General relationship questions and advice/Newbie friendly

ThriceLazarus

 
Banned
I second Lime. There is too much overgeneralization, nothing here is absolute. Now the plot thickens.

So you two have been connecting for a few months, this internship was already planned before you two had met, it sounds as if she at least offered to forgoe her trip - that your encouragement leads me to believe she asked for your permission before finalizing her plans. She sought your lead, a good sign!

Now there is nuance. Prepare yourself for the worst, and hope for the best. It is known that women can and will go great lengths perfectly content with celibacy - as such there is no guarantee that she will stray in Spain. Likely? Perhaps.

How hard is your heart? If she goes and you two are still intertwined can you be without attachment? Can you survive three months without knowing what she has done? Without caring to know? Schrodinger’s Pussy. Can you take the lead once more when she returns? Can you keep her entertained and interested and fulfilled from across the world? How strong of a man are you? Can you forgoe opportunity for other lovers while she is away? Are you even given opportunity? Do you have abundance in the realm of women?

There’s the chance she is faithful. There is the chance she rationalizes a single lover, even a single night, to bring fake fullness to her travel experience. There is the chance she goes a dick rampage.

All you can do is dwell on these questions - briefly, do not obsess - and consider the advice you have been given.

Can you build yourself back up if it should all fall down around you? Can you still love her, years from now, if you suddenly learn that she was with another years ago?

Go into your gut, your heart, your brain and your answer will find you.
 
"I told her to go to Spain because this opportunity is so great.

Im not asking her to stay, I just want our friendship to be there when she gets back."

So...business as usual?

The situation sounds like both of you are in college and in the same social circles.

You: Spin plates. Don't want the commitment from or for yet have "feelings" for one of your gals. Don't see you and your gal being in an LTR but are secretly disappointed whenever you find out about her trip to Spain.

Her: Not sleeping around (so she says) but likes you. Possibly see your relationship as being in an LTR. Now the problem is that you could be mixing up her LTR signals (?) for being plain old DTF (Down To Feel) - something that you have been already treating as DTF.

Saying that she was going to Spain could have been her gaming you to test your desire. If she overall agreed with you that it is a good idea and something for her photo album then she's not interested in an LTR.

If her reaction is the other way -she overall lightly argues with you- then its your classic shit test and it seems like she likes you but not necessarily worth the LTR.

Not quite sure how someone dosen't want to "lose" someone he doesn't want to commit to. This reads like a script from Friends or How I Met Your Mother. It would be a good idea not to follow the same "relationship" things in those shows. If you want to be friends when she gets back I don't see what the problem is; and the same for being another type of "friends."

Buddy I've been there. If she's hell-bent ongoing to Spain then theres nothing you should do about. Just give her a wave and goodbye knowing she's not full of pumpkin and spice and everything nice.

You are either going to learn the easy way or the hard way.
 

Donfitz007

Kingfisher
I’m going to try and answer as many questions as possible

She basically did ask my permission and begged for my support if I told her to go. I can’t go with her because well honestly I’m broke, I’m spending literally all my money on my game I’m developing (video game). Right now she’s been a distraction so while she’s gone life will be more balanced, I’ll have more time to focus on my overall health, 3 months is time to do a bunch of things. Due to forum rules I won’t say I’ll spin plates BUT u do plan on going full out monk mode NOT for her but for myself so I can get all my goals accomplished. I have the capability to find women now but I’m not content to where I am now to settle so to keep up with forum rules I’ll rather just improve. The trial of grasses in going to call it

To answer Leonard, and others. I didn’t commit solely because of this decision, I know girls get passed around over there so I didn’t want to commit and be a cuck, at the same time I didn’t want to force her to stop a dream job for me. I have no plans on wifing her. Simply want our connection to be salvageable when she gets back so I can keep escalating. I never planned on being “comfortable” life is about getting better and better.

She’s petite but curvy in all the right places. Doesn’t use much make up and has long natural hair. She comes from a 2 parent home full of hard workers (her parents work hard and so does her 5 siblings). Very family oriented and wants to start a big family (smiles and goes crazy when she sees babies...which is good seeing as she’s only 20) She’s a straight A student. Nobody in her family is fat, however her dad is putting on a bit of weight. Very conservative and I’ve recently introduced her into guns. She also actively tries to pay for stuff and buy me gifts.

