Found a great girl. Marriage material. Careers causing long distance issue.

DaneZion

Chicken
Augustus_Principe said:
I can ask her to give up her career and call her here via tourist visa. She will not be able to get a job and even though I can support her, knowing female mentality, she will hate me for being a provider while she does nothing. In the long term, she will eventually blame me for her not having a career.

If she's truly is a feminine woman, "Different" from the western women here in the U.S as you are making her out to be, then the above scenario will not happen. Again, if she is a feminine woman with no western propaganda in her mind, she SHOULD BE HAPPY that you will be the sole provider of the household, and that she doesn't have to slave away at some job. Any feminine woman would jump at this opportunity.

As others have already suggested, If I were you, I would ask her to drop her job at Dubbai and join you in the U.S. The only reason she is in Dubbai anyway is to pursue a career, which she wont need if you are making good money, you both get married, and have a bunch of children to keep her occupied.

If she is your "one of a kind", I would suggest you go this route instead of living apart for 8 months, not knowing what can happen in between that time. And all for some career she wont need anyway once you get her pregnant and you can safely provide for her. Keep us updated.

I agree whole heartedly. I've told my own girlfriend that I'd never give up MY career for her, but she should for me. Double standard? Yes. But men and women have different roles in society and in the family unit. (Also I make a crap ton more than her.) I just need her to stay in shape, be a good mother, and be a good wife. All of our financial goals can be met with my salary alone. She should be able to find a fulfilling endeavor anywhere we decide to settle. We are getting married in a few months.
 
Recently I met a couple where the guy got a job making almost 1400% more than her, but she still wouldn't be willing to move with him and save the relationship. She wants to have kids being already 31, but I guess feminism told her that she got time and a barely paid job is more important than a man and family.
 

Frenchie

Chicken
I have similar dilemma as Topic creator, i'm 34 I fell I'm getting older and will have to settle one day soon

I traveled in Colombia for vacation lately and stayed there 2 months, met a girl and dated her for 1.5 month then had to go back to France.
She is not perfect but the closest i ever found, and she begged me to stay

The only option we would have if we wanted to be together one day is marriage or have a kid... but can you really blindly marry someone you only met for 1.5 months ?
 
Frenchie said:
I have similar dilemma as Topic creator, i'm 34 I fell I'm getting older and will have to settle one day soon

I traveled in Colombia for vacation lately and stayed there 2 months, met a girl and dated her for 1.5 month then had to go back to France.
She is not perfect but the closest i ever found, and she begged me to stay

The only option we would have if we wanted to be together one day is marriage or have a kid... but can you really blindly marry someone you only met for 1.5 months ?

Yes. But it's good if you see her work, deal with her family in a natural environment - not a holiday. Many Hollywood stars marry after having spent only luxury travel with someone. See that person dealing with her family, her friends, children, animals, her viewpoints on life.

But it also depends on how good your personal assessment skills are - some are good at it while others need more time.

Though generally - if you witnessed her in her normal everyday family environment, personal environment, then it's possible especially at age 34 where you are less prone to be in that puppy-hormone-love-stage of a young man.
 

bk19xsa

Robin
Would like to update and need some Urgent advice as I am in a big dilemma. One of the worse things that could have happenned, occurred yesterday:

My gf was denied entry upon arrival to the US yesterday.

To summarize, I had a great trip end of 2019 to Dubai with my gf. I came back to the US to continue working while she continued working in Dubai, but she did not commit to her boss beyond the 6 month probation period of her Tennis academy contract, as she would join me in the US and we would marry.

I lost my job in March as Coronavirus hit (I was in the Hotel industry) but thankfully in April a tech firm hired me to do Marketing Strategy and the firm sponsored me. I got approved later for H1B in the lottery.

My gf ended her probation period in Dubai, but because of Coronavirus entry restrictions to the US, she could not travel to the US. She had to go back to Slovakia from Dubai in early summer, where she sporadically worked in Tennis acadmies in Czech and Slovakia as both countries faced Corona lockdowns.

