Does anybody have experience being in/hearing about arranged marriages?

GibsMeDat

Pigeon
Popular in my culture, it is something I am looking into with more of an open mind. Unfortunately, modernism and smartphones spare nobody, and even arranged marriages aren't as strong as they used to be

Let's hear your take.
 

SlickyBoy

Ostrich
No experience personally, but heard plenty about it. A lot of it has to do with the changes in the sexual landscape since the sexual revolution - a separate but related conversation.

As much of a societal upheaval as the sexual revolution caused in the west, at least by that time it hit America, the idea of arranged marriages was mostly gone except for a few very small religious communities. We are still reeling from the second and third order affects of the sexual revolution - and many of us are realizing that most of it wasn't such a good idea. I can't imagine how screwed in the head we would be going from say, the middle ages in Europe where arranged marriages were common to 1965 America.

Similarly, India is going through an equivalent sexual revolution socially while still continuing to practice arranged marriages. Throw in 24-7 internet porn and it's no wonder Indian dudes are so screwed up sexually. The stratospheric rape and sexual assault rates demonstrate epic levels of thirst and frustration.

When their daughters come to the US, we never hear the end of their bitching about sexual assault, and their gravitation towards feminism might be understandable if they didn't direct their anger at American men. We're the ones who got stuck taking them in, whether we wanted to or not. Meanwhile, even the west Indian families put serious pressure on their children to marry into the "right" class of people.

So yeah short answer is if you live in the west you have an uphill battle with arranged marriages even more so than you would in a place like India.
 
It can get a lot of guys laid that otherwise would not be able to in a free sexual marketplace such as in the west. I think that is partly the reason why in a place like India you have such a high population of unattractive people, because arranged marriage allows the ugly people to pass their genes on--there are other reasons of course but I think that is one of them.

On the plus side, sometimes it's the only way to get access to certain groups of girls that are usually guarded off or off limits due to culture, religion, parents, etc. As for longevity, based on my experience and what I've read arranged marriages have a much lower divorce rate than compared to 'love marriages'.

One of the benefits of arranged marriage at least in many Muslim cultures is it dramatically reduces the effort men have to put in to find a quality woman. The woman is likely to be young and a virgin. Due to the family aspect of the arranged marriage there is more of bonding glue holding the marriage together.

I'm of Pakistani background and the arranged marriage model gives me access to attractive young virgin (think early 20s) Pakistani and other Muslim (Bosnian, Turkish, etc.) girls, this reduces the effort I need to put in to find a good woman. However, I still have the option of finding my own girlfriend and then marrying her the Western way.
 

Serie A

Pigeon
Design Engineer said:
It can get a lot of guys laid that otherwise would not be able to in a free sexual marketplace such as in the west. I think that is partly the reason why in a place like India you have such a high population of unattractive people, because arranged marriage allows the ugly people to pass their genes on--there are other reasons of course but I think that is one of them.

On the plus side, sometimes it's the only way to get access to certain groups of girls that are usually guarded off or off limits due to culture, religion, parents, etc. As for longevity, based on my experience and what I've read arranged marriages have a much lower divorce rate than compared to 'love marriages'.

One of the benefits of arranged marriage at least in many Muslim cultures is it dramatically reduces the effort men have to put in to find a quality woman. The woman is likely to be young and a virgin. Due to the family aspect of the arranged marriage there is more of bonding glue holding the marriage together.

I'm of Pakistani background and the arranged marriage model gives me access to attractive young virgin (think early 20s) Pakistani and other Muslim (Bosnian, Turkish, etc.) girls, this reduces the effort I need to put in to find a good woman. However, I still have the option of finding my own girlfriend and then marrying her the Western way.
Arranged marriages are not that common in Turkey and even less frequent in ex-Yugoslavia, but arranged marriages between people from different nations are extremely rare – international marriages almost have to be love marriages because there is no shared social network to arrange such a union.

Even within the Indian subcontinent, arranged marriages tend to involve families from the same region, religion and/or caste.
 
