Divorce During The Phony Roni

JohnQThomas

Woodpecker
The other reason is financial. So lose your job, maybe get on disability due to "stress" or PTSD, spend money foolishly, hire expensive lawyers, spend money on the new girlfriend. etc. When a woman's motivation is financial - if she sees the financial windfall evaporating she will want to either back out, or settle the divorce ASAP to preserve at least some of the financial windfall she was hoping for. Don't worry about losing money - men can make more money more easily than women can.
Wait—when you say “men can make more money more easily than women can”, are you saying the feminists are right about the alleged “pay gap”, or something?

But seriously—impoverishing yourself in reality (as opposed to maybe faking it a little) is a terrible strategy. It may not always be possible to make infinitely more money later on, for living expenses and to replenish and expand retirement savings. (Much less enough money to attract a homemaking-oriented woman and raise kids—assuming you will ever want those things.)
Depending on how the economy goes and to what extent SHTF in the decades ahead, “I can always make a good living again” just isn’t a wise assumption. Even if you think you’re betting on the “right” occupation or trade, investments, etc. (STEM? HVAC? Real estate? Gold? Bitcoin?) For all we know, today’s incipient boom fields are tomorrow’s busts. Remember what happened to our dads’ or granddads’ livelihoods when “the industry changed” and layoffs ensued, or the big box stores killed small business, or whatever?

Remember aerospace?
 
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JohnQThomas

Woodpecker
Thanks for the replies guys, little more info to answer some questions. No there was no kids so maybe in a way I'm blessed I was protected. We always talked about having 3 kids, when we met we decided we wanted to build a foundation first before having kids. We both started a 4 year college the first 4 years and worked day and night to pay it off. I ended up starting a successful business and her career took off. After that we still had no time for kids . I believe there could have been a different outcome if there was kids or maybe the same thing would happen. She slowly over time got really americanized and was not like this at all in the begging. Believe her career and work slowly brainwashed her way left. She was very traditional in the beggining. After she started her career she slowly stopped listening to me and giving me insane excuses. For example if I had to work on a weekend and she wanted to do an outdoor activity that can be dangerous alone like skiing or kayaking. I would tell her lets go next weekend I have to work and I dont want you doing that alone . She would respond with " This isnt communist Russia, I ran from there for a reason Im a free person and if I want to go kayaking, you have no right to stop me". If there was something I did not want her doing she would instantly give me excuses like that. Thats what I mean about being brainwashed at work.
By the way, if you both worked and made money, don’t worry about her getting “half your stuff” (a possibility some comments here have mentioned).
Community property will include her “stuff”—including savings and investments—as well as yours, in the total to be divided. So you may take a financial hit, but not as big a hit as you might have taken had she not brought in any income at all.
(If she made more money, you might even have come out ahead, but that doesn’t seem to be the case here.)
 

Caractacus Potts

Woodpecker
Gold Member
RomikaJan, I am sorry for your troubles. Unfortunately it is all too common today. My ex-wife divorced me and all I will say is that it was extremely costly and agonizingly painful. Go to your state/county website and see what information you can find there. It may be referred to as family court, divorce court, domestic relations, etc. Acquaint yourself with the terminology. The fact that you do not have children will save you a great deal of money and heartache.

Before I show you how to channel your inner Sherman and march to the sea to burn Atlanta and leave a trail of wailing and gnashing of teeth in your wake consider this...mediation. If she only wanted a green card and is willing to walk away with a very modest amount get down on your knees and thank God for His Divine Mercy. Get the papers signed and notarized and begin the annulment process. If, however, your Easter European sex-kitten has iron claws that she intends to flay you with...prepare yourself.

First, go on a field trip and learn how the family court system works. Find out where it is exactly- what building, what floor, what courtroom. Familiarize yourself with the battlefield and the players. If you have a good friend take him with you because you are still going to be lost in your head and emotions. Go on a couple of occasions. Learn to understand what you are looking at. Learn the process. Forget most things you have seen on tv and in the movies. See if you can determine who the judge likes/dislikes. Is it a white knight judge? Is it a feminist? Is it a woman of color who struggled her whole life and resents these white, liberal shiksas who have had an easier life than her and now are hoping to cash in a lottery ticket? All of it matters. Does a judge appear to despise, not respect, a certain attorney or firm? Make a note of it. Does the judge appear chummy with certain counselors? Make a note of it and consider hiring that attorney (if you go that route). Make sure you visit a court in the jurisdiction where your case will be heard. I live in a very large metropolitan area and there are only two family law judges. Unfortunately for me I got the man hater. :mad:

Start back tracking on documentation. Start with social media because that is easiest for a woman to delete or make private. Were bills shared or did you pay? Review all credit card transactions. Is there a bill for $600 from a men's store and she bought you a sweater for your birthday? What other items were bought and where did they go? (Ask me how I know that one). Review phone bills if there is a shared plan. Any numbers you don't recognize? Find out who it is. You can also ask your provider for all texts associated with an account. However, some states will require a court order to release that information.