We kept waiting for the opportunity where she could come to the US. The plan was that she would come here and I marry her and then she goes back to her home country and applies for the H4 spouse visa.

Finally by November, we learned that entry to the US based on ESTA(tourist visa waiver program) had reopened. She had been in the US before with an ESTA as a tourist when she was young. It allows a 90 day stay. However, since the European union in November was a restricted, she would have to go through an unrestricted zone and spend 14 days minimum there to travel to the US.

I talked in detail with US customs and border security and they explained me the whole procedure for her entry. I also talked to immigration attorneys just to make sure everything was legal.

She then applied for ESTA and she got approved. She then applied to travel to Dubai again as it is an unrestricted zone, spend 14 days there and then travel to the US.

She came to Dubai end of January first week 2021 and then travelled on 29th to the US. She made sure she got tested for Covid, had all the relevant documents which also mentioned me as point of contact in US.

She arrived yesterday 4PM. She messaged me she had arrived as soon as her wifi worked in US airport. I left for the aiport to collect her. While leaving, the airport border security officer called me to confirm she had travelled to meet me, which I said yes. He also asked me how long she would stay and I mentioned 2 to 2.5 months (which was accurate as in March end, my brother is getting married abroad and both me and my gf were planning to attend the wedding. Thats when she wolud leave the country as well and then later comeback as an H4). The officer told me that she is pending her interview, which I thought was a normal process and said ok.

After the call with the Customs officer, I tried calling my gf but there was no answer nor through any whatsapp/FB messaging. This got me worried. I reached the aiport around 6PM and then waited till 3AM in the morning and finally learned that she had been denied and had to go back.

Apparently, all the time the customs had her phone and were going through it, till she had an interview which was at 1AM in the morning. She had travelled a 17 hours flight, and then was without phone sitting in a room for another 11-12 hrs.

Finally at 3AM she was allowed to talk to me. She explained that they denied her because they saw a 1 month old message from her previous employer, when she was here on a J1 visa last time, asking her if she is coming to the US this time, and that they would like to hire her again. The custom officer thought she was coming here to work. She vehemntaly denied (my gf is a stickler for legal procedures and she never dared to cross any illegal boundaries while in the US or anywhere else previously).

I also tried talking to the US border over phone and said that I am her point of contact and that she has no intention to work and was only here for a visit. They said that they can't reverse the decision and she has to go back and apply for a visa again. No matter what, I or her said, the custom officers would not budge.

Also, they kept her phone till they finished the paperwork. I left the airport at 4AM. I was able talk to her again for few minutes over phone, where I told her to try and to talk to the the Custom chief officer and tell them that her denial is based on an incorrect assumption and that she has an exemplary previous record whenever she has travelled to the US and worked here legally.

Its been 14 hours since then, and no contact. I just finished talking to the chief just now and she is still with them. She will be returned back to Dubai tomorrow. The chief still did not budge and keeps saying the decision is made.

Her phone is with them and can only be given back to her when boards the return flight.

This is extremely disappointing. It throws everything into disarray. I am also concerned about what she must be going through right now and what this experience will make her think about coming to the US in the future.

I can't also travel outside the country to meet her right now as for reentry to the US, I need an H1B stamp which either US embassies/consulates are not doing currently or only on emergency basis.

This is a test from God and might also be punishment for my past fornication sins. However, she is innocent and she is suffering the most.

I have to find a solution to this and would appreciate any advice.
 

fireshark

Sparrow
My fiancé has traveled to the US on ESTA before, but you need to have a return ticket already booked. I'm confused why you told the customs officer that she would leave after 2-2.5 months. It should already be set based on her return ticket, and that is a strict requirement as far as I know. I realize they may ask you anyway, but it should be a firm date of return and not something you want to sound unsure of at all.

