Ex girlfriend is getting married

Zagor

Woodpecker
I was talking to an ex of mine and found out she was getting married. We've been together for 4 years and lately I was thinking how we shoud've got married. She would've been a good wife and I broke up with her because I didn't want to commit to her at the time(while she did). So I was pretty gutted to find out that she is getting married. She's not perfect, I don't suffer from oneitis and I'm not afraid that I won't find another women, but as I'm lately steering more and more towards traditionalism, I realize how big a mistake letting her go was. I also believe that man has a limited binding ability and every broken bond diminishes a man in way, making him less. So yeah feeling the blues at the moment. But also have clarity for the future. Next bond will be for life.
 

stugatz

Pelican
I feel your pain.

I myself dumped someone about four years ago who had baby fever and really, really wanted to find a man. I ran away from her as fast as I could, because I didn't like that that was her main priority. (Coming back to Christianity and getting a bunch of Christian friends and having no friends outside of the church seemed to be a pair of slippers she'd slipped into as a recent lifestyle change because she badly wanted to have a man and children before she hit 35.)

Here's the thing, though - she married the next man she dated. That could have been me. My financial problems would currently be over (she made a very good living), and I'd probably be working on my second kid with her. So for years I'll always wonder if I should have just gone with it.
 

Papaya

Peacock
Gold Member
If she was a good one, be happy and hopeful for her. But dont dwell. She's someone else's fiance now

Life is the road in front of you, not in the rear view mirror. And it keeps coming fast. Hindsight may be 20/20 but its a definitely a waste of time to worry about the turns not taken.

Now youre better ready to recognize and read the road signs and choose the direction you want to go.
 

fireshark

Robin
I guess my life is the opposite currently. Was with my ex 3 years, every time I tried to make it more serious she pulled back. Eventually (after a lot of pain) I gave up on her. Met another girl literally 2 months after we broke up and now I'm married. Last week my ex contacted me wondering how's life and found out I'm married.
 

stugatz

Pelican
And that's a good thing?
As I never finished college and am still making ends meet, it would have sped that process up, and I wouldn't have had to worry much about money.

I'm well aware, though, that if my wife were to have been making six figures, it would have taken years before she began to respect me, if she ever did. The more that I think back on the breakup, I think I dodged a bullet.
 
My ex is getting married too. From what I heard some guy saw her outside her office and just ran up and started talking to her. 2 months later they were engaged. Come to find out he's pretty well off and is from England. Covid totally threw a monkey wrench in their plans because he's still stuck in England.
 
I'm lately steering more and more towards traditionalism, I realize how big a mistake letting her go was.
Once, I was in the same boat.
For my newly found Christianity, suddenly I needed a "traditional" wife.
And I started to think, that my girlfriend (in that time) with whom I was a long time unsatisfied (not her fault, I was an idiot) would be a great wife.
But the permanently poor relationship wouldn't be great just because outside circumstances changed.
There is a reason (mostly internal) why some relationship sucks and that reason remains, even when you become a Christian.
And thank God for divine insight, we never got married.

My ex gf is now happily married to a much more suitable guy for her, and I'm happily married too, with a much more appropriate wife for me.

So, don't be regretful. There is a reason why you are not together.
People don't leave each other because they are in love and happy.

Wish her happiness, and God will bless you at the proper time when you remain faithful to Him.
 
As I never finished college and am still making ends meet, it would have sped that process up, and I wouldn't have had to worry much about money.

I'm well aware, though, that if my wife were to have been making six figures, it would have taken years before she began to respect me, if she ever did. The more that I think back on the breakup, I think I dodged a bullet.
My ex fiancee made about 100K a year, way more than I've ever made. We thought with her income we could buy land that I could develop and turn into money, sort of using her money to help me make us more money, but ultimately it was a situation similar to yours. I don't think she would have ever respected me knowing we needed her income first.
 

bucky

Ostrich
I was talking to an ex of mine and found out she was getting married. We've been together for 4 years and lately I was thinking how we shoud've got married. She would've been a good wife and I broke up with her because I didn't want to commit to her at the time(while she did). So I was pretty gutted to find out that she is getting married. She's not perfect, I don't suffer from oneitis and I'm not afraid that I won't find another women, but as I'm lately steering more and more towards traditionalism, I realize how big a mistake letting her go was. I also believe that man has a limited binding ability and every broken bond diminishes a man in way, making him less. So yeah feeling the blues at the moment. But also have clarity for the future. Next bond will be for life.
It happens. Now that I'm well into middle age and have come to understand women through painful experience, I look back and can identify five specific women in my past who were in love with me and would have been good wives and mothers for my children. Fortunately, like you, I've also learned the avoid oneitis and silly overly romantic thinking so they're just pleasant memories. What's better, God guided me to meet my current wife, and she's even better for me than they would have been. Hopefully the same happens for you.
 

