Cocaine usage/feeling alone

[Vaun]

So let me ask you this; would you even have cocaine in your life, if you hung out with a completely different set of people? Future addicts start off by not being able to leave the party, they are the definition of FOMO. They always have to be out, with the group, every night, and their identity and lives revolve around their social circle. When it gets bad, is when you start to avoid these people and go off into your own little hell. When you become the "partying loner" is when your in too deep. When you get it all from your social circle, and can't get enough without them, I would see that as a sign to stop.

Its time to talk to an addiction specialist.

This is how I have seen it start every time. I grew up in a family of addicts. I've had several friends OD. I was exposed to these type of people before I became a teen. I still see it now in extremely talented people. You're in a very early stage, that is festering like a bad zit.

Go find new friends. If you truly want to end this, you have to do this. Thats the only way to break the connection. If you can't bear to be alone and on your own for a while you find new friends, the devil will only want more of you when you go back. Your social circle is the source. If its through work, dump them or get a new job. If its your childhood friends, leave them in the past for good. If its a random social circle, do you really need them? Until you can stand on your own completely, you will be tempted to go back.

 

[kirdiesel]

Wayyyy too addictive for me. I can't touch the stuff.

I felt like Bradley Cooper in Limitless on it but I know how addictive it felt and I didn't want to even think about going down that road.

Had to cut out a few friends to get the people who were doing it away from me.

 

[Chauncey]

I used to think cocaine was bad, then I tried it.

I used to think cocaine was awesome, then I went to bed too many times with the birds chirping and responsibilities neglected.

I used to think cocaine was a thing of the past, then a Venezuelan sold me a few ounces of "pure" Colombian on the beach in Aruba.

Cocaine has always been a very social drug in my experiences. The conspiring to acquire, the sneaking off with a select few from the group or party to partake, the art of chopping the lines, the communal act of passing the straw or dollar bill, the chain reaction of "hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh....... god damn" as it hits your brain and blood stream simultaneously and on to the next person, the increased chatter and laughter, and volume, the inane conversations that seem so profound.

The actual act of doing blow has always been social. Until it is not. That usually occurs sometime after dawn while opening a fresh pack of Camels and sipping on a Gatorade. The crowd has thinned and the rest of the world has already begun their next turn on the carousel. I am left with a strong feeling of either peace or loneliness. It is usually a reflection of my overall state of mind prior to the night.

If you are feeling alone it has little to do with a few random nights of blow and more to do with your day to day.

Scotian's advice sounds pretty damn good.

 

[Griprip08]

Cocaine has always been a very social drug in my experiences. The conspiring to acquire, the sneaking off with a select few from the group or party to partake, the art of chopping the lines, the communal act of passing the straw or dollar bill, the chain reaction of "hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh....... god damn" as it hits your brain and blood stream simultaneously and on to the next person, the increased chatter and laughter, and volume, the inane conversations that seem so profound.

The actual act of doing blow has always been social. Until it is not. That usually occurs sometime after dawn while opening a fresh pack of Camels and sipping on a Gatorade. The crowd has thinned and the rest of the world has already begun their next turn on the carousel. I am left with a strong feeling of either peace or loneliness. It is usually a reflection of my overall state of mind prior to the night.

THIS^.

It's also amazing that after "coming back" shortly after the realization, there is still no catharsis. Meaning, you realize it, but it doesn't make you feel any better. You just do it again and go through the same motions the next weekend. It really is a thrill ride due to everything you described above.

I myself have been on the weening off phase. It's decently expensive around here, around 100$ a gram so that's an incentive too (BTW where the f*ck do you live that it's 300-400 a gram?). Luckily all my friends are on board too and are trying to cut back. Of course when we all get together it only takes a single one of us to mention it and we all flock. Baby steps.

 

[Designate]

If nothing else take an adderall instead. It's cheaper and a better buzz with drinking anyway.

^^Definitely take this advice if you'd like to be a worthless hungover piece of shit for 2 days.

