Filipina Long distance

Garuda

Kingfisher
The thing you need to look out for is she might import her entire family down to her 4th cousins to your country if you marry her.
 

the-dream

Kingfisher
A long distance relationship is pointless and destined to fail unless you both have the will and are taking actions to make sure you'll be physically together. It might seem nice for now but you're just wasting you and her's time, energy and emotions if you're not going to make it something real.

You're not being naive. But you should get yourself to the Philippines and meet her, check everything is as it seems and if you still feel the same way about her. If everything checks out, make some plans to be together permanently.

I have lived in the Philippines for 5 years. Let me point out some things that will not be clear to you about Filipino culture that you need to bear in mind when dealing with any Filipino.

- 23 year old virgins with no character flaws are fairly normal in the Philippines. Ignore the people saying it's impossible or there must be something wrong with her. That's not the case.

- You said she's religious. It's very taboo in the Philippines to say that you're not religious. Even as an independent, foreign man who doesn't care what anybody thinks, it is taboo to say that I'm not religious, let alone as a shy, local girl with deep roots here. If she's proactively going to church without her parents and doing religious things on her own, she's for real but if not, take her religion with a grain of salt. Something like 93% of Filipinos claim to be Catholic but with the current generation of 20somethings, I'd say only around 50% really believe in it and they won't pass it onto their children.

- Cheating and lying is very normalised and accepted throughout all aspects of Philippine culture, including romantic relationships. It's not uncommon for girls to have 2 boyfriends (or even a boyfriend and a girlfriend), even often with one of those boyfriends knowing and consenting. The Asian culture of "saving face" dictates that keeping the flow of the relationship/conversation smooth, keeping good vibes all around and not embarrassing anybody or bringing up anything potentially controversial is more important than telling the truth so Filipinos will often think they are doing the right thing and feel no remorse when lying, whereas in Western culture it's a big no.

- Lower and middle class Filipinos believe that everybody in the USA has an unlimited amount of money.
- Begging and asking for money is not considered bad, taboo or embarrassing in Filipino culture.
- Filipinos have large, extended families and will consider half of their village to be their aunty or cousin. (so even if your girl is from an upper class direct family who do not see you as a money tree, she almost certianly has a lot of poor "cousins" and "aunties" who will.
- Most Filipino families consist of a couple of smart, hard working people who make 90% of the money for the family, a few normal people who have jobs and can just about provide for themselves then a few people who have no job, no intention of getting a job and feel entitled to bleed the hardworking ones dry. This is a big reason why it's so difficult for Filipinos to lift themselves out of poverty. If they don't give money to the leeches, they will be badmouthed and get a bad reputation in their village.
- Lower to middle class parents do not take a pride in providing for their children and infact feel as if their children owe them money once they grow up in return for all the money they spent on them during their childhood.
- "Respecting the elders" is a big thing in Filipino culture so when an older extended family member asks for something, it is very shameful for a younger family member to say no or challenge them. That paired with the fact that it is not shameful to beg for money is a bad combination.

Those above bullet points all added up will certainly cause problems for you and you need to keep them in mind.

The best way to approach this in my experience is to not talk about with your girlfriend and hope she shields you from it all because she's embarrassed to admit to you how her family/culture are. Be prepared for her to have tension with her family for not letting them exploit you though which will be hurtful for her. It's manageable as long as you don't live in her province and it's not her parents, brothers and sisters causing trouble for you and just random cousins, aunties etc.

That all seems very doom and gloom. There are 2 sides to every story. Here are some positive aspects of Filipino culture that make it great for relationships:

- Divorce is shameful and illegal
- If religion is important to you, it's taboo not to be religious
- Virginity is highly valued
- With regard to family members leeching money, nobody is forcing you to give them money, it's your choice and if you do give it, it's your family. In the West, we are charged high taxes and forced to give our money to lazy leeches who refuse to work and we don't even get to meet them
- Feminism and political correctness are are not a thing. Still though, women are very respected and powerful and that is off the back of unapologetically being women, not from being wannabe men.
- The extended families are nice and heartwarming in many ways. It's nice to see children who can just go anywhere in the village and nobody has a worry because they know everybody will keep an eye on them and keep them safe.

All of me and my friends' serious relationships that I have gained this knowledge from are with girls from provinces (who moved to the city for work or study).

Some of these negatives (especially the leeching extended families) might not apply to city girls but they will be more hardened and not as sweet and innocent as the province girls. Filipino cities are certainly grim places and it's impossible for that to not affect your mentality if you grow up there.

In conclusion, Filipina women are wonderful. I am currently in a relationship with one and if that were to end, I'd definitely be in a relationship with another. Yes, they have a lot of qualities that Western women don't but they also come with a lot of negatives and headaches that Western women don't too. As with anything in life, there's no such thing as a free lunch and everything has to have balance.

