for a house. The more expensive the car, the more the maintenance required, and the more the loss in value with time.

Many men still choose their women based on their beauty (or perceived beauty) alone. But beauty fades away with time, and as such it's a depreciating asset. if anything, beauty is actually a negative feature to have in a wife. A beautiful woman will probably know she is beautiful and will look for attention from other men. A beautiful woman is often more insecure and selfish than an average looking one. A beautiful woman will place a lot of importance in her own beauty and how to maintain it and enhance it, and less in other aspects of her life, such as her husband or her children. A beautiful woman could be fun to date, but not to marry. Physical beauty shouldn't even be among the top 10 reasons to marry someone.

Besides, beauty today is a very, very distorted concept. Women alter their online pictures, use a lot of make up, undergo plastic surgery, etc. I don't understand why so many good guys still fall for these tricks that women play to secure a man. When you start to realize that the real beauty of a woman is to be found in her character, her grace, and femininity, and that all these things cannot be altered with a computer, you will have made the first step towards choosing the right investment.

I also see many men in LTR or even married to women who aren't online prostitutes by any means, but still are: feminists, career-obsessed, masculine, aggressive, dominant, etc. While not as bad as buying a new car you cannot afford, this still is a poor investment choice. Such women might be converted to good wives or mothers, but it's often a hit or miss. It's like buying a house in a deprived area or that requires a lot of work to make it habitable. And its value might still depreciate over time, no matter how much work you put in.

So how do we choose a good investment in the housing market? You want to know that the property is located in a safe and nice area, it doesn't require a lot of renovation/ remodeling work, it was built recently, it is close to good schools, in a nice community, and so on. How does this translate to women?

Just for fun, I listed my top 7 criteria below:

1) (Solid foundations) Raised by a family with traditional values, ideally Christian, a masculine father and feminine mother
2) (Good history) Ideally virgin, or with a maximum of 1 LTR in her history. No history of casual sex
3) (New build) Not older than 29 years old. If she has been single for that long it's a huge red flag
4) (No hidden damage requiring major works) Good emotional balance. Doesn't play games. Mature, reliable and trustworthy.
5) (Simple and tasteful architecture / exterior decor) Little /no social media presence. Simple looks, no fake eyelashes/nails, tattoos, etc. Good, balanced taste in clothing and accessories.
6) (Located in a safe area) Motherly, caring and calming,docile character
7) (Located within a pleasant community) Like-minded friends, who are also traditional and family-orientated.
 

Rob Banks

Pelican
Choosing the right woman for a LTR or marriage is equivalent to choosing the right investment, much like a property, a business or other assets.
...
No it isn't.

It is not a transactional business decision where you coldly calculate your moves and then proceed with the transaction if certain criteria are met.

The idea is that God will provide you with the right woman at a time of His choosing. Then you will form a deep connection with her and literally become one with her. That is far different from buying a house or property. A wife and children are not "assets".

Obviously, you need to be ready (get your life and finances in order, etc.) and you need to use discretion and good judgment to weed out unsuitable girls and engage with more suitable ones. God gave you intelligence and good judgment for a reason.

But still, finding a wife is not a cold-hearted transaction. You should be relying more on intuition (and by intuition I DON'T mean lustful desire) and God's guidance than criteria and calculations.
 
No it isn't.

It is not a transactional business decision where you coldly calculate your moves and then proceed with the transaction if certain criteria are met.

The idea is that God will provide you with the right woman at a time of His choosing. Then you will form a deep connection with her and literally become one with her. That is far different from buying a house or property. A wife and children are not "assets".

Obviously, you need to be ready (get your life and finances in order, etc.) and you need to use discretion and good judgment to weed out unsuitable girls and engage with more suitable ones. God gave you intelligence and good judgment for a reason.

But still, finding a wife is not a cold-hearted transaction. You should be relying more on intuition (and by intuition I DON'T mean lustful desire) and God's guidance than criteria and calculations.