She’s not perfect however. She’s no virgin, she’s s perfectionist, she overloads herself with work, she sometimes comes off as motherly, she’s still inexperienced and immature, her taste in shows are really troubling. The scariest is she’s a big time romantic.

She worked 3 years (paperwork started her senior year in high school) to get into this program. She will have a lucrative paid internship in Madrid with some big named company, and finish off her junior year there.

This is why I’m confused, many of you guys are looking at it with YEARS of experience and over generalization. There might be truth in it, but for a guy my age things like this isn’t easy to see. Therefor I asked for the help. And I thank you all for it
 

Leonard D Neubache

Owl
Gold Member
Cheers for the honesty. You haven't held hands yet so as the situation stands there's nothing you can do to stop this train of events without disintegrating your frame. Since you've made it apparent that you have no plans to make her your wife then you're by definition attempting to put yourself on a path to cause her damage in the pursuit of your pleasure. Aiding you in that endeavor falls outside the forum rules so I suggest STW can help you or pick out one or two members you consider solid and helpful then PM them directly for advice.

To make it clear, I'm not judging you. This is simply the reality of the forum now.
 

Geomann180

Ostrich
Catholic
Gold Member
^You have two courses of action when you meet a girl who wants to get married and have kids and seems to not have ruined herself hopping on miles of cock:

1) Raise - lock her down or move things in that direction explicitly
2) Fold - walk away and stop wasting either of each other's time"

If you don't do #1, it is automatically seen as #2 by her. This relationship or whatever you might want to be sounds dead on arrival by the way you talk about it. It sounds cringey when you talk because you talk about her like a virgin smitten with a girl who may or may not realize he exists (don't feel attacked - I did this too 13 years ago) and then talk yourself up a bit like you're a player and know how women work. But if you did, you'd know the answer to your question and wouldn't make this thread. So maybe now you might see why there's confusion.

Please tell us about yourself if you can, so we can better understand.

1) Age
2) Country you're from
3) Parents still together or not

Donfitz007 said:
Thanks for the help, I’m saying if she does slut out then all hopes for more with her is dead. She’s lovely but this is a huge thing

If this is your criteria, it's over.

G
 

Eazy_E

 
Banned
Son, literally, these Spanish dudes, who are sexier, better dressed, and more experienced than you ever will be, they wait at the airport for girls like your girlfriend/not girlfriend/whatever she is and try to pick them up. Like Roosh said, she's going to a long term buffet, she isn't coming home thinner.

You're going to Spain for three months without me to keep an eye on you? Fuck you, we're done here.
 

Lime

Kingfisher
Agnostic
Eazy_E said:
Son, literally, these Spanish dudes, who are sexier, better dressed, and more experienced than you ever will be, they wait at the airport for girls like your girlfriend/not girlfriend/whatever she is and try to pick them up. Like Roosh said, she's going to a long term buffet, she isn't coming home thinner.

You're going to Spain for three months without me to keep an eye on you? Fuck you, we're done here.

Most foreign girls during my exchange didn't go with Spanish guys, but with other exchange students. Some went with Spanish guys, but that was quite rare. Also there were girls with boyfriends at home, and most of those girls were not available to hug. So chances are that the girl could be faithful.

Have to say, it was not in a tier 1 city, so the Spanish men were maybe less interesting to the exchange girls (students instead of more developed suave professional/artistic men).
 

SilentOne

Woodpecker
You shouldn't be worrying about what this women is doing worth her time away from you. Trust me, if you had other options around, you wouldn't be.

Focus on your path and getting your goals done. Not on this women. Especially since you guys have no commitment or kids together.
 

Geomann180

Ostrich
Catholic
Gold Member
Donfitz007 said:
When did I say I was a player, in fact I said I was inexperienced

Ok. You didn't literally say it. You alluded to it or implied it.

Here.

Donfitz007 said:
As much of a cuck as I might sound, I pretty much expect her to "explore" while she's there, and to be completely honest I might "explore" as well.

And here.

