Divorce due to Catholicism

Jen18

Pigeon
Woman
I started to return back to the church several months ago and have been pretty quiet about it with my husband. He hates Catholicism ( was raised Catholic, hates his mother who used it as a weapon, totally turned from it.) I was raised Catholic, but wasn't practicing when we met and just recently returned back (going to Mass, penance, and Bible Study.)

I asked him about convalidation and started praying with the kids and putting some pics of Jesus, the Last Supper, etc. around our house. It set off a backlash. He is now exploring Judaism b/c he does believe religion has value for the kids, but he said he will divorce me if I continue with the Catholic faith. I love him very much, but don't know what to do. I was set on going to talk with the Priest on Tuesday to discuss getting my marriage blessed without my husband's consent.

Ugh, just don't know what to do.
 

Ah_Tibor

Robin
Woman
How is your relationship otherwise? If you weren't religious all these years and now are, that's a big change. Especially if it's setting off bad memories for him, and those are valid feelings.

If you love your husband and have an otherwise good marriage, I would lie low and be patient. Explain to him that you would like to attend Mass but are not forcing anyone else.

I went through a similar period of agnostic/low-key atheist/I don't want to be Orthodox anymore/is Christianity real. My parents fought a lot about church, which one to go to, which priest, which jurisdiction etc but really it was about them. It was one more thing to fight about. But even though my mind circles back to God I get twitchy and have bad memories relating to it.
 

Jen18

Pigeon
Woman
Our relationship is wonderful! I was a non-practicing catholic from the beginning of us, 20 plus years ago.

His mom is bpd-narcissist who uses her Catholicism to shield her from any sin or blame / she likes to say she’s 99.9% pure.

He thinks it’s mind control and said no to mass even if it’s just me and not the kids, but I think lying low and being patient is where I need to be.
 

Ah_Tibor

Robin
Woman
And that's a good first step.

There are a lot of people who didn't have positive experiences growing up Catholic.

I've noticed this with a lot of people. Catholics seem to be the biggest disgruntled "lapsed" group

Maybe put the ball in his court. Tell him how you feel (I'm praying, I like going to Mass and bible study etc) and ask him what his suggestion is.
 

Starlight

Woodpecker
Woman
No to Catholicism.
Meet him where he is.
This is good advice. If he is absolutely refusing Catholicism (he’s probably worried you’ll turn into his mother) this is what I suggest: Meet him halfway. Look around online at various churches in your area; try and find one that is Bible-based, conservative/liturgically traditional, and has programs for children. Have a few different ones picked out and show them to him. You could say something like, “I understand why you don’t want to go to Catholic mass. What if we went to a different church like [church you picked out] or like [other church]? They have [such and such] programs for the kids. They would really like it.” Maybe he would be fine with a Baptist or Lutheran church? If he says no to your suggestions ask what church he would attend. I think then at least you could feel him out a bit more without just having him shut down the conversation with “nope.” You might not end up in a Catholic Church but some is better than none in this case imo and at least you can give your children a Christian upbringing.
 

Jen18

Pigeon
Woman
He said exactly that - that I will turn into his mother! You are wise.

Thanks for the advice - he is researching religion so I trust the Lord will create a path! Of course, he’s most curious about becoming a conservative Jew....
 

Mrs.DanielH

Robin
Woman
He said exactly that - that I will turn into his mother! You are wise.

Thanks for the advice - he is researching religion so I trust the Lord will create a path! Of course, he’s most curious about becoming a conservative Jew....
Good luck. I have no idea why anyone would want to become Jewish lol There is no path for "salvation" in the modern Jewish religion since they have no temple anymore. Just pray a lot for him. And go ahead to talk to the priest. Maybe the priest can give you some guidance.
 

DanielH

Pelican
He said exactly that - that I will turn into his mother! You are wise.

Thanks for the advice - he is researching religion so I trust the Lord will create a path! Of course, he’s most curious about becoming a conservative Jew....
Male orthodox Jews pray to God every morning, thanking Him that He did not make them female or gentiles. They think gentiles are somewhere between animals and Jew. They believe Christ is in Hell boiling in excrement, according to the Talmud. They look forward to the day when they will enslave the gentiles (which may come with the Antichrist). Orthodox Judaism is not by default a good step, and I don't think you can really even convert to it unless you're ethnically Jewish. And like my wife said, Jews have no atonement of sins. There is no forgiveness, and they don't even want to try to rebuild their temple because the current situation works for them on a material level. It would be a massive inconvenience to have to make sacrifices in Jerusalem.

