Finding a Religious Wife - Discussion

[Georgepithyou]

Most Church's in Australia don't have anyone under 40 years old, not easy to find a religious wife when your a young guy in Australia.

Women these days would rather worship Worship celebrities.

 

[bobmjilica]

The real answer, and the one that many don't want to hear, is that marriage isn't for everyone and just because you want a wife doesn't mean it's the path for you. St. Paul specifically says he would prefer if everyone could be celibate like he is, but makes the concession that if you can't control your lust, then it's better to have sex within a marriage than to be a fornicator or adulterer. He further writes that if you're unmarried when you devote your life to God, you should not seek a wife but remain as you are.

He gives the same exhortation to women as he does to men - basically "whatever you are, stay that way." This is one of the many passages of the Scriptures that Protestants like to pretend doesn't exist, because the culture of their churches tends to be very marriage-and-family focused and they have absolutely zero emphasis on monasticism / asceticism. In fact they have zero monasticism, period, and would probably even argue that it's wrong or bad somehow.

All this stuff about "but the monkeys do this or that" is just a rationalization to be enslaved to one's basest instincts without putting the work in to overcome the animal in us to become fully human (or at least, MORE fully human). It's an anti-civilization argument, since as Freud said (and forgive me for quoting him), "It is impossible to overestimate the degree to which civilization is built on the renunciation of instinct." And there's an irony in "polyamorous / PUA guys" who whine that women's destructive instincts are tearing our society apart, when they're engaging in the exact same behavior.

To make a long story short, a spouse and family is in God's plan for some people and not for others. If you really put your trust in God to lead you down the path that's best for you, give up your own design and humbly say "Thy will be done." Whether His will for you is marriage or consecrated celibacy, it will benefit you far more in the long run - literally for eternity - to give up your own desires to the greatest extent that you're capable of doing so, and put your life in His hands instead. I know people don't want to hear this answer, but read the Scriptures and Church Fathers and you will see that it's the one most in line with ancient Christian thinking. Cheers

Never expected this forum to advocate inceldom. (In incel forums they have the "voluntary" ones too).

I am not "advocating inceldom." I am advocating for Christians to work on overcoming their lust, so as not to be enslaved by it. Even for those who are married, being enslaved to lust is not a good thing (nor does it magically go away when you're pronounced husband and wife).

Christianity is hard, which is why most people in the modern world don't try it. They want a McDonald's life: cheap, fast, and easy. Ultimately of course, just like McDonald's, the cheap fast and easy route leads to sickness and death.

I am advocating "Say no to McDonald's and pick up your cross!"

I agree with both of you. Trust God's plan, but for most of us we should actively be looking for a wife. If we can't get a wife, or if we believe that becoming a monk is what God wants out of us than so be it. But at the same time we can't make that as an excuse for not having kids. Throughout history women were not necessarily handed to men on a silver platter. You will have to do some work and do some courtship (both of her and her family)

 

[bobmjilica]

How do you "overcome lust"?

Every healthy male with normal testosterone levels needs sexual release sooner or later.

If you choose repression instead of dealing with it in a healthy way then it's going to be a coin toss on what manias they develop.

A healthy way is to only fornicate inside marriage if at all.
If you don't satisfy the lust, you'd actually be surprised, but you can channel it into other things and the itch will more or less go away. Napoleon Hill talks about this and he calls it sexual transmutation.

 

[EndsExpect]

@Endsexpect hahaha @hippie BS, as I always say...
Experience > Belief,/Theory/Idealism
Sorry to say monogamy is "no movement" forward beyond self-sacrifice for KIDS. However, tons of IN NEED KIDS who need adopting so that aspect is void.
Humans been having issues since hunters & gatherer days. Power, Control, Manipulation...We have evolved into data collectors for sake of marketing. All most everything revolves around cutting corners, exploitation & keeping humans deluded with entertainment & trinkets..
It isn't moving forward for things beyond scope of this thread...

At this point in your life you should understand the flaws of human nature. We want monogamy but don't want to give it. If you don't want monogamy or don't feel jealousy... you are a broken man who is incapable of love.

My suggestion is that you fight the parts of your nature that impede the life you wish to achieve. If you wish you can receive monogamy from a woman, and not give it in return. As a young man, I felt this was optimal and had this arraignment in several relationships... none of them lasted.

