Deciding which woman to go with

Hey all,

Hoping to get a little feedback here about where I should go. I am a 33 year old living in the southeast. I had been dating a girl who is now 28 for the past 3 years. Things were fine and there were no serious issues, but I just got bored, basically. We were living together but had stopped having sex due to religious reasons. She is Catholic (prays everyday, attends Church), is very sweet and loyal to me, stuck with me through some very hard times. Her only real downsides are that she is short (bad for my children's genetics) and has an odd sense of humor that I never quite came around to which does lead to some social interaction troubles at times. She is probably a 7/10 and takes very good care of herself. She took very good care of me as well, going as far as to even make my morning coffee for me everyday, cook for me every night, and do all of the cleaning.

I then met a 21 yo who is extremely good looking (8.5-9/10) who I am seeing now. Things are going fine, but I do see some 21 yo tendencies of course. She is mature for her age, but is still 21. She believes in God but is not religious like the ex. She is taller which is good, however, does seem to get sick fairly frequently. She is also more sensitive and abit more needy than my ex. She does not like going out, drinking, or living the "college lifestyle". I am very physically attracted to her and we get along great. She is more socially adept than the ex. I still, however, find myself thinking of the ex at times.

I guess my question is - should I follow my head (which says the 28 yo is great for me and would be a great mother) or my gut which is what I went off of when I ended the relationship. The 21 yo does say she is looking for a serious relationship and does not have an extensive sexual history even though she is solicited every time she goes out. She would also be a great mother and is very caring, but may not be as caring and submissive as the 28 yo. Of course while I cannot say 100% that the 28 yo would take me back, part of me thinks it may be worth the gamble.

What do you guys think? If you need more information please ask but I would love to hear any opinions. This is not a question about sex or short term dating. I am looking for a wife to start a family with.
 
Hey all,

Hoping to get a little feedback here about where I should go. I am a 33 year old living in the southeast. I had been dating a girl who is now 28 for the past 3 years. Things were fine and there were no serious issues, but I just got bored, basically. We were living together but had stopped having sex due to religious reasons. She is Catholic (prays everyday, attends Church), is very sweet and loyal to me, stuck with me through some very hard times. Her only real downsides are that she is short (bad for my children's genetics) and has an odd sense of humor that I never quite came around to which does lead to some social interaction troubles at times. She is probably a 7/10 and takes very good care of herself. She took very good care of me as well, going as far as to even make my morning coffee for me everyday, cook for me every night, and do all of the cleaning.

I then met a 21 yo who is extremely good looking (8.5-9/10) who I am seeing now. Things are going fine, but I do see some 21 yo tendencies of course. She is mature for her age, but is still 21. She believes in God but is not religious like the ex. She is taller which is good, however, does seem to get sick fairly frequently. She is also more sensitive and abit more needy than my ex. She does not like going out, drinking, or living the "college lifestyle". I am very physically attracted to her and we get along great. She is more socially adept than the ex. I still, however, find myself thinking of the ex at times.

I guess my question is - should I follow my head (which says the 28 yo is great for me and would be a great mother) or my gut which is what I went off of when I ended the relationship. The 21 yo does say she is looking for a serious relationship and does not have an extensive sexual history even though she is solicited every time she goes out. She would also be a great mother and is very caring, but may not be as caring and submissive as the 28 yo. Of course while I cannot say 100% that the 28 yo would take me back, part of me thinks it may be worth the gamble.

What do you guys think? If you need more information please ask but I would love to hear any opinions. This is not a question about sex or short term dating. I am looking for a wife to start a family with.
I am curious to know how long you have been seeing the 21 yr old. Have you both talked about family and if she has any desire to have children?
 

jarlo

Woodpecker
Things were fine and there were no serious issues, but I just got bored, basically.

What did you get bored with? Why did you start dating her in the first place - was it about the sex, and then you lost interest once that ended? Could you see yourself getting bored with the 21 year old?

We were living together but had stopped having sex due to religious reasons. She is Catholic (prays everyday, attends Church), is very sweet and loyal to me, stuck with me through some very hard times.

