Cohabitation before marriage / or not - Pros & cons

[Vladimir Poontang]

I've heard people say that cohabiting before marriage is a bad idea. I don't understand why that would be. It seems to me that if you live with someone for a certain time you can get to know things about them that would otherwise come as a surprise. But I may be wrong. If so I'd like to be enlightened.

What are the pros and cons of cohabiting, and of not doing so?

I'm writing this as I watch this : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RB1ttLswqOw

 

[Nulled]

Interesting video, but yeah...

If you can't stand living with the bitch before you tie that knot, good luck afterwards!

Side note: Why are all these Western Women so surprised when the older generation expects them to get married like NORMAL mothers do?

"Omg becky, I'm so pissed that I have to stop getting wasted every weekend."

 

[Eazy_E]

Frankly, you gotta be diseased in the head to not cohabitate before marriage. What if your future long time girl is actually nuttier than a shit house rat? Anybody can hide it if you only see them a few hours a week dating. Live with her a while and then see how consistent she is, but of course that's on the assumption you can see the red flags and you're not blinded by the almighty glow of the sugar walls.

The Asian one, her "job" is socal media influencer, dancer (the fuck is that, exotic? Doubtful it's ballet), and video gamer. Talk about break your mother's heart, especially in that community. Mamma-san didn't float over here on a boat made of garbage for that, plus her daughter is "modern" and won't even give her some grand babies? I feel bad for her mother.

 

[Mage]

There are three aspects to this

1)Judical - is cohabitation bounding you before law in some way in your country or not. This is country dependent so see your laws.


2)Psychological - how it affects the future perspective of your lives and chances of successful marriage. First of all you should be already 90% sure she is right for marriage before cohabiting. So there should be not much issues left to make sure about her. Of course some things can get revealed only with closer contact. Is she attractive enough without makeup, does she loves domestic chores, can you manage money and free time together, does she give you enough space? I would say you must cohabit but make that cohabitation period short, like under one year. You must decide during one year if she is good for you or not. Risk is you stay longer with her out of convenience, then marry her out of convenience while not really happy and miss something better, you should avoid that. Basically cohabitation is the practical form of engagement when you are already planning marriage.

3)Religious - for people who do not want to look at psychological aspect and rely on priests to provide it for them as a religious rule. This priestly advice can be well meaning but sometimes not keeping up with the times. Religious advice says you should not cohabit before marriage but these rules were written in much better times when when social morals were high - a women would never be living alone. She lives with parents when single and with husband when married. At worst she would live in all female dorm where an old lady would watch them them to come home by ten o'clock evening. This advice is not working these days because in old times the whole society worked to make it easy for the girl to guard her virginity. Since in this age society makes it easy for girl to walk around and slut around - the sooner you take her under your wing the better. Do not let her live alone and be dragged to late parties by girlfriends for too long. Also please note that cohabitation can be separated from sexual intercourse if you care about being chaste before marriage. Of course it takes some willpower, but again - you have a better chance keeping her faithful under your wing then living alone. However keep the cohabitation short or she will start seeing you as an asexual brother or girlfriend if you live with her too long without sex.

Summary - absent some laws that might twist all of this - do cohabit, but only with a girl who has no red flags and you would probably marry anyway, and keep it short, in one year's time maximum you should split up or marry. Have sex during cohabitation or not based on your religious views and willpower.

 

[Athanasius]

There have been multiple studies linking cohabitation aka. "trying out the car before you buy it" to higher rates of divorce. Regardless of that, though, it's fornication in the Scripture, and those who do such things without repentance will not inherit the kingdom of heaven.

 

[Nulled]

The Asian one, her "job" is socal media influencer, dancer (the fuck is that, exotic? Doubtful it's ballet), and video gamer. Talk about break your mother's heart, especially in that community. Mamma-san didn't float over here on a boat made of garbage for that, plus her daughter is "modern" and won't even give her some grand babies? I feel bad for her mother.

For real. Dumbass American women of all races have no idea how much of a genetic failure they are.

 

[Eazy_E]

I got respect for recent immigrants. I know a few and they're all pretty good people. The sacrifices they make for the purpose of giving their kids a better life are frankly almost more than I can imagine. Vietnamese or Hmong who lived thru the war had it about as bad as you can and still come out the other end and it was all for the next generation, and there you are, parents damn near died for you, being a stripper and hustling simps on Patreon. Fucks sake.

 

[Robert High Hawk]

I am against it. Cultures that don't encourage this are much more stable because there is the common understanding you'll make it work out one way or the other and you both don't have diluted senses of "happiness". Plus women that don't agree to this are more traditional to begin with.

 

[mr_ks]

Cohabiting seems more like female behaviour, uncertain, lacking commitment, lack of direction and assertiveness.

 

[Mage]

Cohabiting seems more like female behaviour, uncertain, lacking commitment, lack of direction and assertiveness.

takes two to cohabit.

 

[Athanasius]

This video can be summed up with the refrain from the book of Judges: "every man did what was right in his own eyes." This type of brain dead, lawless generation is the result of bad parenting and endless propaganda in place of education. I didn't hear any signs of breaking outside the box, just propaganda.

Which leads to another question: is this even real? It has the feel of semi-scripted propaganda. It may sound cynical but I've been watching variations of this stuff for 25 years.

 

[RIslander]

This is probably some of the best pre-marriage relationship advice I've ever heard from good 'ol Bill Murray.

