Christian Masculinity - How to be a great Christian man?

[paternos]

I'd like to open thread to investigate Christian Masculinity. What makes a good Christian man?

I grew up with and ran after many false ideas of masculinity; have sex with many women, be attractive to women, make a lot of money, have entertaining stories, be fit and strong, travel over the world, be independent.

But now, as a follower of Christ, what does it mean to be a good man? What should I go after? What kind of behaviour to practice?

The examples of masculinity pushed in media, are either feminized boys or Lamborghini driving men in designer clothes hiring whore. Not a path to take.

Who are great Christian examples? How can Jesus be an example in our lives? What can we learn from the men in the Bible?

Many questions. Worth a thread.

 

[Gaboyski]

I honestly with this thread was in the Orthodox Christianity section, but whatever....

It's funny because I'm watching this video by an Evangelical YouTuber (Daily Disciple) who made a new channel specifically dedicated into discussing masculinity from a Christian perspective:



There's also an older video (from 7 months ago) by Mark Queppet calling out secular society's idolization of male promiscuity. Interestingly, this was right before Tate made headlines with his arrest:



I think for starters, true Christian masculinity IS NOT rooted in the pursuit of material gain or sensory pleasure. That alone separates us from the secular Red Pill/Manosphere/PUA community.

Christian masculinity is also holistic, meaning that the Christian man's development encompasses the soul and the heart in addition to the mind (intellectual or career pursuits) and obviously the body (exercise, gaining strength). Since the TRP is built upon a secular worldview, it just ends up turning insecure men into copycats of the bratty "popular chicks" they lust after. Obviously, the Christian worldview presupposes the existence of a higher purpose in the form of Jesus Christ and the faith. There's literally no higher and more noble purpose than to becoming like Christ.

 

[Sandalwood Peak]

There's also an older video (from 7 months ago) by Mark Queppet calling out secular society's idolization of male promiscuity. Interestingly, this was right before Tate made headlines with his arrest:

It honestly doesn't make any sense. We're born with mothers and sisters, we grow to have wives and daughters. There's no escaping the family unit and it's not something you would even want to escape from.

How anyone can advocate for the "alpha male" biological imperative and "human right" to bang and defile your or someone else's mother, sister, soon to be wife and eventual daughter is mind boggling. It's not even about chastity, it's about respecting nature, the family unit is basically our ecosystem in a way. Which brings up another topic, how are we suppose to even have families if people want to push the "red pill" that women are all promiscuous, hypergamous harlots from birth?

People really lack the understanding of how evil penetrates your thoughts making your sins feel righteous.

 

[paternos]

I have been thinking about this for quite a bit, as I see a lot of what I used to think on what makes a good man was false.

I think being a good Christian man is not simply about conforming to a set of norms or expectations. Rather, it requires the cultivation of an inner life that reflects the virtues and teachings of Jesus Christ.

John, the Apostle, emphasized the importance of living in truth. He stated in his third letter, "I have no greater joy than to hear that my children are walking in the truth." This notion of 'walking in the truth' I think is a crucial part in what it means to be a Christian man.

Walking in Truth​

Jesus said, "If you hold to my teaching, you are really my disciples. Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free." (John 8:31-32) As Christian men, we are invited to live in truth. This truth isn't only discerning the true from the false, about discerning the world and it's machinations and perversions. I realize that truth is hard a rock. It can't be pandered with. It stands the time. In find in scripture a rock I have never felt anywhere else. I think only then we can become a pillar for our families and communities. Truth also means confronting our sins and failings, not closing or eyes for them, to acknowledge our brokenness, and to seek God's healing and transformation.

Embodying Grace​

Christian masculinity I think is also linked with grace. Grace is not about deflection or avoidance of responsibility. It's about acknowledging our own flaws and extending forgiveness to ourselves and others. Jesus Christ embodied grace, love, and forgiveness even in the face of death. As stated in John 1:14, "The Word became flesh and made his dwelling among us. We have seen his glory, the glory of the one and only Son, who came from the Father, full of grace and truth." As men, we are called to live in this same spirit of grace, to love without conditions, forgive readily, and treat others with dignity and respect.

