General relationship questions and advice/Newbie friendly

[wwtl]

Well guys I took all the advice you guys gave me.

She wanted to see me so I came over, we discussed the trip and she seemed to have her doubts, we watched the video of "all fall down-Kanye West" and I got pretty emotional. Later that night she told me how she saw me as a boyfriend and said the flight there is going to destroy her. She also went on about how she doesn't think she can do it and how she's going to want to talk to me all the time etc etc.

I then told her maybe its best we end things now. She cried, I mean cried horribly, but I held my frame and told her it'll be ok, this would give her time to get over me before the trip. I left after I hugged her, she let go of me in the most depressing, soul shattering way, like she lost all hope.

Interesting turn of events. In your OP you inadvertently described her perspective in hope to not break the forum rules, which turned out being closer to the truth than what you were thinking of your fling at that point.

This thread is essentially a perfect example of how damaging casual sex dating is, exemplifying the reason, why it is now banned from this forum. This was essentially the kind of bullshit I was going through in my early years before properly abandoning it.

She "saw you as a boyfriend", while you were enjoying the casual sex and of course you both didn't talk about it. All just easy-peasy and uncommitted. We used to make proposals and engage, so everyone knows what's up. We used make vows to stick together. We used to stay chaste before marriage to protect the soul from damage, because we knew that humans are not made for casual sex (especially females are not able to properly discern between bang, emotions and commitment).

Yet her intentions to leave the country for months while "seeing someone as a boyfriend" perfectly shows the cognitive dissonance and overall confusion of her female mind by Western brainwashing. She got hurt, because she made the wrong decisions based on a broken society, which encourages girls traveling alone and sleeping around.

Again, this is a perfect example to learn from why the forum rules are now how they are. It's like God saying: "Told you so!"

 

[Donfitz007]

Or maybe it proves things aren’t black and white. I keep saying I viewed her as potential wife material but she was going to Spain. It wasn’t just casual sex it was more so us being in denial that maybe we could last through Spain. I wouldn’t commit cause I wouldn’t trust her over there and I wouldn’t tell her to stay because the opportunity was too great. I had a great thing but the worst time.

This whole thread also proves guys need game and that the majority of people pushing for change (besides you) are the ones who are very experienced and confident in their knowledge of women. Not the average joe.

 

[Bienvenuto]

"The real Tragedy is when theory outstrips practice" - Leonardo da Vinci.

^One for the game-less moral guardians on here to reflect on.

 

[wwtl]

Or maybe it proves things aren’t black and white. I keep saying I viewed her as potential wife material but she was going to Spain. It wasn’t just casual sex it was more so us being in denial that maybe we could last through Spain. I wouldn’t commit cause I wouldn’t trust her over there and I wouldn’t tell her to stay because the opportunity was too great. I had a great thing but the worst time.

In the end she prioritized Spain over her "relationship" and lost you.

Without casual sex she wouldn't have had a faux "boyfriend", and less heartbreak too. Means if she still had wanted to get into your pants, she would have had to commit properly. Engage, wait it out and of course not travel alone overseas anymore.

Once you apply the forum rules, everything gets much simpler.

"The real Tragedy is when theory outstrips practice" - Leonardo da Vinci.

^One for the game-less moral guardians on here to reflect on.

I regularly meet a girl in church, who is still after me. If I had given in to her seduction attempts, I would be in a complicated mess by now (adultery with infatuation running wild). But by keeping to the Divine law, everything becomes simple, while I stay in a comfortable position with great leverage. If she really wants it, she has to make up her mind first and then go through the designated process step by step. There is nothing to win by providing uncommitted try-out consummation while hoping for a good outcome, as expected by fornicators, but much to lose.

The fact I learned from this was that in the heat of the moment a good decision might not look and feel advantageous, but it always paid off later.

 

[Papaya]

^Your shoes arent likely to fit my feet or my lifestyle as mine aren't likely to fit yours (or anyone else's for that matter).

To presume a better fit is hubristic

 

[Donfitz007]

In the end she prioritized Spain over her "relationship" and lost you.

Without casual sex she wouldn't have had a faux "boyfriend", and less heartbreak too. Means if she still had wanted to get into your pants, she would have had to commit properly. Engage, wait it out and of course not travel alone overseas anymore.

Once you apply the forum rules, everything gets much simpler.