Did you stop having sex due to her religious reasons, or yours?

I still, however, find myself thinking of the ex at times.

How long ago did you break up with the 28 year old, and how long have you been dating the 21 year old? What sort of things remind you of your ex?

I then met a 21 yo who is extremely good looking (8.5-9/10) who I am seeing now. ... Of course while I cannot say 100% that the 28 yo would take me back, part of me thinks it may be worth the gamble.

Did you break up with the 28 year old to date the 21 year old, or did you first break up with the 28 year old, and then eventually meet the 21 year old?

Also more generally - do you plan to have kids? How do you plan to raise them?
 

Mark-David

Pigeon
Neither of them.

You're not going to be happy with any woman chosen on the basis of a weird, materialistic, atheistic, and semi-autistic equation of the kind outlined above ("ermagerd she gets sick sometimes, my kids will be retarded").

You haven't fallen in love, you're just playing a video game version of it and trying to max out on points so you can reach the next level.
 

HKBhusal

Sparrow
My opinion:

The appeal of a younger woman is much stronger, generally most would concur with that course of action.

However, the 21 year old is not mature enough to handle a long term relationship, from what you have made it sound like. She is still advertising herself by going out, as you mentioned. If she doesn't give you a signal of dedication by limiting her "girls night out" ventures to lunch or dinner only (then calling it a night out of respect to you), versus going out to the usual establishments until early morning getting solicited, then she's likely not worth considering as marriage material.

I would not necessarily believe what she says about herself, but determine her worth through her actions.
 
Thank you guys all for the replies. I guess maybe I asked the wrong question based on some of the responses. I guess the reason I described the girls above is to say that they both certainly have positive qualities and some flaws.

To clear up a few things: With the older girl, I left because I no longer felt that spark. I no longer was excited to go home. I did not get with her because of the sex - as you can see above she has many other great qualities that would make her a good wife and mother. After leaving her, I am realizing all of the great things she would do for me during the relationship and how genuine of a person she is. Her and I did stop having sex for religious reasons. As for the younger girl, she rarely goes out and does not drink.

I guess my question really boils down to whether I should follow my head or my gut/heart in relationship contexts. Anyone have any personal experience with this question?
 
Hey all,

Hoping to get a little feedback here about where I should go. I am a 33 year old living in the southeast. I had been dating a girl who is now 28 for the past 3 years. Things were fine and there were no serious issues, but I just got bored, basically. We were living together but had stopped having sex due to religious reasons. She is Catholic (prays everyday, attends Church), is very sweet and loyal to me, stuck with me through some very hard times. Her only real downsides are that she is short (bad for my children's genetics) and has an odd sense of humor that I never quite came around to which does lead to some social interaction troubles at times. She is probably a 7/10 and takes very good care of herself. She took very good care of me as well, going as far as to even make my morning coffee for me everyday, cook for me every night, and do all of the cleaning.

I then met a 21 yo who is extremely good looking (8.5-9/10) who I am seeing now. Things are going fine, but I do see some 21 yo tendencies of course. She is mature for her age, but is still 21. She believes in God but is not religious like the ex. She is taller which is good, however, does seem to get sick fairly frequently. She is also more sensitive and abit more needy than my ex. She does not like going out, drinking, or living the "college lifestyle". I am very physically attracted to her and we get along great. She is more socially adept than the ex. I still, however, find myself thinking of the ex at times.

I guess my question is - should I follow my head (which says the 28 yo is great for me and would be a great mother) or my gut which is what I went off of when I ended the relationship. The 21 yo does say she is looking for a serious relationship and does not have an extensive sexual history even though she is solicited every time she goes out. She would also be a great mother and is very caring, but may not be as caring and submissive as the 28 yo. Of course while I cannot say 100% that the 28 yo would take me back, part of me thinks it may be worth the gamble.

What do you guys think? If you need more information please ask but I would love to hear any opinions. This is not a question about sex or short term dating. I am looking for a wife to start a family with.
It appears that the 28-years old young lady is no longer an option, so let's focus on the 21-year old. Since we doon't know as much about her as you do, consider the following questions.

