Clean up time (accountability thread)

T

Tippy

Kingfisher
Other Christian
I am posting this thread to focus on positive changes I make daily to improve my life situation and get closer to achieving my goals.

I need to be totally honest about my situation.

I am currently a primary school teacher in the UK after 13 years teaching English abroad (and some online)

Despite making great efforts to change my career I do not believe 'teacher' is a good role for me.

I want to be more entrepreneurail.

This means learning new skills such as proofreading/editing/copywriting which play to my strengths.

Today I joined 'the war room' and tried to ask some questions about copywriting.

Positives:
no fap
no porn
2 hours of no phone or internet and just writing after work
worked at school and made money

things to improve:
exercise
socialising
setting up online profiles for private tutoring
stop using nicotine
try to write 3 books (on comedy, on teaching abroad, on my 'journey' in and out of this red pill stuff)

More coming soon!

Any advice welcome :)

Thank you
 
Good to hear youre starting.

I personally have had an intense "messy" problem for almost 2 years after a breakup. To the point that I think if family or close friends came into my house, they might think I needed medical grade psychiatric help. I wasn't some rotting hoarding TV show level, but it was so far removed from my personality type and performance outside of home it would be shocking.

The last 6+ weekends I've been traveling to my parents house and helping my dad organize the garage, backyard (half an acre), maintain the cars (two timing belts in one weekend). I'd wake up at 5am to get there and start working by 6 with him. Same on Sunday, spending the night there each Saturday.

Last week, I got in such a mood from all the progress I made at his house on his to-do lists, I finally started working on mine. Swept all the leaves and put the extra that wouldn't fit in the bin into several large hefty bags. Threw away endless cardboard boxes and disposable bags and water bottles and who knows what else. Organized all my tools and garage space. Threw a lot away and made finally know where everything is.

I'd been living in a depressing environment for almost 2 years. All because I didn't want to take a few days and fix it. But that was always the case so that's not my takeaway.

My takeaway is that helping others is a good way to get into the groove and break bad habits of procrastination. It also opens your eyes to how quick progress can be once you start.

A good way to get your life in order is just start making little things get in order. It snowballs from there. Doing those things for someone else might just be the catalyst you need.
 
Pole85 said:
Good to hear youre starting.

I personally have had an intense "messy" problem for almost 2 years after a breakup. To the point that I think if family or close friends came into my house, they might think I needed medical grade psychiatric help. I wasn't some rotting hoarding TV show level, but it was so far removed from my personality type and performance outside of home it would be shocking.

The last 6+ weekends I've been traveling to my parents house and helping my dad organize the garage, backyard (half an acre), maintain the cars (two timing belts in one weekend). I'd wake up at 5am to get there and start working by 6 with him. Same on Sunday, spending the night there each Saturday.

Last week, I got in such a mood from all the progress I made at his house on his to-do lists, I finally started working on mine. Swept all the leaves and put the extra that wouldn't fit in the bin into several large hefty bags. Threw away endless cardboard boxes and disposable bags and water bottles and who knows what else. Organized all my tools and garage space. Threw a lot away and made finally know where everything is.

I'd been living in a depressing environment for almost 2 years. All because I didn't want to take a few days and fix it. But that was always the case so that's not my takeaway.

My takeaway is that helping others is a good way to get into the groove and break bad habits of procrastination. It also opens your eyes to how quick progress can be once you start.

A good way to get your life in order is just start making little things get in order. It snowballs from there. Doing those things for someone else might just be the catalyst you need.
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That's awesome! I've been struggling with that issue myself, was raised in a hoarding home and kept bad habits till just a few years ago. It creeps back occasionally but my wife and I get it taken care of pretty quickly when it does.

We were very financially insecure until about a year ago, out of the ten years we've been married more than half was spent renting rooms with degenerate roommates (one place the first night I had to help kick out a renter that was selling crack)

I've had a lot of health issues that made it difficult and I let that be my excuse for not pushing myself. I'm focusing more on my spiritual, mental, and physical health not in small part thanks to you gentleman on this forum.

Funny you say that helping others bit. I'm moving my mother and stepfather to our property as they're getting older and both need some extra help, but mom's still a hoarder. (Like you, nothing rotting or gross but she has too much stuff and not orderly) So we're going to have it moved to our property and put in a storage building to go through it all and throw, donate or keep one thing at a time. She is ready too, and has been going through it herself (but she's basically a cripple) so she can't do a lot alone.