Feel free to ask if you have any questions or PM me if it's anything too personal to post publicly.
 

SilentOne

Woodpecker
Simply put. You don't know this woman. Everything you are thinking about of her is purely fantasy. It's just images in your head about how you hope this situation will go. This woman could easily be a hooker for all you know. You aren't physically there to verify. It's easy for her to put up a front on the phone for a couple hours a day rather than if you were there 24 hours.

She could also have multiple online boyfriends and social media accounts. Its not a hard thing to do for a woman. They love constant attention after all. Speaking of that, if she is at least semi-attractive, she is being hounded nearly everyday to have sex. Her nature is to submit and she will. She can't do that with someone like you who's not even in the same country. Although this is a stupid idea, you could move to her location. At least in that scenario it'll be an actual relationship and not this fantasy trip you got going on in your head.

Woman are good at playing men. They are more calculating while men are more distracted by their beauty and lust. They know they can fool foreigners a lot easier than the locals. If she was so great, she would be married already.

I'm not saying she is a bad woman, but please knock her off that ridiculous pedal stool. Get to her location and date her if you want that experience. Don't ever date a women who you aren't physically with.
 
OP, you invested months talking to someone you don't know (and seems aren't planning to meet any time soon, which is absurd to me).
If you invested all these hours trying to find a quality girl around you, you could already be in a relationship with such a girl, right as I type these words.

Face-to-face chemistry isn't something you can put on paper: you can't control it.
A list of desired qualities is fine, as long as you already met.
Before, it has no value.
Women are masters at hiding who they really are, in order to attract potential partners.

Take a plane to the Philippines and meet in person.
Just pretend you had planned to do some tourism there, as you didn't come all this way just to see her (don't appear like a loser, ready to spend hundreds of dollars to get female attention).

Then please report.
 
A scammer knows its trade. Not asking for money from the start doesn't mean there are no financial incentives for her. There is a time and place for everything

http://www.philippines-travel-guide.com/filipino-liars.html

The link provided contains many first hand accounts of people living and dating pinays, both off and online

Some will say they are cynical and bitter boomers. I say these people speak out of first hand experience
 

the-dream

Kingfisher
Here's another point that I want to make to the people sharing horror stories and have such negative connotations of relationships with Filipinas.

The Philippines attracts foreign men who are often older, divorced, broke and have a lot of mental trauma and their life is spiraling out of control. Like attracts like and they are attracted to (and attractive to) Filipina girls who's lives are also crazy and falling apart (or were never stable to begin with). Both parties are desperate for some stability, feel like the relationship is their last chance and willing to turn a blind eye to countless red flags (but that eats them up inside, usually with both parties resenting each other and that's when the crazy things start to happen).

Regardless of nationality, relationships built on those foundations are destined to fail.

The fact the the men are western and the girls are Filipina is irrelevant.

It's just that the Philippines offers an easy place for desperate men and women to meet, have enough cultural similarities to get along but not enough cultural similarities to recognize each other's desperation and brokenness before it's too late.

If you have your life and mind reasonably together and meet a Filipina girl who has her life and mind reasonably together, most of these horror stories are not really relevant or applicable to your situation.
 
I have no idea what you are on about. Tossing away the first hand experiences of tens if not hundreds of long term expats online - with thousands more that choose to just suck it up and move on, is beyond arrogant.

'They ain't like me. I am young, tall and handsome. And I got my shit together'. Whatever that means. First of all: people that have their shit together don't move to the Philippines. They stay in their respective countries or choose the expat life in First World East Asian countries. Unless they get emotionally reeled in by a manipulative Filipina of course. Babytraps are definitely a thing, I am speaking from first hand experience here

Noone comes to the Philippines with the intention to get cheated on, taken advantaged of or being kept on a leash. Many of the older expats you like to piss on are US vets. Hardly the autistic, socially awkward easy targets you make them out to be. Yet they still get f-ed over at an alarming rate. It's a pity that the old Philippines Thread in the Travel Section isn't online anymore. There were some real nuggets of wisdom on there about the Filipino mindset and their psyche

I might come off a bit strong here but I feel like I need to counterbalance you. You are giving horrible advice to the OP. Filipinas are known, worldwide, for their unreliable, untrustworthy, lying, scamming, cheating, manipulative, promiscuous, money hungry and status obsessed nature. The OP needs to get that in his system before he chooses to continue with this girl

Also, this is not, as you mentioned earlier, a socio -economic phenomena. It's purely cultural. Filipinos don't lie and cheat because they are poor, they lie and cheat because it has become a normal thing for them. There is no societal backlash, no accountability, no being held responsible. In fact in many families it is being supported and encouraged.

Which means that finding am upper class girl won't save you.

