Does your partners opinion matter?

lunchmoney

Woodpecker
Over the past 3 weeks, I have heard two different scenarios where men in monogamous relationships (one dating a woman for 6.5 months, the second man is engaged) have made decisions in their life that their S/O did not agree with.

In the first case, the guy and his girlfriend are in a long distance relationship, having met through a mutual friend virtually last Fall. He is a little flashy for her taste it seems, and he recently purchased a newer model BMW without letting her know. She flew to visit him and that was when she was made aware of the purchase. He said the entire weekend she spent complaining about the car, and how she could not understand why he didn't consult with her first.

In the second case, the engaged couple has been together almost 1 year, and the guy has a job offer that would move him to Austin, TX from the Tri State area. His fiancé was aware he was interviewing however was lukewarm on a move.

Would you consider how your s/o felt in either case?
 

king bast

Kingfisher
In response to the thread title, of course my partners (wifes) opinion matters. How would you consider entering into such a significant partnetship if you didnt care what they thought or wanted?

However, in regards to your examples, im not sure I really would value their opinion that much. In the first example, I dont consider a "long distance relationship" after having "met virtually" to be a real relationship.

In the second example, if she is not willing to go wherever her husband goes as they carve out a life together, shes missing the point, and should not marry him at all.
 
Over the past 3 weeks, I have heard two different scenarios where men in monogamous relationships (one dating a woman for 6.5 months, the second man is engaged) have made decisions in their life that their S/O did not agree with.

In the first case, the guy and his girlfriend are in a long distance relationship, having met through a mutual friend virtually last Fall. He is a little flashy for her taste it seems, and he recently purchased a newer model BMW without letting her know. She flew to visit him and that was when she was made aware of the purchase. He said the entire weekend she spent complaining about the car, and how she could not understand why he didn't consult with her first.

In the second case, the engaged couple has been together almost 1 year, and the guy has a job offer that would move him to Austin, TX from the Tri State area. His fiancé was aware he was interviewing however was lukewarm on a move.

Would you consider how your s/o felt in either case?


A girlfriend whom you have just met for the first time in a long-distance relationship who expects to have input and be included in your car purchase decision is a controlling witch. Dump her.
 

bucky

Ostrich
Well, obviously in the second case you would have to at least talk about moving. In the first case, the woman sounds annoying.
People are making a good point about the first scenario. She's a long distance girlfriend, so she doesn't get any input if you don't want her to have any. If she were a wife, you'd probably want her to feel OK about a major purchase like a car.

I'd at least consider my fiancée's opinion about where to live.
 
Over the past 3 weeks, I have heard two different scenarios where men in monogamous relationships (one dating a woman for 6.5 months, the second man is engaged) have made decisions in their life that their S/O did not agree with.

In the first case, the guy and his girlfriend are in a long distance relationship, having met through a mutual friend virtually last Fall. He is a little flashy for her taste it seems, and he recently purchased a newer model BMW without letting her know. She flew to visit him and that was when she was made aware of the purchase. He said the entire weekend she spent complaining about the car, and how she could not understand why he didn't consult with her first.

In the second case, the engaged couple has been together almost 1 year, and the guy has a job offer that would move him to Austin, TX from the Tri State area. His fiancé was aware he was interviewing however was lukewarm on a move.

Would you consider how your s/o felt in either case?

I think getting input on life decisions is important in the context of a long term relationship, but with women it seems that the emotional framing of the issue is even more important than whether or not they have a say. In my own case, my partner has been bitter for over a year about the house I purchased for us to live in despite it being entirely with my own money and objectively the same as our previous house. It seems the hurt feelings are mostly about feeling excluded from the decision making process for her, and it's unclear whether we can make it past this issue even with counseling. I think society really pushes this concept that women should have control entirely over a man.
 
You should be the final say in your house. I might ask my wife's opinion on the cost of a car but I would decide whether we're purchasing it or not. If she objected, I'd consider it then make my own decision.

If we were moving for my career, I'd weigh her opinion more careful since it impacts more of her life than what car I'm driving. Whether or not she objected, I'd still make my decision.

The only time this shouldn't be how you're doing it is when your wife is smarter or more decisive than you. However, if your wife is either of those things you've got more problems than what color car to buy.