I've escaped my addictions, but now that the haze is gone and my eyes are fully open to the evil and dishonesty and treason I've been struggling to stay peaceful and not get angry to the point of being sinful. Limiting news is helpful, but I've read everything I could get my hands on since I could read so I have to be intentional with my online browsing as of late so I don't get sucked down negative news rabbit holes that don't affect me anyways.

Finally, I need to focus more on the fact that my enemies are made in the image of God and worry more about their salvation than their sinful actions, as if I was ever better than them in the depths of my depravity. Imagine that, Love the Lord your God with all your soul, might strength, and your neighbor as yourself. Might be something to that!
 
Today wasn't as strong as yesterday

positives:
worked
wrote (for about half an hour)
made a profile for a tutoring company
looked at copywriting courses
got interview offer back in Warsaw
quit nicotine after throwing away my lozenges yesterday

neutral:
got a bit distracted by a woman in a coffee shop and struck up a convo with her. I think this took me away from my purpose. It meant my writing session was corrupted by considering talking to her.

negatives:
wasted time texting women
wasted time browsing my phone (tomorrow the sim card will be taken out in the morning so I can have hours of focus after work) This focused NO phone time is absolutely essential
started lusting obsessively
NO exercise
bought too much junk for immediate gratification instead of just enduring not pleasuring my taste buds for some time
spent too much time on what's app chats instead of reading and calming my mind
 
Across this and many other threads you've shared your vices. How are you cultivating virtues? By willpower alone?
 
Tippy said:
This means learning new skills such as proofreading/editing/copywriting which play to my strengths.
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Sorry if this is blunt, but focus on more productive skills. Anything in the creative space is going to be 1. Low pay, extremely competitive and saturated 2. Guaranteed soy and feminized. Not saying you need to become some hardened construction worker or tradesman, but creative careers are black holes of ambition of masculinity. Very competitive and poor prospects for even a stable middle class income.
 
Today

Pros:

work
wrote (just for 20 min)
made a tutoring profile
looked at some copywriting info

cons:
wasted time on social media
ate too much chocolate and spent too much money
no exercise



Have felt a bit tired today but need to push through it and not get lazy. Even going to work with no sim card I ended up getting a WIFI connection in a coffee shop and wasting time with these codependent friendships.

Still made some steps in the right direction but had a more stressful day than usual at work and was tempted to get some nicotine after work but luckily resisted that.

The copywriting and proofreading doesn't seem that realistic now but maybe I need to look into it more.

So easy to slip into being comfortable and just chilling out and thinking there is endless time but then life passes you by and nothing is done ...
 
Parmesan said:
Sorry if this is blunt, but focus on more productive skills. Anything in the creative space is going to be 1. Low pay, extremely competitive and saturated 2. Guaranteed soy and feminized. Not saying you need to become some hardened construction worker or tradesman, but creative careers are black holes of ambition of masculinity. Very competitive and poor prospects for even a stable middle class income.
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I guess so but creativity isn't JUST about work and making money. It does have some benefits for the soul. Plus requires discipline and focus.
 
Tippy said:
I guess so but creativity isn't JUST about work and making money. It does have some benefits for the soul. Plus requires discipline and focus.
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If you have the time to do it as a hobby sure, but understand that making money in any creative pursuit (even semi-creative like copywriting/editing) is ridiculously saturated and low paying. Far too many men and women in the West have thrown the peak of their lives away pursuing their “dreams” of creative careers. EVERYBODY thinks they have some creative genius to tap.
 
Parmesan said:
If you have the time to do it as a hobby sure, but understand that making money in any creative pursuit (even semi-creative like copywriting/editing) is ridiculously saturated and low paying. Far too many men and women in the West have thrown the peak of their lives away pursuing their “dreams” of creative careers. EVERYBODY thinks they have some creative genius to tap.
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I don't know if I can make any money in the copywriting or editing thing I just want to try different avenues and see if it piques my curiosity. At the moment, not really.

'Thrown their lives away' I don't know man...if they found some joy in it. It's just a lens you are looking through that making lots of money is the ideal but not always not at the cost of your soul.

Plenty of people also 'throw their lives' away for the corporate rat race.

I think generally many people are happier if they can use their creativity in some way. Doesn't have to be actually working in the arts.
 
