Do Christian girls suppress their attractions/desires?

[ItalianStallion9]

Over the years I've lived in a few cities and been to a number of churches. I've been at a smaller red-pilled church last couple years (traditional pastor, cool wife, red-pilled, loves God). One thing I noticed is lots of the women don't seem to show signs of attraction (to ANY guys); it's almost as if they are shutting down their feelings and feel it's bad to have urges. I understand that lust is a sin and I'm not referring to this. But in my view it's almost as if they do a complete 180 and give off a 'friend' vibe to all and any guys. (For the record I had success dating before being baptized in 2018. I'm a decent build and solid looking and even if I've caught some of the girls looking my way...they never seem to pull the trigger on romance interests when I talk to them). We've even had events with other churches and none of the girls gave off any signs of interest to any of the men...ever (and some of the men seemed like standard Godly dudes who worked out or weren't soyboys...definitely worthy of a date). In my analysis it's almost as if they feel any sort of desire or attraction is equal to lust? Am I looking at this the wrong way?

After ~2 years I haven't heard of any of them getting a boyfriend, going on dates, or even hanging out with the men in that group outside of church. I've noticed this in Arizona and Los Angeles too. For the record most of the churches I've gone to have been conservative non-denominational, but I have gone to Catholic churches too. I haven't attended any Orthodox Churches so some of you brothers can give some input on your experiences.

I plan to remain celibate until marriage, but I'd imagine if I was dating (or especially engaged) to a cute Christian girl I'd be looking forward to the benefits of intimacy and parenthood with her. Also many Old Testament scriptures talk about topics related to this (Proverbs, Song of Solomon). While I don't go to church simply to wife hunt, I'm also becoming of the age where I'd like to 'settle down' and find a wife and start a family soon. I know it's all in God's will but I know finding a quality wife isn't as easy as the good old days. So any input on this, which churches have women who don't insta-friendzone all men, or where/how to get Godly women to open up to dating?

 

[MovingForward2050]

Wearing the full armor of God can be hard. In part, it could be that they want the men to take the initiative and do the asking out for dates. I would recommend that you simply ask out the ladies who catch your eye, for both their outer and inner qualities. If they are receptive, they will say yes and you can take it from there. If you have the time and money, ask out a bunch of gals, to cast your net wide. Good luck!

 

[Prospero60]

I guarantee you there are lots of women waiting for you to take the initiative. Why haven’t you asked any of them out?

 

[Grey]

Female sexuality starts off pretty blank, if they have no romantic or sexual experience the feeling and impulses you take for granted as a man don't exist in the same way.

They're probably actually just pure and inexperienced. Once they do get engaged and married that will change and they will mould thier sexuality to their husbands expectations.

But they probably don't know how to flirt, even if they like a guy, hence the freind zone vibe. I've seen it myself in some rural cultures I'm involved in. They're not suppressing anything they simply don't know what to do.

 

[RoadKill]

If they're exclusively dating in the church, there may be slim pickin's amongst single men. The eligible bachelors get married off pretty quickly and the women are left with only the guys in college, unattractive, or in minimum-wage part-time jobs. In my experience, the ratio of single women to single men is typically imbalanced.

Some young women are more focused on college than they are dating. It also depends on how strict the single's ministry leaders are. Some churches discourage independent dating that is not overseen by a church leader and some discourage single men and women being or conversing alone.

Women aren't sexually driven, but they are driven by the prospect of motherhood. Sex is just the act that they have to perform to get it. If they don't see any prospective fathers, they usually leave the church, find a man outside of the church, then return.

And since pure dating relationships prohibit sex, they don't have to use sex to get married. The man does all the courting and cheesy romantic stuff that the woman wants in order to get the ring on her finger and the woman gets her emotional needs met and doesn't have to perform in the bedroom after the commitment is made. She only desires to perform when she wants a child.

RK

 

[Grey]

Women aren't sexually driven, but they are driven by the prospect of motherhood. Sex is just the act that they have to perform to get it. If they don't see any prospective fathers, they usually leave the church, find a man outside of the church, then return.

The opposite is true. Once a woman knows what an orgasm is and that you can give it she'll need it regularly, or get very upset when it is not provided.

