Yes I'm amazed at how incompetent lawyers can be. How do they retain membership in the bar? That said I would probably still not try to represent myself. Sounds like a terrible idea, but I hear sometimes it works in some cases.I had the experience of changing lawyers in the middle of things because my original lawyer sympathized with my ex and flat out REFUSED to file motions that I needed in order to gain any leverage. My next lawyer did what I needed immediately upon being retained, but there was still some loss that could have been avoided. However, when it came down to the wire and negotiation time was upon us, the 2nd lawyer strongly encouraged me to take a fairly crappy deal by saying the judge would be prejudiced against me if I took her to trial (not sure whether or not that was true). I stuck to my guns and indicated I was more than happy to go to trial since I could afford it and I knew she could not, which any idiot with eyes could have seen. I saved myself about 15k by advocating for myself, but really my own lawyer should have been experienced enough to get this for me rather than encouraging me to take the first offer. Lawyers are there to file paperwork and that is usually about it. You are your own best advocate.
Sorry to hear this.Cant believe I'm even posting this, thought about it for few days and thought maybe this could help someone else going through similar situation. Its very unfortunate for me to announce but I will be getting a divorce after 7 years married and 9 years together. Its all still a sureal shock to me and I never expected it. Sure we had problems here and there but did not think one day shed be gone.
How it happened was she left on a Sunday , that Saturday the day before , we had a fanastic day of activities and spent it together. Even made love that night, woke up on Sunday she had a backpack on and said she was going for a walk..and never came back. Left me a note saying our world views are different and she was unhappy and thinks we can still be happy. She left every single belonging here from all her clothes to even her car , everything.
After the first intial shock she reached back out said shes just in dark place and I asked her if we can work it out and got her to say shell see where it goes.
It never went anywhere, she never tried and her therapist that she made me start seeing under the pretext of saving the marriage was just so this therapist can put me down for her. Now it over after 4 months of playing this game and eating my skin daily.
Little background story of how we met, she is from Russia and was here on student visa and met her at coffee shop. She worked there and we seemed to have really hit it off. To others we looked like a dream couple that others should take example of. She doesnt have a single relative or real friend here and being Armenian my family already knew how to speak Russian. It was very easy for them to get along
My family has accepted her and given her everything this whole time. After everything we done for her it's just insane to end a marriage based on being unhappy when nothing happened between us to trigger it.
Theres many Red flags that i dont know what to even think, the fact that she waited to beggining of Jan makes it 7 years married , she became a us citizen because of me.
Lastly the last bit of update is as we kept talking for 3 months trying to work it out, meet for dinners go to therapy sessions. One day she told me she needs to grab a few things, I asked her if shes made her desicion she said no just need to get some things. She said shed come at 11 and I happen to get home at noon. I didnt see her car so thought she was done, or didnt come. I go to my floor in my building elevator opens and its her with the whole hallway covered with all her crap and her girlfriend was there helping her. They both just stared at me and i didnt say anything. She always said she wasnt materlistic person but She took every item thats hers out of here. Including all the jewelry my family has gotten her over the years.
I have no idea who this person is anymore and now question if this whole thing from start was a setup to get the papers and take everything from me. Russian woman are ice cold and are heartless.
My family is devasted as they treated her as their daughter. I suspect alot of where it went down was we saw the phony roni in complete opposite ways. She double muzzled all year and was constantly terrified of it and would rather believe that leprachaun Faucci over her own husband.
I helped her family out alot , sending them money in Russia, talking to her parents least once a week for an hour , did that our whole marriage. Ever since she left her parents have never reached back to me again.
She says she is unhappy and wants to seek happiness while shes still young. I dont get how she will find happiness when she has no friends or relatives or anyone here. My family was everything for her and it seemed as if she was really thankful for them and loved spending time together with them . Then one day she could just turn all that off and have no feelings.
My father warned me when getting married to her that her parents went through a divorce and that its in her family and there is a high chance she will one day do it as well. I remember thinking at the time how unnecessary it was for him to tell me that but it all makes sense now
Most the advice I have gotten from my guy friends is that I should sleep with all these woman. Thats the last thing that I want to do . This has messed me up pretty badly and just wanted to write this in a way to vent but in another way maybe help someone get perspective maybe they are going through the same thing. Sorry for the random rambling guys , hope the roni has not destroyed your guys relationships. Just wanted to get it off my chest and talk to you guys about it . Roosh mentioned in one of his recent Roosh hours that Russian Ukrainian women its in their nature to do these kind of things and how they have no soul and are heartless, I just did not want to believe at the time that I was with one of them.
Wow fantastic adviceRomikaJan, I am sorry for your troubles. Unfortunately it is all too common today. My ex-wife divorced me and all I will say is that it was extremely costly and agonizingly painful. Go to your state/county website and see what information you can find there. It may be referred to as family court, divorce court, domestic relations, etc. Acquaint yourself with the terminology. The fact that you do not have children will save you a great deal of money and heartache.
