Divorce During The Phony Roni

RomikJan

Robin
Orthodox
Cant believe I'm even posting this, thought about it for few days and thought maybe this could help someone else going through similar situation. Its very unfortunate for me to announce but I will be getting a divorce after 7 years married and 9 years together. Its all still a sureal shock to me and I never expected it. Sure we had problems here and there but did not think one day shed be gone.

How it happened was she left on a Sunday , that Saturday the day before , we had a fanastic day of activities and spent it together. Even made love that night, woke up on Sunday she had a backpack on and said she was going for a walk..and never came back. Left me a note saying our world views are different and she was unhappy and thinks we can still be happy. She left every single belonging here from all her clothes to even her car , everything.

After the first intial shock she reached back out said shes just in dark place and I asked her if we can work it out and got her to say shell see where it goes.

It never went anywhere, she never tried and her therapist that she made me start seeing under the pretext of saving the marriage was just so this therapist can put me down for her. Now it over after 4 months of playing this game and eating my skin daily.

Little background story of how we met, she is from Russia and was here on student visa and met her at coffee shop. She worked there and we seemed to have really hit it off. To others we looked like a dream couple that others should take example of. She doesnt have a single relative or real friend here and being Armenian my family already knew how to speak Russian. It was very easy for them to get along

My family has accepted her and given her everything this whole time. After everything we done for her it's just insane to end a marriage based on being unhappy when nothing happened between us to trigger it.

Theres many Red flags that i dont know what to even think, the fact that she waited to beggining of Jan makes it 7 years married , she became a us citizen because of me.

Lastly the last bit of update is as we kept talking for 3 months trying to work it out, meet for dinners go to therapy sessions. One day she told me she needs to grab a few things, I asked her if shes made her desicion she said no just need to get some things. She said shed come at 11 and I happen to get home at noon. I didnt see her car so thought she was done, or didnt come. I go to my floor in my building elevator opens and its her with the whole hallway covered with all her crap and her girlfriend was there helping her. They both just stared at me and i didnt say anything. She always said she wasnt materlistic person but She took every item thats hers out of here. Including all the jewelry my family has gotten her over the years.

I have no idea who this person is anymore and now question if this whole thing from start was a setup to get the papers and take everything from me. Russian woman are ice cold and are heartless.

My family is devasted as they treated her as their daughter. I suspect alot of where it went down was we saw the phony roni in complete opposite ways. She double muzzled all year and was constantly terrified of it and would rather believe that leprachaun Faucci over her own husband.

I helped her family out alot , sending them money in Russia, talking to her parents least once a week for an hour , did that our whole marriage. Ever since she left her parents have never reached back to me again.

She says she is unhappy and wants to seek happiness while shes still young. I dont get how she will find happiness when she has no friends or relatives or anyone here. My family was everything for her and it seemed as if she was really thankful for them and loved spending time together with them . Then one day she could just turn all that off and have no feelings.

My father warned me when getting married to her that her parents went through a divorce and that its in her family and there is a high chance she will one day do it as well. I remember thinking at the time how unnecessary it was for him to tell me that but it all makes sense now

Most the advice I have gotten from my guy friends is that I should sleep with all these woman. Thats the last thing that I want to do . This has messed me up pretty badly and just wanted to write this in a way to vent but in another way maybe help someone get perspective maybe they are going through the same thing. Sorry for the random rambling guys , hope the roni has not destroyed your guys relationships. Just wanted to get it off my chest and talk to you guys about it . Roosh mentioned in one of his recent Roosh hours that Russian Ukrainian women its in their nature to do these kind of things and how they have no soul and are heartless, I just did not want to believe at the time that I was with one of them.
 
I have an acquaintance who has a similar thing happened to him with an americanized russian woman.