It is not a cold-hearted calculation, because on paper a woman can appear near-perfect, and yet down the road, she may still divorce rape you! This can happen due to things which occur later on, or it could be that she had flaws in her mind/personality/soul, which you had no conscious idea about. And so intuition and God's guidance is very important.
 
I'm chuckling a bit in that this reads a lot like how many women my wife and I talk to think similarly: They look for red flags and "assets" for someone, checklist the boxes, and then move accordingly.

Let's pause and reflect for a moment that marriage/children are an expression of our mental individuality that's unique as compared to getting stuck with our relatives (you can't pick 'em) or work (to survive in most professional environments, you gotta sometimes work with people you dislike or don't share values with.) In general, in life, we try to pick our friends and colleague relationships but for the most part, we're stuck with people.

Like the car tire ad goes: A lot is riding on your tires or in this case, your and your offspring's whole lives. And how is this tremendous decision made? All over initial impressions and a checklist. Young women are kids in a candy store, for men, trying to get that magical 7 item list is like hunting for the albino buffalo.

Been married for 16 years and here's how I did it. Your Mileage May Vary: I focused less on the red flags and more on a long courtship, talking to several women (and no doubt they weren't putting all their eggs in one basket with me), and checking to see their overall behavior in how they responded to a crisis. My future wife smoked with her friend. I asked her to stop. She did. Never picked it up again. Over the course of 2 years, she and I observed each other: Did we possess red flags that were fatal, or could be worked out? Because neither of us were perfect.

And after all, that's the fallacy both genders seem to have: For women, they form their expectations when most are Barbies: They are young and pretty and can get decent male attention just walking into a nightclub. For men, the goal is to become a chad requiring both personal and physical success and game in order to improve one's SMV. Then self-made Chad marries Barbie.

I think too much emphasis, today, is on being the perfect mate even before one meets someone, much less on the wedding day, or even afterwards. One can still be a decent person, worthy of love from oneself, God, and a spouse without needing to be perfect. That's not to say that gradual self-improvement throughout a relationship justifies the hopeless project of trying to housewife-a-whore. That's absolutely blue-pill soyboy nonsense where I had friends marry women who were bad news all around and got divorced later (we even joked at the weddings at renting the wedding gifts to avoid the issue of having to sell the gifts later on ebay :) But if someone is making the effort to improve, I think that's quite an asset worthy of merit in and of itself. In other words: does the woman listen? Or at least not react badly to being asked to consider improvement? The key factor in a domineering woman (or man for that matter) is someone who doesn't actually improve (just sharpens their own skillset they're comfortable with) while asking others around them to make radical changes to accommodate them.

In particular for women, I liken dating (which most here will still probably engage in unless they have other options) to basically entertaining a 4 year old at Chuck-E-Cheese. Women behave their WORST at the beginning of a relationship. Men either blind themselves to actual red flags (that can't be improved) because so many women behave in a similar bad way due to cultural leverage OR the men do what women do and overemphasize red flags that could be attributed to the first dates bad behavior that is common in the culture.

I guess it's similar to The Bachelor show in that one or both of the people should be dating a few people at once, even if for a few months, and even forming emotional bonds while nonetheless keeping the option open to dump them later if it's determined that a marriage and family just won't work. That's not to say "optimal", but clearly unworkable. In my own case, another gal I was considering was an archeologist. Quite lovely person (inside and out) but she was serious about her profession and wanted to spend a decade on digs and clearly wasn't going to throw that away to have kids and housewife up or delay her career until later. If I had planned to travel with her, perhaps that would have been workable. In my wife's case, her own career she realized had maxed out and didn't mind the change to marry me. I didn't break up because "I could do better!" or "this red flag says instead dump time!" but rather felt that it was unworkable. Other red flags I usually would have moved on I found were surmountable (some funny stories on that.)
 

ivanverr

Pigeon
Like the car tire ad goes: A lot is riding on your tires or in this case, your and your offspring's whole lives. And how is this tremendous decision made? All over initial impressions and a checklist. Young women are kids in a candy store, for men, trying to get that magical 7 item list is like hunting for the albino buffalo.