Again i said she'll not go to spain for me, I WAS THE MAN and took CONTROL and said spain is the better decision for her career. Yes, women should prioritize family over career but neither one of us would sacrifice that for the unknown. If we were together for a year or more then fine, but this has only been a few months. This is a life decision and I believe I made the right choice

 

[wwtl]

Again i said she'll not go to spain for me, I WAS THE MAN and took CONTROL and said spain is the better decision for her career.

:facepalm:

 

[Donfitz007]

Again i said she'll not go to spain for me, I WAS THE MAN and took CONTROL and said spain is the better decision for her career.

:facepalm:

Like I said if we were together, had a family, been dating for a year or more, or were VERY serious then yes i would tell her NOT to go. But this has been years in the making, and alot of money invested in her.

 

[wwtl]

Again i said she'll not go to spain for me, I WAS THE MAN and took CONTROL and said spain is the better decision for her career.

:facepalm:

Like I said if we were together, had a family, been dating for a year or more, or were VERY serious then yes i would tell her NOT to go. But this has been years in the making, and alot of money invested in her.

You sound like a psychopath. She is seriously better off without you.

 

[Donfitz007]

^ Thank you mate

 

[wwtl]

^ Thank you mate

I see someone, who is completely missing kindness, sympathy and compassion, while he is eager to enforce some globohomo agenda on a now alpha-widowed girl, so he can start to "explore" something else.

What the heck is this thread about and what does it do on this forum?

 

[Dkby]

Again i said she'll not go to spain for me, I WAS THE MAN and took CONTROL and said spain is the better decision for her career.

Not only have you shot yourself in the knee with cancelling a thing that was already leading somewhere (you actually prioritized her career over yourself :huh, you also indirectly did the same thing to her since you sent her down the "exploration" path that will probably leave some marks on her for life.

 

[Donfitz007]

Again i said she'll not go to spain for me, I WAS THE MAN and took CONTROL and said spain is the better decision for her career.

Not only have you shot yourself in the knee with cancelling a thing that was already leading somewhere (you actually prioritized her career over yourself :huh, you also indirectly did the same thing to her since you sent her down the "exploration" path that will probably leave some marks on her for life.

Oh really, if I recall EVERYBODY on this thread told me to end things.

Also, who am I to tell a girl who I've only known for maybe 4 months to cancel a trip she's been wanting to do for 3-4 years? A trip that has thousands of dollars already invested in it. She already got the positions. for the slight chance that we grow to get married one day? Yes she told me she would stay for me, she told me she would be faithful to me there, she told me alot of things but the grand conclusion on here was to end things with her. I felt these guys were right and my gut told me to do it.

Im not ready for a relationship but I would give it a try for her IF she didn't have this trip planned. I wasn't going to bet my commitment to her on that.

Regret makes girls "explore" also. Easy to judge from your side of the screen.

 

[Dkby]

My first post (and of many other guys) in this thread was related to your original post, that displayed picture completely differenty than it actually is: You told us a story that sounded like that she wanted to go, but you weren't sure that is okay; while the reality turned out to be that you actually wanted her to go and she was hesitant?

So if I amend my previous post; You did the right thing considering that you didn't believe in your relationship with her anyway (based on your last post). But then I'm wondering what's actually the purpose of this thread...

 

[Donfitz007]

My first post (and of many other guys) in this thread was related to your original post, that displayed picture completely differenty than it actually is: You told us a story that sounded like that she wanted to go, but you weren't sure that is okay; while the reality turned out to be that you actually wanted her to go and she was hesitant?

So if I amend my previous post; You did the right thing considering that you didn't believe in your relationship with her anyway (based on your last post). But then I'm wondering what's actually the purpose of this thread...

The point of the post is to see how to keep this level we have now so we could work to have a better relationship in the future. I was trying to see how to keep her while she was off in Spain but EVERY person on this thread told me it wasn't going to work.

Not thr truth is, she wanted to go. But had doubts, she didn't express those doubts until AFTER i made the thread when I asked her if she still wanted to go. She always threw hints in that she was hesitant but wanted to keep with her goals. She always said she wanted me to wait for her which I didn't trust (i felt she wanted to get dicked down in spain) So I made this post.

Basically
1. We met
2. She told me about Spain
3. I thought no we're not going to fall for each other
4. We fell for each other
5. She became hesitant about spain
6. Told me we should see each other less frequently (which made us even stronger somehow
7. We forgot about spain and stared to talk about a future
8. I remembered spain and remembered all my trust issues
9. I made this post
10. SHe told me she had serious doubts about it
11. I ended our relationship
12. SHe begged me to stay
13. I left anyway (So Far)

 

[ThriceLazarus]

Honestly, you made a the right decision for you Brother. Unfortunately, the fact that things were fated to fall apart is what catalyzed the relationship. Game 101 in the off-hand remark that “Things will never work out between us!” Reverse psychology and all that.

