Female 'friends' and making new ones

Penitent

Woodpecker
Orthodox
Who made the claim, in this thread or elsewhere, that there is nothing we can learn from women?
Nobody specifically used the term nothing but I was responding to the tone of these posts:
My spiritual father said women cannot give you the guidance or help you need as a man.
Why are you looking for spiritual guidance from women or nuns?
I've never once had a female give me advice that resonated.
I wasn't commenting on male-female friendships. I agree with you on that front. You certainly did scrutinize my post here closely, Daniel. :hmm:
 

Akaky Akakievitch

Woodpecker
Orthodox Catechumen
There must be well-defined boundaries. The principle "know thyself" is important here, as always -- as in 'know when you've been tempted', in which case, as I've heard other priests say, flee to Christ! It's not a shameful or disgraceful thing to cut off ties with a woman if this happens. Easier said than done I know... but if it corrupts your soul, it is not worth it.

I've had lots of close female relationships in the past, but there was mostly either sexual tension or some jealously involved, it rarely works in the platonic sense although it does happen. I have one older female friend like this who is a part of my journey towards Orthodoxy.

I heard from Fr Josiah Trenham that we should be treating all men as our brothers and all women as our sisters, if they are not already in our family or we are married to one. Upholding this day-to-day is a challenge though, so I agree a form of segregation in ones own affairs is much safer, but it depends on the individual and how strictly they wish to take this. Some will handle it better than others.
 

Lawrence87

Kingfisher
Orthodox
I think the issue is that what most people consider being friends with a woman is actually hanging out with them in the hope that they will one day not be your friend but something more.That isn't friendship that's kinda pathetic.

I think a man can be on good terms with a woman and maintain some kind of relationship with them in 3 scenarios: they are your partner, they are your family, or they are someone you are not attracted to. If you are attracted to someone and it is not reciprocated then don't be their friend. Why torture yourself? If you are not attracted to them then the friendship will likely not be that involved. But don't pretend orbiting someone hoping they will put out one day is friendship, it's desperation
 

Viktor Zeegelaar

Crow
Orthodox Inquirer
I disagree that a man cannot benefit from friendship with a woman. That men and women cannot be friends is a very negative belief; I firmly think that anyone, of either gender, can learn something valuable from another person, no matter who they may be, and even if the learning process isn't obvious to you right at first blush.

Having said that, I also think one should be very choosy about whom you choose to befriend, even moreso when it's somebody of the opposite gender.
Sounds good on paper, but the reality will be that you as the male friend will be drained of your financial/energy/time/attention resources (plus it's expected of you to be violent and protective when she'd be robbed/attacked etc), while getting little in return. What kind of valuable things would you say are to be learned from women, besides maybe getting more insight in feminine nature? If you've got a problem you'll turn to men, as you want a solution to your problem, not being comforted and that ''everything will be okay''. There's just very little upside for a man to having a female friend.
 

Australia Sucks

Kingfisher
Other Christian
Sounds good on paper, but the reality will be that you as the male friend will be drained of your financial/energy/time/attention resources (plus it's expected of you to be violent and protective when she'd be robbed/attacked etc), while getting little in return. What kind of valuable things would you say are to be learned from women, besides maybe getting more insight in feminine nature? If you've got a problem you'll turn to men, as you want a solution to your problem, not being comforted and that ''everything will be okay''. There's just very little upside for a man to having a female friend.
I agree 100%
In general women just suck you dry and leech value while providing nothing in return, unless they are a female relative or girlfriend/wife. Sure there will be the occasional exception that proves the rule but why waste time and energy looking for a needle in a haystack when you can just befriend men instead?
 

prisonplanet

Robin
Other Christian
I don't have any female friends. A few that come closest: some of the older women at church. I greet them and sometimes we talk for a while. A few have said they wished their daughters came to church so I can meet them (I also wish that).

One of the reasons men have many female friends is, of, course, lust. Another reason is simply that they don't have enough male friends, and are lonely. It can be awkward to just go up to men in church (or anywhere for that matter) and be like, "hey, wanna be friends?" But it's so important, especially for single men. I had two really close friends until earlier this year. One moved away and another just kind of stopped responding to my calls. This sucked, but is forcing me to make new friends, and I did recently. Guys need friends, and have to be willing to just walk up to other men and ask them to hang out.
 

John777

 
Banned
Protestant
Do the men here keep contact with female 'friends' or women you have previously had 'relations' with?

I'm torn because I believe that keeping in contact with them will lead me to temptation.

On the other hand, I have explicitly told them my path to God. These are secular women who do not understand this path, but they have thanked me for my honesty.

Also has anyone been successful in making new female friends? I am interested in finding spiritual women or nuns for additional guidance. I have had a tough time at church (and am in between communities) Thank you.

Be very careful of deceiving yourself in this way. Better to seek the advice of older men instead. There is a reason women are not supposed to lead or teach men, because they aren't qualified to do so, as they are inferior to us in every way, as we are inferior to God.