Congratulations, you have put together an encyclopedic tome of information documenting (potentially) adultery, infidelity, fraud, alienation of affection, and other bad actions by your trollop of an ex. Now the bad news...the court won't care. You are holding a ticket from the deli counter in their view. After you are done the next client customer arrives and the system goes merrily on. While you are being victimized by it it is enough to make a man go to some very dark places mentally. So why do I suggest you put all of this together? Because now the psyops begin.

Her attorney will tell her that none of the things that you are threatening her with to expose will matter to the court. And technically that is true. Her family back in Russia obviously doesn't care and won't side with you against their daughter and even if they did what good is it? Her friend that broke up a marriage won't care either. She has already zeroed you out in her mind so your thoughts and feelings no longer matter to her - if they ever did. She slept with you one last time to assuage her conscience. She let you have access to her body one last time. She is a truly generous and caring woman/S. Now, if you ever really loved her, why don't you let her go and begin the next chapter of her life? She wants this over quickly and cleanly but she does want all of the spoils guaranteed by the divorce court.

Watch this video by Terrence Popp. In keeping with the new direction of the forum I will warn you that some of the language is very coarse. But see and understand the strategy behind what he is suggesting. The fact that she is from Russia and this current administration hates Russia may play to your benefit if you choose to consider fanciful tales involving mean and naughty white supremacisty people from her family. Just kidding. (Hello to all the visitors from the various alphabet agencies and law enforcement personnel who are perusing our little corner of the internet). Others mentioned depression/PTSD. Maybe you withdraw all of your money from your retirement accounts and blow it at the casinos? Maybe you start drinking or taking drugs? Her attorney won't believe everything is gone but if there is video footage of you at the Riverboat, or you can bring in sworn affidavits that you have been going to Alcoholics Anonymous and Gamblers Anonymous the court will tell her too bad. Of course maybe all of your funds are buried in a waterproof container in a family members back yard...i'm just sayin...

As much as I despise the cancel culture you can put it use for you. Women care what other people think about them. If your ex finds a job regale her new employer with tales of how untrustworthy she is. Was she ever arrested for anything or have trouble with the law? Forward documentation. At the end of the day most people don't care about other people and will always choose the easy path. If getting rid of your ex gets you off of their back and puts an end to potentially embarrassing or causing trouble for their business which route do you think they will take? Note, this could backfire. Most normies will take the side of a woman whose husband cheated on her. Many of those same normies may view you as a loser/stalker/creep that she is lucky to be away from. But ask yourself, do you care what they think about you?

You have received replies from many people. My story is probably most similar to Towgunner's (even down to being one of Uncle Sam's Misguided Children). If you can end this quickly and cleanly for a few thousand, even for a few tens of thousands do it and consider yourself lucky. I am probably twenty years behind where I should be financially because of my divorce. It is not hyperbole to say that my divorce has cost me in excess of one million dollars when all things are factored in. I will be paying child support for a few more years. Consider yourself lucky you are not in the same boat.

When it is all over you will be alone. Pray. Ask God to heal the wounds inside of you. Don't lose yourself to alcohol and loose women like I did. That is how I initially found this site. Strange where our paths lead us. Eventually you will ask God to forgive her. Like TG, on occasion I give in to anger and rage at how unfair this all was. But life is not fair and this world is temporary. It sounded like religious pablum to me when I was going through it but it (prayer) was one of the few lifelines I had to hang onto to keep from doing something...permanent.

I will keep you in my prayers.

CP
 

get2choppaaa

Pelican
RomikaJan, I am sorry for your troubles. Unfortunately it is all too common today. My ex-wife divorced me and all I will say is that it was extremely costly and agonizingly painful. Go to your state/county website and see what information you can find there. It may be referred to as family court, divorce court, domestic relations, etc. Acquaint yourself with the terminology. The fact that you do not have children will save you a great deal of money and heartache.

Before I show you how to channel your inner Sherman and march to the sea to burn Atlanta and leave a trail of wailing and gnashing of teeth in your wake consider this...mediation. If she only wanted a green card and is willing to walk away with a very modest amount get down on your knees and thank God for His Divine Mercy. Get the papers signed and notarized and begin the annulment process. If, however, your Easter European sex-kitten has iron claws that she intends to flay you with...prepare yourself.