She came to visit the USA at 18 with her family, he was at least 10 years older than her when they met around her 18-19, and then she got preggo with one kid, popped a second kid several years later, got her a passport, everything. Then 13 years later she wants to divorce, mind you, she is still pretty hot so now she operates an attention whorish instagram account and is on tinder 10 times a day.

Treats him worse than dirt, and cant stand him.

I say, DO NOT BEAT YOURSELF UP. Women are irrational, incoherent children(YES, i am making a generalization, sue me).

The only thing you should be sorry for after almost 10 years invested in this woman is did you have kids or not? Did you procreate? I suppose she is relatively attractive if not hot, since most of them are, so did you manage to extend your lineage with a hot specimen like her?

If you did not. Forget about it as soon as possible. No point in trying to rationalize, IT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU DID.

You should have had a kid with her every 3 years for those 9 years together. If you missed out on that, your fault. Time to move on and find another one, but this time, for kids.
 

Feyoder

Kingfisher
Did you regularly go to Church? Are the parents religious? Does she have a religious circle? Do you visit with other Christian couples regularly?

I'm assuming not, and that this is a fully secular marriage. If yes then she is probably in monkey branching mode. She went on tinder or did something where some reprobate man put ideas in her head.

Your friends advising you to sleep around now to get over her are morons and should be considered basically retarded children from here on out.
 

RomikJan

Robin
Orthodox
Thanks for the replies guys, little more info to answer some questions. No there was no kids so maybe in a way I'm blessed I was protected. We always talked about having 3 kids, when we met we decided we wanted to build a foundation first before having kids. We both started a 4 year college the first 4 years and worked day and night to pay it off. I ended up starting a successful business and her career took off. After that we still had no time for kids . I believe there could have been a different outcome if there was kids or maybe the same thing would happen. She slowly over time got really americanized and was not like this at all in the begging. Believe her career and work slowly brainwashed her way left. She was very traditional in the beggining. After she started her career she slowly stopped listening to me and giving me insane excuses. For example if I had to work on a weekend and she wanted to do an outdoor activity that can be dangerous alone like skiing or kayaking. I would tell her lets go next weekend I have to work and I dont want you doing that alone . She would respond with " This isnt communist Russia, I ran from there for a reason Im a free person and if I want to go kayaking, you have no right to stop me". If there was something I did not want her doing she would instantly give me excuses like that. Thats what I mean about being brainwashed at work.
 

MtnMan

Kingfisher
I am sorry to hear this man. I have enjoyed reading your posts. I feel some comradery with you since it seems like you are in Mass. and I am up in VT, which is very similar politically and Roni-wise.

I have not been divorced, but I was left by a long time girlfriend who was my fiancé. The first few months are very hard, and I would just expect you will feel miserable. Not a lot you can do to avoid it. Time heals all wounds and you will probably gain some valuable life wisdom. A lot of the old forum advice is still relevant here. Go to the gym, get outside go hiking, etc.

I cannot imagine going through these times with a wife who didn't share a similar world view. I am fortunate that my wife's mind was open before all of this stuff happened. I had really been working on her before having kids because of the whole vaccine program. I do no think any marriage could survive if you were not on the same page with the Roni.

This is a challenging time to be single, but it sounds like you have family to rely on, and that is great. I hope the best for you, and hope to keep reading your posts.
 
Thanks for the replies guys, little more info to answer some questions. No there was no kids so maybe in a way I'm blessed I was protected. We always talked about having 3 kids, when we met we decided we wanted to build a foundation first before having kids. We both started a 4 year college the first 4 years and worked day and night to pay it off. I ended up starting a successful business and her career took off. After that we still had no time for kids . I believe there could have been a different outcome if there was kids or maybe the same thing would happen. She slowly over time got really americanized and was not like this at all in the begging. Believe her career and work slowly brainwashed her way left. She was very traditional in the beggining. After she started her career she slowly stopped listening to me and giving me insane excuses. For example if I had to work on a weekend and she wanted to do an outdoor activity that can be dangerous alone like skiing or kayaking. I would tell her lets go next weekend I have to work and I dont want you doing that alone . She would respond with " This isnt communist Russia, I ran from there for a reason Im a free person and if I want to go kayaking, you have no right to stop me". If there was something I did not want her doing she would instantly give me excuses like that. Thats what I mean about being brainwashed at work.