I am an Orthodox Christian, so of course I would recommend converting to that. The Vatican believes we have valid sacraments and grace, and it would't have that negative Catholic connotation in your husband's mind (which is nonsense by the way, I know several people who hate the Roman Catholics for things normal people said or did to them. We should look at the saints for examples of the faith, not normal people like us.).
 

FactusIRX

Kingfisher
I
Male orthodox Jews pray to God every morning, thanking Him that He did not make them female or gentiles. They think gentiles are somewhere between animals and Jew. They believe Christ is in Hell boiling in excrement, according to the Talmud. They look forward to the day when they will enslave the gentiles (which may come with the Antichrist). Orthodox Judaism is not by default a good step, and I don't think you can really even convert to it unless you're ethnically Jewish. And like my wife said, Jews have no atonement of sins. There is no forgiveness, and they don't even want to try to rebuild their temple because the current situation works for them on a material level. It would be a massive inconvenience to have to make sacrifices in Jerusalem.

I am an Orthodox Christian, so of course I would recommend converting to that. The Vatican believes we have valid sacraments and grace, and it would't have that negative Catholic connotation in your husband's mind (which is nonsense by the way, I know several people who hate the Roman Catholics for things normal people said or did to them. We should look at the saints for examples of the faith, not normal people
Orthodox is your best option. It’s a good option for people with baggage in RC.

I wouldn’t get your marriage blessed in the RC because if this guy converts to Judaism, you’re going to have to leave and take the kids, otherwise their souls are in peril.
 

FactusIRX

Kingfisher
He thinks it’s mind control and said no to mass even if it’s just me and not the kids, but I think lying low and being patient is where I need to be.
You might not be aware, but if he's preventing you or your children from attending Mass or from practicing Catholicism, then you have a moral duty to get an annulment. Traditionally, the Church would only allow a dispensation for a Catholic to marry a non-Catholic if the non-Catholic agrees to never hinder or prevent the Catholic spouse and her children from practicing their faith. Even with the dispensation and agreement, there's a much greater risk that both yourself and your children will drift away from the faith is this rule is not followed.

Not trying to be harsh, but we're talking about the salvation of your soul and your children's souls. This is the highest stakes possible, and it's no time to be timid and unsure.
 

Ah_Tibor

Robin
Woman
Good luck. I have no idea why anyone would want to become Jewish lol There is no path for "salvation" in the modern Jewish religion since they have no temple anymore. Just pray a lot for him. And go ahead to talk to the priest. Maybe the priest can give you some guidance.

I can see the appeal. Modern Jews stick together in a way that Christians don't. Average conservative normie Jews tend to be good people generally.

I think it also appeals to people who want a secular type religion based around tradition and practices

I like Christianity though lol
 

Cervantes

Woodpecker
First I would pray for his conversion. God will help here.

Second, I'd encourage him to explore Judaism. But don't let him stop at conservative - insist that it be Hasidism. Help him to observe it scrupulously - especially on Saturdays. Remember - no touching light switches! And when you go to temple with the other hasids, make sure to glibly let it drop that you are Catholic converts! They will be so welcoming.

I'm kidding about encouraging him to become Jewish - though it would be an interesting lesson.

But ask him what he's doing about protecting your family from all the poz in the world. What cultural alternative does he want to offer the children instead of porn and trans kids?

Try to make some good Catholic friends (traditional Catholics, who pray before meals and take their faith seriously). As you spend time with them socially hopefully it will create some positive examples of Catholic families.

Did he grow up with modernist Catholicism? He may like real (traditional) Catholicism better.
 

Jen18

Pigeon
Woman
He grew up post Vatican ii but his mother is Italian catholic and basically talked about how pure she was meanwhile scapegoating him.
 

NoMoreTO

Ostrich
I am an Orthodox Christian, so of course I would recommend converting to that. The Vatican believes we have valid sacraments and grace, and it would't have that negative Catholic connotation in your husband's mind (which is nonsense by the way, I know several people who hate the Roman Catholics for things normal people said or did to them. We should look at the saints for examples of the faith, not normal people like us.).

Some sacraments. For instance, Protestants can perform a valid baptism. Confession would not be valid as Orthodox don't have the "keys". I can't speak to all the details of each sacrament.

OP - you could consider this your first test of face as a Catholic and it may be a big one. There is no divorce in Catholicism, so she will be "put away" and unable to remarry or have a boyfriend (aka fornicate). I know this is true if the Marriage was done in a Catholic Church, but consult your Priest, perhaps if the marriage was at a justice of the peace then there is some wiggle room. Not that you want to get divorced, but remember the sword will divide. Your job as wife is to obey in all things that do not directly contravene God. If he "hates" the Catholic Church and is exploring Judaism, then he essentially is hating God. Judaism denies Jesus Christ, and therefore denies God.
 
Top