First, go on a field trip and learn how the family court system works. Find out where it is exactly- what building, what floor, what courtroom. Familiarize yourself with the battlefield and the players. If you have a good friend take him with you because you are still going to be lost in your head and emotions. Go on a couple of occasions. Learn to understand what you are looking at. Learn the process. Forget most things you have seen on tv and in the movies. See if you can determine who the judge likes/dislikes. Is it a white knight judge? Is it a feminist? Is it a woman of color who struggled her whole life and resents these white, liberal shiksas who have had an easier life than her and now are hoping to cash in a lottery ticket? All of it matters. Does a judge appear to despise, not respect, a certain attorney or firm? Make a note of it. Does the judge appear chummy with certain counselors? Make a note of it and consider hiring that attorney (if you go that route). Make sure you visit a court in the jurisdiction where your case will be heard. I live in a very large metropolitan area and there are only two family law judges. Unfortunately for me I got the man hater. :mad:

Start back tracking on documentation. Start with social media because that is easiest for a woman to delete or make private. Were bills shared or did you pay? Review all credit card transactions. Is there a bill for $600 from a men's store and she bought you a sweater for your birthday? What other items were bought and where did they go? (Ask me how I know that one). Review phone bills if there is a shared plan. Any numbers you don't recognize? Find out who it is. You can also ask your provider for all texts associated with an account. However, some states will require a court order to release that information.

Congratulations, you have put together an encyclopedic tome of information documenting (potentially) adultery, infidelity, fraud, alienation of affection, and other bad actions by your trollop of an ex. Now the bad news...the court won't care. You are holding a ticket from the deli counter in their view. After you are done the next client customer arrives and the system goes merrily on. While you are being victimized by it it is enough to make a man go to some very dark places mentally. So why do I suggest you put all of this together? Because now the psyops begin.

Her attorney will tell her that none of the things that you are threatening her with to expose will matter to the court. And technically that is true. Her family back in Russia obviously doesn't care and won't side with you against their daughter and even if they did what good is it? Her friend that broke up a marriage won't care either. She has already zeroed you out in her mind so your thoughts and feelings no longer matter to her - if they ever did. She slept with you one last time to assuage her conscience. She let you have access to her body one last time. She is a truly generous and caring woman/S. Now, if you ever really loved her, why don't you let her go and begin the next chapter of her life? She wants this over quickly and cleanly but she does want all of the spoils guaranteed by the divorce court.

Watch this video by Terrence Popp. In keeping with the new direction of the forum I will warn you that some of the language is very coarse. But see and understand the strategy behind what he is suggesting. The fact that she is from Russia and this current administration hates Russia may play to your benefit if you choose to consider fanciful tales involving mean and naughty white supremacisty people from her family. Just kidding. (Hello to all the visitors from the various alphabet agencies and law enforcement personnel who are perusing our little corner of the internet). Others mentioned depression/PTSD. Maybe you withdraw all of your money from your retirement accounts and blow it at the casinos? Maybe you start drinking or taking drugs? Her attorney won't believe everything is gone but if there is video footage of you at the Riverboat, or you can bring in sworn affidavits that you have been going to Alcoholics Anonymous and Gamblers Anonymous the court will tell her too bad. Of course maybe all of your funds are buried in a waterproof container in a family members back yard...i'm just sayin...

As much as I despise the cancel culture you can put it use for you. Women care what other people think about them. If your ex finds a job regale her new employer with tales of how untrustworthy she is. Was she ever arrested for anything or have trouble with the law? Forward documentation. At the end of the day most people don't care about other people and will always choose the easy path. If getting rid of your ex gets you off of their back and puts an end to potentially embarrassing or causing trouble for their business which route do you think they will take? Note, this could backfire. Most normies will take the side of a woman whose husband cheated on her. Many of those same normies may view you as a loser/stalker/creep that she is lucky to be away from. But ask yourself, do you care what they think about you?

You have received replies from many people. My story is probably most similar to Towgunner's (even down to being one of Uncle Sam's Misguided Children). If you can end this quickly and cleanly for a few thousand, even for a few tens of thousands do it and consider yourself lucky. I am probably twenty years behind where I should be financially because of my divorce. It is not hyperbole to say that my divorce has cost me in excess of one million dollars when all things are factored in. I will be paying child support for a few more years. Consider yourself lucky you are not in the same boat.

When it is all over you will be alone. Pray. Ask God to heal the wounds inside of you. Don't lose yourself to alcohol and loose women like I did. That is how I initially found this site. Strange where our paths lead us. Eventually you will ask God to forgive her. Like TG, on occasion I give in to anger and rage at how unfair this all was. But life is not fair and this world is temporary. It sounded like religious pablum to me when I was going through it but it (prayer) was one of the few lifelines I had to hang onto to keep from doing something...permanent.