You made mistakes on several fronts:

1. When you met her, you should have been able to be the provider of your familial unit. Not frame the relationship as 2 equals working towards "a common goal". There is no common goal with a woman, they are not our equals, they are grown children, and we should NEVER forget it. They need a strong guidance and dominance in their life otherwise forget it. Sounds like she got her guidance from the college system and then her goose friends at her job quacking quack quack quack feminazi ideas into her head.

You had not enough money to provide for your woman in the beginning, so you both had to go to college. Runaway train right there. Good luck with that

Of course, when you were young and you met this probably stunning russian girl you were dazed and wasn't thinking clearly.

2. If you had prevented her going to college and the subsequent taking on a job, her trad views could have been preserved(albeit not fully, because of american soyciety and the secularity of the marriage).

3. If you had observed point 1. you would have put a baby in her while she was young and fertile. Babies take up 99% of women's time for the first 4-5 years. So really REALLY low chance for cancerous ideas to start haunting her brain, let alone any cheating whatsoever.

Then at year 5 you put another baby in her.

So after the 9 years together and WHO KNOWS HOW MUCH HUNDREDS OF THOUSANDS spent(because as we know, your money are common money and her money is her money) you could have had 2 kids to show for it.


Realize this and hopefully any pain from the betrayal of your woman would pass easier.

Aim for a clean break off(financially speaking), and set your sights onto the future. If God wills it, he will send you a new woman for Round 2
 

RomikJan

Robin
Orthodox
Did you regularly go to Church? Are the parents religious? Does she have a religious circle? Do you visit with other Christian couples regularly?

I'm assuming not, and that this is a fully secular marriage. If yes then she is probably in monkey branching mode. She went on tinder or did something where some reprobate man put ideas in her head.

Your friends advising you to sleep around now to get over her are morons and should be considered basically retarded children from here on out.

Thank you brother perfectly said they are retarded children and I would never be friends with them now if I didnt know them my entire life. Its like everything came crashing and I want nothing to do with anyone.

My parents are religious and I am as well, we got married at a church. She was always undecided.

I did not want to go to college , i didnt need to but went for her and helped her pass as well due to the english barrier.

I was afraid in the beggining that college and career would cause all these problems but she assured me they wouldnt. I guess i let my gaurd down and expected different. Since there was no kids the free time that she would have been occupied with them was spent being poisoned against me by her leftist co-workers. Ultimately I would have never guessed for her to even be capable of being this cold. Who knows maybe she would have done the same even if children were involved and then I would be in a worse situation. Thanks for all your guys input
 
Thanks for the replies guys, little more info to answer some questions. No there was no kids so maybe in a way I'm blessed I was protected. We always talked about having 3 kids, when we met we decided we wanted to build a foundation first before having kids. We both started a 4 year college the first 4 years and worked day and night to pay it off. I ended up starting a successful business and her career took off. After that we still had no time for kids . I believe there could have been a different outcome if there was kids or maybe the same thing would happen. She slowly over time got really americanized and was not like this at all in the begging. Believe her career and work slowly brainwashed her way left. She was very traditional in the beggining. After she started her career she slowly stopped listening to me and giving me insane excuses. For example if I had to work on a weekend and she wanted to do an outdoor activity that can be dangerous alone like skiing or kayaking. I would tell her lets go next weekend I have to work and I dont want you doing that alone . She would respond with " This isnt communist Russia, I ran from there for a reason Im a free person and if I want to go kayaking, you have no right to stop me". If there was something I did not want her doing she would instantly give me excuses like that. Thats what I mean about being brainwashed at work.


