General relationship questions and advice/Newbie friendly

[MichaelWitcoff]

Also, the most important advice on top of what I already said is to never take the advice of people on a forum for absolute truth. Ten years ago I posted about a girl I was pursuing back in college, having lots of problems with, and the entire PUA internet told me I had oneitis, would never get her, needed to go meet more women, blah blah blah. I ignored them all and she became my first serious girlfriend shortly after. So take everything you read with a grain of salt. Including this

 

[Donfitz007]

You're right beside the fact I said it was all about sex....which I would never say (especially due to the new forum shift). But you're right I need to be honest with myself. This is an unspoken relationship.

 

[Leonard D Neubache]

Leonard we have butt heads before int the past but you usually have A+ material. Even in this case your advice is very welcome. However things aren't cut and dry ESPECIALLY in america. Yes I admit I misled the people of this forum at first in an attempt to NOT get banned when I needed advice. With that said its complicated what she is.

Like I said things aren't black and white and a lot of experienced guys see it as black and white. I can't label her because we're a weird mix of things. More than FWB but less than a wife.

You guys genuinely mean to tell me you would tell a girl you've only known a couple months to stay home and not follow her goals because the relationship MIGHT work

Regardless of whether you ask the top religious posters or the top family posters or the top game posters on this forum, you're going to get advice which shares a very similar vein.

It is as follows, and I'm being blunt for effect, not to be rude.

Stop fucking around and decide what you want then pursue it without apology or hesitation.

Now where my opinion might diverge from the hedonist set is that degrading a woman's ability to choose marriage and monogamy (whether you think she will or wont) is immoral. Alpha-widowing women is immoral. Sucking years of their life away in dead-end LTRs causing them to end up bitter and childless is immoral. Some guys will tell you "that's their choice and the repercussions are their responsibility". It's bullshit. Those guys are feminists. They just don't realize it. Men control destiny and women seek to be owned. They hate responsibility and want to be told what to do.

This girl as much as begged you to take control of her life out of her hands. "I don't want the responsibility" she said "I want you to take it". You declined because on some level you've been indoctrinated with feminist garbage the way most of us have been in our younger years.

Now, if you had no intention of making her your wife then the outcome you've arranged is in keeping with what's proper, even if you approached it ass backwards.

If you had the intention of making her your wife then you've made a stupid mistake tossing the authority she gave you back into her lap and telling her "do your own thing".

That's my take because I'm not going to indulge the options that lead to you alpha-widowing her for temporary hedonistic gain, and as per the new forum rules if you wanted that option then you need to talk to sympathetic forum members via PM or go to some place like STW that still caters to that sort of thing.

But in the end your main problem is that you're letting your circumstances determine your options. There are almost 4 billion women on the planet and unless you look like Quasimodo then this isn't the last train out of Single Station. If you want to marry the girl then you should take authority over her and channel her energies into things that will make her a proper wife and mother (6 months in Spain and a career are NOT included).

If you don't want to marry her then drive her to the airport, wave her goodbye, wash your hands (literally, it's a powerful act), and walk the fuck away.

Do not let your circumstances control your options.

 

[MichaelWitcoff]

You're right beside the fact I said it was all about sex....which I would never say (especially due to the new forum shift). But you're right I need to be honest with myself. This is an unspoken relationship.

Apologies if I got that part wrong, I just read the first couple pages at 2 or 3 am before posting my response. But I'm glad the part about honesty resonated with you. The question to ask surrounding honesty is - next time you meet a girl you like (or possibly even with this one, later, once all this has blown over) - how do you communicate more honestly so you won't end up in this mess of confusion? "Unspoken" has benefits, but also consequences - one of them being that the woman doesn't know her place in your life, which leads to all kinds of drama.

 

[Seeker79]

Guys I could use your thoughts and advice.