I will keep you in my prayers.

CP
There is a bit of catharsis in reading this regarding the notion of becoming your own sleuth. I too had to do the deep dive investigatory actions work during my divorce... That attitude persists to this day with my ex-wife and I will be taking custody of the children because I kept that mindset. Its a sad situation to have to think that way, but ultimately being aware to how the legal system works is good as it really red-pills your mind to the reality of the system.

Hopefully mediation occurs (mandatory in many states such as Texas) before final trial/hearing and you can just split and quit.

If not:

I am very sorry for your situation. This experience can make you very jaded and distrusting. BUT let me off the following for perspective 3 years after a very nasty divorce:

Fighting now for your own financial interest is the best thing you can do for your long term situation. Rolling over because it is easy is what a lot of dumb men do, mostly because this experience sucks and it takes fortitude to maintain the fight that long (my case took 1 year to finally get her to sign after she got almost nothing but custody and I kept almost all my assets). In my case, I left the Marines as a Captain, she didn't touch my retirement/401k, and I kept all the stuff she didn't take when her and her mother ransacked my house. I am financially crushing my ex wife now, who left being a military's house wife due to being UNAHPPY??? to be a nurse and work like a wage slave for roughly 40k a year. Because I kept my powered dry and stable I found myself in a small private company and command a very high salary such that my wife who was previously a paramedic no longer has to work. We are buying a farm soon, and life is very very good, and I am happier now in my personal life than I ever imagined I could be.

The point is: The way you feel the worst things in your life is the same way any other person feels the worst calamities in their life. It is worth noting as many people will say "so what, you didnt have kids it doesnt matter ect..." but obviously this experience is very very hard for you because you clearly loved this person, regardless of the compromises you allowed yourself to engage in... and are being stabbed in the back. In your mind, that pain is the same as the pain every man feels when his wife leaves him.

While emotionally and mentally you are going to suffer a form of what some might consider trauma from your divorce... keep yourself grounded in understanding that you have to put yourself first and your own happiness and life will go on. You are going through a very rough thing. Many say it is worse than cancer. I can say, because of the kids and not being able to see them for many months until I got relief in court, there were several periods where I came very close to eating my gun... but my faith and my recognition that I had to fight to do everything I could for the kids kept me in the game. So i persevered.

I recently going to a new church with my wife. We both came from protestant backgrounds but have made the Orthodox Church the centerpiece of our relationship. We found a new church together and it has been the one thing that gives me solace over all other thoughts about our relationship. It sounds like this was lacking in your marriage. It was lacking in my first marriage too. I understand how hard that is, and can tell you that it doesnt have to be that way.

I'll share one last point I alluded to earlier about anger. It serves a purpose, and in many ways it can be channeled for success... but be careful as it can also lead to wrath and lashing out against others and we must be aware of that.

My priest and I had a conversation recently before Lent and I was speaking to him about the current trouble I face as I have to go into court and fight my ex wife for custody :

I said: "Father, what advice can you give me on how to deal with this anger I am experiencing involving my ex wife, her abuse of the children, and how to keep it together and separate that from the other elements of my life such that I don't lash out against those whom I love?"

He said "You know your own self better than I do, but you have to take everything in stride, make the sign of the cross, and understand that God at times tests us. Don't make it about winning or punishing your enemy, focus on doing the right thing in God's eyes and accept that whatever happens after that is God's will."

It was a very simple response, but the best thing I could have been told to keep my anger and wrath in check while also re-affirming that what I was doing was for the right reasons... I hope there is someone like this in your spiritual life.
 

RomikJan

Robin
Thank you everyone I am overwhelmed by the amount of support and love and responses. I appreciate everyone taking the time to give me some advice . In time I will be fine, and I am not going to sleep around and get on all these platforms my main most important lesson in all of this is that if I ever date again or another woman crosses my path in the future, I will judge her based on her relationship with God, and if she does not have one, then I will walk the other way because it wont be worth my time or energy or love. I was scared to post this but hope men in the future can learn from it.

I forgot to mention that before the Roni ,we were working on getting her parents over here, and then the Roni happened and that put the paperwork process to a dead stop. Her step-father had a stroke a few years ago that left his whole right side paralyzed and during 2020 his condition got worse. The thought of her parents moving here and her finally having her family here and everyone together died, and she got really depressed and more distant in 2020, and our views on the pandemic being so far apart didn't help her feel less alone. Part of me thinks she might move back she has no one here. There is still things that don't make sense to me or have any logic behind them but I am pretty much finished even wondering or thinking about them as it will serve me no good and I just need to move on ASAP and don't look back.

