Dating in a pandemic

Godward

Robin
I read that some of you (both ladies and gentlemen) have tried Secular dating sites or apps such as "match.com" and "OkCupid". However, if a dating site is not explicitly Christian, then I strongly recommend not joining it. Secular dating sites/apps attract an overwhelmingly secular public, oftentimes use ungodly algorithms, and tend to be quite expensive. The chance of finding a right spouse that way is as likely as finding one in a nightclub (not impossible, but still no reason to go to a nightclub). Being a European, I do not know which American Christian dating sites work best, but I do know that I have dated more serious marital prospects (and in fact currently dating/courting one) in half a year on a European Christian dating site than the previous ten years on silly Secular dating sites and apps. I just cannot imagine that there are no similar Christian dating sites in the United States.
 

Vigilant

Kingfisher
Woman
Protestant
There are a number of must-haves and must-not-haves in a partner. I've decided that for me, the mRNA vaccine is a must-not-have. A man could have the most wonderful personality in the world - but if he's unemployed, still bitter about his ex, or chose to be injected with this vaccine, it's not going to work, so better not to get involved at all.

I've talked to two men who didn't get the vaccine. One of them had a generally insecure and doubtful attitude once he got me on the phone, and the other made too many comments clearly indicating he was looking to hook up ASAP.
 

Zanardi

Woodpecker
Orthodox
There are a number of must-haves and must-not-haves in a partner. I've decided that for me, the mRNA vaccine is a must-not-have. A man could have the most wonderful personality in the world - but if he's unemployed, still bitter about his ex, or chose to be injected with this vaccine, it's not going to work, so better not to get involved at all.

I've talked to two men who didn't get the vaccine. One of them had a generally insecure and doubtful attitude once he got me on the phone, and the other made too many comments clearly indicating he was looking to hook up ASAP.
As you wish. Good luck in finding your future husband.

oftentimes use ungodly algorithms,
Can you give me an example of a godly algorithm?
 

TexasJenn

Woodpecker
Woman
Orthodox Inquirer
Major bummer. I was messaging with this guy this evening and it seemed so promising. Before giving him my number, I asked about the vaccine. He got it. I gently expressed my reservation, and he turned nasty, said I'm crazy and said, "Let me guess. You're one of these people who's seen Jesus." He was clearly disappointed and defensive, lashed out, then when I was about to apologize for unintentionally offending him, he blocked me. Le sigh.
 

fortyfive

Woodpecker
Other Christian
when I was about to apologize for unintentionally offending him
A long time ago I stopped apologizing to people who make you feel guilty because you have a different opinion. It was a very good decision.


"Creating a guilt trip in another person may be considered to be psychological manipulation in the form of punishment for a perceived transgression.[1] Guilt trips are also considered to be a form of passive aggression.[2]

The victim may be reminded of something bad they did, made to feel guilty about it and then given an option to escape that guilt. The option will depend on what the manipulator wants them to do.[3] People often feel obliged to comply with guilt trip demands as a way of receiving others' approval.[4]

George K. Simon interprets the guilt trip as a special kind of intimidation tactic. A manipulator suggests to the conscientious victim that he or she does not care enough, is too selfish or has it easy. This usually results in the victim feeling bad, keeping them in a self-doubting, anxious and submissive position.[5]

The first known published use of the term is in 1967.[6]

There are limited studies examining guilt trips and those studies tend to focus on guilt trips in parent–child relationships.[7][8]"
 

Vigilant

Kingfisher
Woman
Protestant
Major bummer. I was messaging with this guy this evening and it seemed so promising. Before giving him my number, I asked about the vaccine. He got it. I gently expressed my reservation, and he turned nasty, said I'm crazy and said, "Let me guess. You're one of these people who's seen Jesus." He was clearly disappointed and defensive, lashed out, then when I was about to apologize for unintentionally offending him, he blocked me. Le sigh.
Always be unapologetic when siding with the truth. Even Christ haters respect it.
 

Vigilant

Kingfisher
Woman
Protestant
A long time ago I stopped apologizing to people who make you feel guilty because you have a different opinion. It was a very good decision.


"Creating a guilt trip in another person may be considered to be psychological manipulation in the form of punishment for a perceived transgression.[1] Guilt trips are also considered to be a form of passive aggression.[2]

The victim may be reminded of something bad they did, made to feel guilty about it and then given an option to escape that guilt. The option will depend on what the manipulator wants them to do.[3] People often feel obliged to comply with guilt trip demands as a way of receiving others' approval.[4]

George K. Simon interprets the guilt trip as a special kind of intimidation tactic. A manipulator suggests to the conscientious victim that he or she does not care enough, is too selfish or has it easy. This usually results in the victim feeling bad, keeping them in a self-doubting, anxious and submissive position.[5]

The first known published use of the term is in 1967.[6]

There are limited studies examining guilt trips and those studies tend to focus on guilt trips in parent–child relationships.[7][8]"
Yes, worthy guilt is righteous, but guilt manipulation is occultic.
 