Facing Sin and Suffering​

In think Christian masculinity is also facing our sins and our suffering with courage and humility. It's about acknowledging our brokenness, recognizing our need for God's grace, and humbly seeking His forgiveness and healing. It means rejecting the temptation to escape into unhealthy behaviors like drugs, alcohol, or promiscuity, and instead bringing our pain and struggles to God for healing and redemption.

Cultivating Humility​

Lastly, Christian masculinity is marked by humility. Humility is not a weakness but a strength. It is about recognizing our limitations, asking for help when needed, and prioritizing others before ourselves. As Christian men, we are called to lead by serving, just as Jesus did.
In conclusion, Christian masculinity is about living in grace and truth, confronting our sin and suffering with courage and humility, and embodying the love and forgiveness of Jesus Christ. As Christian men, we are called to be men of integrity, who lead with love and serve with humility, following the example set by Jesus. This path is challenging, but I think it is one that promises growth, transformation, and a life rooted in truth.

Looking back, I realize how shallow my understanding of masculinity was—defined by muscular strength, popularity, sexual attractiveness, wealth, reading to impress, high-status jobs, and attractive partners. It was a life with constant neediness. I think the essence of Christian masculinity isn't about 'having' but 'becoming'—becoming truthful, graceful, humble, and a reflection of Christ's love.

 

[Sandalwood Peak]

I have been thinking about this for quite a bit, as I see a lot of what I used to think on what makes a good man was false.

I think being a good Christian man is not simply about conforming to a set of norms or expectations. Rather, it requires the cultivation of an inner life that reflects the virtues and teachings of Jesus Christ.

John, the Apostle, emphasized the importance of living in truth. He stated in his third letter, "I have no greater joy than to hear that my children are walking in the truth." This notion of 'walking in the truth' I think is a crucial part in what it means to be a Christian man.

Walking in Truth​

Jesus said, "If you hold to my teaching, you are really my disciples. Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free." (John 8:31-32) As Christian men, we are invited to live in truth. This truth isn't only discerning the true from the false, about discerning the world and it's machinations and perversions. I realize that truth is hard a rock. It can't be pandered with. It stands the time. In find in scripture a rock I have never felt anywhere else. I think only then we can become a pillar for our families and communities. Truth also means confronting our sins and failings, not closing or eyes for them, to acknowledge our brokenness, and to seek God's healing and transformation.

Embodying Grace​

Christian masculinity I think is also linked with grace. Grace is not about deflection or avoidance of responsibility. It's about acknowledging our own flaws and extending forgiveness to ourselves and others. Jesus Christ embodied grace, love, and forgiveness even in the face of death. As stated in John 1:14, "The Word became flesh and made his dwelling among us. We have seen his glory, the glory of the one and only Son, who came from the Father, full of grace and truth." As men, we are called to live in this same spirit of grace, to love without conditions, forgive readily, and treat others with dignity and respect.

Facing Sin and Suffering​

In think Christian masculinity is also facing our sins and our suffering with courage and humility. It's about acknowledging our brokenness, recognizing our need for God's grace, and humbly seeking His forgiveness and healing. It means rejecting the temptation to escape into unhealthy behaviors like drugs, alcohol, or promiscuity, and instead bringing our pain and struggles to God for healing and redemption.

Cultivating Humility​

Lastly, Christian masculinity is marked by humility. Humility is not a weakness but a strength. It is about recognizing our limitations, asking for help when needed, and prioritizing others before ourselves. As Christian men, we are called to lead by serving, just as Jesus did.
In conclusion, Christian masculinity is about living in grace and truth, confronting our sin and suffering with courage and humility, and embodying the love and forgiveness of Jesus Christ. As Christian men, we are called to be men of integrity, who lead with love and serve with humility, following the example set by Jesus. This path is challenging, but I think it is one that promises growth, transformation, and a life rooted in truth.