I did a lot for her, from being one of her first connections here and making her feel at home to teaching her the culture, the language, the constant spell checks on her emails , taught her to drive I even sent her parents money when they had trouble. She was the last person I ever thought would just turn and become ungrateful. She wasn't always like this though, she was really traditional and she tried very hard, every time a relative of mine had a birthday or an event coming up she would go out of her way and get them something really personal and not just some stupid thing, she was very attentive to them , she was a very sweet girl. She got Americanized though over the years and became a feminist through work and slowly just became a different person.

Don't think kids would have saved us as we had no time for them and overworked ourselves to death the whole time, took a few vacations here and there. Thinking maybe the no kids was a blessing and had their been children involved this could be way worse.
 
As much as I despise the cancel culture you can put it use for you. Women care what other people think about them. If your ex finds a job regale her new employer with tales of how untrustworthy she is. Was she ever arrested for anything or have trouble with the law? Forward documentation. At the end of the day most people don't care about other people and will always choose the easy path. If getting rid of your ex gets you off of their back and puts an end to potentially embarrassing or causing trouble for their business which route do you think they will take? Note, this could backfire. Most normies will take the side of a woman whose husband cheated on her. Many of those same normies may view you as a loser/stalker/creep that she is lucky to be away from. But ask yourself, do you care what they think about you?



CP


That's a very good way to wind up sued for defamation, invasion of privacy, invasion of privacy false light, public disclosure of private facts, tortious interference with a contract [if she winds up with contractual employment], tortious interference with business/employment relations, and possibly criminally charged for stalking and menacing by stalking.
 

fortyfive

Sparrow
Personally I would get her deported, but that is just me. I would denounce her and claim she lied on on her visa application and lied during the green card interview, that is if she lied.

I would find some legal and valid means by which to get her deported.

Being angry and looking for revenge is understandable. But it will produce only temporary consolation.

Actually, there exists a much better way how to handle adversity.

Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,” says the Lord. On the contrary:
“If your enemy is hungry, feed him;
if he is thirsty, give him something to drink.
In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head.”



Imagine if OP, despite being betrayed would continue living by this Bible advice.
Living like nothing really happened. Refusing to be a victim. Enjoying life despite really bad circumstances.
Even be friendly and helpful to his unfaithful wife.


What would then happen?

At first, some people would call him surely a fool and naive white knight. You were betrayed, don't you remember?
But he is really a naive fool defending bad women's behavior? No. He knows exactly what happened.
But despite his knowledge, he chooses to act generously.

What will happen next?

People around will start to notice his noble behavior. People admire when someone is behaving kingly.
They will be saying: look, what happened to him and he is still not broken. Instead, he is even content.
And he will earn the respect of many.

And what his wife?
The same. When she would see him happy, content, and "above" despite what she did, then she would be ashamed.
She would see: look, he is well and satisfied even without me. My betrayal didn't make him a broken man. How strange, maybe I didn't know him. I wasn't his condition to being happy.
Her friends would eventually tell her: your husband is an admirable man. You did a mistake. Not many men are like him.
And then maybe, one day, she will tell him, I'm really sorry for what I did.


Do we know examples who behaved noble and kingly in bad circumstances?
Yes, there are. Big names.

King David.
Persecuted by jealous King Saul for his faithful service. Many attempts to kill him.
But refused all opportunities to kill Saul and acted still nobly.
Result? God made him king instead of Saul.

Joseph from Egypt.
Sold as a slave. Later falsely accused of rape.
But refused all opportunities to revenge and acted still nobly.
Result? God made him the second most powerful man in Egypt.


And finally, the biggest name in the universe.

Jesus Christ.
Persecuted from the very first service until death. Many attempts to kill him.
Betrayed, tortured, and killed despite being flawless and without sin.
But refused any revenge.
Result? God made Him King of Kings. Forever.
 
Being angry and looking for revenge is understandable. But it will produce only temporary consolation.

Actually, there exists a much better way how to handle adversity.

Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,” says the Lord. On the contrary:
“If your enemy is hungry, feed him;
if he is thirsty, give him something to drink.
In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head.”



Imagine if OP, despite being betrayed would continue living by this Bible advice.
Living like nothing really happened. Refusing to be a victim. Enjoying life despite really bad circumstances.
Even be friendly and helpful to his unfaithful wife.


What would then happen?

At first, some people would call him surely a fool and naive white knight. You were betrayed, don't you remember?
But he is really a naive fool defending bad women's behavior? No. He knows exactly what happened.
But despite his knowledge, he chooses to act generously.

What will happen next?

People around will start to notice his noble behavior. People admire when someone is behaving kingly.
They will be saying: look, what happened to him and he is still not broken. Instead, he is even content.
And he will earn the respect of many.

