Digging myself out of this funk

[Jackreacher]

OP you need to look at just a couple things. For one what's really bothering you? What's eating you up everyday? A lack of zest for life could simply be emotional stuff that hasn't been dealt with from the past. Second, what questions are you asking yourself each day? Questions are powerful, if you have a habit of asking yourself questions that are negative that may be a BIG factor in why you are experiencing life as you are right now. You may want to structure the conscious questions you ask yourself in such a way that only a positive answer can eventuate, this is very powerful in getting your subconscious on your side. Third, you are in your mid/early 20's do you know truly know what you enjoy doing in life? Do you get to do what you enjoy doing in life assuming you know it? Most people simply don't know what makes them happy. When you spend your time doing the things YOU want to do and no one can keep that from you you'll naturally have much higher levels of happiness then people who can't and I can say that from experience. Things for example that I really enjoy don't even cost me much(most of them); Watching movies, alone time, dancing with women, cycling, singing, banging women, smoking a cigar, lots of travel, mma, hunting, spear fishing. When you know what to do to be happy and you can do it today, tomorrow and the day after you get to actually be happy, you have purpose, you have meaning in your life. Ultimately you are the architect of your life, there's no blueprints because you are the one who creates them, that's the most amazing fact of life. The most important thing you can do in life you will do yourself.

 

[scorpion]

Mr. Pink, you simply have a combination of destructive physical and psychological habits. You need to address both. For the physical, do everything Lizard of Oz suggested. For the psychological, stop obsessing about yourself. Eddie Winslow's post highlighting all the times you used the words I and I'm is very revealing. You come across as a narcissist, endlessly fascinated with navel-gazing and analyzing the state of your life. Stop worrying about how you're doing, and start worrying about how others are doing. Help others and you will help yourself. Undertake a personal mission to improve the world in the unique way that only you can (we are all gifted in some such capacity, do not doubt it) and you will soon find you no longer have the inclination to wallow in self-pity and manufactured despair.

 

[Jackreacher]

Another thing I want to add is that giving to others is a very powerful action that has lasting benefits. Now I'm not talking about feeding the homeless or becoming Mother Teresa. I'm talking about giving something to people in your life simply because they want it, you're doing it just for the sake of giving not from a personal desire you may have, you are just giving because the other person(s) want it and involves some sacrifice on your part. Remember you're not doing this to feel good about it or because you want to see a change in the world, or even because you want to, you're just doing it to give something that somebody else wants for their happiness. This probably deserves a thread of it's own to get a bit more in depth about it, it's very deep stuff.

 

[Onto]

Long story short, I'm deeply entrenched in a 6 year depression and the fucked up part is that I'm beginning to realize that I've been this way for so long that I'm actually addicted to it.

Depression can be addictive. Stephen Crane wrote a very insightful poem about it called "In the desert" (1895).

In the desert
I saw a creature, naked, bestial,
Who, squatting upon the ground,
Held his heart in his hands,
And ate of it.
I said, “Is it good, friend?”
“It is bitter—bitter,” he answered;

“But I like it
“Because it is bitter,
“And because it is my heart.”

So the question the poem begs is, "What is it about the bitter heart that tastes so sweet?"

I think an answer may be because we can control it. Anything we control is ours. For example, when you approach a girl you have no control of how she will react and where it will go. However if you never approach, then you are in complete control. You know exactly what will happen. In this case nothing, but the nothing is yours and your in control of it.

Depressive feelings are an indulgence. I have them too, and it's always a temptation, like booze and all the rest, to delve into those bitter-sweet emotions. They are yours and you can control and play around with them. Unlike happiness which often depends on the others and the outside world and even if you achieve it, is always a fleeting affair.

And stopping the booze and drugs as everyone has suggested will do you a world of good. You should start that today.

 

[Off The Reservation]

I have noticed two kinds of self pity, one is the more obvious I am a fat loser who is broke and my girlfriend left me and my mom pays my bills, I love cars and all my friends have cool cars but i work at autoparts store for 9 bucks an hour, my new girlfriend is 340 lbs and yells at me, etc.