The slim pickings factor is true though. The biggest problem is an overall lack of competent masculinity, especially in mainline churches.

A problem I've seen is women not wanting children, even in protestant churches. I don't think Catholics have that problem, but Protestantism has given up most life-ethics already...

 

[Wutang]

I guarantee you there are lots of women waiting for you to take the initiative. Why haven’t you asked any of them out?

Back when I was in university, I was in a lecture hall waiting for class to start when I heard two Catholic girls talking to each other. They had both went to a social event for one of the Catholic organizations on campus and were complaining about how the guys seem petrified about approaching the girls. One of them was talking about how it's not a sin to show interest in a member of the opposite sex. Who knows, maybe the guys that were there might be complaining about how the girls there just didn't seem receptive the same way OP was talking about. I don't think there's much of a guide line these days for even church going people to figure out how to date. With secular dating, you at least have the PUA stuff.

 

[ItalianStallion9]

Back when I was in university, I was in a lecture hall waiting for class to start when I heard two Catholic girls talking to each other. They had both went to a social event for one of the Catholic organizations on campus and were complaining about how the guys seem petrified about approaching the girls. One of them was talking about how it's not a sin to show interest in a member of the opposite sex. Who knows, maybe the guys that were there might be complaining about how the girls there just didn't seem receptive the same way OP was talking about. I don't think there's much of a guide line these days for even church going people to figure out how to date. With secular dating, you at least have the PUA stuff.

Secular dating seemed much more straightfoward. If you're both into each other you - you make it happen. With religious dating it's almost like I can't figure out the 'rules' of church dating or when to go for the date or kiss. I don't want to act a victim or blame the feminism card...? It seems like they view it partially as 'wrong' to spend time with men outside of church?

 

[GWYW2015]

Over the years I've lived in a few cities and been to a number of churches. I've been at a smaller red-pilled church last couple years (traditional pastor, cool wife, red-pilled, loves God). One thing I noticed is lots of the women don't seem to show signs of attraction (to ANY guys); it's almost as if they are shutting down their feelings and feel it's bad to have urges. I understand that lust is a sin and I'm not referring to this. But in my view it's almost as if they do a complete 180 and give off a 'friend' vibe to all and any guys. (For the record I had success dating before being baptized in 2018. I'm a decent build and solid looking and even if I've caught some of the girls looking my way...they never seem to pull the trigger on romance interests when I talk to them). We've even had events with other churches and none of the girls gave off any signs of interest to any of the men...ever (and some of the men seemed like standard Godly dudes who worked out or weren't soyboys...definitely worthy of a date). In my analysis it's almost as if they feel any sort of desire or attraction is equal to lust? Am I looking at this the wrong way?

After ~2 years I haven't heard of any of them getting a boyfriend, going on dates, or even hanging out with the men in that group outside of church. I've noticed this in Arizona and Los Angeles too. For the record most of the churches I've gone to have been conservative non-denominational, but I have gone to Catholic churches too. I haven't attended any Orthodox Churches so some of you brothers can give some input on your experiences.

I plan to remain celibate until marriage, but I'd imagine if I was dating (or especially engaged) to a cute Christian girl I'd be looking forward to the benefits of intimacy and parenthood with her. Also many Old Testament scriptures talk about topics related to this (Proverbs, Song of Solomon). While I don't go to church simply to wife hunt, I'm also becoming of the age where I'd like to 'settle down' and find a wife and start a family soon. I know it's all in God's will but I know finding a quality wife isn't as easy as the good old days. So any input on this, which churches have women who don't insta-friendzone all men, or where/how to get Godly women to open up to dating?

You're right, we don't go to church to find a wife, but there is nothing wrong with going to a particular church in hopes of finding a wife.
Nonetheless, I didn't find church to be a great place to find a wife anyway. I think when a guy is out of college it may be not a great a place to find a wife because they seem to be paired up by then, the seriously marriage minded women anyway. I once was told that a woman at church I was interested in who told me four times she would go out with me (but never did), simply didn't date guys at church. I assume she was uncomfortable with people snooping around her business.

I did my share of church hopping, but finally got married at 53 to a woman in another country over 9000 miles away. So it ended well.