Discussion: What is the best approach to preventing cheating?

[Batman_]

For the record, I'm not in a relationship of any kind right now, but I'm asking this because I find it a rather interesting point of discussion.

Let me paint a scenario: Let's say your GF wants to hangout with a guy friend of hers, and lets say you know nothing about this guy or the type of relationship they have.

Basically, it seems like there are two main options: Either a) you remain stoic, indifferent, maybe a little aloof, and don't react to this. b) You ask her about him, and potentially set boundaries and tell her not to hang out with him.

I'm thinking the solution isn't so obvious, maybe this is something that you solve before it even comes up: if you simply focus on maintaining frame, she will remain attracted to you, which will decrease the chances she'll want to cheat in the first place, and as such remove any need to set boundaries to begin with.

It's foolish to think you can stop a girl who wants to cheat (even if its unconscious): if she wants to cheat she'll do it anyway, and trying to tell her what she can and can't do won't work. Yet, trusting her with naive, blind trust is equally foolish. it seems hard draw the line between being passive and being indifferent/aloof. What are your thoughts on this?

 

[Zenta]

Depends where you put your foot down mate and what type of slag you will date.

Personally I learned early on I'm not interested in dating a woman that has guy friends, tell me when thats ever ended up good? Never worked well for me.

Yeah sure every once in a while people may have a true legitimate friendship but I can tell you personally all the women I'm friends with(which isn't much because I don't generally waste time to keep contact with people that don't add anything to my life) were at some point for the most part women I wanted to shag. Even my one old friend who is an exception to meeting like that, just a genuine friendship from long ago, when she was in town a year and a half ago and we grabbed a bite to eat and catch up, I thought to myself well we're both single adults and a bit down right now, we could shag just for fun and we might even be better off for it. Obviously we didn't but I would be lying If I didn't say the thought crossed my mind.

Anyways I've never really much been one for having female friends just on the basis that if I date a woman I would expect her to do the same. If I want to hangout with a woman, well thats why I have my own woman presumably, why would I need a non platonic one, and vice-a-versa. That type of thinking never went well over on the redpill side of things where abundance mentality was king. But I also have a busy life and I guess unlike most of those guys I didn't have time for creating a harem of woman so its always worked out well for me.


Now if you date a woman who does have guy friends, well good luck all the sudden telling her she can't hang out with them. All the sudden your the big bad guy. Its 2020 bud and she can fuck whoever she wants on a whim! Honk honk.

But really I think this type of question just comes down to the simple fact of choosing the right woman and vetting her properly in the first place. Unfortunately that sometimes means letting go of alot of fish in the sea that you might have otherwise wanted to catch, but theres more out there.

 

[Sargon2112]

Think of it like this:

As a single guy, how many (attractive) female acquaintances do you have that you wouldn't bang if the opportunity presented itself? This hypothetical guy friend of hers is the same way, and will likely make the effort to create that opportunity. Can't really blame him for this, assuming he's not a friend of yours. I'm not saying she'd cheat, but the odds would not be in your favor, as the boyfriend. The more frequent they hang out, the more likely she is to cheat. If she talks about him a lot in your presence, it's likely already happened. If you find out she's been hanging out with him for a while before you found out, it's already happened. When I was a single 20 something, I've been both, the guy 'friend' and the unfortunate boyfriend, but only once for the latter. Your point on maintaining frame is the best thing you can do to prevent it, but even then, it's possible. If it happens, always maintain frame, but walk at the first sign of treachery.

The thing to do would be to tell her once that you do not want her to see him again. If she gets defensive, it's already happened and you walk. If she says ok, and really does stop, that's good; she just might give a damn about you. If she says ok but does it again or doesn't stop, walk. Don't threaten anything, don't act like a bitch or a passive agressive gamma, just walk. There are too many women out there to waste your time and your seed on a bad apple.

