quaker13 said:Why would any man in his right mind want to cut his bachelorhood short to live a woman he's not even married or engaged to? You guys sound insanely codependent. What are you hoping to discover? A meth or coke habit? Slovenly living conditions? Seriously, what are you looking to realize that a man with game and experience couldn't discover in the same time frame by living separately over the course of 2-3 years?
Eddie Winslow said:quaker13 said:Why would any man in his right mind want to cut his bachelorhood short to live a woman he's not even married or engaged to? You guys sound insanely codependent. What are you hoping to discover? A meth or coke habit? Slovenly living conditions? Seriously, what are you looking to realize that a man with game and experience couldn't discover in the same time frame by living separately over the course of 2-3 years?
Both parties can easily convey an overly positive image of themselves for a very long time, hide bad habits, etc. if communication is limited to a few hours o face-to-face time per week + sporadic calls and texts. Nearly everyone does it to some degree. It's far more difficult to keep this front up when you live together, even for just a few weeks - I would want to see first hand what the answers to these questions are before I wife someone:
-Does she actually keep her home clean all the time, or does she just hide the dishes and sweep everything under the rug 10 minutes before you come over?
-Does she actually know how to cook, and does she do it regularly? Or does she make one of three recipes she actually knows when you come over for dinner, and order herself Taco Bell via UberEats the rest of time?
-How does she REALLY spend her free time on a casual work/school night, when she isn't having a meetup or date with you? Is she drinking significant amounts of wine EVERY night, or just on dates with you? Is she just a "once-in-a-blue-moon social smoker," or is she smoking throughout the day?
-How does she REALLY treat her pets when you aren't over for a meetup/date?
-How is her ACTUAL relationship with her family and friends?
-Does she ACTUALLY exercise regularly like she says? Or is she mostly relying on decent genetics?
-Is she short on cash this month because of unfortunate-but-very-temporary circumstances, or because she has terrible spending habits and/or maxed out credit cards?
-Does she take big smelly shits with the door open?
When they are motivated, women are absolute professionals at presenting themselves well to the outside world. I think much more so than men.
- Silly photos hoots that take hours
- Make-up every time they head outside
- Disinclination to explore ("My feet hurt!")
- Preference for overpriced restaurants/cafés
- Disdain towards upermarkets and budget savers
- Itinerary that revolves around enhancing IG profile
- Random women shit ("I'm hungry!" But we just ate...)
Vladimir Poontang said:I'm surprised that people have voted more or less 50/50 on this pretty consistently since the thread started.
66Scorpio said:My view is in line with what a number of people have said, some indirectly.
It is some zen, koan, Jedi mind trick stuff to consider but, if you think you should move in together, and she thinks you should move in together then you should move in together, but you are screwed. The very culture and mindset that would lead you to cohabit are the same things that will increase your likelihood of ultimately divorcing. Not testing the waters first when you figure you should will only exacerbate that IMHO. On the flip side, couples that do not cohabit have lower divorce rates because of social, psychological, moral, and religious systems and structures that lead to lower divorce rates anyways. For them to shack up before marriage probably wouldn't increase the chance of divorce but it would present them with a number of problems in dealing with their family and community at the time and perhaps beyond.
It's sort of like the question of sex before marriage. There is a correlation between not doing so and marriage stability, but that is the result of similar factors that lead to that choice. Simply not having sex with someone before you marry them will not reduce the chance of divorce unless you are both on the same wavelength that itself makes divorce less likely and also makes celibacy until marriage a workable option. (I am thinking of that guy from the Bachelorette; that was over before it really began.)