Rarely my wife has more common sense than I do, for example with the children. I can override her decisions even then but I might choose to go with her better judgement.
 
I think getting input on life decisions is important in the context of a long term relationship, but with women it seems that the emotional framing of the issue is even more important than whether or not they have a say. In my own case, my partner has been bitter for over a year about the house I purchased for us to live in despite it being entirely with my own money and objectively the same as our previous house. It seems the hurt feelings are mostly about feeling excluded from the decision making process for her, and it's unclear whether we can make it past this issue even with counseling. I think society really pushes this concept that women should have control entirely over a man.
i believe it will be a wise decision to seek the opinion of the woman you want to spend your life with when buying a house. Very important you take her along when house hunting.

I think women want more say when buying a new house because of the kitchen.

For instance, the first thing a woman wants to see when she enters a house is the kitchen, after that bedrooms( both yours and the kids)

A dislike for the kitchen or bedrooms, could make her hate the house.
 
In my opinion the first woman definately is completely out of reason. After marriage and years together a buying a more or less expensive car would be a topic to discuss, but 6months in? Hit the eject button.

I believe in both case the man should mention his plans, but to keep the girl informed but not asking permission... Reactions will also provide insight on what is to come and compatibility etc.
 

Joe316

Sparrow
I think society really pushes this concept that women should have control entirely over a man.

The core of the issue is that the woman wants to control of how he spends their money. Because his money is their money and her money is her money.

I bet "dating" for 6.5 months means fornication. Fornication means she is in control by revoking the access rights to her reproductive organs, if he doesn't behave. Don't blame society, these men put it on themselves.
 

Ovid

Woodpecker
My first serious relationship was with a hyper-controlling crazy girl. I was young and very naive. One of the first clear signs of her nature was when she threw a fit about my “wasting money” buying a newer used car (not a BMW, mind you, a Chevy Cavalier.) The car salesman told me, after she browbeat me into calling the dealership to try to undo the transaction, that he, having been married twice, would recommend keeping the car and ditching the girl, because any girl who tries to tell her man how to spend the money he makes is overstepping his bounds. I didn’t want to hear it at the time, but he was exactly right. (I did keep the car.)

If she’s a fiancée or wife, she has the right to offer counsel or suggestions, or express concern. A king leads but he’d be foolish not to at least hear what his councilors have to say, right? Applies to cars, moves, career changes, etc.

If she’s a girlfriend, she has no right to tell a man anything except how much she loves the color he chose.
 

fortyfive

Sparrow
We as men, don't want to hear advice from fellow men to ditch our GF. We think "you are just jealous because I finally found my golden unicorn".
...only later when gold turns out to be just a cheap yellow paint...
 
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A lot of people who buy fancy cars go into massive debt just to try and look cool. This doesn’t matter really in a relationship going nowhere, but in an engagement or marriage scenario you’d have to be extremely irresponsible to make a decision like that and if you do go into debt when you’re supposed to be providing, your wife has every right to be upset.

If he has enough to spare to purchase the car outright, and they have a long distance relationship with no plans for marriage, her input counts for zero.
 
Over the past 3 weeks, I have heard two different scenarios where men in monogamous relationships (one dating a woman for 6.5 months, the second man is engaged) have made decisions in their life that their S/O did not agree with.

In the first case, the guy and his girlfriend are in a long distance relationship, having met through a mutual friend virtually last Fall. He is a little flashy for her taste it seems, and he recently purchased a newer model BMW without letting her know. She flew to visit him and that was when she was made aware of the purchase. He said the entire weekend she spent complaining about the car, and how she could not understand why he didn't consult with her first.

In the second case, the engaged couple has been together almost 1 year, and the guy has a job offer that would move him to Austin, TX from the Tri State area. His fiancé was aware he was interviewing however was lukewarm on a move.

Would you consider how your s/o felt in either case?

In the first case, I am surprised that despite being a LDR, the woman still has strong emotions and feelings even though technically the couple are not in any real relationship as such. Even if her objective opinions regarding the BMW car being flashy are on point.

In the 2nd case, the man should always listen to the opinions of his close, near and dear ones but at the end of the day, he is the one who is signing off on those decisions, no one else is.

The woman is welcome to follow his path but if she's quarrelsome, then that might be an issue.
 
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