Zagor

Woodpecker
Thanks everybody for the responses. I don't know why this hit me so hard. I was praying to God saying how he had put a great woman in my hands and i've let her go and at that moment tears just started pouring out of me. I'm 30 I think I've never cried like that, it was torrential downpour accompanied with sobbing. Could be that the reason for it is that only recently I've started praying again and maybe I ve connected with some.feelings deep inside that were burried and untouched for a long time.But I've felt relieved after that.
 

Barron

Ostrich
Gold Member
Thanks everybody for the responses. I don't know why this hit me so hard. I was praying to God saying how he had put a great woman in my hands and i've let her go and at that moment tears just started pouring out of me. I'm 30 I think I've never cried like that, it was torrential downpour accompanied with sobbing. Could be that the reason for it is that only recently I've started praying again and maybe I ve connected with some.feelings deep inside that were burried and untouched for a long time.But I've felt relieved after that.

This is oneitis.
Travel, meet more girls, get rid of your mentality of scarcity where a 'great woman' is concerned and you'll be fine.

Unless she was your wife and died tragically, your tears are your ego feeling bad for itself.
 

ball dont lie

Kingfisher
Gold Member
I was nearly married once - to a stunningly attractive woman with a high powered career and degrees out the wazoo. She treated me like garbage. Not often, but enough that I felt terrible. I was sure it was me - I should have done this or that, my behavior was the flaw.

She married a few years later. She took over my friend group and for a while I only had a few very old friends that she obviously had no control over.

One of the my friends that she took over, a friend from work actually that I ran into often but never hung out with anymore, he said that her new husband was basically in tears all the time from how badly he was treated by her.

Its funny because on the outside, with her on my arm, people were shocked. Almost always she kept a very bubbly and happy personality in public. She was a 10 in looks, conservative, liked all my hobbies so she hung out with all my friends, made a lot of money, was famous in her career path, etc.

But she is an awful human being in many ways. I dodged a huge bullet there!
 

Zagor

Woodpecker
This is oneitis.
Travel, meet more girls, get rid of your mentality of scarcity where a 'great woman' is concerned and you'll be fine.

Unless she was your wife and died tragically, your tears are your ego feeling bad for itself.
I disagree that it's oneitis. Every love experience is special and unique, unless you're cold blooded bastard who gives nothing of himself.
There will be more women, but my experience with this particular one (and others) cannot be relived, as well as the exuberance and innocence of youthful love as was ours. Man hardens with time and cannot offer the same love he could in his naive youth. It is my opinion, could br that I'm wrong, maybe some older guys can share their experience on the topic.
 

Tippy

Robin
I left a woman who I should have married to pursue sinful fornication. Although I framed it at the time as needing to grow and develop through being single. I used this explanation to cover the fact I was overwhelmed with evil fantasies that I desired to fulfill.

She was a strong minded woman who is responsible for many of my greatest successes in life. I didn't value the what I had. Instead, I viewed the relationship as holding me back. I thought to myself, 'imagine how great life will be if I'm free!!' But it was a thinking trap.

I am deeply ashamed of how my life has turned out since the end of that relationship. I thought ending it would push me to greatness but instead it pulled me down into depravity!
 

HKBhusal

Sparrow
I was talking to an ex of mine and found out she was getting married. We've been together for 4 years and lately I was thinking how we shoud've got married. She would've been a good wife and I broke up with her because I didn't want to commit to her at the time(while she did). So I was pretty gutted to find out that she is getting married. She's not perfect, I don't suffer from oneitis and I'm not afraid that I won't find another women, but as I'm lately steering more and more towards traditionalism, I realize how big a mistake letting her go was. I also believe that man has a limited binding ability and every broken bond diminishes a man in way, making him less. So yeah feeling the blues at the moment. But also have clarity for the future. Next bond will be for life.

Not to nitpick, but you seem to suffer from oneitis simply by initiating this thread on the topic. I get it. It's happened to me too.

Now, you probably had your own reasons in the moment to break up with her, which you probably have re-evaluated as a more mature man today. That being said, staying with her when you had the chance probably wouldn't have prompted your paradigm shift now. You might have risked the chance of resenting her in the long run (or not).

I know it takes a leap of faith, but you probably are better now and more consummate for having made the decision you did to break up with her with you did. Largely for your own self-improvement and self-actualization now.

Just a long round about explanation to help you rationalize away the oneitis (although I recognize that is a emotionally-driven phenomenon). And believe it or not, the adage that there are more fish in the sea still stands to this day.
 
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