1. Do you think she a true follower of Christ?
2. Does she have a desire to get married to you and have more than 2 children?
3. Do you think she is just as attracted to you as you are to her?
4. Did she grow up in a traditional, intact Christian family? Are her parents supportive and doe they accept you as their son-in-law?

If the answer is yes, you "hi the Jackpot", I eman, you are blessed with a good woman. Is the answer to any of these questions is a "no" or a "maybe" than I suggest you get to know her a bit better before deciding to commit.
Don't get me wrong. it through out there - male/female ratios are bad across the world right now and it is harder to find a good women than ever before. So, don't discard her, just make sure you get to know her (not in a Biblical sense e of "knowing") before making a decision to commit to her.
 

Waverer

Robin
The 28 year old sounds great - including her quirky sense of humour. But I am wary of recommending you do anything that will waste more of her time. Either propose if you really think you won't get bored again or leave her alone - but please don't do something in between.
 
It appears that the 28-years old young lady is no longer an option, so let's focus on the 21-year old. Since we doon't know as much about her as you do, consider the following questions.

1. Do you think she a true follower of Christ?
2. Does she have a desire to get married to you and have more than 2 children?
3. Do you think she is just as attracted to you as you are to her?
4. Did she grow up in a traditional, intact Christian family? Are her parents supportive and doe they accept you as their son-in-law?

If the answer is yes, you "hi the Jackpot", I eman, you are blessed with a good woman. Is the answer to any of these questions is a "no" or a "maybe" than I suggest you get to know her a bit better before deciding to commit.
Don't get me wrong. it through out there - male/female ratios are bad across the world right now and it is harder to find a good women than ever before. So, don't discard her, just make sure you get to know her (not in a Biblical sense e of "knowing") before making a decision to commit to her.

What are the answers to the four questions, if I may ask... Despite her youth, she sounds like a possible very good match for you. She is young and does not have tons of psychological baggage, lots of former sex partners, or kids (a huge plus!). Those three negatives are extremely common in modern women today. And as for the other older gal you dated, a sense of humor that does not compute with you is not good.

Don't let a good woman escape you, if that is the case with the 21 year-old...

Take care!
 
What are the answers to the four questions, if I may ask... Despite her youth, she sounds like a possible very good match for you. She is young and does not have tons of psychological baggage, lots of former sex partners, or kids (a huge plus!). Those three negatives are extremely common in modern women today. And as for the other older gal you dated, a sense of humor that does not compute with you is not good.

Don't let a good woman escape you, if that is the case with her...

Take care!
1. Great question - I will find out for sure.
2. Thus far, yes. She strongly desires serious relationships and does want children. She is looking to get married.
3. Yes I think that she is.
4. Intact family. Very very close with parents and grandparents. Dad is Catholic. Mom is not. I will have to delve further.

Thank you!
 
What are the answers to the four questions, if I may ask... Despite her youth, she sounds like a possible very good match for you. She is young and does not have tons of psychological baggage, lots of former sex partners, or kids (a huge plus!). Those three negatives are extremely common in modern women today. And as for the other older gal you dated, a sense of humor that does not compute with you is not good.

Don't let a good woman escape you, if that is the case with the 21 year-old...

Take care!
Following up: I met with her tonight and asked her some very serious questions. Thank you for the advice.

1. She believes in God. She did not grow up religious but believes in God and wishes to convert to Catholicism (in our area Catholicism is easily the most common religion). She, however, is unfamiliar with many of the teachings, though agrees with the morals. I guess, therefore, I cannot say for certain that she is a follower of Christ.
2. She desires to get married. I told her I want at least 4 children. She is willing to have as many as I want. She has a very strong desire to be a mom and stay at home with children.
3. Of course I am biased, but I do believe she is as attracted to me as I am to her.
4. As I said above, she did not grow up in a traditional Christian family. She is in a very moral family, however, who's values are very much in line with Christian values. They would accept me as a son in law.
 
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