First date in years next friday

[Psalm27]

I'd rather have an arranged marriage but since that's not possible I've decided to try out some dating. My friend suggested to me a Finnish Christian dating site. I signed up there and began sending some pretty basic openers "Hey how are you doing? How is your journey in the faith going?" to women.

I got a few replies. But one of them messaged me first and agreed to meet me offline. I suggested we go out photographing but she has plans on the weekend so we will probably just go out for a coffee or something on friday.

Any suggestions? I am not really a PUA and while I did read some PUA materials years ago I have forgotten it, so I don't really know what to do. Please help. Last date I was on was like yeeeaaars ago.

 

[Waverer]

I am tempted to make a few crude jokes here but I fear I would get banned by Roosh!

Serious answer is that even devout Christian women like to be gamed. Make jokes at your expense and hers, don't show that you're impressed unless she says something obviously impressive, do stuff physically (eg touching her arm a bit) that you wouldn't do if you had coffee with a man. That kind of thing.

 

[ItalianStallion9]

Lot of factors here: (ie: how old is she, how long have you been talking, etc). Every girl is different, so feel out her vibe.

My best advice is not to be TOO generic. "Hey whats up" > meet for coffee
If possible aim for dinner next time, and a fun activity after.
My 2 cents.

 

[KiwiInBudapest]

I heard Ben Shapiro telling the story about when he went on a date with what was to become his wife and mother of his children. when they were both virgins.

He said they didn't talk at all about music, common interest and that kind of crap which most people seem to generally do on theirs.
Instead they just discussed a lot about what their values were, what they would want to do with their lives, kids, philosophy and so on. And I think he's right in that, you want to find out rather sooner than later about the crucial and important things that could be dealbreakers for you becoming this great sauna patriarch in Finland.

I mean, if you have tried all the PUA advice and it hasn't landed you a wife yet, it could be an idea to try this from a virgin who made it.
Good luck!

 

[OrthoLeaf]

Should have invited her to a Divine Liturgy, bruh. Ya blew it already! Well, since that option is off the table now, you could always hit her with the ol' "Covid is a psychological operation and soft revolution perpetuated by a godless ruthless international banking clique, hell-bent on creating their global Neo-fuedalistic technocratic slave state" line.

...Or you could just go out for a coffee and talk about the things you're passionate about and inquire about her passions as well, to see if your interests align...I guess.

 

[Vienna]

I’d distill it down to this simple statement: Be curious about her. If you can ask a question or make a statement/cold-reading about her, and then remain silent while she’s talking without panicking about what to say the second she stops, you’re doing better than 90% of other guys. She’ll notice.

 

[Psalm27]

I heard Ben Shapiro telling the story about when he went on a date with what was to become his wife and mother of his children. when they were both virgins.

He said they didn't talk at all about music, common interest and that kind of crap which most people seem to generally do on theirs.
Instead they just discussed a lot about what their values were, what they would want to do with their lives, kids, philosophy and so on. And I think he's right in that, you want to find out rather sooner than later about the crucial and important things that could be dealbreakers for you becoming this great sauna patriarch in Finland.

I mean, if you have tried all the PUA advice and it hasn't landed you a wife yet, it could be an idea to try this from a virgin who made it.
Good luck!

Thanks I might mix some of that in.

I am tempted to make a few crude jokes here but I fear I would get banned by Roosh!

Serious answer is that even devout Christian women like to be gamed. Make jokes at your expense and hers, don't show that you're impressed unless she says something obviously impressive, do stuff physically (eg touching her arm a bit) that you wouldn't do if you had coffee with a man. That kind of thing.

I do remember negging from the PUA stuff I read/watched back in the day.

Lot of factors here: (ie: how old is she, how long have you been talking, etc). Every girl is different, so feel out her vibe.

My best advice is not to be TOO generic. "Hey whats up" > meet for coffee
If possible aim for dinner next time, and a fun activity after.
My 2 cents.

She is 27, I am 33. We've only been talking like for a few days.

 

[Rob Banks]

My advice: Ditch the online dating.

I don't mean to judge or insult this particular girl you're going out with (I've never met her).

But here's something to consider: Out of all the women you meet (i.e. agree to meet offline) on a dating website, what percentage of them do you think have previously slept with other men they met online?

 

[Psalm27]

My advice: Ditch the online dating.

I don't mean to judge or insult this particular girl you're going out with (I've never met her).

But here's something to consider: Out of all the women you meet (i.e. agree to meet offline) on a dating website, what percentage of them do you think have previously slept with other men they met online?

Well it's not a normal secular dating website, it's a dating website for Christians and most of the girls I have messaged have their sex preference set to only after marriage. Who am I to judge them I've probably done way worse than they have. But if they are born again believers, the Spirit of God dwells within them, they have a new heart and new desires, so that's something to consider as well.

 

[Papaya]

27

Never married.. then she's on the clock.

Your goals for a relationship will be of high interest to her.

Scandinavian women generally are highly indocrinated into Western views of egalitarianism bewteen the sexes.

Be calm, confident and self assured

Show her youre a man that can lead a wife and a family

If thats what she wants (and deep down they all do) then the rest will follow

Goal: You want her to be thinking "I hope he thinks Im good enough for him"

 

[Rob Banks]

Well it's not a normal secular dating website, it's a dating website for Christians

Just because something claims to be Christian doesn't mean it is actually in line with Christian values.

I'm sure you'd look at me sideways if I claimed I was going to a "Christian brothel" or even a "Christian nightclub."

and most of the girls I have messaged have their sex preference set to only after marriage.