Tippy said:
I don't know if I can make any money in the copywriting or editing thing I just want to try different avenues and see if it piques my curiosity. At the moment, not really.

'Thrown their lives away' I don't know man...if they found some joy in it. It's just a lens you are looking through that making lots of money is the ideal but not always not at the cost of your soul.

Plenty of people also 'throw their lives' away for the corporate rat race.

I think generally many people are happier if they can use their creativity in some way. Doesn't have to be actually working in the arts.
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People are happier having children and raising a healthy family. Were prior generations of humans all sad sacks because they couldn’t pursue aspirational creative careers? Creativity is another modern dopamine addiction, just like travel, in an age of emotional indulgence and decadence. Of course creativity, travel, sports, etc. are rewarding parts of life, but it’s a mistake to seek them out as some sort of emotional goal post or pathway of enlightenment. The vast majority of people who think they have some sort of creative “gift” to share are not remarkable, and that includes my (formerly delusional) self.
 
Parmesan said:
People are happier having children and raising a healthy family. Were prior generations of humans all sad sacks because they couldn’t pursue aspirational creative careers? Creativity is another modern dopamine addiction, just like travel, in an age of emotional indulgence and decadence. Of course creativity, travel, sports, etc. are rewarding parts of life, but it’s a mistake to seek them out as some sort of emotional goal post or pathway of enlightenment. The vast majority of people who think they have some sort of creative “gift” to share are not remarkable, and that includes my (formerly delusional) self.
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I don't disagree that most people are not remarkable geniuses.

I'm not sure everyone would be happier raising a family. Do you have one now?

I'm not sure I would put creativity alongside travel. It takes focus and dedication to learn a skill and complete a creative project.

is it good for the soul ? I think it's better to follow our curiosities rather than ignore them out of basically an ideological view that creativity is bad. In life it seems we are happier when we use our talents and do what we are good at and naturally interested in, as a career or a hobby.

I know plenty of people with zero interest in creativity same as I know people who never want to leave the country. People are drawn to different things.

How did your delusional creativity manifest itself?

You can always make creative works less decadent by infusing them with spiritual themes for example.
 
Tippy said:
I don't disagree that most people are not remarkable geniuses.

I'm not sure everyone would be happier raising a family. Do you have one now?

I'm not sure I would put creativity alongside travel. It takes focus and dedication to learn a skill and complete a creative project.

is it good for the soul ? I think it's better to follow our curiosities rather than ignore them out of basically an ideological view that creativity is bad. In life it seems we are happier when we use our talents and do what we are good at and naturally interested in, as a career or a hobby.

I know plenty of people with zero interest in creativity same as I know people who never want to leave the country. People are drawn to different things.

How did your delusional creativity manifest itself?

You can always make creative works less decadent by infusing them with spiritual themes for example.
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I was a former “college educated” lefty, and like most lefties, harbored delusions about “being fulfilled” doing something creative and/or self indulgent. Initially architecture, at one point graphic design, and finally writing. In retrospect, it was mostly just coping, the same reason I pursued travel, game, etc. I still do creative things, I just don’t harbor some sort of angst about being an unfulfilled genius. Just sharing my thoughts on the subject because I think the pursuit of “creative” careers is a rabbit hole many modern men have wasted too much time on. I won’t elaborate on my family situation but I will say my experience spending time with young kids and seeing their real need for a male influence in their lives made me rethink alot of my formerly self indulgent perspectives on life. When a child depends on you and looks up to you, things like feeling creatively rewarded feel rather silly and inconsequential. Much more rewarding to share your creative skills and experiences with kids. Almost every failed, childless middle aged artist you meet is basically a weird, pathetic man.
 
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Parmesan said:
I was a former “college educated” lefty, and like most lefties, harbored delusions about “being fulfilled” doing something creative and/or self indulgent. Initially architecture, at one point graphic design, and finally writing. In retrospect, it was mostly just coping, the same reason I pursued travel, game, etc. I still do creative things, I just don’t harbor some sort of angst about being an unfulfilled genius. Just sharing my thoughts on the subject because I think the pursuit of “creative” careers is a rabbit hole many modern men have wasted too much time on. I won’t elaborate on my family situation but I will say my experience spending time with young kids and seeing their real need for a male influence in their lives made me rethink alot of my formerly self indulgent perspectives on life. When a child depends on you and looks up to you, things like feeling creatively rewarded feel rather silly and inconsequential. Much more rewarding to share your creative skills and experiences with kids. Almost every failed, childless middle aged artist you meet is basically a weird, pathetic man.
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In your opinion yes. Depends how you define a 'weird pathetic man 'I guess.