I met a woman 3 or 4 months ago through social circle. Chatted her up a bit and then later reconnected via FB. A month ago I asked her out on a date and she said yes. Went on another date following week. First was drinks and second was a museum. I waited a bit and asked her if she wanted to meet again and she said no she's busy. A few days later we talked on the phone for a bit. Last thing I told her was via FB messenger where I told her I enjoyed spending time and talking to her. She sent a smiley face back.

Now it's been over a month with no contact and I'm wondering if I should invite her to a friends BBQ this weekend. I'm still interested in her because she seems pretty stable and normal enough. Although she seems very guarded and I had to do most of the talking when we hung out. Also because she said no the last time I wanted to see her and hasn't initiated contact with me, I'm wondering if she's just not that into me.

She just turned 30. She insists that she's willing to wait for the right man when talking about relationships. Kinda bothered me how confident she was that she could secure the man of her dreams. Maybe that's my insecurity speaking, who knows. Thought she was a bit delusional. Perhaps I didn't build enough attraction. I played it very conservative because I'm looking for relationship not a hookup. Normally I would've been more pushy.

Thoughts?

 

[wwtl]

Guys I could use your thoughts and advice.

I met a woman 3 or 4 months ago through social circle. Chatted her up a bit and then later reconnected via FB. A month ago I asked her out on a date and she said yes. Went on another date following week. First was drinks and second was a museum. I waited a bit and asked her if she wanted to meet again and she said no she's busy. A few days later we talked on the phone for a bit. Last thing I told her was via FB messenger where I told her I enjoyed spending time and talking to her. She sent a smiley face back.

Now it's been over a month with no contact and I'm wondering if I should invite her to a friends BBQ this weekend. I'm still interested in her because she seems pretty stable and normal enough. Although she seems very guarded and I had to do most of the talking when we hung out. Also because she said no the last time I wanted to see her and hasn't initiated contact with me, I'm wondering if she's just not that into me.

She just turned 30. She insists that she's willing to wait for the right man when talking about relationships. Kinda bothered me how confident she was that she could secure the man of her dreams. Maybe that's my insecurity speaking, who knows. Thought she was a bit delusional. Perhaps I didn't build enough attraction. I played it very conservative because I'm looking for relationship not a hookup. Normally I would've been more pushy.

Thoughts?

I suggest you to read: https://markmanson.net/fuck-yes

 

[Avey]

Need some advice since I'm pretty inexperienced at women.
I'm in a relationship currently with a girl I made my first thread on here about. We're about 5 months in a relationship.
My question is whether she is displaying red flags or if women in general are like this, would it be worth breaking up or are most women like this?

I'll start with the good:
-Seems very in love with me, showers me with compliments and is willing to travel 1,5 hours to meet me in my town each week
-Young, she's 5 years younger than me so maybe she'll grow out of some of the negative stuff she has.
-Can actually have a conversation without getting too emotional. Tolerates my traditional views.
-Mentally healthy, no daddy issues or any of that crap some women have. No crazy family members
-Willing to have at least 3 children.
-She is not bossy
-Is not too clingy, doesn't text me constantly and can go without seeing me for a few days

The negative:
-Does not share my interests. Not in politics, history, culture, sports or hobbies. Kind of amazed we found things to talk about for 5 months.
-Refuses to cook for me, gives the nonsense excuse that she doesn't know how my stove works. I cook all the time because it's just being nice.
-Maybe the most annoying thing is she sometimes doesn't react when I say something I am passionate about. First it was about politics when I went off on something but a few days ago I shared something personal (something I hardly ever do) and I got a one sentence shit reply when I pretend to be interested in the very uninteresting things she likes.
-Might seem small but when she corrects me she has a tone I cannot deal with, like she's trying to get one up over me.
-Wastes time on trivial shit like Instagram, although I suspect this is most women.
-Honestly not funny and has shallow understanding of whatever she is interested in.
-Eats like an animal, isn't fat but honestly won't take long with how she eats. I did get her in the gym though so that's a plus.