And what his wife?
The same. When she would see him happy, content, and "above" despite what she did, then she would be ashamed.
She would see: look, he is well and satisfied even without me. My betrayal didn't make him a broken man. How strange, maybe I didn't know him. I wasn't his condition to being happy.
Her friends would eventually tell her: your husband is an admirable man. You did a mistake. Not many men are like him.
And then maybe, one day, she will tell him, I'm really sorry for what I did.


Do we know examples who behaved noble and kingly in bad circumstances?
Yes, there are. Big names.

King David.
Persecuted by jealous King Saul for his faithful service. Many attempts to kill him.
But refused all opportunities to kill Saul and acted still nobly.
Result? God made him king instead of Saul.

Joseph from Egypt.
Sold as a slave. Later falsely accused of rape.
But refused all opportunities to revenge and acted still nobly.
Result? God made him the second most powerful man in Egypt.


And finally, the biggest name in the universe.

Jesus Christ.
Persecuted from the very first service until death. Many attempts to kill him.
Betrayed, tortured, and killed despite being flawless and without sin.
But refused any revenge.
Result? God made Him King of Kings. Forever.


Achieving the deportation of a liar/fraudster who swindled a green-card out of him and is probably going to aim to clean him out in a divorce, is not revenge, it is self-preservation.
 

fortyfive

Sparrow
Above mentioned Bible heroes had every reason and many opportunities to punish their adversaries.
But if they would act in that way, would their destiny be the same? Or even better?

Look at the Job. He lost everything. What despair it must have been when even his wife encouraged him to curse God and die.
Unimaginable desperation. But he remained faithful and God rewarded him.

Showing mercy is not foolishness or weakness.
It is a character trait of great kings.
Without it, they wouldn't be great.


And lastly, look at this situation from the perspective of time.
Somewhere in the future, when this dark valley would be just past.
Would be OP proud of himself because he tried to destroy his former wife's life and their relationship ended with hate forever?
Would be his future wife looking at him with admiration and respect because of that?
Would be telling someone that story proudly?

But what if he would resolve this situation with graciousness and mercy like the great kings in history.
What would be better for eternity?

We all know the answer.



If you are pained by external things, it is not they that disturb you, but your own judgment of them.
And it is in your power to wipe out that judgment now.


Marcus Aurelius
 
Above mentioned Bible heroes had every reason and many opportunities to punish their adversaries.
But if they would act in that way, would their destiny be the same? Or even better?

Look at the Job. He lost everything. What despair it must have been when even his wife encouraged him to curse God and die.
Unimaginable desperation. But he remained faithful and God rewarded him.

Showing mercy is not foolishness or weakness.
It is a character trait of great kings.
Without it, they wouldn't be great.


And lastly, look at this situation from the perspective of time.
Somewhere in the future, when this dark valley would be just past.
Would be OP proud of himself because he tried to destroy his former wife's life and their relationship ended with hate forever?
Would be his future wife looking at him with admiration and respect because of that?
Would be telling someone that story proudly?

But what if he would resolve this situation with graciousness and mercy like the great kings in history.
What would be better for eternity?

We all know the answer.



If you are pained by external things, it is not they that disturb you, but your own judgment of them.
And it is in your power to wipe out that judgment now.


Marcus Aurelius


Giving somebody the means to destroy you is not mercy nor wisdom.

Getting somebody deported who is legally eligible/entitled to be deported and morally deserves to be deported, is not wrathful or vengeful.

Cyber-stalking her and trying to mess her up with future employers would be wrathful and vengeful.
 

fortyfive

Sparrow
I fully understand your attitude and I acted many times the same. (and probably would in the future)
I'm not arguing or trying to convince anyone. It doesn't work that way.

I'm just showing an alternative approach. Proven in much worse conditions.


Just today I had read:

(David was on the run after Absolon's mutiny. Absolon was his son.)

"As King David approached Bahurim, a man from the same clan as Saul’s family came out from there. His name was Shimei son of Gera, and he cursed as he came out. 6He pelted David and all the king’s officials with stones, though all the troops and the special guard were on David’s right and left."

Then the natural reaction was obvious: "Then Abishai son of Zeruiah said to the king, “Why should this dead dog curse my lord the king? Let me go over and cut off his head.”

And unnatural and noble David's reaction:
But the king said, “What does this have to do with you, you sons of Zeruiah? If he is cursing because the Lord said to him, ‘Curse David,’ who can ask, ‘Why do you do this?’ ”
11David then said to Abishai and all his officials, “My son, my own flesh and blood, is trying to kill me. How much more, then, this Benjamite! Leave him alone; let him curse, for the Lord has told him to. 12It may be that the Lord will look upon my misery and restore to me his covenant blessing instead of his curse today.”