Serie A said:
Design Engineer said:
It can get a lot of guys laid that otherwise would not be able to in a free sexual marketplace such as in the west. I think that is partly the reason why in a place like India you have such a high population of unattractive people, because arranged marriage allows the ugly people to pass their genes on--there are other reasons of course but I think that is one of them.

On the plus side, sometimes it's the only way to get access to certain groups of girls that are usually guarded off or off limits due to culture, religion, parents, etc. As for longevity, based on my experience and what I've read arranged marriages have a much lower divorce rate than compared to 'love marriages'.

One of the benefits of arranged marriage at least in many Muslim cultures is it dramatically reduces the effort men have to put in to find a quality woman. The woman is likely to be young and a virgin. Due to the family aspect of the arranged marriage there is more of bonding glue holding the marriage together.

I'm of Pakistani background and the arranged marriage model gives me access to attractive young virgin (think early 20s) Pakistani and other Muslim (Bosnian, Turkish, etc.) girls, this reduces the effort I need to put in to find a good woman. However, I still have the option of finding my own girlfriend and then marrying her the Western way.
Arranged marriages are not that common in Turkey and even less frequent in ex-Yugoslavia, but arranged marriages between people from different nations are extremely rare – international marriages almost have to be love marriages because there is no shared social network to arrange such a union.

Even within the Indian subcontinent, arranged marriages tend to involve families from the same region, religion and/or caste.
You're right about Bosnia but not Turkey. Arranged marriages are still common in Turkey, especially central and eastern Turkey.
http://www.hurriyetdailynews.com/45...d-to-arranged-marriages-in-2016-report-113171


arranged marriages between people from different nations are extremely rare – international marriages almost have to be love marriages because there is no shared social network to arrange such a union.
This is true, but what I should have added is yes it does depend on your family network. However, I as an individual can expand the network and marriage pool. For example, let's say there is a Turkish girl I am interested in, I can approach her father regarding my interest in a respectful way, and have the Turkish father meet my parents as well, this then creates some networking and is a much more likeable approach then for the Turkish father's daughter to date, in fact I have somewhat lifted a burden off of him.

I know people across many countries so my network is pretty broad.

I specifically called out Bosnia because I have experience with a Bosnian mom introducing me to her 21 year old daughter as a potential marriage prospect and she's even invited me over to her house. Once the parents like you it's much easier, and of course the girl has to like you as well.


but arranged marriages between people from different nations are extremely rare
They statistically probably are but don't have to be, like I said if a guy is willing to network and travel it can and does happen. A lot of Muslim parents would love their daughter be with a young successful Muslim guy.
 
The stats from those marriages aren't bad. The divorce rates are lower.

Where I would draw the line is first or second cousins - then it becomes dysgenic.

Other than that - it's an option if it's practiced in your culture and I would not reject it based on the more positive results. The Chinese to this day practice soft arranged marriages of mothers looking for marriage prospects for their children. It looks less arranged than in India, but when the parents meet your future bride first and then offer you a suitable girl, then it's not much different to a more elaborate old-fashioned dating app.
 
Hypno said:
We should bring back dowries
Obviously, this is one of many things that work. The student debt burden is just opposite of a dowry, of course, showing you what kind of clown show the set up is for the average guy to realize how much of a scam the whole thing is.

Most guys would just be ok with the new "dowry" being a wife that is actually young or youthful. Again, historically that would just be "normal" --- you'd still be pulling a fast one on guys!
 
Hypno said:
We should bring back dowries
Good point, dowries need to be made commonplace in western culture. In South Asia it is still practiced to a large extent. Perhaps there should be made a fixed amount to avoid certain negative consequences.

I don't know why the Western cultures abandoned their history of collecting dowries from the bride and her family. I guess it's just a part of their transition to being a more cuckold feminist society.]
 
