We were together until 4 months ago, for nearly a year. We broke up over some stupid crap that should have been resolved. My frame sort of had little trouble due to c19 mandates and I was considering changing countries to avoid it and I guess she sensed it (saw it as being indecisive) - she's a very feminine Russian lady.
After she was hurt by that guy she contacted me, we recently broke NC and started talking again.
So she’s been seeing this guy for a month until now. She was initially very perseverant, would call her few times if she didn’t pick up etc. Treated her well when they were outside. She told me that he started being manipulative, blaming her for things that were his fault etc… She told me she didn’t trust him at all.
So anyway, they had sex on 2–3 occasions. She is the type of girl that doesn’t want to sleep around, has had probably around 20 guys max in her life. First time the guy had sex with her, he just didn’t care that it hurt her, they had to stop because her whole stomach area started hurting like crazy.
Second time what she describes is that they were drunk and he basically put it in her bum without even asking and continued until finish. And apparently it hurt her very very much, she was screaming and tried to get away. She kicked him out next day for some other reason because he was rude and wanted to go through her social media.
We met and slept together a week later. We met out, she invited me over and she actually initialized sexy stuff. She didn’t show any signs of trauma until she came - she started crying, she said she felt safe with me and was sad that we didn’t stay together. That’s when she told me about all this stuff. I kind of pushed for answers because I saw she was upset.
Now what’s really strange in this whole story:
So based on what I said, my gut is telling me that this possibly happened: she dated him, saw that he’s an ass. He was into this rough stuff and she tried it with him but didn’t like it, maybe she felt violated and used later but not raped/traumatized. Him checking her social media was the last straw + I was on the horizon already so she reached out to me and tried to add extra stuff to her story so I feel sorry for her and get back with her.
What do you think?
After she was hurt by that guy she contacted me, we recently broke NC and started talking again.
So she’s been seeing this guy for a month until now. She was initially very perseverant, would call her few times if she didn’t pick up etc. Treated her well when they were outside. She told me that he started being manipulative, blaming her for things that were his fault etc… She told me she didn’t trust him at all.
So anyway, they had sex on 2–3 occasions. She is the type of girl that doesn’t want to sleep around, has had probably around 20 guys max in her life. First time the guy had sex with her, he just didn’t care that it hurt her, they had to stop because her whole stomach area started hurting like crazy.
Second time what she describes is that they were drunk and he basically put it in her bum without even asking and continued until finish. And apparently it hurt her very very much, she was screaming and tried to get away. She kicked him out next day for some other reason because he was rude and wanted to go through her social media.
We met and slept together a week later. We met out, she invited me over and she actually initialized sexy stuff. She didn’t show any signs of trauma until she came - she started crying, she said she felt safe with me and was sad that we didn’t stay together. That’s when she told me about all this stuff. I kind of pushed for answers because I saw she was upset.
Now what’s really strange in this whole story:
- She does not seem mentally damaged by this, she spoke of him a lot actually and most of the time it was “he’s an asshole, he’s dangerous, psychopath” etc… not as if she has trauma related to him, she only seemed to have this moment when she cried after our sex
- Once or twice when she mentioned their bed stuff that he was into very rough stuff or wanted sex all the time, she actually kinda giggled a bit, on another time she looked a bit proud or kind of smug when she said it
- When I directly asked her if she said no, or stop or try to get away from him she said that she did definitely those things. So this would 100% constitute a rape. I asked her to go to the police since there still might be some genetic material from him inside her. She started making excuses about not going and reporting him
- We met again twice since then, I am considering getting back with her because we hit it off much better this time than even before but this bugs me. I could cope that she was raped and try to get her over it but what if she’s making it up to make me feel bad and get back with her? When we meet she behaves totally normally, I don’t see any sign of trauma, she just wants to be close to me but she was always kind of like this.
- She apparently blocked him on IG and whatsapp but still had him in FB friends until I mentioned that it might be a good idea to kick him out there too
So based on what I said, my gut is telling me that this possibly happened: she dated him, saw that he’s an ass. He was into this rough stuff and she tried it with him but didn’t like it, maybe she felt violated and used later but not raped/traumatized. Him checking her social media was the last straw + I was on the horizon already so she reached out to me and tried to add extra stuff to her story so I feel sorry for her and get back with her.
What do you think?