So this is roughly the situation. Normal women stuff or should I expect more form a woman? She's 20 so does she grow out of some of these things? Are there things I can do to test if she has potential.

Also she's a 6.5 or a 7,5 on good days.

 

[Leonard D Neubache]

Do you at all envisage a future where she's your wife?

 

[Avey]

Do you at all envisage a future where she's your wife?

Yes but then comes the thing I forgot to add:
Even with kids she wants to work full time. I might get her to the point where she would work 4 (maybe 3) days a week when she had kids but I am not planning on being someone who sends their kids to be raised by daycare.

But yes I can imagine it but then again I can envision just about anything, it's something i regularly do.

 

[bgbusiness]

Guys I could use your thoughts and advice.

I met a woman 3 or 4 months ago through social circle. Chatted her up a bit and then later reconnected via FB. A month ago I asked her out on a date and she said yes. Went on another date following week. First was drinks and second was a museum. I waited a bit and asked her if she wanted to meet again and she said no she's busy. A few days later we talked on the phone for a bit. Last thing I told her was via FB messenger where I told her I enjoyed spending time and talking to her. She sent a smiley face back.

Now it's been over a month with no contact and I'm wondering if I should invite her to a friends BBQ this weekend. I'm still interested in her because she seems pretty stable and normal enough. Although she seems very guarded and I had to do most of the talking when we hung out. Also because she said no the last time I wanted to see her and hasn't initiated contact with me, I'm wondering if she's just not that into me.

She just turned 30. She insists that she's willing to wait for the right man when talking about relationships. Kinda bothered me how confident she was that she could secure the man of her dreams. Maybe that's my insecurity speaking, who knows. Thought she was a bit delusional. Perhaps I didn't build enough attraction. I played it very conservative because I'm looking for relationship not a hookup. Normally I would've been more pushy.

Thoughts?

Does she know your intention?
Did you EVER tried to kiss close her on your dates? Any kino?
Even if you are looking for a relationship, you can still kiss after few dates.
Let her know your true intention, she might just think that you are being friendly at this point

 

[onetouchisultra]

Think of this as practice in finding your balls and ending it. Women esp American Women love finding themselves abroad.
You are torturing yourself caring.

 

[thatnowrite]

Dear All,

I would like to ask for advise on relationships from a masculine perspective.

It is not the first time I post; before I commented I had an affair, was marriage and so on. Things are I decided to be honest and give a try with my until-now mistress. She is a sweet girl, had a two years old child; she was until recently in a long term relationship as I was. I know the general consensus related to single mothers, but I have a very particular situation which makes me happy to have a family with children (have none myself, after trying for years).

She moved with me one month ago, after being apart for five months. I came up with the idea to start slowly (yes, it was my idea) in order to be clean in a nice "romance" (yes, I know, blue pill and so on). The first days she did not even want to hold my hand, which was of course frustrating, but got quickly better. Kissing and so on followed, but she kinds of avoid deep kissing.

In the period of time we have been living together (one month), we have had intimacy only once. She says she has some kind of discomfort from a medical condition, I offer alternative forms of intimacy, to which she agreed only once.

Before I end up things, want to see if there is a fix. I know some of my failures: being really nice to her, helping in everything, being available all the time; also a mistake from my side to be open about my feelings towards her, sometimes I have a kind of but hurt face, and I was definitively giving her too much attention.

Positive in this relationship is: she is always at home, very beautiful, take cares of herself, feminine, cooks always and with very much talent, maintain the house clean and makes nice plans for us to have fun together.

But I am kind of offended for the lack of intimacy, and it reflects on my mood (but hurt face as I mentioned). Is there something I can do to fix things with this woman? Just for information, she is much younger than me (more than 10 years younger, but I am quite fit and athletic).

Sorry if I brake any of the new forum rules, I am trying to have a serious relationship here and not an affair.