If she hadn’t gone to Spain there is the likelihood that she would resent you in the future - she sacrificed her career and this incredible opportunity to be with you and so on and so forth.

My recommendation is to play things cool, as it were. There is the possibility that she remains faithful to you throughout her trip, especially if you handled things as you wrote. That sort of stand leaves a tremendous impact on a woman. If this is the case, one could resume this relationship with a renewed vigor whence she returns.

Use this as an opportunity to go into the gut and see where you stand.

 

[Leonard D Neubache]

"The real Tragedy is when theory outstrips practice" - Leonardo da Vinci.

^One for the game-less moral guardians on here to reflect on.

Sure pal. Everyone who decides to straighten up and fly right must have been an incel from the start, and the only way to prove you're not a simp is by perpetually alpha-widowing women so your opinion matters to a bunch of internet nobodies. [Not necessary on balance. Everyone needs to chill out a bit.]

As for OP, this has devolved into a joke. First she was a friend. Then she was a fuckbuddy. Then she was relationship material but he wasn't looking for a wife. Now she's wife material but he's sending her to Spain anyway to focus on her career.

If this is a troll then gr8 b8 m8 8/8 no h8.

 

[Bienvenuto]

"The real Tragedy is when theory outstrips practice" - Leonardo da Vinci.

^One for the game-less moral guardians on here to reflect on.

Sure pal. Everyone who decides to straighten up and fly right must have been an incel from the start, and the only way to prove you're not a simp is by perpetually alpha-widowing women so your opinion matters to a bunch of internet nobodies.

As for OP, this has devolved into a joke. First she was a friend. Then she was a fuckbuddy. Then she was relationship material but he wasn't looking for a wife. Now she's wife material but he's sending her to Spain anyway to focus on her career.

If this is a troll then gr8 b8 m8 8/8 no h8.

You bring alot to the forum Leonard, not least in this thread.

I agree with your framing that dismissing anyone trying to attempt an upright life as gameless is dishonest and disingenuous.

As for our friend Mr. DonFitz ..

Well, the young are entitled to get themselves in a mess.. wasn't that long ago that I was in a mess and you were one of the ones helping me.

Most young people's 'love-life situations' are like skateboards that have set themselves on fire and rolled themselves off a cliff. Difficult to find out what the hell is going on and even harder to find a remedy for it all..

Out of this mess and ashes, IMO, OP has taken his medicine and played a blinder..

OP: Love is War and the way I see it you are in a strong position now, you have have given her her 'freedom' at the same time that she wants what she cannot have - how long that lasts.. whether there is a long term future.. who knows..

But if that is what you want OP, I don't think that you could have done better with the situation.

For now, well.. you've already received alot of advice.. you know what to do..

 

[Donfitz007]

Leonard we have butt heads before int the past but you usually have A+ material. Even in this case your advice is very welcome. However things aren't cut and dry ESPECIALLY in america. Yes I admit I misled the people of this forum at first in an attempt to NOT get banned when I needed advice. With that said its complicated what she is.

Like I said things aren't black and white and a lot of experienced guys see it as black and white. I can't label her because we're a weird mix of things. More than FWB but less than a wife.


You guys genuinely mean to tell me you would tell a girl you've only known a couple months to stay home and not follow her goals because the relationship MIGHT work

 

[MichaelWitcoff]

>we're not in a relationship
>but we see each other every day

You're in a relationship. It doesn't matter whether you've verbalized it or not when your actions all say "relationship." Part of you knows this, which is why you made this post in the first place, and then you tried backtracking to make it seem all about sex when you're obviously emotionally invested to some degree as well.

So really, whatever the answer to this particular dilemma may or may not be, the most important answer to the bigger question here is "learn how to be honest with yourself." The fact that her trip bothers you and you haven't told her is a symptom of your lack of honesty, no matter how much you rationalize it as "wanting the best for her." I'm sure you do want the best for her, but don't let that cloud the other way you feel about it, too.

Part of what's really bothering you, if I had to guess, is that you're been trying to act like it's just casual with her when it's actually something a bit more. So maybe as far as she knows she's just one of plates you're spinning, and subsequently sees nothing wrong with going on a trip like this and hooking up with random guys in another country, simply because you've never told her the truth.

Or perhaps I've misread this thread and your mind. But if I haven't, then learning to be honest with yourself is the long-term best lesson you can learn from all this.