As an older man who has an established career and children... monogamy is very comfortable. Sex is just one driving force in life and sometimes it's not the biggest. It's nice to have that available whenever you want with little to no effort. If that changed... then the relationship would not be as worthwhile.

My "relationship" would've been IDEAL for the typical redpill, from society standpoint I had the perfect relationship.. A self-deluded fantasy bubble of 2. However I PERSONALLY value consciousness growth over 2 people in deep love alienated & waiting to die all to say "I have a loving wife & family". It is no wonder people tolerate the arguing, melodrama & stress because they don't know what true peace happiness & joy is.
Thing is, prior to experience I had no one mentioning BE SKEPTICAL and warn me. Just a bunch of deluded people lying. If it were all FUNCTIONAL every pro-monogamous person would have 1-2 relationships and reach IDEAL. It is hilarious people are serial daters.
P.S...Show me 1 pure loving monogamous relationship that is void of arguing, melodrama, controlling, manipulation...And transcended both parties into unconditional love, happiness, peace & joy with this reality and those around them.

Listen my friend, nobody tells you the truth of life straight out... and even if they did you wouldn't believe it until you fell on your face a few times.

You had a bad relationship. If you constantly find yourself with women that fight with you... then you need to be a different man. If I look back at my relationships the ones with the most bullshit and turmoil were the ones when I was the most blue pill. The more I centered and strong I become, the more women almost always fall in line. Part of that is I've learned how to stop arguments and the like before they occur. Most fights arise from female insecurity... OR female expectations that are out of whack.

My best suggestion is to approach your woman from a managerial perspective at some point. Openly lay out your expectations and requirements. Unless you are a really Type A mutherfucker she is going to come back at you with way more expectations than you have for her. This is where you make her understand what you can and will do for her. This is the greatest way to reduce the bullshit in a relationship that I have ever found.

Regarding female insecurity... fuck her long, hard, and often. The response to any insecure statement she gives you should be very ardent and passionate sex.

The greatest struggle in life is understanding and then coming up with a way of handling human nature. You seem to be starting to come to an understanding, but instead of figuring out how to make it work... you are just giving up. Listen, people have been dealing with these issues for 20,000 years. Our ancestors settled on monogamy because it was the best trade-off. The "free love" cultures of the ancient world had their men slaughtered and castrated... their women hauled off as sex slaves to serve men who demanded monogamy of their females.

 

[EndsExpect]

At the time I wasn't ready to commit myself to being fully Christian and all the machinations and self-denial that goes with it..

As an aside, Dallas and places like it: economically thriving, yuppy-dense cities with a lot of transplants, jobs, and rich people are probably not good places to find a decent wife. Maybe that's obvious, but I don't think it's been said. Sure, a lot of Dallas chicks claim to be Christian (it's a religious town), but they're also feminist at the same time with their high powered careers and yuppy lifestyles... Don't move to a place just for work, that's the lesson. Become more location independent.

I know a lot of Christian men and have had some meaningful discussions on this topic. Self denial is just another way to say self control. It seems that the more you practice it, the more it feels good and you enjoy it. Within reasonable limits.

You make a really good point an addition to the ideas of this thread. A good Religious wife should not be focused on material things.

On some level, you will never find the perfect girl. You have to be willing to find one that is a good fit, and then push her in the direction you need. It's not as difficult as it sounds either, because fundamentally women like to follow.

 

[Sol-lek]

I'm beginning to think that some societies are more "evolved" towards monogamy.

What I can't figure out is if its by virtue of extreme cultural and societal standards, or perhaps some form of (compartively speaking) evolution in the short term.

Allow me to explain. I am an Arab American, grew up in an Arabic family, with a large extended family, cousins, uncles, aunts, etc.

My family, for the most part, seem to represent what I call the perfect blend of eastern and western values, living for the most part an American Lifestyle, whilst keeping Islam and culture close.

Now, of every major "group" (group being a broad term here, but I hope I can make my point clear), I have noticed that Muslims seem to have the most successful marriages, with the lowest divorce rates, as well as infidelity. Overall happy family lifestyle, many children, and overall: Balanced Happiness.

Now again, I can't account for what goes on behind closed doors, as we all have skeletons in our closet. However, I can speak based on what I see and experience.

