OP does not say his wife is “done with the marriage.” He says she is cold and distant, but that doesn’t mean she is done with the marriage.No expert here, just another outsider pitching in.
Quite clear after reading your experiences, that you may have overestimated the standards of the girl you were marrying.
Please do not make the same mistake of underestimating the standards of the single mother you will be divorcing.
She is most likely done with the marriage and is waiting for you to make a move, so that she can take you to the cleaners.
Can't even imagine how I would handle the situation if it were me.
Well then, hopefully he can follow your way and the family has a chance.OP does not say his wife is “done with the marriage.” He says she is cold and distant, but that doesn’t mean she is done with the marriage.
“Done with the marriage” would mean she is filing for divorce (or made it clear she intends to divorce), dates other men, etc. It doesn’t seem that is the case.
I don’t think it’s helpful to advise OP to get a lawyer, fight for his money, etc. Him and his wife have a kid together, for God’s sake.
If OP does what he can to fix the marriage, then it will possibly be fixed and his kid won’t become a victim of divorce. Worst case scenario, if his wife eventually divorces him anyway, then at least the kid will have seen his father behave honorably and will understand that his mother is the one at fault.
“Being taken to the cleaners” (or money in general) should not be the priority here. OP makes 220k a year for Christ’s sake. And his wife makes more than double that!
There are plenty of rich kids who grow up to be promiscuous, use drugs, and even commit suicide. Just look at Hollywood.
But secular marriages are seen as if they are merely business partnerships. No reason to stay if it’s no longer convenient or profitable. “Till death do us part” is just a formality (kind of like when politicians swear to defend the Constitution). Children and their emotional/spiritual development be damned.
OP,This is so true, but many people are in denial. I think many people, including myself, want it to be effortless.
You sound like you would be a great Dad. Hurry up, find a good woman and build a great family. Godspeed.As a product of affair-induced divorced parents at a young age myself, I strongly urge you to do everything possible to make amends with your wife. Have you tried couples' counciling, ideally through a faith-based institution? Divorce fucks kids up in ways you can not imagine, ways that will not even fully manifest themselves until the kid comes of age. Having my family ripped apart at age 9 (my sister age 6) has done irreparable damage to my mental health and lead to years of poor relationships, self-confidence issues, reduced career prospects, abandonment issues, the list goes on. My sister is even worse off than I am. Coupled with the personal guilt (no matter how many times you tell your kids "it's not your fault," it still nags at their conscience for life) and disdain for your parents, it's a lose-lose. I'm currently older than my parents were when they split, and looking at it from that perspective I've lost a significant amount of respect for them. Our relationship is barely existent, relegated to the obligatory holidays, birthdays, etc. My mother has her "new family" now, the children of which I barely acknowledged and who's names I never can remember. My father is a hermit and I often wonder what will kill him first, the bottle or a self-inflicted gunshot wound. I'll die childless and alone before I risk putting my potential kids through that ordeal.
Thanks, man. Finding a good woman is a difficult task, especially where I live. The ones who want me, I don't want; and the ones I want, don't want me haha. I was getting heavily involved in the local Diocese sanctioned 20s/30s social scene just before this whole Shanghai shivers thing kicked off, but now that avenue, along with church in general, has been closed off to me by our lovely governor. Perhaps I deserve this penance as reparation for my former lifestyle.You sound like you would be a great Dad. Hurry up, find a good woman and build a great family. Godspeed.
Either that or his wife was tracking his history/computer activity and he's at divorcecon 5 after she found this thread.I guess OP didn’t like our advice not to get divorced, considering that his last login to the forum was last Sunday just a few hours after starting this thread.