It's not normal procedure to have a full interview for a traveler on ESTA. Either something she said or did, or something you said or did seems to have given them concerns that prompted the interview. Doubtful they would have known about the text message prior to making that decision.

Then again, Customs don't mind playing around with people's lives, so there's always that. But seeing as there are 100s or 1000s of ESTA travelers they encounter everyday, something must have at least made them concerned.

My fiancé will come in a few weeks, and I'm praying constantly everything goes well with her travel.
 

bk19xsa

Robin
My fiancé has traveled to the US on ESTA before, but you need to have a return ticket already booked. I'm confused why you told the customs officer that she would leave after 2-2.5 months. It should already be set based on her return ticket, and that is a strict requirement as far as I know. I realize they may ask you anyway, but it should be a firm date of return and not something you want to sound unsure of at all.

It's not normal procedure to have a full interview for a traveler on ESTA. Either something she said or did, or something you said or did seems to have given them concerns that prompted the interview. Doubtful they would have known about the text message prior to making that decision.

Then again, Customs don't mind playing around with people's lives, so there's always that. But seeing as there are 100s or 1000s of ESTA travelers they encounter everyday, something must have at least made them concerned.

My fiancé will come in a few weeks, and I'm praying constantly everything goes well with her travel.

I had actually talked to CBP early last November, prior to her applying ESTA and I had asked whether she should have a return ticket or it can be booked later once in US. They told as long she does not give any intention to stay more than 90 days, she can book the return ticket during her stay. Since we were not sure whether she would attend my brother's wedding or go back to Slovakia/Dubai, she did not book a return ticket while coming.

Now, I see how crucial that return ticket was and what a blunder on our part. Its unfortunate but if CBP would have strictly told me that she should have a firm return date, then she would have definitely booked it. It is my fault that I did not call CBP further and pressed them on the return ticket and other necessary documents.

At customs, she was asked about the return ticket and she even mentioned that she can book now if needed. However, they sent her to the interview process with CBP where they took her phone and scanned it for messages. In one of her messages they found that her previous US employer wanted her to work with them. She said she might think of a 'part time' job with them. This message was more than a month back. On basis of that they are denying her.

I just now talked to an immigration attorney and he said nothing can be done. She has to go back and once she is outside US, some thing can be done to bring her here legally.

Make sure your Fiance has the right paperwork, return ticket and also any previous phone messages that can cause any doubt for the CBP are deleted.

Good luck, I'll pray to God for you. Please pray for me that a miracle happens and CBP reverses the decision before she goes back tomorrow or that she can get back here legally at the earliest, within few months or less.
 

fireshark

Sparrow
Now, I see how crucial that return ticket was and what a blunder on our part. Its unfortunate but if CBP would have strictly told me that she should have a firm return date, then she would have definitely booked it. It is my fault that I did not call CBP further and pressed them on the return ticket and other necessary documents.

At customs, she was asked about the return ticket and she even mentioned that she can book now if needed. However, they sent her to the interview process with CBP where they took her phone and scanned it for messages. In one of her messages they found that her previous US employer wanted her to work with them. She said she might think of a 'part time' job with them. This message was more than a month back. On basis of that they are denying her.

Good luck, I'll pray to God for you. Please pray for me that a miracle happens and CBP reverses the decision before she goes back tomorrow or that she can get back here legally at the earliest, within few months or less.

When my fiancé travelled here, I had her call the local embassy and talk to them in detail about what is required for travelers on ESTA. According to that embassy employee, the return ticket is basically required.

I can't be 100% sure, but the lack of return ticket is probably what caused them to pull her aside. Then finding the text message, they decided to go for denial of entry.

I have a friend who worked as an international courier and one of the best tips he gave me was to delete all phone / text messages before any international travel. He actually used a second phone just for travelling. I have followed that for years and it served me well when I was harassed in China once.