I myself have been in a relationship with a fellow Muslim lady for a number of years, and while we have our ups and downs, we are still in it for the long run. I can attest to her character, as she prays 5 times daily, reads the Quran with love, and attempts to be a better Muslim as much as she can.

She is, quite literally, a better human than I (religiously speaking).

The key here is to find a women who ACTUALLY fears God.

Not someone who merely follows a faith half wittedly because she was born into, but someone who actively seeks to practice it everyday as much as she can, because she genuinely loves it. Because she fears God.

How will you know? Simple, the years have taught me; She has to push YOU to follow a faith more closely. She has to push YOU to pray more, read scripture more. No drinking, no pre-marital sex, nothing. But this must be done with balance, as an over-bearing religious heart is pretext for compensation for unseen sin and vice (as in when one partner cheats on the other, the cheating partner will attempt to shower their partner with gifts, attention etc in a vein attempt to make up for what they did, in their minds)

Social awareness and understanding of human nature helps you screen out for this type of person. Life has taught me, and perhaps few of you will believe me, but they do exist. I promise, I swear. But they are incredibly, incredibly rare. There is a certain luck factor involved, akin to winning the lottery.

As I've said before, I don't know if these types of women exist because of Nature or Nurture, but regardless...

Islam is merely one conduit for this, Christianity works just as well. All these religions are merely conduits with different rituals to worship the same One, True God.

The only method for finding a good spouse, is through religion, is through God. There is NO other way.

 

[Radu Anghel]

Hello everyone, I am new here and this is my first post. I would like to share a link with some suggestions on finding a wife, it is an Orthodox view but it can apply for nonOrthoox as well. http://www.pravmir.com/orthodox-life-finding-an-orthodox-spouse/

 

[bobmjilica]

Hello everyone, I am new here and this is my first post. I would like to share a link with some suggestions on finding a wife, it is an Orthodox view but it can apply for nonOrthoox as well. http://www.pravmir.com/orthodox-life-finding-an-orthodox-spouse/

Saint Anthony the Great of Egypt said that a time will come when the world will be so insane that people will see a man in his right mind, and call him the insane one.

 

[Kungfu]

Good luck to everyone trying to pursue their goals of having a wife and family, especially in this day and age but tbh I find it really worrisome that some people have almost reverted back to the same way of thinking that burned them in the past made them abandon the idea of wanting family and kids in the first place.

Religion and conservatism can help keep women's natural instincts at bay at best, but it won't change who they really are.

There are women out there who check off all the boxes that the OP laid out, but when push comes to shove are no different than your typical thot.

Women have the ability to rationalize their worst behaviors then go to church the next day and pass a lie detector test at the same time.

Times have changed. It's hard to ask for a faithful partner when the culture you're in churns out the worst partners imaginable.

Best of luck to all the guys looking for a wholesome partner, but they're getting rarer by the day.

 

[Onto]

Good luck to everyone trying to pursue their goals of having a wife and family, especially in this day and age but tbh I find it really worrisome that some people have almost reverted back to the same way of thinking that burned them in the past made them abandon the idea of wanting family and kids in the first place.

I agree with the rest you wrote, but I didn't understand what you meant here. I'm sorry if I missed the backstory, but what way of thinking are you referring too? How did it burn them?

EDIT: I read it again and I understand what you're saying now. I agree with you, if I understand you right, the current culture (The Zeitgeist) tends to Trump any kind of formal religious upbringing

 

[FullThrottleTX]

Good luck to everyone trying to pursue their goals of having a wife and family, especially in this day and age but tbh I find it really worrisome that some people have almost reverted back to the same way of thinking that burned them in the past made them abandon the idea of wanting family and kids in the first place.

Religion and conservatism can help keep women's natural instincts at bay at best, but it won't change who they really are.

There are women out there who check off all the boxes that the OP laid out, but when push comes to shove are no different than your typical thot.

Women have the ability to rationalize their worst behaviors then go to church the next day and pass a lie detector test at the same time.

Times have changed. It's hard to ask for a faithful partner when the culture you're in churns out the worst partners imaginable.

Best of luck to all the guys looking for a wholesome partner, but they're getting rarer by the day.

There needs to be a new kind of troll: the "All women are deep down thots and there is no hope" troll...