Donfitz007 said:
But The advice here is understandable, I should just give it up. I know female nature better than most, but I’m by no means a pro. That is why I asked the people of this forum.

And here.

Donfitz007 said:
Due to forum rules I won’t say I’ll spin plates BUT u do plan on going full out monk mode NOT for her but for myself so I can get all my goals accomplished. I have the capability to find women now but I’m not content to where I am now to settle so to keep up with forum rules I’ll rather just improve. The trial of grasses in going to call it

Then you didn't respond the rest of my post. Did you even read it or did it go through one ear and out the other?

Better yet, if you only respond to one thing in my post, tell me, is English your first or second language?

G
 

Donfitz007

Kingfisher
Geomann180

Usually, you have great information but this time this seems more like a pessimistic attack rather than good advice. I hear a lot of stories of guys keeping old "plates" as close friends. Many of these stories come from guys on here. I simply don't want the "flame" to die out while she's gone. Plus all those "qoutes" don't I prove think I'm a player, just proves I know a little more about women than the average man. The average man is VERY confused in 2019. If I knew about women I wouldn't ask.

But to answer your question

[Don't reveal personally identifiable details -Mod]
My parents are together, all my grandparents are together, and most of my aunts and uncles are still together
English is my first language but I didn't go to the best school so my grammar isn't the best. But I'm working on it.

Yes I admit I fell for this girl. Is it stupid yes, her trip to Spain always felt months away but these months are ticking down. I see her every day so it'll be pretty hard to just give up (which seems like the best option). I just thought with the shift of this forum people would be more supportive.
 

wwtl

 
Banned
Donfitz007 said:
[Don't reveal personally identifiable details -Mod]
My parents are together, all my grandparents are together, and most of my aunts and uncles are still together
English is my first language but I didn't go to the best school so my grammar isn't the best. But I'm working on it.

Yes I admit I fell for this girl. Is it stupid yes, her trip to Spain always felt months away but these months are ticking down. I see her every day so it'll be pretty hard to just give up (which seems like the best option). I just thought with the shift of this forum people would be more supportive.

At 26 you're not old and you SMV is still deep in the valley.

So the first thing you need to come clear with is what you actually want. And it seems you want romantic commitment from her. The usual way to maybe get some commitment from a degenerate Western woman is to escalate and get her laid repeatedly. Of course, such "commitment" won't last and is against the forum rules. But if you are meeting her for long time, you missed that window already anyway and she just turned you into the classic beta orbiter.

So the primary problem in your "friendship" as in Western society in general is the male-female power balance. She controls your access to sex. So lets discuss how to get commitment from a woman in a traditional way in accordance with the new forum rules:

Then there is no way around increasing your SMV. Traditional women are women too, so if you happen to be a high SMV man they get sexually attracted to you just as any other woman. And there is only one way for her to get sex from a traditional man: Walking down the aisle first.

Now we are looking at the natural and correct power balance: Men control the access to sex and require commitment, not females like in western degeneracy.

So how do we solve the mess, which is "dating" and casual sex "relationships"? Young (20s) effeminate men get their shit together, so they become actually attractive without turning them into "players". Because the reason for a player being attractive to a Western woman is Western degeneracy.

Now young Western women don't want to commit seriously, they want to ride the carousel instead and have bunch of STRs. The way to solve this is those men mentioned above require them to commit.

Of course that only works, if we get rid of "players" providing female carousel riders free access to degeneracy. And that's why the forum rules now are as they are. It makes sense if you look at it from the right angle.
 

Geomann180

Ostrich
Catholic
Gold Member
Donfitz007 said:
[Don't reveal personally identifiable details -Mod]
My parents are together, all my grandparents are together, and most of my aunts and uncles are still together
English is my first language but I didn't go to the best school so my grammar isn't the best. But I'm working on it.

First off, thank you for responding to my questions. It's a lot easier to give you relevant advice or decide if I even have advice that would help you if I know where you're coming from. It's alright if your grammar isn't the best - you just have to understand that what is in your head is not what is in other people's heads when they read your writing.

Donfitz007 said:
Usually, you have great information but this time this seems more like a pessimistic attack rather than good advice. I hear a lot of stories of guys keeping old "plates" as close friends.