And another great insult towards David:
Absalom said to Ahithophel, “Give us your advice. What should we do?”
21Ahithophel answered, “Sleep with your father’s concubines whom he left to take care of the palace. Then all Israel will hear that you have made yourself obnoxious to your father, and the hands of everyone with you will be more resolute.” 22So they pitched a tent for Absalom on the roof, and he slept with his father’s concubines in the sight of all Israel.


And David's answer before battle for his life?
"Be gentle with the young man Absalom for my sake.”

And who was defeated in the end? Now Absalom happened to meet David’s men. He was riding his mule, and as the mule went under the thick branches of a large oak, Absalom’s hair got caught in the tree. He was left hanging in midair, while the mule he was riding kept on going.


David didn't win by coincidence and Absolon didn't die by coincidence too.
They chose to act in a different way and that created different consequences for both of them.


Giving somebody the means to destroy you is not mercy nor wisdom.
Of course. I agree absolutely.

King David won many wars against enemies trying to destroy him.
He didn't show mercy to Goliath.

...but is his wife really a Goliath?
 

NoFunInAus

Kingfisher
As soon as I read "therapy" I knew trouble was on (past) the horizon, why did you let it get this far man?

And for the clowns telling you to sleep with another woman to "break" the pain. It will not work. Godspeed brother.
 
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NoFunInAus

Kingfisher
Disagree completely. My father was represented [by a female lawyer] and wound up with sole physical and legal custody of me, my mother's visitation rights were terminated, and my mother had to pay child support and the ruling was rendered by a female judge.


A marriage of less than 7 years, where he supported her in the pursuit of her degree, depending on the state laws he may have a claim on half of the value of the degree or professional license, at least for a period of time.

I have seen cases where men put their wives through law school, paid for it all, the woman filed for divorce, and the man was able to get an order for half of the value of her law degree for 10-20 years. It happens.

When you prime somebody with "the entire deck is stacked against you, even your own attorney will destroy you, abandon all hope, it is hopeless and over" what sort of impact do you think it is going to have on them?

Unfortunately, it's not the 40's anymore.
 

Caractacus Potts

Woodpecker
Gold Member
That's a very good way to wind up sued for defamation, invasion of privacy, invasion of privacy false light, public disclosure of private facts, tortious interference with a contract [if she winds up with contractual employment], tortious interference with business/employment relations, and possibly criminally charged for stalking and menacing by stalking.

You are only partially and/or potentially correct with this statement. Different states vary in their anti-defamation statutes. Courts in different states will interpret defamation laws differently, and defamation statutes will vary somewhat from state to state sometimes even county to county. With regards to the invasion of privacy, false light, public disclosure of private facts, she has no expectation of privacy with regards to decisions that arise from Family Court. Anyone with an internet connection can log onto the website of clerk of the circuit county court and find all of this.

Furthermore, any and all arrest records are a matter of public record. Tortious interference is a possibility but it is a civil matter and revolves around intent. The shield of truth is a powerful defense. If it is any sort of professional job she will have to affirm in the negative to most interactions, especially any felonies, with law enforcement. If she presents herself to an employer as an upstanding individual of impeccable character and strong moral fiber but has been arrested for drunk driving, forgery, petty theft, tax evasion, etc but is looking to become an accountant I think it behooves me to make the potential employer aware of her duplicity. If she applies under her maiden name rather than a married name to hide facts that would implicate her in anything that is important for an employer to know.

If this was RomikJan's first foray into the morass that is the US Legal System chances are he would get a slap on the wrist and told not to do it again. Most attorneys aren't going to pick up a case like this (except maybe on a contingency fee basis) or are going to ask for a sizeable retainer upfront. I would still take comfort in the fact that nothing he is presenting is untrue even if paints her in a negative light. Afterall, sunlight is the best disinfectant. The fact that he will enjoy a sense of schadenfreude is the cherry on top.

RomikJan, please keep in mind I am not an attorney. However, I have many friend's and family members who are and I also stayed at a Holiday Inn Express last night! As always, do your own research, talk to people that you trust and last but certainly not least, pray. Good luck.

CP
 

J.E.

Robin
Damn, brother. My condolences to you. Russian women are calculating, cold and proner to degenerate Western ideas than we'd like to admit. I made some experiences with Russian girls and there was always some emotional void I sensed in them. It is the godless communist spirit they inherited and finding one who has her head on her shoulders is rare. The idea of God and morals is inherently alien to them, they know it only from a very shallow understanding. Calculating materialism is the number one disease in Russian women.