Cheers

 

[questor70]

It's foolish to think you can stop a girl who wants to cheat

A guy has to learn to read tea-leaves as far as measuring a woman's level of engagement with the relationship. If it gets to the point where she's doing genuinely suspicious things you're catching it too late and should have picked up warning signs earlier.

 

[Batman_]

It's foolish to think you can stop a girl who wants to cheat

A guy has to learn to read tea-leaves as far as measuring a woman's level of engagement with the relationship. If it gets to the point where she's doing genuinely suspicious things you're catching it too late and should have picked up warning signs earlier.

I mean yeah that's what I'm getting at I guess, it seems more like a proactive thing where you have to prevent these situations altogether. But in the event that you slip up and something like this happens, it's hard to know what the next step is.

 

[NoMoreTO]

In terms of prevention:
> Low Notch Count
> Parents together
> Faith in God
> Friends with intact and successful relationships.
> Live in a location that is generally on the boring side.
> Make her a mother so she is busy with her kids and not thinking about more romance.

Through all this, best to keep your eyes open. Often the saddest case is the guy who is getting cheated on who never believes his wife would. Often in these cases its a case of denial.

Not sure if you can prevent bad things in your life, all you can do is take an educated risk

 

[Rob Banks]

If you feel like you have to actively take steps to prevent cheating (i.e. you feel she realistically might cheat unless you take specific action to prevent it) then you've already lost.

When you're in the company of family and close friends, do you feel like you need to actively take steps to prevent theft (i.e. hiding your money and valuables)? If you did need to do this, what would that say about your family and so-called friends?

And keep in mind that your wife cucking you is a way bigger betrayal than a friend stealing from you.

 

[Batman_]

If you feel like you have to actively take steps to prevent cheating (i.e. you feel she realistically might cheat unless you take specific action to prevent it) then you've already lost.

When you're in the company of family and close friends, do you feel like you need to actively take steps to prevent theft (i.e. hiding your money and valuables)? If you did need to do this, what would that say about your family and so-called friends?

And keep in mind that your wife cucking you is a way bigger betrayal than a friend stealing from you.

Yes I agree with all that, however screening processes aren't foolproof and situations like this can arise even in an LTR with a solid foundation, no?

 

[Rob Banks]

...screening processes aren't foolproof...

You say this like if it were a job interview, where you select the best candidate for the job based on how many boxes they tick off. In reality, it is nothing like that.

If you trust your wife and she becomes a part of you, you will know in your heart and in your spirit that she won't cheat (just like you know she won't kill you in your sleep).

...situations like this can arise even in an LTR with a solid foundation, no?

Situations where she leaves you (presumably for a good reason) can arise. Not cheating, though.

...trusting her with naive, blind trust is equally foolish...

In most modern day romantic relationships, yes, it is naive and foolish. But it is not so if you have good reason to trust her (which is necessary for the marriage to be solid anyway).

 

[Magnus Stout]

Mate guarding is low status behavior. Don’t do it—if she wants to cheat, she can.

You are the prize—not her. Get in shape, get hobbies, and get a mission.

A woman who cheats should be nexted. She should be very aware that you will NOT stick around if she does that. Lots of other girls in the world.

Actions > Words.

 

[JoeSomebody]

The biggest deterrent of cheating in one word: RESPECT.

Men don't want to be loved. They want to be respected.

Basically, any woman CAN cheat on you if she wants. It's a matter of whether or not she WANTS to.

If she truly RESPECTS YOU as a man and the RELATIONSHIP, coupled with FEAR OF LOSING YOU, the chances are significantly lower.

I'll add something else as well: While I DO NOT condone it, the threat and/or use of PHYSICAL HARM will decrease the chances of cheating occurring.

Women who have been slapped around or worse when out of line tend to have higher levels of loyalty, and often come crawling back. Look it up...

...then again, if you were with a respectable girl in the first place, it would probably never get to this.

 

[Vladimir Poontang]

 

[BlastbeatCasanova]

Date a girl who is lower status than you / lower SMV than you

 

[Zenta]

Date a girl who is lower status than you / lower SMV than you

Honestly this is probably the most realistic way to increase your odds of not being cheated on. A relationship where you are the prize and not the other way around.