In my case, I couldn't decide if you were trolling; speaking English as a second language; young, dumb, & stubborn; or had some other reason for coming across awkward when you posted in the thread. I'm not putting you down here, just explaining why there seems to be a mix of advice and hostility in my responses. I'm happy to help out someone genuine, but after years on this forum, have little patience for trolls or some fella who seems too stubborn or oblivious to have a proper discussion. I suppose you could say it's ironic, given how many lessons I have learned recently (last 3 years or so) only to realize that my Father told me these answers 13 years ago during car rides to school and it went through one ear and out the other. Or perhaps embarrassing.

If I post a response to an OP and they respond but only to part of my post, it looks like they're ignoring the part they don't like, didn't spend time actually read the whole thing, or are trolling. Doesn't mean that either of those are the case. Could be option D, E, or F. But I can't know what's going on unless you tell me. Does that make sense?

Donfitz007 said:
Yes I admit I fell for this girl. Is it stupid yes, her trip to Spain always felt months away but these months are ticking down. I see her every day so it'll be pretty hard to just give up (which seems like the best option). I just thought with the shift of this forum people would be more supportive.

It's not dumb to fall for this girl. Hardly anyone plans such a thing. Generally the only thing you can do is recognize when a relationship with a girl would be too hard and try to avoid getting involved in the first place. But maybe at the time you don't care or think it will be just casual...until it isn't.

The people on this forum are very supportive...but if they feel you are deceiving them, misleading them (like you admitted to her not actually being your girlfriend), then they get annoyed. They might feel like they wasted their time explaining how to fix a problem that wasn't even the actual problem in the first place. Once someone feels like their time has been wasted, you don't usually get much else positive from them.

People also stop being supportive if they felt they gave you advice but you just don't follow it. Or ignored it. Most people on the forum, it seems are telling you that this is a waste of your time and you should cut your losses while you can. And you keep saying, "But I wanna make this work. I really like her!"

"I know, but I've seen how this goes. Just let it go, it'll hurt more now, but less overall."

"But I..."

"I just told you the answer."

and so forth.

I will give you credit for staying in the thread rather than disappearing or lashing at out people who don't seem to give you the answers you may have hoped for, including myself.

Donfitz007 said:
Many of these stories come from guys on here. I simply don't want the "flame" to die out while she's gone. Plus all those "qoutes" don't I prove think I'm a player, just proves I know a little more about women than the average man. The average man is VERY confused in 2019. If I knew about women I wouldn't ask.

Instead of going point by point, I'm just going to tell you the answer here.

If you're asking for advice on women, just ask. No need to tell us that you that most men are clueless about women, we know. No need to say you know more than most men, chances are if you are on this forum, you're not useless or at the very least not too delusional to try and improve...which the average man is. At most you could say, I'm not completely clueless with women, but this situation is beyond my expertise. Even then, if you're asking the question, we already know. Saying stuff like that looks like you're trying to wave your dick around and not seem THAT clueless. Even if you were, people here don't care if you genuinely want and seek help. And improve.

Hell, if you said, "Thanks guys for all the advice. I just can't follow it, it's too hard for me to do X. So I am going to do Y. I'll let you know what happens in three months", you'd get less hostile responses.

Hope this helps.

G
 

Donfitz007

Kingfisher
Thanks for the help, and I apologize for lashing out. This forum is quick to go hostile so I believed it was something along those lines rather than actual help. This is why assuming is a bad thing so again I apologize.

But no I do really want it to work but I trust the advice of the people on here, I should just cut my losses and give her up. I thought I stated that but maybe I didn't. I had plans of talking to her until January and waving her goodbye. She told me she's willing to be celibate in Spain but it would be hard. I would rather not get my hopes up and maybe end things.
 

Donfitz007

Kingfisher
I don’t know what you guys want, literally said I’m not getting my hopes up and plan on giving up. Multiple times I said this and you guys are still judging me as if I’m saying I’m going to stay and trust her...
 

Papaya

Peacock
Gold Member
Have you guys "held hands"* or has it just been platonic up to now? Sorry if I missed that detail but to me its the key piece of info

*Leonards suggested euphemism
 
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