Gremlin

Woodpecker
Non-Christian
Major bummer. I was messaging with this guy this evening and it seemed so promising. Before giving him my number, I asked about the vaccine. He got it. I gently expressed my reservation, and he turned nasty, said I'm crazy and said, "Let me guess. You're one of these people who's seen Jesus." He was clearly disappointed and defensive, lashed out, then when I was about to apologize for unintentionally offending him, he blocked me. Le sigh.
Don't apologize for offending neurotic people.
 

stugatz

Pelican
Catholic
Major bummer. I was messaging with this guy this evening and it seemed so promising. Before giving him my number, I asked about the vaccine. He got it. I gently expressed my reservation, and he turned nasty, said I'm crazy and said, "Let me guess. You're one of these people who's seen Jesus." He was clearly disappointed and defensive, lashed out, then when I was about to apologize for unintentionally offending him, he blocked me. Le sigh.
Silver lining - you've had a decent amount of men interested in you in a short period of time, and it looks like the majority of them looked promising (you weren't talking to barflies or something).

A lot of bad candidates is definitely annoying, but you could have worse problems. You seem to be dealing with it fine, so just continue being patient. Have you been attending church lately? Young adult groups can be a good in-person way to also do what you're doing online.
 

TexasJenn

Woodpecker
Woman
Orthodox Inquirer
Yes, I am doing social things, but so far most of the good men I've met in the wild are taken. Still, it's nice to meet good men and see they exist.

I just heard from a spate of military men, every one of them "deployed and will be home in a few weeks," some of them ready to retire and settle down, all of them hyper masculine and very gentlemanly.

But I asked this army man I've been messaging whether they have to get the shot, and he said yes, no choice. He totally buys the safety argument.

It breaks my heart to see these strapping manly men with the "I got the shot" icon over their handsome pictures.
 

stugatz

Pelican
Catholic
Yes, I am doing social things, but so far most of the good men I've met in the wild are taken. Still, it's nice to meet good men and see they exist.

I just heard from a spate of military men, every one of them "deployed and will be home in a few weeks," some of them ready to retire and settle down, all of them hyper masculine and very gentlemanly.

But I asked this army man I've been messaging whether they have to get the shot, and he said yes, no choice. He totally buys the safety argument.

It breaks my heart to see these strapping manly men with the "I got the shot" icon over their handsome pictures.
That's got to sting for you. It would almost make it better if they resented that they got forced, but couldn't leave the military in time. Happily bragging about it though? It's like some remake of Invasion of the Body Snatchers.
 

Kitty Tantrum

Kingfisher
Woman
Catholic
Yes, I am doing social things, but so far most of the good men I've met in the wild are taken. Still, it's nice to meet good men and see they exist.

I just heard from a spate of military men, every one of them "deployed and will be home in a few weeks," some of them ready to retire and settle down, all of them hyper masculine and very gentlemanly.

But I asked this army man I've been messaging whether they have to get the shot, and he said yes, no choice. He totally buys the safety argument.

It breaks my heart to see these strapping manly men with the "I got the shot" icon over their handsome pictures.
Ouch.

My husband was in the Navy for 20 years, which is a huge part of why his initial response was "of course I'll get the shot."

If he hadn't changed his tune, I'd be having some kind of existential crisis right now. Less about the potential fallout of the jab (he is older and we were not planning for more children), and more about being married to a man who seemed extremely masculine/manly but then turned out to be an establishment cuck.

I still hold out hope for those who got the jab and pull through with their health intact. Some will likely eventually see the light. But how CAN a woman who loves the truth allow herself to be led by a man who is himself led around by the nose by false authority?
 

fortyfive

Woodpecker
Other Christian
It breaks my heart to see these strapping manly men with the "I got the shot" icon over their handsome pictures.
But how CAN a woman who loves the truth allow herself to be led by a man who is himself led around by the nose by false authority?
I wanted to write something similar, you were quicker -)
When I was 18, there was mandatory military service and I was in.
I got along with fellow guys well, but I had a problem with the authorities.
The military was simply an unbelievably idiotic institution. (EE in the 90s)
I couldn't believe how stupid and pathetic could be such an honorable organization.
Most officers were total losers unable to find a proper job in civil life.

Towards the end of service, I even ended up in military jail for repeatedly violating rules. And I learned a couple of things.
I wouldn't be able to serve under idiots ever again, and my friends who chose to continue in military service for money as a job are somewhat different than me.
Not bad, but different.
They don't mind obeying people whom they don't respect.

Be aware of that difference if you are a critical thinker, often questioning authorities. If your level of blind submission is much lower than that of your future husband, then you will have a problem. You will eventually lose respect for him.

