Can a sheep turn into a goat? Can a wheat become a tare? Can an apple tree begin to produce poisonous fruit? If you have become through faith in Jesus and God's grace, a child of God, then that's what you are. He will not abandon His own children. Even evil heathens love their children no matter what they do. How much more loving is God than a heathen? God who has begun a good work in you will finish it (Philippians 1:6), trust Him and His word. God cannot lie (Titus 1:2).What about someone who completely loses faith? Not just someone who sins excessively, but still retains faith in Christ. Throughout my life I’m ashamed to admit I’ve probably completely lost and regained faith 4-5 times.
Even now I believe beyond reasonable doubt, but not absolutely no doubt. I try to intellectualise my way into understanding it, but inevitably go in circles.
There have been times I believe I have experienced influence of the Holy Spirit and this has led to repentance, but I always end up falling back into sin, and then coming up with complex rationalisations as to why Christianity is not true. Convincing myself that whatever I’ve experienced was just self hypnosis and a delusion. I find it difficult to grow in faith and sustain it.
I find it hard to believe once saved always saved because why then would the bible warn so much against apostasy. Also there are many like me that don’t fit the stereotype of becoming a Christian after a one once in a lifetime experience of being ‘born again’, their relationship with god is more like a lifelong struggle than an instant transformation.