No personal experiences, but studies have demonstrated that they're at least as stable and happy as freely-chosen marriages. As the destruction of "regular" marriage in American continues to accelerate, I expect that at some point arranged marriage will overtake its happiness levels by a significant margin.
 

Mike_Key

Sparrow
A co-worker from India has an arranged marriage. Seems pretty good since they both didn't date but earned advanced degrees. It the true sign of selflessness. A girl like that doesn't need "debt, tattoos and to be a Non-virgin" to then find God and clean herself up.

Plus, after all of that she still needs to be insulated and surrounded by good people majorly for years if the good behavior is to remain.

Anyhow, arranged marriages skip the selfish part of life (American Life) that tells a women she needs to feel in love to get married or tells her that the man has to be handsome/wealthy. After 10 to 12 short years it has nothing to do with feelings or beauty; at that point love is all about service and serving your family members - plus heritage (good or bad) and legacy. You'll either serve or create chaos.

This couple has two adult children preparing to graduate college and go on to grad school.

I'll simply say this; to marry an untouched virgin that is humble with a nice attitude likely goes a long way in Men treating that young lady/woman very well.

Heathen culture can't expect true romance (if obtained it's an uphill battle).
 
The problem is also the "I can have it all" mentality, like black kids thinking because a handful of guys became a rapper or LeBron, they can too. Women see other career women who are the extreme exception with 2 or 3 kids, usually also with a successful man ... and think, "Why not try?" Men see the lottery and risk of what this is: stupidity.

Someone's gotta win the lotto yes ... but it's not gonna be you. Here's the other, stranger question --- would you really want to? A lot of lotto winners, surprisingly, would tell you they wish they hadn't.
 

Serie A

Pigeon
Design Engineer said:
Serie A said:
Design Engineer said:
It can get a lot of guys laid that otherwise would not be able to in a free sexual marketplace such as in the west. I think that is partly the reason why in a place like India you have such a high population of unattractive people, because arranged marriage allows the ugly people to pass their genes on--there are other reasons of course but I think that is one of them.

On the plus side, sometimes it's the only way to get access to certain groups of girls that are usually guarded off or off limits due to culture, religion, parents, etc. As for longevity, based on my experience and what I've read arranged marriages have a much lower divorce rate than compared to 'love marriages'.

One of the benefits of arranged marriage at least in many Muslim cultures is it dramatically reduces the effort men have to put in to find a quality woman. The woman is likely to be young and a virgin. Due to the family aspect of the arranged marriage there is more of bonding glue holding the marriage together.

I'm of Pakistani background and the arranged marriage model gives me access to attractive young virgin (think early 20s) Pakistani and other Muslim (Bosnian, Turkish, etc.) girls, this reduces the effort I need to put in to find a good woman. However, I still have the option of finding my own girlfriend and then marrying her the Western way.
Arranged marriages are not that common in Turkey and even less frequent in ex-Yugoslavia, but arranged marriages between people from different nations are extremely rare – international marriages almost have to be love marriages because there is no shared social network to arrange such a union.

Even within the Indian subcontinent, arranged marriages tend to involve families from the same region, religion and/or caste.
You're right about Bosnia but not Turkey. Arranged marriages are still common in Turkey, especially central and eastern Turkey.
http://www.hurriyetdailynews.com/45...d-to-arranged-marriages-in-2016-report-113171


arranged marriages between people from different nations are extremely rare – international marriages almost have to be love marriages because there is no shared social network to arrange such a union.
This is true, but what I should have added is yes it does depend on your family network. However, I as an individual can expand the network and marriage pool. For example, let's say there is a Turkish girl I am interested in, I can approach her father regarding my interest in a respectful way, and have the Turkish father meet my parents as well, this then creates some networking and is a much more likeable approach then for the Turkish father's daughter to date, in fact I have somewhat lifted a burden off of him.

I know people across many countries so my network is pretty broad.