 

[FullThrottleTX]

If a guy wants to find a religious wife, he has to be as religious as she is in most cases. A lot of men have been chasing pre-marital sex. A lot of men who are passionate about chasing pre-marital sex are not actively practicing a religion. The Millennial generation, the current cohort of 20/30 somethings, are probably the least religious generation ever.

Since I have not been practicing religion since turning 18, I do not have deep roots within any religious community. That would not help my cause in finding a religious wife.

Eventually, when I get the desire to settle down, the fact that I have struggled to find god will make me more interesting to the Christian chicks. Being born Christian and always devout like a choir boy is not an interesting story to tell...

Part of the reason I moved to Dallas was I was pretty put off by the soullessness in NYC. It rubbed me the wrong way that all the chicks there seemed so unhappy and dead inside. First thing I did in Dallas was go to Church...

Especially before my past relationship, I had the opportunity to date a few Christian girls and tell them that story and it resonated very well. At the time I wasn't ready to commit myself to being fully Christian and all the machinations and self-denial that goes with it... I eventually met another girl who was decidedly Athiest, a nice girl, I didn't need to adapt much as an East Coast guy, but not someone who made me want to have babies/married...

As an aside, Dallas and places like it: economically thriving, yuppy-dense cities with a lot of transplants, jobs, and rich people are probably not good places to find a decent wife. Maybe that's obvious, but I don't think it's been said. Sure, a lot of Dallas chicks claim to be Christian (it's a religious town), but they're also feminist at the same time with their high powered careers and yuppy lifestyles... Don't move to a place just for work, that's the lesson. Become more location independent.

Hey though, at least you're in Texas. Might be the best place to meet women in the US, in my experience. Generally a cool state that I enjoy a lot. Maybe some looking outside of Dallas/Ft. Worth might be in order.

Texas is big and every city is different - and then there's the real Texas outside of the cities.
Very difficult to generalize.

My best vibe is in Houston, the ladies love me there, but I think it's hard to live there. It's too much sprawl. There's also fewer singles there than Dallas and Austin.
Second, San Antonio is real chill but its slim pickings.
Austin is a hot weather Brooklyn. If I wanted to live in Brooklyn I woulda stayed in NYC.

Likely relocating because I miss the beach...

Coming from the Northeast, I don't mind the liberal yankee jew chicks so much. They are creatures I understand even if I disagree.
The sorority chicks that went to school in Oklahoma and rural Texas I will never understand. I just have no vibe with them and that's most of Dallas.

Florida...

 

[Kungfu]

Good luck to everyone trying to pursue their goals of having a wife and family, especially in this day and age but tbh I find it really worrisome that some people have almost reverted back to the same way of thinking that burned them in the past made them abandon the idea of wanting family and kids in the first place.

I agree with the rest you wrote, but I didn't understand what you meant here. I'm sorry if I missed the backstory, but what way of thinking are you referring too? How did it burn them?

Blue pill men that originally wanted a wholesome relationship, wife, marriage..and got burned for it. Then found game, and are now chasing the same things they did as a blue piller.

Perfectly fine wanting a wife a family, but it's becoming less attainable by the day in this culture.

I feel some are abandoning core principles of game to chase unicorns.

 

[SilentOne]

In this day and age, it's pointless. Trying to get married in this society is simply trying to live out some Disney fairytale lifestyle. Understand the game is rigged against men. There is no incentive to get married that you can't pull off while simply cohabitating with your woman. Even that too is somewhat dangerous, but not suicidal as marriage.

A lot of guys just sign that marriage license without a clue what they are getting themselves into. Most don't even know something simple like No Fault divorce even exist. That clause alone makes marriage a joke. There is even some states that have Lifetime Alimony if you are married for over 10 years. Yes! After 10 years she can divorce you, move on to another man while you continue to pay her for the rest of your life.

Let's not forget about sexless marriages. They do exist. Most of the men had no idea that they would end up in that situation. The one thing that she brought to the table she just takes it away simply because she doesn't feel like it anymore. Once you're married its an obligation, unless there's medical issues present. I don't know how men put up with that nonsense. That alone should have you serving her divorce papers no matter what. She broke the contract. Otherwise you're forced to cheat.