I would venture a guess she is cheating on you with somebody she met via college or work. Somebody who makes her feel more emotionally fulfilled now that she has her own money and feels she doesn't need you. She moved on to the higher order of needs and decided she wasn't "happy" so she started an affair. She is probably cheating on you with a man she thinks is more "adventurous," "exciting," blah blah blah.
 

RomikJan

Robin
Orthodox
I would venture a guess she is cheating on you with somebody she met via college or work. Somebody who makes her feel more emotionally fulfilled now that she has her own money and feels she doesn't need you. She moved on to the higher order of needs and decided she wasn't "happy" so she started an affair. She is probably cheating on you with a man she thinks is more "adventurous," "exciting," blah blah blah.


She could be , I know shes staying with the only one friend she has here and they came to the country together. Her friend is her age and was with a guy who was 50+ who has a whole family and kids two years older than her. She stayed with him the entire time and they had tripplets and recently about two months ago the guy died from cancer and his family found out about everything. Shes staying at this girlfriends house helping her raise 3 kids. Her friend basically destroyed another family as well. So I know where she is staying, i feel like if she was having an afair she wouldnt be staying with this friend and help raise triplets. Then again I really dont know this person anymore and if you asked me before the pandemic started I would have never guessed she would do this. We were supposed to have a kid in 2020 and buy a house it seemed like all our work was about to payoff, then the roni happened and it shouldnt really be an excuse but we instantly saw it two different ways. Any talk of scamdemic turned into arguments or fights. It really started the separation process and then poof it was over and she was easily able to shut off a decade of feelings.

Its my fault I let my gaurd down and didnt acknowledge the red flags.
 

fortyfive

Woodpecker
Just my small piece of advice which helped me a lot of times.

When we are deeply troubled by the present or past behavior of our wives, gf or anyone close, then we are spending endless time overthinking, what we did wrong, what she did wrong, why it happened, and so on. And the result of unpleasant thinking is always an unpleasant feeling. How we think, that we feel. The predecessor of bad feelings is bad thoughts.
We want to change things which caused chaos in our life, but we cannot.
Either these things are outside of our control (anyone except us is outside) or things happened in the past and we can't change the past.

My advice: Ask yourself only one question.
Is your wife, gf or anyone you care, troubled by her own behavior and consequences?

And you know the answer already. No, she is not at all.



Then why we are troubled when people who caused chaos are not? Because we allowed ourselves to be troubled.
But you can refuse to be concerned about what others did. Especially when they are not troubled at all by their own behavior.
We are not responsible for other's choices.
We are not gods with control over the lives of others.
 

FactusIRX

Kingfisher
Thanks for the replies guys, little more info to answer some questions. No there was no kids so maybe in a way I'm blessed I was protected. We always talked about having 3 kids, when we met we decided we wanted to build a foundation first before having kids. We both started a 4 year college the first 4 years and worked day and night to pay it off. I ended up starting a successful business and her career took off. After that we still had no time for kids . I believe there could have been a different outcome if there was kids or maybe the same thing would happen. She slowly over time got really americanized and was not like this at all in the begging. Believe her career and work slowly brainwashed her way left. She was very traditional in the beggining. After she started her career she slowly stopped listening to me and giving me insane excuses. For example if I had to work on a weekend and she wanted to do an outdoor activity that can be dangerous alone like skiing or kayaking. I would tell her lets go next weekend I have to work and I dont want you doing that alone . She would respond with " This isnt communist Russia, I ran from there for a reason Im a free person and if I want to go kayaking, you have no right to stop me". If there was something I did not want her doing she would instantly give me excuses like that. Thats what I mean about being brainwashed at work.
So, not a Christian marriage? Are you a Christian?
 

Feyoder

Kingfisher
Thank you brother perfectly said they are retarded children and I would never be friends with them now if I didnt know them my entire life. Its like everything came crashing and I want nothing to do with anyone.