If you still have a way to talk with CBP before she leaves, you can tell them everything as honestly as possible, if you haven't already done so, and pray they are lenient. She could also send a message to that former employer and tell them that she is not interested in working there and show it to the agents. Unless God intervenes, I don't see anything changing, unfortunately. While a lot of them like to abuse their power, CBP does have a difficult job. Obviously they are being too harsh in this case, but they will not give people the benefit of the doubt once there are certain red flags.

I will pray for you, and thank you for your prayers. Godspeed.
 

bk19xsa

Robin
When my fiancé travelled here, I had her call the local embassy and talk to them in detail about what is required for travelers on ESTA. According to that embassy employee, the return ticket is basically required.

I can't be 100% sure, but the lack of return ticket is probably what caused them to pull her aside. Then finding the text message, they decided to go for denial of entry.

I have a friend who worked as an international courier and one of the best tips he gave me was to delete all phone / text messages before any international travel. He actually used a second phone just for travelling. I have followed that for years and it served me well when I was harassed in China once.

If you still have a way to talk with CBP before she leaves, you can tell them everything as honestly as possible, if you haven't already done so, and pray they are lenient. She could also send a message to that former employer and tell them that she is not interested in working there and show it to the agents. Unless God intervenes, I don't see anything changing, unfortunately. While a lot of them like to abuse their power, CBP does have a difficult job. Obviously they are being too harsh in this case, but they will not give people the benefit of the doubt once there are certain red flags.

I will pray for you, and thank you for your prayers. Godspeed.

Thanks.

I talked to CBP at the airport office an hour back. Though the officer was kind and willing to listen, the decision has been made. They are not sure when she will go back tomorrow. But most probably back to Dubai in an evening flight and from there to Prague. I requested the officer if she can give me a call, which she was allowed to after some minutes.

She does not have the phone with her and she just sits in their holding office. She has not been able to talk to her parents or friends so that she can inform about her return situation. Food is given but it is all tin food and ramen noodles. They are treating her and others somewhat as criminals with no communication access and holding them indefinitely till their flight back is resolved. There are many other travelers in the same holding office who have been denied entry for the next 5 years or more. She has been banned from applying ESTA but can get any other visa. She has not been banned for the next 5 years.

I cannot even go marry her in Slovakia or Dubai these days because I will have to submit my passport in the the US embassy for H1B stamping which US embassies/consulates are not doing currently. So I'll get stuck in Slovakia/Dubai and not be able to comeback to the US till my passport is stamped with an H1B visa, even though, I am already here in US with legal H1B status. Just that the passport does not have a visa and it can only be stamped from a US consulate/embassy.

So it is a vicious cycle. I cannot go outside the country right now because it can take months for the consulates to stamp my H1B for US re-entry and she cannot come here till she applies and gets approval for a B1/B2 tourist visa or H1 spouse visa, which will also take months.

I was thinking of an online marriage with a state sanctioned marriage authority. That ways I can get a marriage certificate and then she can apply for an H4. However, I do not know whether online marriage certificate is valid or not.

So, still trying to think of a solution for this. Like you said, only God can intervene and help and right now I pray strongly he does.
 

Papaya

Peacock
Gold Member
Thats when she wolud leave the country as well and then later comeback as an H4)
You both made several mistakes but this is undoubtedly the biggest. Informing border official of "intent to immigrate" ( even later) is automatic cause for denial.

By far Most illegal immigrants in the US enter legally then simply overstay.

Unfortunately for you and her now that she was denied entry on an ESTA she will never be able to travel to the US as a non immigrant ( tourist ) again.

When she's returned they will stamp her passport with a numerical code that indicates either " denied entry" or "removed" Hopefully it's the former. If it's the latter removed is essentially the same as having been deported and ANY type of visa gets highly unlikely .

You're going to need a good immigration attorney and advice. There is an online community that you can get a lot more information and advice than here on RVF


Good luck
 
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