Looking back, I realize how shallow my understanding of masculinity was—defined by muscular strength, popularity, sexual attractiveness, wealth, reading to impress, high-status jobs, and attractive partners. It was a life with constant neediness. I think the essence of Christian masculinity isn't about 'having' but 'becoming'—becoming truthful, graceful, humble, and a reflection of Christ's love.

Speaking of Paul's letters, Second Corinthians Chapter 5 has some interesting things that kind of compliment what you're saying. I believe being a Christian is a state of mind and by extension a lifestyle. Humility and the things you mention should come naturally thereafter.

5 For we know that if our earthly house of this tabernacle were dissolved, we have a building of God, an house not made with hands, eternal in the heavens.
2 For in this we groan, earnestly desiring to be clothed upon with our house which is from heaven:
6 Therefore we are always confident, knowing that, whilst we are at home in the body, we are absent from the Lord:
​

So he seems to be saying in these verses that his/our body is a vessel and our true home is with God. Later on in the chapter he speaks about reconciliation with God. So really our job is "to get right with God" crudely speaking. The chapter also speaks of judgement. So some pervasive Christian themes seem to be to believe in God, understand what Jesus has done, get right with God, act accordingly to please God, and to not fear death because for us it is eternal life. Quite frankly I believe the gospels should be motivation in itself, to be inspired why one shouldn't be attached to this world. It's really about purpose, what a man craves and should in itself fulfil a man. It's a choice of whether you want to be a busybody with the sinners here in hopeless affairs and forsake God or whether you want to blessed with heavenly riches, sort of speak. The gospels kind of makes the case how "ugly" the unbelievers are for further motivation, at least they did for me, not in a judgmental way but a reflective way because we as people are a reflection of each other. The struggle of many men, including myself, is they get distracted with the material world instead of loving God and letting that devotion to our father guide their actions. I don't understand why men equate Christianity with weakness but in this chapter Paul says we can take pride in the apostles works. We can be confident in our way of life, we don't need to ask the non-believers for approval. We can march unabashed.

 

[paternos]

Quite frankly I believe the gospels should be motivation in itself, to be inspired why one shouldn't be attached to this world. It's really about purpose, what a man craves and should in itself fulfil a man. It's a choice of whether you want to be a busybody with the sinners here in hopeless affairs and forsake God or whether you want to blessed with heavenly riches, sort of speak.

The gospels kind of makes the case how "ugly" the unbelievers are for further motivation, at least they did for me, not in a judgmental way but a reflective way because we as people are a reflection of each other.

The struggle of many men, including myself, is they get distracted with the material world instead of loving God and letting that devotion to our father guide their actions.

I don't understand why men equate Christianity with weakness but in this chapter Paul says we can take pride in the apostles works. We can be confident in our way of life, we don't need to ask the non-believers for approval. We can march unabashed.

Very well said on the purpose, and what's the alternative? "busybody with the sinners here in hopeless affairs"?

On your last sentence. "We can be confident in our way of life. We don't need to ask the non-believers for approval. We can march unabashed." This is so true.

There is a large misunderstanding here, that the world will see followers of Christ as good, that you will be rewarded, it's not.

For a large part I had a misunderstanding of Christians. I thought it was for fearful weak men who walk around with their shoulders bowed, hoping to get a compliment of the priest, being all externally pious, so other people say, look that such a pious man but crushed by God.

Being a Christian will give no worldly acceptance. (might be in name, like Biden saying he's a Catholic). But if you start talking about Jesus or really questioning what is truth, most will desire to push you away.

For most is fine if you say I go to church on Sunday. "Ah well if it helps you that's great for you." But if it's about the truth, people get angry, irritated, don't stir up the pot. The truth needs to be hidden. In families, the sins are almost never talked about, so many people are carrying their sins, if we don't open up on sins, forgiveness can never happen.