Before I show you how to channel your inner Sherman and march to the sea to burn Atlanta and leave a trail of wailing and gnashing of teeth in your wake consider this...mediation. If she only wanted a green card and is willing to walk away with a very modest amount get down on your knees and thank God for His Divine Mercy. Get the papers signed and notarized and begin the annulment process. If, however, your Easter European sex-kitten has iron claws that she intends to flay you with...prepare yourself.
First, go on a field trip and learn how the family court system works. Find out where it is exactly- what building, what floor, what courtroom. Familiarize yourself with the battlefield and the players. If you have a good friend take him with you because you are still going to be lost in your head and emotions. Go on a couple of occasions. Learn to understand what you are looking at. Learn the process. Forget most things you have seen on tv and in the movies. See if you can determine who the judge likes/dislikes. Is it a white knight judge? Is it a feminist? Is it a woman of color who struggled her whole life and resents these white, liberal shiksas who have had an easier life than her and now are hoping to cash in a lottery ticket? All of it matters. Does a judge appear to despise, not respect, a certain attorney or firm? Make a note of it. Does the judge appear chummy with certain counselors? Make a note of it and consider hiring that attorney (if you go that route). Make sure you visit a court in the jurisdiction where your case will be heard. I live in a very large metropolitan area and there are only two family law judges. Unfortunately for me I got the man hater.
Start back tracking on documentation. Start with social media because that is easiest for a woman to delete or make private. Were bills shared or did you pay? Review all credit card transactions. Is there a bill for $600 from a men's store and she bought you a sweater for your birthday? What other items were bought and where did they go? (Ask me how I know that one). Review phone bills if there is a shared plan. Any numbers you don't recognize? Find out who it is. You can also ask your provider for all texts associated with an account. However, some states will require a court order to release that information.
Congratulations, you have put together an encyclopedic tome of information documenting (potentially) adultery, infidelity, fraud, alienation of affection, and other bad actions by your trollop of an ex. Now the bad news...the court won't care. You are holding a ticket from the deli counter in their view. After you are done the next client customer arrives and the system goes merrily on. While you are being victimized by it it is enough to make a man go to some very dark places mentally. So why do I suggest you put all of this together? Because now the psyops begin.
Her attorney will tell her that none of the things that you are threatening her with to expose will matter to the court. And technically that is true. Her family back in Russia obviously doesn't care and won't side with you against their daughter and even if they did what good is it? Her friend that broke up a marriage won't care either. She has already zeroed you out in her mind so your thoughts and feelings no longer matter to her - if they ever did. She slept with you one last time to assuage her conscience. She let you have access to her body one last time. She is a truly generous and caring woman/S. Now, if you ever really loved her, why don't you let her go and begin the next chapter of her life? She wants this over quickly and cleanly but she does want all of the spoils guaranteed by the divorce court.
Watch this video by Terrence Popp. In keeping with the new direction of the forum I will warn you that some of the language is very coarse. But see and understand the strategy behind what he is suggesting. The fact that she is from Russia and this current administration hates Russia may play to your benefit if you choose to consider fanciful tales involving mean and naughty white supremacisty people from her family. Just kidding. (Hello to all the visitors from the various alphabet agencies and law enforcement personnel who are perusing our little corner of the internet). Others mentioned depression/PTSD. Maybe you withdraw all of your money from your retirement accounts and blow it at the casinos? Maybe you start drinking or taking drugs? Her attorney won't believe everything is gone but if there is video footage of you at the Riverboat, or you can bring in sworn affidavits that you have been going to Alcoholics Anonymous and Gamblers Anonymous the court will tell her too bad. Of course maybe all of your funds are buried in a waterproof container in a family members back yard...i'm just sayin...
As much as I despise the cancel culture you can put it use for you. Women care what other people think about them. If your ex finds a job regale her new employer with tales of how untrustworthy she is. Was she ever arrested for anything or have trouble with the law? Forward documentation. At the end of the day most people don't care about other people and will always choose the easy path. If getting rid of your ex gets you off of their back and puts an end to potentially embarrassing or causing trouble for their business which route do you think they will take? Note, this could backfire. Most normies will take the side of a woman whose husband cheated on her. Many of those same normies may view you as a loser/stalker/creep that she is lucky to be away from. But ask yourself, do you care what they think about you?
You have received replies from many people. My story is probably most similar to Towgunner's (even down to being one of Uncle Sam's Misguided Children). If you can end this quickly and cleanly for a few thousand, even for a few tens of thousands do it and consider yourself lucky. I am probably twenty years behind where I should be financially because of my divorce. It is not hyperbole to say that my divorce has cost me in excess of one million dollars when all things are factored in. I will be paying child support for a few more years. Consider yourself lucky you are not in the same boat.