Major cringe.

The fact that this is even a thing shows why online dating promotes modern values.

Listing your "sex preference" as if you're listing your weekly availability on a job application or resume.

Who am I to judge them I've probably done way worse than they have. But if they are born again believers, the Spirit of God dwells within them, they have a new heart and new desires, so that's something to consider as well.

I believe God cares more about what is deep in our hearts than what is on the tip of our tongue.

We shouldn't judge people for their past. But we can and should evaluate people based on their current behavior. In my opinion, online dating is like advertising yourself for sale/hire as if you were a product to be auctioned on eBay or a job application on Indeed.

This transactional approach to courtship and dating is, in my opinion, a red flag.

OP, this is not a knock on you. This is how I fewl about all dating websites ("Christian" or not).

 

[Cortés]

Just because something claims to be Christian doesn't mean it is actually in line with Christian values.

I'm sure you'd look at me sideways if I claimed I was going to a "Christian brothel" or even a "Christian nightclub."

Major cringe.

The fact that this is even a thing shows why online dating promotes modern values.

Listing your "sex preference" as if you're listing your weekly availability on a job application or resume.

I believe God cares more about what is deep in our hearts than what is on the tip of our tongue.

We shouldn't judge people for their past. But we can and should evaluate people based on their current behavior. In my opinion, online dating is like advertising yourself for sale/hire as if you were a product to be auctioned on eBay or a job application on Indeed.

This transactional approach to courtship and dating is, in my opinion, a red flag.

OP, this is not a knock on you. This is how I fewl about all dating websites ("Christian" or not).

I get what youre saying and I agree that online dating as a Christian is effort that could be better used. I think that in general courtship that pleases God isn't engaging enough in a completely virtual setting to really bring lots of couples together. And i also completely agree that you can't just label something as christian and therefore it embodies christian values. But there are a lot of christians, men and women, who are in a local with few young christian singles and are looking for companionship. I think that for those who dont have a social circle of people involved in the faith it can be a great way to put yourself out there and if no connection is made, nothing was lost.

Also there is something to be said about knowing upfront what a girl's stance is on certain values. While it may be impersonal and strange to put out in public whether or not you believe in premarital sex, its useful to know where a girl's mind is before you start talking. There's been a few times in person where I meet a girl at church, consider courting her, and then I end up seeing her snapchat story where she's flaunting her body for dopamine hits and clearly doesn't prioritize chastity.

 

[Rob Banks]

I get what youre saying and I agree that online dating as a Christian is effort that could be better used. I think that in general courtship that pleases God isn't engaging enough in a completely virtual setting to really bring lots of couples together. And i also completely agree that you can't just label something as christian and therefore it embodies christian values. But there are a lot of christians, men and women, who are in a local with few young christian singles and are looking for companionship. I think that for those who dont have a social circle of people involved in the faith it can be a great way to put yourself out there and if no connection is made, nothing was lost.

Also there is something to be said about knowing upfront what a girl's stance is on certain values. While it may be impersonal and strange to put out in public whether or not you believe in premarital sex, its useful to know where a girl's mind is before you start talking. There's been a few times in person where I meet a girl at church, consider courting her, and then I end up seeing her snapchat story where she's flaunting her body for dopamine hits and clearly doesn't prioritize chastity.

God can certainly use evil for good (in the cases of couples who meet online and go on to have a healthy Christian marriage), but I don't believe that God wants people "putting themselves out there" by creating online personal advertisements.

Meeting your other half and mother/father of your children shouldn't be something you shop for and pick out like a product.

When I was a kid, I remember even thinking something was wrong when my family would go to the animal shelter and shop for and pick out a pet dog or cat to bring home.

We would innately feel something was wrong if a couple looking to adopt was able to shop online, flipping through photos and profiles of all the children.

I guess my point is that a lifelong companion is not something you should shop or advertise for.

 

[Kona]

Just be yourself. You got this buddy.

Aloha!

 

[Based]

Act very very uninterested but be interesting (without seeming to try). That's all.

 

[Cicero12]

Conservative dating coach I watch

 

[roncadillac]

Dates are horrible. My advice... avoid.

Invite her on a non-date, i.e. anything fun that still involves the potential for drinks, but isn't a sit down 'romance interview' you pay for.

 

[third_eldest]

Just be yourself. You got this buddy.

Aloha!

I used to not understand this advice and thought it was stupid. But then I adopted the mindset of a winner, and realized it was a great summary of what is attractive to women: Someone who doesn't feel the need to change who they are to get people to like them, because they are simply naturally great.

Are you not someone likeable? If that's so, the solution is simple: Just change who you are until you are!

 

[bucky]

Dates are horrible. My advice... avoid.

Invite her on a non-date, i.e. anything fun that still involves the potential for drinks, but isn't a sit down 'romance interview' you pay for.

When I was single, I used to take girls to this bar downtown where I live that has dozens of 1980s video games. I don't even drink, but playing Mario Bros and Track and Field and games like that is way better than a "romance interview" as you put it. I found it worked particularly well with girls I was on the fence about. Since I was OK with the date going well or not, I'd make fun of them about how they sucked at the games and that kind of thing, and...success would ensue, let's say. I really screwed up with a girl I was highly attracted to once though, second guessed myself, wasn't as fun and carefree with the games as I usually was, didn't make fun of her, and it didn't go well.

 

[OrthoLeaf]

How'd it go, brother?