I was recently speaking to an old man in his 90s still struggling with his sins of the past. Trying to explain me, that it was the time, that he was young, it was his family. Trying to forgive himself. We all so desire to be with our father, to be forgiven. I did't know what to say to him. It's painful to see. I want to say a 100 thing; you are loved, God has always been with you, just ask for forgiveness. I prayed for him. I don't know. It just shows me where sin leads. It's sad. Very sad. Whenever we break the will of God, it weighs on us. I recognize myself in it, the rationalizing. Doing everything to not accept my brokenness.

And if your sins don't hurt you in your life, you might really be a child of the devil.

The Truth Will Set You Free

31 So Jesus said to the Jews who had believed him, “If you abide in my word, you are truly my disciples, 32 and you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.” 33 They answered him, “We are offspring of Abraham and have never been enslaved to anyone. How is it that you say, ‘You will become free’?”

34 Jesus answered them, “Truly, truly, I say to you, everyone who practices sin is a slave to sin. 35 The slave does not remain in the house forever; the son remains forever. 36 So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed. 37 I know that you are offspring of Abraham; yet you seek to kill me because my word finds no place in you. 38 I speak of what I have seen with my Father, and you do what you have heard from your father.”

Just to strengthen your point that the Gospel is the motivation and is truth.

Jesus is exceptionally clear.

I say to you, everyone who practices sin is a slave to sin.

 

[Pius]

I think The Three Marks of Manhood by Dr. G. C. Dilsaver is one of the best books I’ve ever read on this topic.

The Three Marks of Manhood: How to be Priest, Prophet and King of Your Family

Read The Three Marks of Manhood: How to be Priest, Prophet and King of Your Family by G.C. Dilsaver, a Catholic book from TAN

tanbooks.com

The author is a Catholic psychologist and he eloquently explains the middle way that Our Lord took between the typical pagan notion of manhood (which usually meant pure brute dominance) and the cowardice/rejection of manhood that we tend to see today, and how His earthly life serves as the perfect model for all men to follow. One of his other books called Psychomoralitics is a phenomenal takedown of the modern psychiatric industry and of the secularist philosophy as a whole.
If you have a couple hours, here’s an interview that he did about the book:

 

[Viktor Zeegelaar]

It was a life with constant neediness. I think the essence of Christian masculinity isn't about 'having' but 'becoming'—becoming truthful, graceful, humble, and a reflection of Christ's love.

I think this hits the nail on its head. An atheist life in general is a life with constant neediness - a black hole that will never be satisfied. In fact the more the monster is fed, the more it wants. I like that idea about becoming instead of having, and I'd say that indeed it's first becoming and then having what is needed to sustain afterwards, for we are to provide for our families. But becoming (very much in line with Theosis) as a cornerstone is so different from the atheist approach that often looks from the outside to the inside (what you have defines you). And eventually that is just not sustainable.

 

[Northumber]

A word I heard recently that would help recover masculinity is meekness.

We've completely lost the meaning of this word in our culture. There is a great description of meekness from an Orthodox Army Chaplain in the clip below. He basically describes a meek man as a man who is powerful and capable of mayhem, but is in control and guided by moral virtue. The other definition he gives for meekness is a sheathed sword carried by a powerful man who knows how to use it.



It made me think of how difficult it is to be a father with this trait. There are two easy ways to fall on either side of meekness and it is either: 1.) tending towards abusive behavior, or, 2.) being an enabler. Both these things are a result of weakness. A father who is meek has an authority that he has developed that is simply understood and he is able to remain in control.

 

[SiverFox]

A word I heard recently that would help recover masculinity is meekness.

We discussed this word at our men's ministry breakfast just this last week.

Meekness is power under control. A trait every Christian man should aspire to

 

[Blade Runner]

He basically describes a meek man as a man who is powerful and capable of mayhem, but is in control and guided by moral virtue.

