Me and polar tearing shit up
Cattle Rustler said:Who the tried calling me from a blocked number? I don't answer blocked numbers.
Also, shout out to Brosemite and Comte de St Germain for sticking around and being good homies during my bad times. I need to make it up to y'all along with Gustavus Adolphus for his generosity when we met.
Cattle Rustler said:Been drinking this weekend, I've been wanting to write this for a while but it took liquid courage to put down and write my thoughts. Now, I realize this might come to haunt me later but I don't give a fuck...no worries homies, I will not go out LM McCoy style. Or I might...
Some of y'all already know...I was dating a woman for two years. We had our ups and downs. We went through bad times together, and through good times...we understood each other and stuck around for each other. It's hard to describe the chemistry but it was like a drug, we just clicked. In the end, I realized she was a ride or die chick the entire time.
When most of my "friends" vanished when I lost my job, she stuck around and tolerated me despite being an asshole, I'm not sure I would have done the same. Lack of financial stability will open a lot of demons and took me down a deep rabbit hole, I was bitter, angry, and quickly irritable. Sadly, I took some of it out on her. I'm sorry for being a dick for the past year Rachel. During my worst moments, she would come to my apartment to check up on me and help any way she could. She even took me in when I was homeless earlier this year, and tried to do her best to make sure I was okay; I received some gigs through her. Most "western" women wouldn't stick around..and she is pretty much the opposite of a "typical western women" described on the forum. She can cook, clean, has a thigh gap, works out, and dresses up among other things. Not a 6/10.
While I moved to Dallas trying to find a job I was not in shape to pay her a visit. She needed attention and I did not see that. Finally I found one a job swinging a hammer and worked for weeks in the oilfield.... When I finally had days off, it was too late for me. My financial situation greatly improved due to working 16 hours a day and trading crypto. Naturally my behavior changed as well and I'm more positive; not angry or upset but she only remembers the "short tempered bitter" Cattle Rustler.
It sucks that it took me this long to realize this: she is the one I actually care about. The first one too. She didn't need to know about the forum but I was too careless and she found out about my SA thread and the MILF datasheet but stuck around.
To the guys who are going to say "just fuck some other sloots, you'll forget about her brah"...I had a hotel stay-cation this weekend and declined other girls talking to me because I couldn't bring myself to fuck them because I didn't want them. I wanted her, it's not the same.
All these financial gainz feel empty if you have no one you like to cherish them with. Especially if she stuck out for you and put her skin in the game. It's like it me making stacks was not worth it in the end. I'd give it up so things can go back.
Last year I was at least genuinely loved...and that feeling is one that no amount of money or rebound can replicate. I can get money back. I was too selfish and stupid to see that I had someone who cherished me. Maybe it was my insecurity that someone wanted me, or me being blind and not seeing it since she was the first one I cared about. Now, I feel empty. Went on NO FAP for her, now on day 163, and still sticking to it hoping maybe there's a chance.
I'm on one-itis watch brahs, not ashamed. Fuck it, I'm going to wait for the alcohol to die down and then hitting up Houston again. If I had another chance, I would re-do everything and not fuck around nor fuck up. It's not a battle to see who has more sway or who can win. She was there during my downturn, so in a sense...I can only return the favor during her downturn.
It's how that Kanye song goes:
If you admire somebody you should go on 'head tell 'em
People never get the flowers while they can still smell 'em
realologist said:^^^^^ drink slowly and don't chug your drinks. When you feel good drink a glass of water. When you start to lose it a little bit drink another drink until you feel good again. Repeat until the night is over or you're tired of drinking. Before you go to bed drink another glass of water.
DesertHawk said:Hi guys. This is my first post in this thread. I am planning on drinking alcohol the first time tonight but I am somewhat anxious. I will keep it to a one can of beer max. What should I expect?
I am 175 cm (5.7 ft) tall and I weigh approximately 55 kg ( 121 lbs) if that is of any importance.