No morals, no values and God won't mind because He'll forgive them if they repent in church

But alright. Let's for the sake of your argument say that he *does* manage to find an honest, conservative and church going girl that has the right set of morals.

Then what? Would he be out of trouble and would they be ready to start their own family without outside interference?

Of course not. Now the family comes into play. So now you gotta start screening entire families (of freeloaders) as well

Good luck with that!
 

Mikeyd03

Woodpecker
A lot to take in here, I appreciate all of the input.

To be honest, I knew I would get some heat for this thread:

1. Long Distance

2. I am American

@TheDream, thanks a lot for that detailed write up on the intricacies of PH culture. Helps a lot +1. I think the most important point you mentioned was that the family is a huge factor (maybe even more so than for women from other countries). On your point w/ the PH attracting desperate men....perhaps what I am doing could be viewed as desperate, and maybe I need to introspect more. As far as the women...you a referring to economic desperation? Again, she has not mentioned anything about money, but after reading your post it is assumed by most of PH that americans have deep pockets.

@Latan You say just fly out and meet her....difficult given the current corona environment. Although, you make a good point that woman are skilled at only showing the qualities they think you desire (chameleon).

@Negra "People that have their shit together don't move to the Philippines"....imo this is an accurate statement. Do I have my shit together? As i mentioned before I have not found my career or am in my ideal financial situation. This is a current pain point. I have work, am educated, and healthy....but still have figuring out to do on my own front. From your response I am gathering that you have a first hand experience w/ a filipina...would you mind sharing any details?

After reading all your replies I am leaning towards ending communication w/ this girl. It appears she has many good qualities, but there were many valid points brought up:

-PH is a poor country and many view Americans as cash cows

-It is easy for a woman to hide undesirable traits...especially online

-Family is a larger factor w/ regards to PH women

-My attention/time could be allocated towards bettering my own situation

-"If she is so loyal and chaste why is she not locked down already at 23"--->according to her she had some negative experience w/ filipino men trying to court her and multiple other woman at the same time


On the other hand:

-I do believe this woman is a virgin

-She has allowed me to access her sm accounts

-Affectionate


Anyways, I appreciate the tough love. And i'll let you all know once I have made a final decision. Thanks again.
 
La Águila Negra said:
I have no idea what you are on about. Tossing away the first hand experiences of tens if not hundreds of long term expats online - with thousands more that choose to just suck it up and move on, is beyond arrogant.

'They ain't like me. I am young, tall and handsome. And I got my shit together'. Whatever that means. First of all: people that have their shit together don't move to the Philippines. They stay in their respective countries or choose the expat life in First World East Asian countries. Unless they get emotionally reeled in by a manipulative Filipina of course. Babytraps are definitely a thing, I am speaking from first hand experience here

Noone comes to the Philippines with the intention to get cheated on, taken advantaged of or being kept on a leash. Many of the older expats you like to piss on are US vets. Hardly the autistic, socially awkward easy targets you make them out to be. Yet they still get f-ed over at an alarming rate. It's a pity that the old Philippines Thread in the Travel Section isn't online anymore. There were some real nuggets of wisdom on there about the Filipino mindset and their psyche

I might come off a bit strong here but I feel like I need to counterbalance you. You are giving horrible advice to the OP. Filipinas are known, worldwide, for their unreliable, untrustworthy, lying, scamming, cheating, manipulative, promiscuous, money hungry and status obsessed nature. The OP needs to get that in his system before he chooses to continue with this girl

Also, this is not, as you mentioned earlier, a socio -economic phenomena. It's purely cultural. Filipinos don't lie and cheat because they are poor, they lie and cheat because it has become a normal thing for them. There is no societal backlash, no accountability, no being held responsible. In fact in many families it is being supported and encouraged.

Which means that finding am upper class girl won't save you.

No morals, no values and God won't mind because He'll forgive them if they repent in church

But alright. Let's for the sake of your argument say that he *does* manage to find an honest, conservative and church going girl that has the right set of morals.

Then what? Would he be out of trouble and would they be ready to start their own family without outside interference?

Of course not. Now the family comes into play. So now you gotta start screening entire families (of freeloaders) as well

Good luck with that!

I actually thought most western men worship asian chicks hehe.
I had dates with thai girls while on vacation years ago but it didnt go anywhere. Nothing against SEA women and they are the saving grace for some western dudes. But I just thought the culture was weird af. I wasnt able to read the girls intentions or their cultural codes. they seemed way too easy and too eager to please. makes you wonder how easy she will fall for the next guy.
But there are plenty of westerners who found happiness with these women. the trick I believe is to game a few online and then come to the country and take several girls on a date and see which one is the most genuine. the girl op describes could be a woorld class scammer or a catholic virgin. you never know. her trying to hard to impress the man she barely knows would put me off but thats how they do it. so you really have to go there and see for yourself. dont put your hopes up too high and dont fall in love with someone you never met. if a visit to the philippines is in the works then connect woth several girls online to make sire your trip is not wasted on just one girl. and always keep your eyes open. dont send money!
 