Amen, I was pondering this in church on Sunday, and how few people are aware of what it means. Yes, the greek term often referred to a powerful horse who had the capacity for strength and force, but was controlled. The weakness of people and collectivism pulled a Nietzschean slave morality caper on the rest of society, so we see what we see in the modern day. Being meek, like Peterson says, means nothing if not capable of power and danger. It's actually just weakness that is devoid of morality, and if anything, is immoral since it tries to gain favor by not training yourself to be capable and actually respected as a result.

The dilemma of our day, in my view, is in how much one should participate in the society at all. This takes discernment. If you have accomplished a lot and rightly demand some reciprocity, but no one wants to properly correspond in word or action, interaction generally just becomes punishment for no reason, due to all the demons. We see this in politics all the time. I've talked about not wanting to be around people in public who generally act like monkeys and worse. Incentives are a crucial aspect of the universe, and hint at the atlas shrugged moments that are occurring, and will increasingly occur. Discernment is key.

 

[paternos]

A word I heard recently that would help recover masculinity is meekness.

We've completely lost the meaning of this word in our culture. There is a great description of meekness from an Orthodox Army Chaplain in the clip below. He basically describes a meek man as a man who is powerful and capable of mayhem, but is in control and guided by moral virtue. The other definition he gives for meekness is a sheathed sword carried by a powerful man who knows how to use it.



It made me think of how difficult it is to be a father with this trait. There are two easy ways to fall on either side of meekness and it is either: 1.) tending towards abusive behavior, or, 2.) being an enabler. Both these things are a result of weakness. A father who is meek has an authority that he has developed that is simply understood and he is able to remain in control.

Meekness is a great addition.

I look at it from perspective of meekness to God, not meekness to man. This is crucial. We are sheep to God, not to those who wish to destroy us. We are not there to help their anti-Christian motives.

It is essential to dissect it in Greek in order to correctly interpret its meaning. The word used is πραΰτης, Prautes.

The word πραΰτης carries connotations of gentleness, humility, and a peaceful spirit. It doesn't imply weakness, but suggests strength under control.

Galatians 5:22-23: This passage lists the fruits of the Spirit, qualities that Christians believe are produced in people's lives by the Holy Spirit. "But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness (πραΰτης) and self-control. Against such things there is no law." Here, πραΰτης is associated with a virtuous life led by the Holy Spirit.

Matthew 5:5: In the Sermon on the Mount, Jesus says, "Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth." This suggests that those who are gentle and humble, rather than aggressive or dominating, are those who receive God's blessings.

Ephesians 4:2-3: "Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace."
In all these examples, πραΰτης is seen as a virtue of a Christian life, associated with humility, gentleness, patience, and a readiness to accept God's word

A father who is meek is gentle, peaceful and humble.

Peter wrote on what it means in a relationship with a woman.

1 Peter 3:7: "In the same way, you husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, as with a weaker vessel, since she is a woman; and grant her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life, so that your prayers will not be hindered." Here, husbands are encouraged to be understanding and respectful towards their wives, aspects of meekness applied within a family context.

I think it is closely related to forgiveness and love.

The opposite would be harshness, arrogance, pride and aggressiveness.

This stand in the way. Your prayers will be hindered.

In our anti-Christian culture these vices are displayed as virtues. You have to be bold, audacious, confident, brash, severe, strong.

I think with meekness you strike at the core where modern masculinity differs from masculinity as intended by God.

I think it helps to see it from the perspective of the father. Do we want our father to be bold, aggressive, self-centered, arrogant, strong without prayer? Or do we desire a father who is gentle, who listens, who is warm, loving and caring, forgiving who prays to God?

I must say these ideas are engrained deep in me on what is a strong man. But I see many of these ideas I have are false.

God is probably right here.

We grow in masculinity when we become more gentle, more humble, more patient.