The second you sign those dotted lines, your power as a man has been turned over to the woman and the state. I dont care how red-pilled or alpha you think you are. It's a weak position and a severely bad investment to get into today.

 

[EndsExpect]

I'm beginning to think that some societies are more "evolved" towards monogamy.
What I can't figure out is if its by virtue of extreme cultural and societal standards, or perhaps some form of (compartively speaking) evolution in the short term.
Allow me to explain. I am an Arab American, grew up in an Arabic family, with a large extended family, cousins, uncles, aunts, etc.
My family, for the most part, seem to represent what I call the perfect blend of eastern and western values, living for the most part an American Lifestyle, whilst keeping Islam and culture close.
Now, of every major "group" (group being a broad term here, but I hope I can make my point clear), I have noticed that Muslims seem to have the most successful marriages, with the lowest divorce rates, as well as infidelity. Overall happy family lifestyle, many children, and overall: Balanced Happiness.
Now again, I can't account for what goes on behind closed doors, as we all have skeletons in our closet. However, I can speak based on what I see and experience.
I myself have been in a relationship with a fellow Muslim lady for a number of years, and while we have our ups and downs, we are still in it for the long run. I can attest to her character, as she prays 5 times daily, reads the Quran with love, and attempts to be a better Muslim as much as she can.
She is, quite literally, a better human than I (religiously speaking).
The key here is to find a women who ACTUALLY fears God.
Not someone who merely follows a faith half wittedly because she was born into, but someone who actively seeks to practice it everyday as much as she can, because she genuinely loves it. Because she fears God.
How will you know? Simple, the years have taught me; She has to push YOU to follow a faith more closely. She has to push YOU to pray more, read scripture more. No drinking, no pre-marital sex, nothing. But this must be done with balance, as an over-bearing religious heart is pretext for compensation for unseen sin and vice (as in when one partner cheats on the other, the cheating partner will attempt to shower their partner with gifts, attention etc in a vein attempt to make up for what they did, in their minds)
Social awareness and understanding of human nature helps you screen out for this type of person. Life has taught me, and perhaps few of you will believe me, but they do exist. I promise, I swear. But they are incredibly, incredibly rare. There is a certain luck factor involved, akin to winning the lottery.
As I've said before, I don't know if these types of women exist because of Nature or Nurture, but regardless...
Islam is merely one conduit for this, Christianity works just as well. All these religions are merely conduits with different rituals to worship the same One, True God.
The only method for finding a good spouse, is through religion, is through God. There is NO other way.

Hey! It's great to hear from Muslim guys on this thread. My experience with the Muslim community and the women involved is very similar to yours. The difference in my experience is that I dated a couple women who were not super religious, but they still had all the basic positives of highly religious women. This is due to culture and you should have no doubt about that. Culture matters a lot when it comes to women.

Question. If a guy converted and wanted to meet a woman who is practicing Islam, how would you recommend that he attempt to find a good wife? A lot of these communities are difficult for outsiders to navigate. If I remember correctly the Mosques require men and women to worship separately.

 

[Sol-lek]

I'm beginning to think that some societies are more "evolved" towards monogamy.
What I can't figure out is if its by virtue of extreme cultural and societal standards, or perhaps some form of (compartively speaking) evolution in the short term.
Allow me to explain. I am an Arab American, grew up in an Arabic family, with a large extended family, cousins, uncles, aunts, etc.
My family, for the most part, seem to represent what I call the perfect blend of eastern and western values, living for the most part an American Lifestyle, whilst keeping Islam and culture close.
Now, of every major "group" (group being a broad term here, but I hope I can make my point clear), I have noticed that Muslims seem to have the most successful marriages, with the lowest divorce rates, as well as infidelity. Overall happy family lifestyle, many children, and overall: Balanced Happiness.
Now again, I can't account for what goes on behind closed doors, as we all have skeletons in our closet. However, I can speak based on what I see and experience.
I myself have been in a relationship with a fellow Muslim lady for a number of years, and while we have our ups and downs, we are still in it for the long run. I can attest to her character, as she prays 5 times daily, reads the Quran with love, and attempts to be a better Muslim as much as she can.
She is, quite literally, a better human than I (religiously speaking).
The key here is to find a women who ACTUALLY fears God.
Not someone who merely follows a faith half wittedly because she was born into, but someone who actively seeks to practice it everyday as much as she can, because she genuinely loves it. Because she fears God.
How will you know? Simple, the years have taught me; She has to push YOU to follow a faith more closely. She has to push YOU to pray more, read scripture more. No drinking, no pre-marital sex, nothing. But this must be done with balance, as an over-bearing religious heart is pretext for compensation for unseen sin and vice (as in when one partner cheats on the other, the cheating partner will attempt to shower their partner with gifts, attention etc in a vein attempt to make up for what they did, in their minds)
Social awareness and understanding of human nature helps you screen out for this type of person. Life has taught me, and perhaps few of you will believe me, but they do exist. I promise, I swear. But they are incredibly, incredibly rare. There is a certain luck factor involved, akin to winning the lottery.
As I've said before, I don't know if these types of women exist because of Nature or Nurture, but regardless...
Islam is merely one conduit for this, Christianity works just as well. All these religions are merely conduits with different rituals to worship the same One, True God.
The only method for finding a good spouse, is through religion, is through God. There is NO other way.