 

[Cobra]

Always, and I mean always kino on first dates.

If you don't do it, also don't be surprised if the woman doesn't want to see you again.

 

[WombRaider]

Getting serious with your mistress ... it's a mistake that many men make. Thee first problem is, she's known not to respect concepts like marriage, honesty, loyalty, and integrity. You're in the same boat. You can work on yourself, but you won't be able to affect her core values, or lack thereof.

The second problem is, she is known to like married men. She craves the drama. Now that she has your full attention, you bore her.

One thing is for sure: She is no longer attracted to you. Time to move on.

 

[SomeOneSomeWhere]

-She is not bossy
-Might seem small but when she corrects me she has a tone I cannot deal with, like she's trying to get one up over me.

5 months in and you aren't living together. If you commit chances are she goes full matriarchy on you.

-Refuses to cook for me, gives the nonsense excuse that she doesn't know how my stove works. I cook all the time because it's just being nice.

If women don't want to do stuff they got 1001 excuses they come up with on the fly. It's up to you to dig for the true reasons or to force them to do stuff for you.

What worked for me on a stubborn woman was simply refusing to cook because I'm too busy. I pretend I'm too busy working on my laptop and have no time. She's a shitty cook and prefers to order takeouts though.

Generally anything negative prior to serious commitment will get MUCH worse after you commit in any major way - be it cohabitation or marriage.

The older I get the more I think guys should learn hard but fair management and leadership principles as well as sales skills in order to manage women, manipulate them in your favor and to screen out bad candidates.

 

[wwtl]

Need some advice since I'm pretty inexperienced at women.
I'm in a relationship currently with a girl I made my first thread on here about. We're about 5 months in a relationship.
My question is whether she is displaying red flags or if women in general are like this, would it be worth breaking up or are most women like this?

I'll start with the good:
-Seems very in love with me, showers me with compliments and is willing to travel 1,5 hours to meet me in my town each week
-Young, she's 5 years younger than me so maybe she'll grow out of some of the negative stuff she has.
-Can actually have a conversation without getting too emotional. Tolerates my traditional views.
-Mentally healthy, no daddy issues or any of that crap some women have. No crazy family members
-Willing to have at least 3 children.
-She is not bossy
-Is not too clingy, doesn't text me constantly and can go without seeing me for a few days

The negative:
-Does not share my interests. Not in politics, history, culture, sports or hobbies. Kind of amazed we found things to talk about for 5 months.
-Refuses to cook for me, gives the nonsense excuse that she doesn't know how my stove works. I cook all the time because it's just being nice.
-Maybe the most annoying thing is she sometimes doesn't react when I say something I am passionate about. First it was about politics when I went off on something but a few days ago I shared something personal (something I hardly ever do) and I got a one sentence shit reply when I pretend to be interested in the very uninteresting things she likes.
-Might seem small but when she corrects me she has a tone I cannot deal with, like she's trying to get one up over me.
-Wastes time on trivial shit like Instagram, although I suspect this is most women.
-Honestly not funny and has shallow understanding of whatever she is interested in.
-Eats like an animal, isn't fat but honestly won't take long with how she eats. I did get her in the gym though so that's a plus.

So this is roughly the situation. Normal women stuff or should I expect more form a woman? She's 20 so does she grow out of some of these things? Are there things I can do to test if she has potential.

Also she's a 6.5 or a 7,5 on good days.

Sounds like a typical female human to me. Now look at yourself: Do you behave virtuous? You are supposed to lead and correct women, but this has to come from a strong frame of your own.

Women adjust to their environment: How they behave around you is an image of what you currently represent and deserve.

 

[forestdweller]

Hello, first time poster here. I just wanted to thank you guys for taking the time to answer these questions and for some of the great posts ive seen on this forum.

My issue is what i perceive as excessive awkwardness for someone my age. I had a not super upbringing (way better than my parents received, im over the blame stage) which led me to video games and porn instead of facing my social anxiety in my teenage years. Im late 20s now and although I've somehow managed to get relationships/dates I feel like a fish out of water these days.