As St. Paul wrote, "I want you to understand that the head of every man is Christ, the head of a wife is her husband, and the head of Christ is God... A man ought not to cover his head, since he is the image and glory of God, but woman is the glory of man. For man was not made from woman, but woman from man. Neither was man created for woman, but woman for man."

Although, now that God has been born of a woman:

"Nevertheless, in the Lord woman is not independent of man nor man of woman; for as woman was made from man, so man is now born of woman. And all things are from God."

We depend on them, and they depend on us, but there is no reason we should seek advice from them. This is like a man going to seek financial advice from his horse. Nothing against the horse, but that is not its purpose.

Not to mention how easily we can be tempted and deceived, and make excuses like "it's all based in love," or "it's under the covenant of God," or some such nonsense to justify fornication or adultery. Just stay away from women, unless you are related to them, or intend to marry her. Anything else, there is no reason for.
 
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John777

 
Banned
Protestant
You're consuming too much online red pill / mgtow content.

True, I do spend too much time online outside of work, and should cut it down to only 15-30 minutes per day at most, to get maximum benefit.

How many relationships have you been in

Too many.

and how many false rape accusations have you had made against you?

Not going to answer this directly, but:

Anyone who does not realize the enormous risk involved in entering any relationship with a woman, starting from a casual acquaintance all the way to a wife, is walking a tightrope he is not aware he is on, with death and hell beneath.

You need to be aware of the enormous risks not just to your freedom (i.e. from prison), your financial solvency, and your physical health, but to the eternal state of your soul. The temptations that come at us through women are the worst and most potentially fatal I have ever encountered, and this realm needs to be navigated with extreme caution, and only when absolutely necessary.
 

TheosisSeeker

Robin
Orthodox Catechumen
The good news is I have cut out all women except family members (and coworkers who I'm forced to interact with) out of my life. Might sound extreme, but if I want to free myself from temptation, they can not be in my phone. It's would be too easy to just slip up.
 

prisonplanet

Robin
Other Christian
f I want to free myself from temptation, they can not be in my phone. It's would be too easy to just slip up.

An exgirlfriend recently messaged me out of the blue. She had moved from Oregon to Serbia. I still live in Oregon. You'd think her being halfway across the world would keep me from temptation but after messaging back and forth, and her sending a couple innocent pics, I was definitely tempted to ask her for some racy pics. I didn't and we've since stopped chatting, but still, the point is that even with such physical distance between us, the communication had my mind going to bad places.
 

Chris Breezy

Chicken
Protestant
Sounds good on paper, but the reality will be that you as the male friend will be drained of your financial/energy/time/attention resources (plus it's expected of you to be violent and protective when she'd be robbed/attacked etc), while getting little in return. What kind of valuable things would you say are to be learned from women, besides maybe getting more insight in feminine nature? If you've got a problem you'll turn to men, as you want a solution to your problem, not being comforted and that ''everything will be okay''. There's just very little upside for a man to having a female friend.
All good points I did not take into account in my original post. I have learned much from the replies to my original post, and I thank you in particular.
 

AHaytch

Sparrow
Non-Christian
The upside of having a female friend is that they have single female friends and can set you up with one.

Only if you prefer relying on female peers as match-makers, which incidentally is very ill-advised. And un-masculine, might I add.

Courtship, done properly and for a fruitful partnership, requires befriending men as is the case in conservative countries across Asia (albeit Islamic cultures - note: something to learn from). Access to male circles lets you know which of their relatives are available, and once you become trusted you can have your pick. Much of Asia still works this way.
 

Zagor

Kingfisher
Only if you prefer relying on female peers as match-makers, which incidentally is very ill-advised. And un-masculine, might I add.
Where does it say anything about relying on it? It just another avenue. And they’re not doing the match making. I’m the one deciding whether we’re a match or not.
 

AHaytch

Sparrow
Non-Christian
Where does it say anything about relying on it? It just another avenue. And they’re not doing the match making. I’m the one deciding whether we’re a match or not.
it's a weak avenue, and being around all that feminine energy in befriending a female to get the desired result seems counterproductive.
 

Pete345

Robin
Orthodox
I don't have any female friends. A few that come closest: some of the older women at church. I greet them and sometimes we talk for a while. A few have said they wished their daughters came to church so I can meet them (I also wish that).

One of the reasons men have many female friends is, of, course, lust. Another reason is simply that they don't have enough male friends, and are lonely. It can be awkward to just go up to men in church (or anywhere for that matter) and be like, "hey, wanna be friends?" But it's so important, especially for single men. I had two really close friends until earlier this year. One moved away and another just kind of stopped responding to my calls. This sucked, but is forcing me to make new friends, and I did recently. Guys need friends, and have to be willing to just walk up to other men and ask them to hang out.
You should ask those women why you should get involved with their daughters, who don't even go to church. Don't be unequally yoked.
 

prisonplanet

Robin
Other Christian
You should ask those women why you should get involved with their daughters, who don't even go to church. Don't be unequally yoked.
I think it is more that they know that their daughters should be in church than anything else. If I didn't care about the quality of a woman for marriage, I'd be married.
 
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