A good example of this would be 4 years ago I was dating a filipina. Now shes not the first filpina I've dated, nor was she the last, and I've dated many women inbetween, but there was one thing that stood out about her that I will never forget.

This girl genuinely thought I was a sexy man. I've been with a fair amount of women, but I never get sexy. I am always the cute guy, nothing better than hearing a woman say "aww you're so cute".

But not to this girl. She would just lay with me and play with my chest hair twirling it , along with some weird fetish she had for my armpit hair she would play with too, but what put her apart from every other woman was she didn't see me as the cute boy, she saw me as a man and a provider and she liked that. Funnily enough she was also one of the times that I had inadvertently dated down probably close to 1.5 points in SMV. I think that was foolishly one of the reasons I ended it amongst some other person issues I was working through at the time, but had I stayed with her we probably still would have been together now and I would have zero thoughts about her trying to cheat on me.

 

[Vladimir Poontang]

Why not date a girl who has high SMV but thinks she's low.

 

[velkrum]

If you have a GF that wants to hang out with another man it means she is NOT into you.

The best approach to prevent a woman from cheating is to ALWAYS keep up and improve your looks and attractiveness and NEVER fall into a routine of going to work and coming home.

 

[questor70]

Why not date a girl who has high SMV but thinks she's low.

Because they are unicorns.

The closest you get to that are girls who are objectively lower SMV but they have some special quality that turns you on but other men don't get.

in the event that you slip up and something like this happens, it's hard to know what the next step is.

If a woman begins to sense that you're struggling to try to keep her on the straight path it will only kill her attraction even more.

You're going to have to find out what it is you're not doing right and fix it in a way that doesn't broadcast that you're trying to fix things. Any changes you adopt have to feel natural, not like you are doing dog tricks on her behalf. If she accuses you of not acting like yourself anymore you're gonna have to gaslight her by saying you've actually always been this way. Women are master manipulators so it takes a lot of skill to manipulate them without them even knowing it.

 

[Rogerto]

For the record, I'm not in a relationship of any kind right now, but I'm asking this because I find it a rather interesting point of discussion.

Let me paint a scenario: Let's say your GF wants to hangout with a guy friend of hers, and lets say you know nothing about this guy or the type of relationship they have.

Basically, it seems like there are two main options: Either a) you remain stoic, indifferent, maybe a little aloof, and don't react to this. b) You ask her about him, and potentially set boundaries and tell her not to hang out with him.

I'm thinking the solution isn't so obvious, maybe this is something that you solve before it even comes up: if you simply focus on maintaining frame, she will remain attracted to you, which will decrease the chances she'll want to cheat in the first place, and as such remove any need to set boundaries to begin with.

It's foolish to think you can stop a girl who wants to cheat (even if its unconscious): if she wants to cheat she'll do it anyway, and trying to tell her what she can and can't do won't work. Yet, trusting her with naive, blind trust is equally foolish. it seems hard draw the line between being passive and being indifferent/aloof. What are your thoughts on this?

The best approach is to find a girl who is a committed Christian who won’t cheat because she loves you and will always love you. It’s as simple as that. The moment you are afraid of a girl cheating on you, is the the moment you lose her.

 

[Trewolla]

Tell her to pack up her stuff and go hang out anywhere she wants.

 

[Jive Turkey]

The best approach is to find a girl who is a committed Christian who won’t cheat because she loves you and will always love you. It’s as simple as that. The moment you are afraid of a girl cheating on you, is the the moment you lose her.

Very idealistic. Everyone has moments of weakness. If men only married women who were incapable of cheating on their husbands only 5%-10% MAYBE would be marriageable. Most people are largely skinner-box-esque types. Easily molded by environment, opportunity and stimuli. Myself included. For example, these last couple of days, after years of not smoking I have had a couple of cigarettes, because of the company I am in.

When I leave their company I will not so much as think of smoking.