Yeah, you’re probably right. I’m overthinking and trying to figure out things that are beyond what’s probably beneficial to know (God’s motives). I guess I am still trying to delineate God’s justice and mercy and that’s not for my mind to delve into. Seeing the gifts each day is harder for me than seeing the justice (or what may be being perceived as justice due to listening more to my melancholic feelings than trusting in God’s mercy/gifts). I just need to trust that nothing escapes His will and everything He allows is for our benefit even though His motives are unknown.I'm not really sure if I know enough to respond to these things in a way that would satisfy you. I'd recommend sitting down and discussing it with your confessor.
It sounds like you are worrying too much. Nobody is free from sin and passions. Just live the Christian faith as best you can, and don't become too concerned about God's motives, just accept His will. If we received perfect justice we'd all be punished all the time, but the Lord is merciful, and He gives us many gifts that we do not deserve.
But, I texted my confessor about this to talk about it, good idea.