My 2¢

Don't waste the benefits of adderall or other performance enhancers like modafinil by mixing them with shit substances like alcohol.

If you want to drink then just drink.

Save the performance enhancers for when you need to be a boss and pound out a 18-20 hour day of work + gym + pussy.

You are simply wasting the usefulness of these drugs if you use them for recreational drinking.

 

[birthday cat]

I use maybe once every 3-5 months, a gram at most, but I find in between I end up thinking about it more than I'd like to.

I've known guys who used cocaine or other drugs without it causing serious problems in their lives. This comment is a strong indicator that you aren't one of those guys.

Loneliness and using drugs/alcohol to escape reality are both frequently linked with the various types of depression. It's a vicious cycle with the depression leading to more drug use and the drug use leading to more depression. It might happen on a chemical/biological level. It might happen on a personal level where your drug use creates problems in your relationships and friendships which lead to more loneliness.

 

[Baldwin81]

There's a reason you don't see to many >50 year old coke bros.

Coke can be fun, but I've seen that drug wreck too many people's lives in early adulthood.

Survivor bias is real...

 

[Advance]

I have done a lot of coke and speed in my 20s and while I loved it the coming down was always so depressing. The older I got the less I wanted to put up with feeling depressed for days and just decided to kick it off.. if you would offer me some I would probably take it but I am not sure I would intentionally go out on coke parties anymore.

 

[SlickyBoy]

OP, how old are you? The reason I ask is occasional use of something that artificially stimulates your heart is risky enough when you're younger, but as you grow older the same dose - or less - could kill you. Remember Billy Mays, the TV sales guy?

He had some heart problems already, but the cocktail of drugs in his system (to include cocaine) didn't do him any favors. Do yourself a favor and drop that shit for good before your "occasional use" sneaks up on you.

 

[malakaix]

I have done a lot of coke and speed in my 20s and while I loved it the coming down was always so depressing. The older I got the less I wanted to put up with feeling depressed for days and just decided to kick it off.. if you would offer me some I would probably take it but I am not sure I would intentionally go out on coke parties anymore.

This is what turned me off also over time.

I only had cocaine a couple of times, I felt like god but way too short of a duration. It was more Speed and MDMA in my case when it came to 'social drugs' but the comedowns after my mid-twenties were just too brutal and I couldn't justify it.

I also can't recover as quickly and these days I can't afford to be stuffed for days.

 

[youngblazer]

I played with coke for a while...but eventually it started wrecking my immunity, even a small amount would leave me sick with a cold or sore throat.

I find Red Bull (sugar-free) to be a nice little pick-me-up when I'm craving a boost. Not even a whole can, just a little bit. I like it ice cold.

 

[YossariansRight]

I'll share Frank Lopez's wisdom: "Don't get high on your own supply."

http://www.imdb.com/character/ch0003934/maindetails

 

[Veloce]

I've got a little gram bag I've been hitting here and there.

You shouldn't be doing this shit by yourself. If you're doing that then just stop. I know easier said than done for some, I don't have an addictive personality so I don't relate to addiction. If you need to quit with more drastic means then I'm not the guy to talk to.

But I'll say this. I was out a few nights ago and pulled the 2 hottest girls from a venue here in Vegas. This was in the midst of a 10 day stretch without a day off, 12-14 hour days at work, totally exhausted. I forced myself to go out and I can tell you the only way I could get "in state" was after a couple vodkas and a couple key bumps of blow in the bathroom. You can call it a crutch but I challenge any guy to work the hours I have been lately and then tell me he's down to go run some approaches. It's really, really hard.

I see blow like I see most (not all) drugs. They can be tools. Weed can open up your creativity, LSD/shrooms can open up your spirituality. They deliver a message. But like Alan Watts says, "Once you get the message, hang up the phone." Don't get lost in the drug. Use them to your advantage. A little bump of blow here or there can help natural introverts like me change their vibe, loosen up, be more fun, reckless, adopt the DGAF attitude, be the first guy on the dance floor type of shit. Blow is great for that.