Of course, as I said the list is "just for fun" :D The very word perfection is absolutely meaningless. This is more something that I would call "suitability". Is the woman fit for purpose to be a mother and a wife? It's that simple. This is an important decision.

I was simply reflecting on the fact that many men are simply blinded by lust, or bluepill BS like you said, and miss some of the most obvious signals.

Surely, with time, love, and dedication a woman (or a man) can improve. But we're still talking about good raw material.
 
Of course, as I said the list is "just for fun" :D The very word perfection is absolutely meaningless. This is more something that I would call "suitability". Is the woman fit for purpose to be a mother and a wife? It's that simple. This is an important decision.

I was simply reflecting on the fact that many men are simply blinded by lust, or bluepill BS like you said, and miss some of the most obvious signals.

Surely, with time, love, and dedication a woman (or a man) can improve. But we're still talking about good raw material.

If this is just for fun, but at the same time given some thought, perhaps instead of looking at a woman as buying a house, view it as sort of like buying a property to develop.

"Move-in-ready" wives are as hard to find as affordable homes in ready condition during the 2008 housing boom. There was a hilarious blog, I recall, about unreasonably priced real estate dumps. Shacks falling apart that looked like methheads had just been evicted going for half a million. During the last boom, a real estate agent had a property with trash on the floor and homeless congregated at the bus stop in front and she defended the listing saying "The property has good bones."

We've got a terrible "housing market" going on. One has to have good "game" (not just in approach but also in long term strategy) to make anything work. What's a "good fixer upper?" That perhaps might be a useful list for many here.
 
Yeah, move-in ready wives are harder and harder to find in this market

But then again, the market varies wildly from country to country. Some countries have a booming market so to speak, especially for foreign buyers :D

I remember back in the late 80's, I had a friend-of-a-friend who was a handsome guy who fared well in the university club scene who met an attractive older woman (about 30 or so) who had a severe case of baby rabies. She was nuts for him and wanted to sink her claws in and have a kid with him. He was 22 and wanted to play the field. He got a girlfriend about that age and (against our advice) had sex with her without a condom because she was on the pill. You can guess what happened. The 22 year old got knocked up and wanted child-support from him. So he would up trapped anyway. I don't think he married her (but who knows? I lost touch with him soon after so perhaps he did ring her up.)

It's a strange tale (and true, I swear) Take from it what you will.
 
An excellent video about how to choose and vette a potential wife... This guy really nails it in a sensible way... He is a money expert, but as he wisely states, "your marriage will also make or break your financial life."

 
I was speaking about this with a friend of mine a year or so back. He had an observation that is relevant to the OP, which he stated well.

Most people approach the dating market like a game of Musical Chairs. Everybody hops around from spot to spot exchanging partners with little care or concern for the future. There's no sense committing fully to anyone while the music is still playing. Then, at a certain age, the music stops and everyone scrambles to find a seat. People lock down whoever they're with or grab whoever is within arm's reach and suddenly decide to settle down. There's no intention to it, just happenstance.

By contrast, a few of us are much more intentional. We figure out what we want, work on ourselves to get the best deal, and debate what tradeoffs to make before selecting what we feel to be a pretty good deal. Continuing the analogy of chairs, this is like shopping around town at a dozen or more stores comparing price, craftsmanship, and sturdiness before finally making a purchase. It is very much the opposite of the rushed grabbing of any chair at the last minute.

The two approaches simply aren't compatible. It's like trying to ballroom dance at a rave. The approach of trying to search around for the best option requires counterparts on the other side taking a similar approach. So long as a woman is in the casual dating mode, she will have no place for you. As such, this mindset of optimization requires that you also search for others willing to use the same approach.

The compatibility of approaches is a double-edged sword. You have far fewer options by opting out of the mainstream game. However, requiring that women be willing to go against the grain of society like that can be a powerful filtering mechanism. Us it to your advantage, just know what you're getting into.
 