I still know guys who are in the military, police, firefighters, and they seem to be good, masculine guys, but that compliance thing...
 

Vigilant

Kingfisher
Woman
Protestant
Ouch.

My husband was in the Navy for 20 years, which is a huge part of why his initial response was "of course I'll get the shot."

If he hadn't changed his tune, I'd be having some kind of existential crisis right now. Less about the potential fallout of the jab (he is older and we were not planning for more children), and more about being married to a man who seemed extremely masculine/manly but then turned out to be an establishment cuck.

I still hold out hope for those who got the jab and pull through with their health intact. Some will likely eventually see the light. But how CAN a woman who loves the truth allow herself to be led by a man who is himself led around by the nose by false authority?
The nose of 'authority'.
 

TexasJenn

Woodpecker
Woman
Orthodox Inquirer
I talked to another military guy who said his unit didn't require it and he didn't get it. The one who got it seemed concerned when I told him about all the censored stories of bad reactions. I sent him a credible link about the subject. He says he leads a large group of troops and will spread the word.

I realize that military men are the state's muscle, aren't necessarily the most intelligent guys. But some of them are multi-talented and heroic dynamos of men. Some of them eventually wake up to the truth. They know about sacrifice, discipline, and honor. Think of the Roman general Maximus in the movie Gladiator. A leader of men, fighting within a dark system for a better world.

Still, I'd rather my man not be away often in dangerous conditions. A youngish retired military man with his own mind could be a good fit.
 

stugatz

Pelican
Catholic
I wanted to write something similar, you were quicker -)
When I was 18, there was mandatory military service and I was in.
I got along with fellow guys well, but I had a problem with the authorities.
The military was simply an unbelievably idiotic institution. (EE in the 90s)
I couldn't believe how stupid and pathetic could be such an honorable organization.
Most officers were total losers unable to find a proper job in civil life.
On principle, I don't want to overly bash my own father, but he made full colonel by being "good enough" for over 20 years - let's just say that he was unsure he was going to make lieutenant colonel AND colonel. He also told me of a lot of coworkers getting promoted alongside him were rising through the ranks because they ticked boxes - maybe his fellow dullard coworker that just got promoted to major was Hispanic, or was a woman.

He never learned to manage money and nearly went bankrupt both times he left the army (during his pause in the service about five years in, and right after he retired). Every time we moved we got an allowance and he never had to learn to budget. (Free movers, too.) Moving in and of itself had a "clean slate" effect, any shortcomings he had at a current position weren't worth solving if he was going to be starting over in two years anyway.

Sadly, the military often attracts compliant type people who "can't find a real job", and was one of the reasons I was never really interested in joining when I was in college. I tend to not like people much who are former soldiers - based company on this forum excluded!
 

TexasJenn

Woodpecker
Woman
Orthodox Inquirer
I know some amazing former military men. I have an old family friend who was in the navy who's like a second dad to me. He can do anything, has classic masculine values, humble, generous, funny, totally devoted to his family, active and gives freely of his time to his church, does tons of fix-it projects for people and never accepts payment, just a totally good man.
 

stugatz

Pelican
Catholic
I know some amazing former military men. I have an old family friend who was in the navy who's like a second dad to me. He can do anything, has classic masculine values, humble, generous, funny, totally devoted to his family, active and gives freely of his time to his church, does tons of fix-it projects for people and never accepts payment, just a totally good man.
Same, but the majority (for me anyway) don't fit this template. It's probably a lot of reasons that could make up a separate discussion thread, the unnecessary soldier worship our country has engaged in can't be a help either.

I'm also not the best person to talk about this with, as - if my post didn't make it obvious - I resent my father for not setting a better example growing up, and tend to think all soldiers are exactly like him. It's always nice to meet other people who were raised as "army brats" though.
 

fortyfive

Woodpecker
Other Christian
People with military backgrounds usually have a hard time adjusting to civilian life, mainly because in the army, someone took care of them with about anything. They fed them, dress them, gave them everything needed for their service.
And that approach often created in their head mindset "big dependent kid". You just obey us.

And only a few things are worse for a woman than to be married to a childish man, without the ability to take responsibility for himself, her, and their children.
 

TexasJenn

Woodpecker
Woman
Orthodox Inquirer
I resent my father for not setting a better example growing up...
Well, I relate to you there. However, for myself, I learned that forgiveness was the key to greater peace with the matter. Carrying resentment, anger, or other bad feelings for another person is like holding onto a hot coal - it only continues to hurt you.

I was in church, and our minister reminded us to forgive ourselves and others for any transgressions. It hit me that while I'd come a long way in making peace with my dad, I was still holding onto a small sliver of resentment for his shortcomings and how they'd impacted me. At that moment, I chose to forgive him 100%. It sounds like a subtle difference, but it really helped me get along with him better and appreciate him for what he is.
 
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