@Robert Bryce

I have a family with a Filipina myself. I consider myself one of the few lucky ones. But what I see around me in this godforsaken hell hole of a country makes me re-consider my decisions every day

The amount of immorality is off the charts. Just growing up around people like these makes most Filipinas off limits for life. They are tainted and beyond saving

The problem is that most of their deficiencies are a little below the surface. The art of giving and putting up face and all that. It takes time for foreigners to find out what the situation is really like. That's the timeframe lots of predators try to make use of the naive foreigner

You don't realise, for instance, that pederasty, gay pedophiles and old uncles preying on their young 12/14 yo female cousins is business as usual. You actually need to be in the country for a long time to find that out. It is swept under the rug and people simply pretend it doesn't exist. Even worse: whenever something horrible does happen families prefer to take their loss and pretend like nothing happened.

Apparantly seeking justice doesn't warrant being called a troublemaker in the community

There are righteous, loyal and Christian people here but they are getting increasingly rare. Most people live like animals. They'd sell their own mothers for a fistful of dollars. Again, I've seen it with my own eyes. GTFO with that nonsense about strong family ties. LOL, it's all about making use of the few family members that work and acquire and income by means of shaming and guilting. Become an OFW and you'll be the family's cash cow for the coming few years. Buy a house and find out that half your family has just moved in permanently whilst you were on a vacation

Trying to find an pure and unspoilt Pinay from a decent family is simply too risky. The odds are stacked against you.
 

lunchmoney

Woodpecker
I have a good friend who is this guy... 42 and broken after 2 bad long distance relationships. He is full of resentment and mistrust. Avoid this situation.
 

eradicator

Peacock
Gold Member
Wow this forum has drastically changed over the years.

I know the point of the forum is no longer to bang. So I would suggest this:

Plan a trip to Southeast Asia. (At least go for a couple of weeks or a month).

About a month before you make your trip, you can pipe line girls in advance, including the girl you are already talking to. It is very possible the girls story does not match up with reality so you don’t want to go out there just to meet her.

See the country, get to know the culture and the women. Hopefully you have maxed out your looks(gym and fitness) and work(so you can actually afford a vacation like this. ).

You can meet the girls with the intention of wife hunting. You can pipeline with sites like OkCupid, badoo, Facebook dating app, and you switch your location to your vacation destination .

Try it and see how it goes. Try this in a few different countries such as phillipines, Thailand, Brazil, Colombia , Argentina, Poland, Ukraine, Russia

You may find that you like one country better than others in terms of the women, culture, language and life in general and you make repeat visits to that country.

You don’t have to spend a fortune to do this, but you do need to have your finances and life in order. The dating marketplace in the USA is very skewed in many places. 4s have the entitlement of 9s

Many women abroad see American men as a potential visa lottery ticket and a way out of their shit hole country.

Quite frankly I never have gone to Asia because that is a long ass flight, especially from the east coast. I’ve gone to South America and Europe enough times, I’m not necessarily wife hunting but the dollar is very strong in places like Colombia were you can eat at a nice restaurant for a couple of dollars, stay at an Airbnb for 20$/night and do your wife hunting. Do day game, you can try night games but don’t expect. to turn a bar slut (from any country ) into a housewife with good results

But that said you are doing this wrong: you are investing a lot of time in a girl halfway across the world when neither of you have any immediate plans of visiting the other country. That’s madness.
 

Mikeyd03

Woodpecker
@thebadguy

Responded with couple paragraphs explaining why she cared about me. Said that she would leave sm accounts open if I wanted to see and that she wouldn’t be trying to date other men. Told me to take care of my family.
 

joost

Kingfisher
I was reading a funny (and predictable) story:
Guy has an online relationship with a Filipina for more than a year and he sends her modest amounts of cash each month.
She is quite open about the fact that she previously lived with a guy and they had 2 kids together who now live exclusively with her, but they separated a couple of years previously and she's never seen him again. Eventually the guy saves up enough money and plucks up the courage to visit her in The Philippines. She collects him at the airport and takes him to her house, however, on arrival it transpires her brother is living temporarily in the same house with his own 2 kids and the only have 2 bedrooms. It was quickly arranged that the brother would sleep in the 2nd bedroom with all 4 kids to allow the couple some degree of privacy and it worked out well.
10 days into his vacation he is talking to one of the (nosy) neighbors who was curious who he is etc and he explains that he is her US boyfriend visiting on vacation. The neighbor is a bit nervous but tells him the man who is her brother is actually her husband and they have 4 kids together....DANG!
 
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