EndlessGravity

Kingfisher
But if someone is making the effort to improve, I think that's quite an asset worthy of merit in and of itself. In other words: does the woman listen? Or at least not react badly to being asked to consider improvement? The key factor in a domineering woman (or man for that matter) is someone who doesn't actually improve (just sharpens their own skillset they're comfortable with) while asking others around them to make radical changes to accommodate them.

This is a very solid insight and an important factor from my own success in this realm (20 years with my wife). Might not be coincidence we have overlap here. However, two things for everyone to think about.

1) Most of you sound like you've watched too many episodes of Flip This House.

Marrying someone is like buying a house. You just have some movie version of house buying in mind. When most people buy a house, you're probably making one of the biggest financial decisions of your life. There will be many consequences you cannot foresee. You will develop strong attachments to your first property and the neighborhood. That's what buying a house often means. You aren't wrong for paying attention to transactional elements of the purchase but there's two sides to the coin.

With women, stay flexible, use your gut, develop expectations for them, yourself, and the relationship. If you're not a good judge of character, privately ask someone like your sister what she thinks of your GF. Weigh the response.

2) God is not magic.

If I had a dollar for all the churchy kids I've known who told me God would bring them someone and they would just know...but who ended up alone at 40, I'd be insanely rich.

God isn't magic and he's not going to strike you with a bolt of lightening. He also doesn't arrange marriages and there's probably several women you could end up with. Luckily you get entrusted with the responsibility of choosing.
 
This is a very solid insight and an important factor from my own success in this realm (20 years with my wife). Might not be coincidence we have overlap here. However, two things for everyone to think about.

1) Most of you sound like you've watched too many episodes of Flip This House.

Marrying someone is like buying a house. You just have some movie version of house buying in mind. When most people buy a house, you're probably making one of the biggest financial decisions of your life. There will be many consequences you cannot foresee. You will develop strong attachments to your first property and the neighborhood. That's what buying a house often means. You aren't wrong for paying attention to transactional elements of the purchase but there's two sides to the coin.

With women, stay flexible, use your gut, develop expectations for them, yourself, and the relationship. If you're not a good judge of character, privately ask someone like your sister what she thinks of your GF. Weigh the response.

2) God is not magic.

If I had a dollar for all the churchy kids I've known who told me God would bring them someone and they would just know...but who ended up alone at 40, I'd be insanely rich.

God isn't magic and he's not going to strike you with a bolt of lightening. He also doesn't arrange marriages and there's probably several women you could end up with. Luckily you get entrusted with the responsibility of choosing.

One caveat: Regarding trusting one's gut. This comedienne has a funny routine:

If just "being yourself" and "trusting your gut" worked, then most of us wouldn't be on this forum. I would NOT ask my sister for relationship advice since women are notorious for rationalizing their own selfish, protected worldview and they cover for each other. Women are more loyal to other women they aren't related to than their own blood relations when it comes to relationship advice!!!

And buying a house... There's a reason why Realtor (tm) ads feature fuzzy, feel-good commercials to generate an emotive response to get buyers to fork over cash. Most of the time, buying a home is a bad investment with short crashes where the opportune moments are. When THAT happens, Realtors do NOT pressure people to buy strangely enough. The reason? It hurts the feelings of their sellers whom they work for. Telling buyers to jump in while their employers (the sellers) who put up the commissions is bad for business. So generally, if you don't see a lot of ads showing how a house is a "home", that's usually because there's blood in the water.

Roosh has said he puts his trust in God to find him a wife, but I would (politely) argue that's blue pill thinking. Men are expected to be the initiators in relationships, even with traditional women, and that skillset doesn't come naturally to most men. Unless a man is good looking (and having met Roosh, I'd say he's quite attractive), it's a fundamental obligation for a man to learn how to initiate and bring relationships to fruition and fathers should be obligated to teach this to their sons as much as how to earn a living or to be a moral person. I was looking forward to teaching a son this but had a daughter instead so that's a whole different rodeo for me. :)
 

SoftFor

Pigeon
Agree, and this is applicable not only when looking for a woman, a man as well. I mean when looking for someone to be in a relationship with. You should choose someone you're comfortable with, someone who'd make you feel at home.
 
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