I have seen improvements with meditation, eating well, lifting, and talking to random people more but actually showing my intentions (getting a number) triggers big time anxiety.

I'm looking for a long term relationship (wife), not just to fuck around. I live in a west coast city as a closeted conservative also. It just seems like the girls I talk to don't really care much with what I have to say (could just be in my head). They seem nice but often times I run out of things to say and they walk away haha.

Just looking for a little advice or a point in the right direction.

Thanks guys.

 

[Papaya]

Hello, first time poster here. I just wanted to thank you guys for taking the time to answer these questions and for some of the great posts ive seen on this forum.

My issue is what i perceive as excessive awkwardness for someone my age. I had a not super upbringing (way better than my parents received, im over the blame stage) which led me to video games and porn instead of facing my social anxiety in my teenage years. Im late 20s now and although I've somehow managed to get relationships/dates I feel like a fish out of water these days.

I have seen improvements with meditation, eating well, lifting, and talking to random people more but actually showing my intentions (getting a number) triggers big time anxiety.

I'm looking for a long term relationship (wife), not just to fuck around. I live in a west coast city as a closeted conservative also. It just seems like the girls I talk to don't really care much with what I have to say (could just be in my head). They seem nice but often times I run out of things to say and they walk away haha.

Just looking for a little advice or a point in the right direction.

Thanks guys.

Youre on the right track.

1. Taking responsibility for your own actions and life outcomes is a major step. Blaming parents (or any others for that matter) is a trap that many fall into and never recover from. Past is not prologue...unless you let it be

2. Taking proactive steps to improve yourself is critical. "Success" at anything is a cumulative result. Every tiny drop in the bucket counts and more "water" (success) attracts more of the same. Each success builds self esteem, which builds confidence...etc etc. Its a self fulfilling cycle

Youre already way ahead of the game compared to the statistical majority of whiners.

Keep going.

I have two pieces of advice

1. Always remember that you will suffer some "losses"/ failures along the way. No one ever "wins" at everything or every time. Example: Tom Brady who is now the winning est NFL QB of all time has fumbled, thrown interceptions, lost Super Bowls, etc...but I dont think anyone would call him a loser.

Cheesy cliche' time: ...You dont lose until you quit

2. Always remember that youre not nearly as important to anyone as yourself. I wont get too esoteric but what Im talking about can be described as "destruction of your own ego". Specifically what I mean by that is no one remembers when you fail, trip, stumble , or otherwise make a fool of yourself. Think about it: ever make a fool of yourself in front of strangers? Trip and fall, spill a drink. etc? Of course. We all have. Its embarrassing right?

Ever see someone else do something embarrassing ?

Which one (s) do you remember more? ..your gaffs or others?

Thats your ego.

The same holds true with approaching, interacting with women or anyone for that matter.

Dont take yourself so seriously. No one else does. I guarantee you that

Play on

 

[SomeOneSomeWhere]

Careful friendo... in the age of #metoo awkward approaches in western countries will lead to sexual harassment accusations and you might get arrested.

The matriarchy only wants top x% chads and everybody else should be a humble servant to her highness or get gulag'd for life and they will accuse you of whatever to make it happen these days...

 

[Papaya]

Careful friendo... in the age of #metoo awkward approaches in western countries will lead to sexual harassment accusations and you might get arrested.

The matriarchy only wants top x% chads and everybody else should be a humble servant to her highness or get gulag'd for life and they will accuse you of whatever to make it happen these days...

Walking outside might get you struck by lightning too however statistically unlikely.

Moreover: Lack of confidence + self conscious = awkward

Additionally : There is no "matriarchy". In fact there is no "they" whatsoever beyond what we as individuals manifest in our own consciousness and sub-consciousness

Finally: Living ruled by fear is no life at all.