The other type is I have my shit together, but i am frustrated, I am buff, but reached a workout plateau, hot girls come to me but i dont fuck, I have money but dont care if i spend it all, but dont spend it because i dont care either way, I look good and am a male 8, but I see the flaws, I have the passive income you all wish you had but I am heading toward rock bottom, I am a rabid drug user but quit suddenly and it had no effect, I drive a nice car but the only song playing is "Nothing Else Matters." And so on...

The first type is easier to advise. Come on man, get out of your moms house and go try some day game...

The second type always leaves us scratching out heads, why? That's part of the trap. On one hand I understand the not revealing specifics on a public bb, but the whole story has no detail. What do you do every day? What is your value system? Do you actually have disdain for the hot girl and the passive income you know we all want on this bb?

You said you feel like a spoiled brat but is that what you want or do you want to feel differently? Do you think you are "done" just because you saw a little money? Have you considered raising your self-concept of how much is a lot of money?

So I ask you what are your values? Discover the principles that you hold to be true and act on them.

 

[Phazlenut]

I agree with the posters above. OP, sort your alcoholism out first. Addictions to meds and whatnot should be treated too, but you first of all need to get on the wagon and stay there.

 

[asdfk]

I was out of town for a holiday, and now I can't reach OP. Not by phone, text and not on the forum. Same for another member. I'm worried. I've met OP and he's a solid, reliable dude. Needless to say he got some issues to sort out. It would ruin my day if he'd OD'd on alcohol. Has anyone had direct contact with OP since april 1?

Oh, and I don't agree on the alcoholism. Addiction is the consequence of an absence of stimuli. Better to create an awesome life first and then loose the alcoholism. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PY9DcIMGxMs

 

[PartManPartMonkey]

^^ Creating an awesome life while being an alcoholic sounds difficult. How would that work?

 

[asdfk]

I can't reveal that here as I'm creating a self-help product about that.

 

[Andy_B]

At around 19 years old I experienced a life implosion that frankly I simply wasn't mentally equipped to deal with. I fell apart. Addiction and self-destructive behaviors soon became a normal part of life for me but through a combination of recklessness, a sharp mind, and good luck, I started making serious bank before I ever hit the true rock bottom that I was blasting full speed towards. Even with taking into account all the money I was hemorrhaging through my destructive choices and habits I was making more money than I knew what to do with for a good two and a half years. In the end however reality caught up to me and I blew through enough money that had I managed rationally, could have set me up for life. Not all is lost though as I locked a decent chunk of it away in a piece of profitable commercial real estate which is providing some modest mostly passive income.

What it all boils down to though is that despite DRASTICALLY changing my life circumstances, at no point did my inner experience ever really change.

This sounds so similar to something I went through in my middle college years that I could have written it myself... Right down to the age it happened (for me it started when I was 18 going on 19, so almost the exact same age).

I used to keep a personal journal and I always referred to this period in my life as "the decline."

I just fell 'off the wagon' in some vague but distinct sense. I started hanging around with the wrong person, and he gave me some very bad advice on something (the specifics are way too embarrassing to go into in detail even semi-anonymously on RVF), and the emotional consequences of the bad decisions I made just wrecked me. I started drinking, popping ritalin and skipping classes compulsively. I took out student loans, when a non-mentally-ruined version of me could have continued paying for school with my job (which I had done successfully my first year). I blew all my savings. I lost touch with all my old friends and started hanging out with a bunch of degenerate misfits. At one point, I was on the verge of declaring bankruptcy, being about 5 months past due on all my bills.

... Then I had a 'lucky break' in the form of a student job that led to me discovering freelancing and becoming self employed. This helped me get on my two feet financially (I would never have been able to survive in a job that actually involved showing up to an office as my sleep schedule was fucked), and for a while, I had convinced myself that I had 'turned things around.'

The thing is though, I didn't. Although I had improved my financial life, that was it. In fact, many other areas of my life got work as I started seeing regular monthly paychecks come in; with the newfound cash, my drug abuse soared to new heights, as I was now able to afford coke once or twice a week, and go on benders more than 5.

I do believe I have made genuine improvements since then, but it has been a long, rocky, messy road.

 

[asdfk]

The OP is M.I.A. No-one has seen him since the end of march.
If anybody has heard from him in the last few weeks, please send me a PM.