Seems more that you have turned against that side of yourself and now hate it in others.

You could have a family and enjoy a creative pursuit you know...you could be doing such activities without being a 'weird pathetic man.'

I don't even feel that strongly about this topic. I didn't think looking into copywriting or proofreading and editing had so much to do with living as some kind of starving artist and neglecting everything else in life. It's quite black and white thinking on your part.
 
Kinda stressed out today from school and ended up lusting a bit over my ex girlfriend plus eating too much chocolate.

Applied for some tutoring companies in the evening and managed to read a bit but not my best day. Feels like I am spinning gears and not propulsive enough in my efforts. There isn't enough urgency or sense of my limited or wasted time.

Still I'm not totally apathetic. Just so far my work has not paid dividends in any way.
 
Today was my day off but I didn't use it wisely

Ended up going to a random city, consuming some nicotine and also kinda wasted the evening watching a film 'midnight cowboy' about degenerates.

Ate too much chocolate.

Indulged in lust and sloth.

Very vice driven day.

Disgusted with myself.
 
Very positive thread, to think about cleaning up areas of one's life. However, I don't wanna be disheartening, but it seems that you're (still) coming form a self help perspective. I've done the same for years, in fact since 2016 I've been trying again and again to write my goals down, come up with motivation, push myself etc etc etc. But what happens is that you go up a bit, then fall down, go up a bit, then fall down. There's no consistency in it - and it's still ''your'' will. The bottom line of what I've realized lately is that I've always been trying to fix my life on the outwards while I was still completely broken on the inside. If the inside isn't healed and changed, setting oneself on a strong religious path with a fundamental, unwavering and unchanging historical, social and theological foundation, one is still building one's house on the sand, and not the rocks. And it merely needs a few waves or winds to break it down again, blow away the sand and make the house crash. That's probably what you're experiencing now too - I see the ups and downs in your daily notes (which is positive to begin with, that you're tracking what's going on in your life).

I personally have a long way to go and interestingly as a human, we try every way possible, we open every door possible to find that there's nothing at the other side, before we try the last door, the only one that remains - which is Christ, and His Church. I fear that without a serious, strong grounding in the faith and attacking the passions/our problems and struggles not from our ''own perspective'' which is rooted in modernist atheism, but within the framework of a system that has stood the time for 2000 years and has traditional foundations going back even further than that, every person will remain in the same loop of creating a ''goal'' (which most likely is a passion pursuing worldly gains, fueled by media/social media/atheist culture inclinations), going after that goal, losing ''motivation'', attacking oneself for it, standing up, and doing the same thing, either reaching the goal and realizing it's not fulfilling or not even reaching the goal at all, and then staying in the same loop for one's entire life. And as I said, I've done the same for years and I'm getting to the point that I'm realizing now that literally every door I open besides the ancient Christian faith is a dead end. We're all on our journey and we have different ways of coming to things and conclusions, and we all need to go through suffering some more than others or in different ways, but hopefully this is useful for you and others, but often one will need personal experience as described to really realize it deeply, and that may be a rather long journey, perhaps longer than you personally would even wish for. Without intense (spiritual) medicine, we will just keep running around pouring oil on ourselves while we're on fire, wondering why we're in pain.
 
Tippy said:
consuming some nicotine
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From my experience, nicotine is one of the most satanic vices, even though it's always been sort of socially acceptable compared to say, being a crackhead. By God's grace, somehow I do not use any nicotine anymore, but I honestly don't know how or even exactly when I stopped. I just don't use it anymore and feel sick thinking about it.

I remember when I used to smoke, thinking to myself, this is disgusting, it's poison, it causes cancer, it's a fake and gross "pleasure" that I don't even like anymore, I know it's going to make me feel sick and weak, I can literally feel every part of my body recoiling in shock from the disgusting nicotine poison as it reaches every part of my body, leaving me with a haggard, nauseated feeling. And then, a moment later, I was lighting up a cigarette.

Using nicotine gives you a window you never really want to have, into how Satan somehow short circuits or bypasses our better judgment and tricks us to consent to evil in this seemingly automatic way. What a truly disgusting, and sickening, and honestly terrifying habit.
 
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