My parents are religious and I am as well, we got married at a church. She was always undecided.

I did not want to go to college , i didnt need to but went for her and helped her pass as well due to the english barrier.

I was afraid in the beggining that college and career would cause all these problems but she assured me they wouldnt. I guess i let my gaurd down and expected different. Since there was no kids the free time that she would have been occupied with them was spent being poisoned against me by her leftist co-workers. Ultimately I would have never guessed for her to even be capable of being this cold. Who knows maybe she would have done the same even if children were involved and then I would be in a worse situation. Thanks for all your guys input

Good luck with it man. You can move on from this and move up to an even better situation I'm sure.
 

RKS

Sparrow
As soon as I heard the word 'therapist' i knew what happened. She found someone who backed her up consistently on her irrational thinking- providing approval for her in ending your marriage.

The faster you can accept that she is dead to you the better. That does not mean you need someone new, it just means you don't need her - anymore. Pray for a new direction in your life and move forward. Keyword pray.

Clean your domicile and mind of all remnants of this disloyal person. Don't look back.
 

magaman

Woodpecker
As with all breakups, it will take time to heal. It's normal to not feel like hanging around other girls for a while, I've been there. Your friends are really trying to help though and they're right. The best way to get over a girl (other than praying to God and that good stuff) is by being with another girl/girls but don't rush to it. Do it whenever you feel you're finally ready.
 

fortyfive

Woodpecker
One of the most difficult and hardest things to understand for us men is the women's ability to leave a long-term relationship, without a trace, just like that.
Leaving everything behind, with a smile on the face, like all was nothing.
It is a devastating revelation for us.

But instead of being devastated, we should learn this ability from them.
They aren't wasting endless nights in sorrow about the past.

And we can do the same. Not to change himself to a heartless creature without remorse, but we can choose to continue living again.
Falling into dirt doesn't mean you have to be dirty for the rest of your life.
Don't let anyone drag you to the bottom and if you find yourself in the bottom pit, move up instantly.

You don't have unlimited time on this earth.
Being pissed off is much better than foggy depression.
 

RomikJan

Robin
Orthodox
Thank you guys for all the replies and taking your time to read up. Lots of great advice, feel that in time, if God thinks I deserve it he will send me someone that is right for me, and the only way ill accept a new woman is if shes fully with God. No more undecided or not sure . Trully believe God has other plans for me, and even though this hurts im looking to move on from it fast. Just have to keep my head up and not let this bring me down.
 

Max Roscoe

Pelican
Orthodox Inquirer
Some pointless finger pointing going on here. No one should be expected to have a perfect marriage, ie not making mistakes. In fact, making mistakes and how you both react to them is one of the most dynamic parts of marriage, and what makes it unique and special to you. Everyone "loves" their partner, but it's how you handle the ups and downs together that define things.

To the extent you can control it, don't feel bad, or think about what could have changed things or if there is any hope of reconciliation. The only thing I'd focus on from the past is this:

My father warned me when getting married to her that her parents went through a divorce and that its in her family and there is a high chance she will one day do it as well. I remember thinking at the time how unnecessary it was for him to tell me that but it all makes sense now

I'll add that Russian women can be particularly cold. Culture matters, which is why American women are so undesirable today overall. I would want nothing more than a white, Irish / Southern USA girl as a partner, but the reality is they are so likely to be terrible prospects because of American society, and likewise Russian society seems to create a cold personality a lot of times. I've ruled out Russian women personally after dating two.

I don't know that anything can really help you, other than talking about it like it you've done here. Perhaps talk about it with your priest and close friends. But only time can heal this kind of wound.

I mentally accept that women are children, and the same way I wouldn't get upset if a child told me "I hate you" as I'm sure he will one day, I intellectually know not to get upset with things women say or do, but there is a limit to this, and when it's something this extreme, it can be devastating emotionally.
 
Top