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Message: <blockquote data-quote="Pelagius" data-source="post: 1422880" data-attributes="member: 20471">Great article Roosh, I've really enjoyed your journey thus far, it has many similarities with my own actually and reading this brought back a lot of memories. I think It's often hard to relive that moment of vulnerability you feel when you first experience the big city, for the most part because it's easier to forget that we lost our way among the crowds. I still remember first experiencing the endless noise that permeates the mind drowning out your inner most thoughts. The blank hopeless expressions on the faces of the people forced to go to a job they hate every morning, bustling their way through the sea of people walking the opposite direction, all destined for the same life-draining desks. In the beginning you experience the paradox of being able to go wherever you want, but not going anywhere because all places at all times are full of an overwhelming energy that feels as though it would swallow you full. A million people walk past you with a million different stories and somehow it leaves you feeling more empty, like you're stuck alone between a glass terminal watching life happen before your eyes but never being able to reach out and touch it. The lack of nature almost becomes a euphemism for the masses, wandering like disconnected leaves trying both to forget their past and mindlessly being blown into an unknown future.Sitting inside of your empty rental apartment becomes even lonelier so eventually the days would be spent in the coffee shop pretending to work whilst fantasising over the waitress and trying to avoid the expats desperate for conversation. The evenings would be spent trying to find the best bar or club to drown out the inner cry of a soul that was becoming darker in this new quest for ultimate power, where people became things and women were pleasure objects. I knew what those cries for help meant though, I just didn't have value yet. Once I had enough value i'd be living the high life with riches and I won't feel like this anymore, surrounded by people vying for my attention i'd finally be happy and i'd forget all of this. As my discontent with life rose ever higher so did my discontent with the external, I found myself becoming nastier, more mean spirited and desperate to feel approval for my critique of others, essentially I was becoming like everyone else. The wheels of that life actually began to come off when I visited the country side for a short time. During that time my mind became filled with images that I can only describe as hell. Similar to Roosh's experience I had constant flashing of demonic images and dreams that would only go away so long as I was glued to my phone or laptop and lost in my escapism. A moments silence felt like the walls were coming in so i'd race to put on the rap music that i'd used to pump me up in the city and get back into the 'alpha' mode, I needed to man up - that was the answer, so I spent the rest of the time immersed in music and exercise until I could escape back to the city. Given that I had lived like this before I was deeply disturbed that I could not spend a moment alone now so when I returned to the city I tried to go for a week without adult material, rap music or anything that would trigger me. On the second day, I broke down and found myself praying to a God I had sworn I didn't believe in. From that day forward I made a promise to God that I would stop this lifestyle and it sounds tremendously cliche but my entire life changed almost over night. I can't explain it other than it was as though God gave me new eyes, from that moment forward my entire life changed in the very same city. When I began to see others as my brothers and sisters it was as though God unlocked this level of the city in which I was suddenly introduced by freak coincidences to good natured people that I had no idea existed before. Hours wasted in coffee shops became hours spent redoing things I had once loved and evenings in the club were now spent in quiet gatherings with people that shared the light of their soul with the dim flicker of my own. Doors opened that were closed before and everything fell into place. I get that all of this sounds very evangelical and like a copy-pasta of Roosh's experience but I have actually found that this somewhat common among men that fled their countries to live the nomadic lifestyle without ever really getting deep in the culture. Eventually the lack of roots and belonging get to you, it becomes hard to stay but harder to go back and once when you would run towards sin with joy, now you find yourself walking towards it out of habit. I am just happy that I only spent the years from 18-26 like this. As the article points out, It was not the city that had corrupted me so much as I had used the city to lose myself in the corruption, and the lonelier I felt to more corruption I wanted.</blockquote>

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