 

[Bolly]

No. 1000x No! Terrible idea. It's my one regret in life. If I could go back in time I would beat the living fuck out of myself within an inch of my life. Such a collosal waste of time. Had a live in girlfriend for awhile in my old life when I was young dumb and full of cum. Now I'm just not as dumb. Well, living together, you two can become pretty invested in one another. Then when shit starts to go South and your guts telling you to run, your little brain starts hamstering all these reasons to stay together and fight it out because you bought that couch together or some asinine excuse that seems rational at the time. Why sacrifice your bachelorhood and your precious personal space and freedom for a broad you ain't legally bound to. Hold on to that as long as you can. You can't put a price on mental health. When you're with enough of girls and decide to marry one day by then you should be able to tell who's gonna go nuts and who isn't. If not, I don't know what to tell ya, except get a prenup and God be with you. Plus, living together after marriage gives you something to look forward to and it's the right way to do it. Savor a little bit of tradition in a confused and untraditional world.

 

[CaptainS]

Pro: Cohabiting will make you rethink marriage. With any luck, you'll reconsider.

Con: Jesus will get upset. It reduces your chance of a healthy marriage. But so does the entirety of our culture, including most church groups.

 

[Robert High Hawk]

^Spectrumwalker nailed it.

 

[Vladimir Poontang]

No. 1000x No! Terrible idea. It's my one regret in life. If I could go back in time I would beat the living fuck out of myself within an inch of my life. Such a collosal waste of time. Had a live in girlfriend for awhile in my old life when I was young dumb and full of cum. Now I'm just not as dumb. Well, living together, you two can become pretty invested in one another. Then when shit starts to go South and your guts telling you to run, your little brain starts hamstering all these reasons to stay together and fight it out because you bought that couch together or some asinine excuse that seems rational at the time. Why sacrifice your bachelorhood and your precious personal space and freedom for a broad you ain't legally bound to. Hold on to that as long as you can. You can't put a price on mental health. When you're with enough of girls and decide to marry one day by then you should be able to tell who's gonna go nuts and who isn't. If not, I don't know what to tell ya, except get a prenup and God be with you. Plus, living together after marriage gives you something to look forward to and it's the right way to do it. Savor a little bit of tradition in a confused and untraditional world.

I see what you mean, but what if you're with a girl, you've never known what she's like to live with day after day, then you get married and live with her? Isn't it better to see what she's like to live with, and then at least it's up to you to put a stop to it if she turns out to be a nightmare? If you just jump in and get married and live with her you don't know what you're in for, and then if she's horrible you have to get divorced and go through all that. By being married, you're even more invested.

 

[CaptainS]

I see what you mean, but what if you're with a girl, you've never known what she's like to live with day after day, then you get married and live with her? Isn't it better to see what she's like to live with, and then at least it's up to you to put a stop to it if she turns out to be a nightmare? If you just jump in and get married and live with her you don't know what you're in for, and then if she's horrible you have to get divorced and go through all that. By being married, you're even more invested.

It's a bad idea if we live in a world where women can be counted on to be great wives. We don't live in that world. Kick the tires, see how the engine performs before you buy.

 

[Bolly]

@Vlad. I know where you're coming from. That was my rationalization at the time. But when you're dating a girl, unless one is hardcore straight edge, obviously she's gonna be spending time at your place. And vice versa. You can pick up on clues as to what's it like to live together and how she is without the risk of getting trapped. Obviously both man and woman are putting their best feet forward to make an impression when dating, but again, guess it just comes down to experience both from dating women and your natural social cues. One can only keep up the charade for so long. Ain't fool proof, but that's the best I got. That Bill Murray clips pretty good. You don't need to travel the world with a gal, but definitely taking trips together, putting up with the hassles and frustrations of travel and staying with one another for an extended time, her true colors will show. And yours.

 

[Vladimir Poontang]

@Vlad. I know where you're coming from. That was my rationalization at the time. But when you're dating a girl, unless one is hardcore straight edge, obviously she's gonna be spending time at your place. And vice versa. You can pick up on clues as to what's it like to live together and how she is without the risk of getting trapped. Obviously both man and woman are putting their best feet forward to make an impression when dating, but again, guess it just comes down to experience both from dating women and your natural social cues. One can only keep up the charade for so long. Ain't fool proof, but that's the best I got. That Bill Murray clips pretty good. You don't need to travel the world with a gal, but definitely taking trips together, putting up with the hassles and frustrations of travel and staying with one another for an extended time, her true colors will show. And yours.

Maybe a good middle ground would be to do a bit of travel or engage in some challenging situations, and have her around often but without cohabiting.

But regardless, I like the idea of living in a country that is cheap enough to allow me to have my own place, as well as a place with the girl. That way I can do my own thing when it suits me and have some mental space to myself, while letting her know that I always have one foot out the door and she better keep standards up. Also, a bit of absence makes the heart grow fonder as they say. But i don't know, I'm still thinking it through.

 

[SilentOne]

1. Getting married today is for ignorant and delusional men.

2. Getting married to someone who you haven't even lived with for over a year is just dumb. You are going to see different sides of her which she no longer can hide from you as easily. The exciting preparation that lead to meeting her will no longer be there. Your sex life will diminish greatly from whatever you had going on with her prior to living together.

3. Just cohabitate if you're so worried about dying lonely. Make sure to sign a legal agreement in your area stating that this cohabitation will not turn into a common law marriage. If this isn't possible in your area, well... don't cohabitate at all. Adapt to the new game or you will fail.