I specifically called out Bosnia because I have experience with a Bosnian mom introducing me to her 21 year old daughter as a potential marriage prospect and she's even invited me over to her house. Once the parents like you it's much easier, and of course the girl has to like you as well.


but arranged marriages between people from different nations are extremely rare
They statistically probably are but don't have to be, like I said if a guy is willing to network and travel it can and does happen. A lot of Muslim parents would love their daughter be with a young successful Muslim guy.
There are big differences between arranged marriages in South Asia on the one hand and the Balkans + Anatolia on the other. In India, arranged marriages can be decided upon before birth by the respective families, and are generally very hard to get out of – sometimes only on pain of death.

In South-Eastern Europe, there is more of a hybrid system between arranged marriages and love marriages. In fact, the line between the two is often a little bit blurry. Plus, there is much less societal coercion involved in relationships generally, not just those between potential husband and wife.

What you are describing in your personal situation would not be recognisable as an arranged marriage in the Indian context. It's just a person with a strong international network of trusted friends – which is no bad thing.
 

Serie A

Pigeon
Design Engineer said:
Hypno said:
We should bring back dowries
Good point, dowries need to be made commonplace in western culture. In South Asia it is still practiced to a large extent. Perhaps there should be made a fixed amount to avoid certain negative consequences.

I don't know why the Western cultures abandoned their history of collecting dowries from the bride and her family. I guess it's just a part of their transition to being a more cuckold feminist society.]
Dowries are a chain around the neck of Indian society. They are a major reason behind the extraordinarily high rate of female infanticide in India – girls are viewed as little other than a fiscal liability.

Plus, they are only of limited relevance to Pakistan (as well as the Muslim and Christian populations in India). In that culture, it is expected for the man to bring a financial contribution into the marriage: the mahr. This sum of money (it is usually cash, but can also be property, jewelry, etc.) automatically becomes the woman's in the event of divorce, but the quid pro quo is that the man's assets remain his own should the couple go their separate ways.
 
Hi,

I am from India and the situation here is that in the big cities (Delhi / Mumbai / Bangalore), the women are subject to more feminist propaganda (via social media / netflix / tv shows) and also consider themselves "strong" and "independent".

As a result, in urban areas, there is a shift in trends where the people who would consider arranged marriages are now considering love marriages.

This is something that is only expected to rise in the future. The anonymity of the city life also ensures that the social bonds remain as loose and atomised as ever.

So this in turn encourages the men and women to behave in a free for all sexual marketplace.

However this is not to say that there are no instances of traditional arranged marriages (there are) based on caste, religion, community etc.

However, in the more rural areas and towns, where the social life is more restricted, arranged marriages is more common over there.

In short, the cities which have a more westernised / global appeal such as the big cities, trends like feminism / working women / bar hopping women are the norm and this in turn also leads to a spike in the divorce rates as well.

Currently if we look at India, most of the divorces are happening only in the big urban areas where "women empowerment / independence / down with the brahminical patriarchy " is celebrated.

Divorce is an urban phenomenon.

In the rural villages, women who are divorced are socially ostracised and so there is less motivation for women to divorce over there.

I do not know what will happen over time in India, but I can safely say that as things are getting slowly westernised, the women will be sub-consciously be programmed by the media (be it TV / social media / smartphones etc) and this in turn COULD also lead to women feeling empowered enough in cutting family ties.
 
  • Like
Reactions: kel

kel

Pelican
In my travels I've noticed how hard the propaganda is targeting urbanites in developing countries (the same countries which are urbanizing more rapidly than the rest of the world, funnily enough). It's really bad. Globohomo, as the name suggests, is coming for everyone.
 
Found two articles from mainstream websites that support arranged marriages in my bookmarks. They explain why they last longer and are more stable.

Why an arranged marriage 'is more likely to develop into lasting love'

Why Are So Many Indian Arranged Marriages Successful?
 
I suspect one reason arranged marriages in India are more stable is because the type of person who would agree to an arranged marriage is also the type of person who has a traditional view on gender roles and sexual morality. It might not be expressly because the marriage was arranged.
 
Top