You could've prevented it by never allowing her to go to college, go to work and build a career. It is a given that any woman feels exalted to the same status as man, despite her not bearing any responsibilities and challenges a man has to carry. Roosh wrote an article a long time ago about the irremoveable masculine imperative in women, and college and career women are impregnated by it. No chance of reverting it. If you would've had children with her she would've been chained to the kitchen which would have redeemed her. As St. Paul has written, woman's salvation is in childbearing, no exception.

For any single guy reading this: don't date college and career girls. They don't care about you. Their studies and work are their husbands and the state is their god. You are an accessory, like a dog that fits in her bag, nothing more.
 
Your own lawyer will pursue your interests only to the extent that they don't conflict with the interests of the system.

For example, your own lawyer will never fight for the father to get primary custody, even when that is best for the children because that goes against the interests of the system - to ensure that there is a financial transfer from the man to the woman.

I had the experience of changing lawyers in the middle of things because my original lawyer sympathized with my ex and flat out REFUSED to file motions that I needed in order to gain any leverage. My next lawyer did what I needed immediately upon being retained, but there was still some loss that could have been avoided. However, when it came down to the wire and negotiation time was upon us, the 2nd lawyer strongly encouraged me to take a fairly crappy deal by saying the judge would be prejudiced against me if I took her to trial (not sure whether or not that was true). I stuck to my guns and indicated I was more than happy to go to trial since I could afford it and I knew she could not, which any idiot with eyes could have seen. I saved myself about 15k by advocating for myself, but really my own lawyer should have been experienced enough to get this for me rather than encouraging me to take the first offer. Lawyers are there to file paperwork and that is usually about it. You are your own best advocate.
 

FactusIRX

Kingfisher
I had the experience of changing lawyers in the middle of things because my original lawyer sympathized with my ex and flat out REFUSED to file motions that I needed in order to gain any leverage. My next lawyer did what I needed immediately upon being retained, but there was still some loss that could have been avoided. However, when it came down to the wire and negotiation time was upon us, the 2nd lawyer strongly encouraged me to take a fairly crappy deal by saying the judge would be prejudiced against me if I took her to trial (not sure whether or not that was true). I stuck to my guns and indicated I was more than happy to go to trial since I could afford it and I knew she could not, which any idiot with eyes could have seen. I saved myself about 15k by advocating for myself, but really my own lawyer should have been experienced enough to get this for me rather than encouraging me to take the first offer. Lawyers are there to file paperwork and that is usually about it. You are your own best advocate.
Family law is one of the worst (IMO) areas of law to practice in. Clients are incredibly agitated, angry, demanding, and vengeful. Sometimes they can be violent. There's a considerable amount of "emergency" applications that have to be done. Many family lawyers are totally burnt out because they run on volume, which means they have 50-200 active files at once. It's only possible to have such a practice if you can resolve the files quickly. They don't want to conduct trials because trials takes a considerable amount of time and are very difficult and stressful. It's very easy to make a error in a trial and have your client try and sue you. Also, some of them don't know how to run a trial, so they avoid it.
 

get2choppaaa

Pelican
Family law is one of the worst (IMO) areas of law to practice in. Clients are incredibly agitated, angry, demanding, and vengeful. Sometimes they can be violent. There's a considerable amount of "emergency" applications that have to be done. Many family lawyers are totally burnt out because they run on volume, which means they have 50-200 active files at once. It's only possible to have such a practice if you can resolve the files quickly. They don't want to conduct trials because trials takes a considerable amount of time and are very difficult and stressful. It's very easy to make a error in a trial and have your client try and sue you. Also, some of them don't know how to run a trial, so they avoid it.
This is pretty accurate.

My wife's mom is a family lawyer. She's been doing it for 20 years and is one of the better ones in the city and state based off of win to loss ratio. Most of the time the lawyer pushes you to settle because realistically its in your interest and theirs as many people have false expectations of a divorce, are SUPER emotionally charged, and take it out on their lawyer.

That job is intense considering unless you run the firm, you are probably paid salary, have many many cases you are litigating, and have multiple injunctions/filings/responses required per case along a time line. Courts are slow, clients are needy, and emotions run VERY high.

Sometimes you are appointed as an amicus to represent kids for the court in SUPER SUPER jacked up situations. Those are gut wrenchers.

I had a divorce that lasted 1.5 years and have had to re-litigate... its been another 1.5 years and i am just now teeing up for mediation (which wont go over well since my exwife wont listen) and final trial after that. So bascially the last 4 years, 3 of them have been with pending litigation.

SO unless there is a legit reason to extend things and fight them... its usually better to cut bait and move on. The CAVEAT is large sums of money and custody.
 
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