When it is all over you will be alone. Pray. Ask God to heal the wounds inside of you. Don't lose yourself to alcohol and loose women like I did. That is how I initially found this site. Strange where our paths lead us. Eventually you will ask God to forgive her. Like TG, on occasion I give in to anger and rage at how unfair this all was. But life is not fair and this world is temporary. It sounded like religious pablum to me when I was going through it but it (prayer) was one of the few lifelines I had to hang onto to keep from doing something...permanent.
I will keep you in my prayers.
No offense to you... but here's my two cents as a divorce and now VERY VERY happily remarried guy.A bit off topic, but this thread made me think of how men might be able to avoid divorce. For any younger men reading this. If I was selecting a wife today and wanted to minimize chance of divorce (most do) I would select on the following Chriteria:
1) Virgin, not born-again. The real deal. Very low divorce rates among virgins. Divorce rates climb the more sexual partners she ha prior to marriage. (No single mothers and no divorced women).
2) Christian - same denomination. For me, Catholic. Also she expresses belief in her faith until the bitter end.
3) No psychiatric meds or drugs of any kind! No SSRIs, bipolar garbage. Nothing. She should also have a healthy opposition to drinking, drugs and alcohol.
4) No smoking
5) Of child-bearing age 18-25.
6) Healthy weight, appearance, etc
7) Family oriented, not career-oriented.
8) Similar outlook on marriage, family, and life. Personality match.
9) Honesty. She has to be honest enough that I don't think she's lying about her history.
Good to have:
10) Similar cultural background (this could be placed in absolute category if cultures too different)
11) Good relationship with father and mother.
12) Within three years of same age. Me slightly older than her.
13) Parents not divorced.
14) Parents of the same Christian denomination, and currently practicing faith.
15) Parents are family oriented with bigger than average family (3+ kids), who want lots of kids and grandkids.
16) High Enough IQ , and hard-working enough to help take care of the home and raise a family.
I understand that in today's age this is like finding a needle in a haystack, but I'm just saying you have a list. Also, I hope this is not offensive given the circumstances but maybe it could help some men down the road.
No offense to you... but here's my two cents as a divorce and now VERY VERY happily remarried guy.
I think your lists are fine for people who need to be an autist but as a divorced guy really not necessary. If I had learned to judge a woman based off of their genuine faith I wouldn't need a list. That being said, I was too weak/ignorant in my own faith and worldly oriented to have appreciated what I know now.
They are all nice to have... but there isn't a "Absolute rule" to guarantee you will both be able to survive the rigors of marriage that exists in a vacuum. One of my college roommates whom was and also married a "devout" Catholic divorced within 3 years.
In many ways lists are for Autists and you have to find a woman who is pursuing salvation in Heaven while still engaging in the world. It is a tricky balance.
I made a list post divorce from my 1st wife. I thought of everything she wasn't and included it. I got the same advice about making a list from a Catholic friend of mine. For him it worked, but for me it was supercilious. I was 27-28 , living a block next to a large college campus, making a lot of money in the Marines, and had a pretty jaded view of relationships. I had also been through such a terrible divorce I really had a terrible view of women and my objectification and devaluation of them was pretty rampant. I viewed them as objects that had to meet my criteria while not ever evaluating my own worthiness. I mean why would I change, I had been told how awesome I was by so many random stangers, why would I look internally to see if maybe I was the issue for my own happiness.... So lists tend to become self-serving with out evaluating your own suitability for a marriage, supposing that is your goal (which it should be).
Fast forward 2 years....
I got remarried to a woman whom had been married previously also. Her ex, like my ex, was/is living a life of faithlessness while professing to be a Christian. Both marriages ended in abandonment/abuse in some for or another. We met at a time when both of us had been single for a while and adjusting to being a "single parent" but were serious about if we dated, the person needed to have family in mind. We are both the same age and I had been used to fornicating with girls 5 years younger post divorce so my first response when meeting her would have been dismissive if we had not been introduced by a mutual friend/family who was also a Marine. I frankly figured I should just get the date over with, be cordial, and get out of dodge, but I had one of the most enjoyable evenings of my life when we had our first date.
She would have been someone I would have written off of my list as she violated several of my "no"s including that she was a previous smoker, had kids from previous marriage (even though I did also), and has tattoos. After a few weeks of talking and our second date where she asked me if she could come to church with me... I saw her in a whole other light, and as we spent time together I started to realize that every man and woman carries within them an embodiment of God.
From then on its been a journey that has led us both and our children becoming catechumens in the Orthodox Church which was literally the most important thing for me in my life.
So lists are nice. But genuine faith is the most important thing.