Hey! It's great to hear from Muslim guys on this thread. My experience with the Muslim community and the women involved is very similar to yours. The difference in my experience is that I dated a couple women who were not super religious, but they still had all the basic positives of highly religious women. This is due to culture and you should have no doubt about that. Culture matters a lot when it comes to women.

Question. If a guy converted and wanted to meet a woman who is practicing Islam, how would you recommend that he attempt to find a good wife? A lot of these communities are difficult for outsiders to navigate. If I remember correctly the Mosques require men and women to worship separately.

My pleasure!

Barring the social norms (look nice, dress well, be social, etc), your best bet would be to simply get involved in the Islamic Community.

This is much easier in larger cities (NYC, Chicago, etc).

Gradually get involved in community gatherings and organizational meetups, this usually starts at a local mosque.

Now here is the thing about meeting a good muslim woman; it probably will not happen via direct contact. You are correct, as prayer is seperated by gender. As it should be. Prayer is chit chat time with God. Strictly.

I don't know what it is about Muslim women, but they rarely respond well to cold approaches, there needs to be an element of social proof. (I am talking strictly in the context of a long term relationship/spousal).

What I mean is, your best is to make friends with fellow muslims, and eventually be introduced to a potential partner. Again, community events, the mosque, get creative.

This is what happened to me. Was introduced to her through a friend, and it slowly built up from there.

As I type this, I realize the rather organic nature of the whole process, even holy in a sense.

Be religious, get involved in community, make friendships, find Love. Such a stark contrast to the nonsense that goes on today.

Good luck brother.

Jazak allah khair.

 

[Tex]

Really a lot of this discussion is forgetting to mention that marriage isn't all "must be religious, low notch count, not degenerate, not leftist." You're not just looking for the perfect forum member here.

The X factor--the biggest factor honestly--is her compatibility with you. Some of the other stuff will even fall into place over time if you find someone who is compatible with you.

On this forum we're used to clear-cut answers. We might not like all the answers, but we're used to black-and-white things like "next her ass," "text her [this]," "do XYZ in this scenario." But this is not like that.

You need to know who you are if you're going to choose your spouse. If you're not going to choose and you have the benefit of society holding you two together with no way out starting with when you're very young, then this doesn't matter because you'll develop into who you both are in tandem. That's why those arranged marriages are so famously happy.

But most of us live in a society that values individuality (sort of), which unfortunately leaves the majority of people hanging. So you need to do a deep dive on who you are. Really.

That means what kind of vibe you have, what you need in a woman, etc. Honestly, what you need to know are things that are deeper than the questions I just gave you because they're almost indefinable and the above questions really just get you looking in the right general psychological place.

Only then do you know what woman you can honestly marry.

 

[flaghunter]

What if you are not a religious man whatsoever?

I see all the benefits in a religious partner - honest, submissive, compliant, low notch count - but as an agnostic atheist, would you still game these women?

If not, what's your "next best" alternative?

 

[SilentOne]

Flaghunter

Religious girls aren't anymore honest or have a low notch count as any other girl; maybe better at fooling you. Just find somebody you're compatible with and willingness to submit to you.

 

[wwtl]

What if you are not a religious man whatsoever?

You could convert.